It couldn’t be said that Nero expected an easy end to his current predicament, but he certainly expected to reach a resolution soon. After all, a single night should be more than enough to think some things through, right?
Unfortunately, he was faced with a problem with no correct answer. What did he want to do? It was a simple enough question. If Nero focused on the rage in his heart, then it burned continuously with a cold, unending fury like a snowstorm with no beginning or end.
That rage wanted to quell any and all resistance, blanketing the world in its colour. In short, he wanted to kill. In his brother’s case, the target of his rage was obvious enough: the Dom family. Nero hated not just Jacob Dom, but his grandfather, his father, and everyone else who bore the name Dom. To have dared to touch his brother...
Yet thinking with his emotions suppressed, thinking with the calm, calculating mindset he had been taught to use, he could see that some of his anger might be misplaced. Yes, maybe Jacob and his grandfather and a few others too deserved his anger, but the whole family? Surely not. So should he forgive them?
That was impossible. Nero neither wanted to, nor could he make himself do that, justice, fairness and everything of the sort be damned.
Yet such thoughts also brought contradiction. Was he... evil? Was he now the antithesis of all that he believed when he was younger? Such thoughts filled him with confusion.
The situation with Noman made it worse. He did not even know who the enemy was. Even if he learned who the enemy was, what exactly was he supposed to do? If it was someone or something like Unity, which was an organisation, was he to fight against the whole organisation, or simply the ones who gave the order?
What if there were a lot of innocent people involved, or people who simply did not know? Would he exact his vengeance on them too? Did that not make him the same as those he hated, if not worse?
To make matters even worse, Vanessa had told him to figure himself out. Told him to understand his view on things so that such knowledge could help him guide his actions in the future. The advice was sound. If he had a better understanding of what he wanted, of what his goals and ambitions aligned to, he could make better informed decisions to reach those goals.
What was right? What was wrong? Did he need to give up who he used to be? Or did he need to accept that there was no such place in this world for such childish ideals? .
Yet accepting such a thing felt like a betrayal of himself. Once again, he was faced with the feeling of becoming like those who he hated if he gave up on these things.
Nero once thought that he had already given up on those ideals. Since his enemies did not need to be restricted by them, then Nero shouldn’t either. Yet now, his chest was filled with doubt and hesitation.
As the night ended, and morning came, even though Nero had not reached the answer he sought, he had reached an answer. This damn puberty of his was messing with his head! Nero was not nearly as emotional a person as he felt right now, or at least he wasn’t one with such wildly fluctuating emotions.
The second answer he came to... was more of a decision really. He wanted to talk to the Lieutenant before finalising an answer for himself. Over the past day, he’d already heard of the Lieutenant’s prestige. He’d heard the stories no one had brought up before.
It only made sense. Such an awesome display of pure power could light the fires of passion in the hearts of all soldiers. Yet none had made the connection just yet. It did not occur to people that his sudden actions might be related to the loss of his son. After all, it was already public knowledge that Noman had been sent to Fordham days ago. Why would they think otherwise? Even Nero might not have made that connection had he not seen the performance in the warehouse earlier.
So, as the sun rose once more on the snowy base, and the nurse entered his room to begin his daily routine of therapy and tests, Nero made a request to see Dr. Iris.
A few hours into the day, and his request was granted.
"You know, normally when a young, strapping man makes a request to see me like this, he usually brings some sweets, or shows up in a stretcher. I’m making an exception since you’re in a wheelchair, but don’t make this a habit. I’m not lowering my standards, even for my favourite test subject," Iris said when she finally arrived.
Without any ceremony or warning, she began poking Lex’s body, channeling her aether within, doing stuff to him though he didn’t understand what.
"It’s the wheelchair that I need to talk to you about," Nero said, ignoring her provocation. "I need you to undo whatever you’ve done to me to keep me like this."
Iris looked taken aback, even covering her chest with her hand as she wore a look of shock, as if asking ’ who me?’ .
"Look, I need to talk to the Lieutenant and I... I can’t talk to him like this. I need to be on my feet. I need to look him in the eyes when I see him," Nero explained. He did not elaborate on the reason.
Iris looked at Nero, half amused, half serious and answered very simply: "no."
Nero, honestly, was not surprised by her reaction. He had almost expected it, but he couldn’t be blamed for hoping.
"If you want to talk to him while standing, then just go ahead and do it. I heard you’ve been doing remarkably well in therapy."
Nero shook his head.
"How is that the same? I have to exert myself to my utmost to barely take a dozen steps, and I don’t want to face the Lieutenant with a trembling body. Besides, how long do you intend on keeping me like this? What if I’m in an emergency? I’ll be stuck, defenseless."
Iris poked him on his side, just a bit harder than usual.
"Do you think I’m dumb? If you’re in an emergency, not only will you no longer be impaired, you’ll end up being stronger and faster than you normally are. But since you’re not in an emergency, I think I’ll keep you like this.
"Don’t blame me - you’ve proven yourself incapable of taking care of yourself. I don’t just protect my patients from dense commanders, I protect them from themselves too. You’ll recover in due time, once your body has fully healed. Until then, just take this as a lesson that actions have consequences."
The consequence of provoking her, it seemed, was to get a lot more pokes than usual.
"How long do you think it’ll take me to heal properly?" Nero asked, getting to the point, but this was an answer she either did not have, or was unwilling to give.
Giving up on that front, he instead made a request to see the Lieutenant once he was free for the day, but just because he made a request did not mean it would be granted. The Lieutenant was busy with countless affairs, and had no time to see Nero, especially now that he was no longer entering Perilith.
So, just like that, days passed. Nero spent his free time pondering, not just about how to react to his anger and frustrations, but about many other things as well. From minor matters to major ones, Nero went through all his future plans, carefully considering everything once more.
Even if he was confused about certain things, Nero would not let them stop him. He did not need to reach an immediate answer, or even a perfect one. He simply needed an answer that satisfied himself.
Three days later, late in the evening, Nero was informed by a soldier that his request to meet the Lieutenant had been approved, and that he could arrive in the designated office early the next day.
The following day, Nero got out of his patient’s gown and put on his uniform before rolling up to the office in his wheelchair, feeling slightly irritated that he was still in it. That feeling further irritated him because having such emotional fluctuations on petty things was unlike his normal self.
But, with one deep breath, Nero calmed himself, and forced himself to stand from his chair. This... was a conversation he wanted to have on his feet.