In Retrospect… (回顧)What have my previous steps been like?
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#1: The Prince, The Flower, And The Resistance
The Empire’s Second Prince, Irid Crown.
He fell deeply and passionately for Centra, a woman from the Resistance whom he met by chance.
In less than a week, they had shared love, conversations, tragedies, and farewells. His feelings burned with passion. And in the end, he brought the story to a close.
Watching him immerse himself so completely brought me immense enjoyment. There was a thrill in the risk of toying with an Imperial Prince and a surge of dopamine from seeing him savor my story to its fullest.
Although I outwardly denied it, I couldn’t ignore the dark, almost wicked satisfaction I felt in seeing how people’s emotions twisted and turned under my control…
It was also the first moment I realized my plan for an Otherworld TRPG was on the right track.
This is it, I thought—this is too fun.What if he had immersed himself a little less, played a little less engagingly? Even then I would have quietly pursued this path, though perhaps I might have been somewhat more passive.
But would that really have been the case? Would I… have been obsessed with TRPG even then?
Hmm.
Reflecting on that first story, I now saw aspects that I had overlooked at the time.
Irid Crown was a man of resolve.
Isn’t he? He threw himself fully into rescuing to save the person he loved. Though he was swept up in emotions, he wasn’t irrational.
He didn’t impulsively call the think tank in a panic. Instead, he weighed the cost of his actions and love, accepted those burdens, and came to his conclusion.
Hadn’t he even invited Elaine, whom he had bad relations with at the time? Even though all the charges against her turned out to be misunderstandings, from Irid’s perspective at the time, it was a huge decision.
Because she was seen not only as a rival in the race for succession but as a cold-hearted woman who was willing to kill her own family for power.
And in the end… he saved her.
He saved her without even using Metamorphosis.
He wasn’t overpowered by his emotions, nor did he stain his soul.
Even in that moment, facing a 100-year divide, letting regret and frustration slip through his tears… he ultimately overcame it. He moved forward, holding onto the fragrance of rosemary that lingered in his heart.
He promised he would offer a peaceful empire 100 years into the future, as a gift to her future self.
It wasn’t until I, too, faced the fear of losing Yuri Lanster and getting backstabbed by the Queen that I finally understood his strength.
And what about me? If I had to part from someone forever, with no chance to meet or share warmth… it’s clear. I would likely shatter, like a broken plate.
Or let myself be swept away, turning pitch black.
To quietly bear one’s burdens requires a strong heart.
In him, I saw the Way of the King (王道).
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#2: A 400 Kilometers Escape Journey
The Empire’s First Princess, Elaine Crown.
In the wasteland, she met a young boy… but she didn’t fall in love. There wasn’t even a friendship. Her inner struggle was her own—a remnant of that very strange incident in the Imperial Palace.
Now I understand that whatever dwells in the First Prince also exists in me. If two such strange forces exist in this world, that would be a darker revelation.
I wanted to talk about the story of the session, but honestly, there wasn’t much to say. She didn’t even glance at what I had prepared. Both Pero and whoever else just ended up as travel companions.
On the other hand… this meant that neither the joys nor the trials I had prepared were any obstacles for her. So… it wasn’t fun. Because she didn’t suffer that much.
Elaine Crown was a strong woman.
She overcame that childhood tragedy, driven by the belief that she had to do it herself. With just a slight prick to her wounded heart, she reexamined and adjusted her resolve.
While even Roderus retained his original abilities, and stopped at adding new functions, Elaine went further, removing the self-destructive element from Metamorphosis entirely
Probably… she had been reflecting on it all along. That’s why her resolve could change with only a subtle push. Among those I’ve encountered, she came the closest to embodying iron will.
If it had been her, could she have conquered it with her mind intact?
The strength of the heart to break through and persevere.
In her, I saw the Way of the Hegemon (覇道).
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#3: Resentment Wished Upon The Stars
Black Wizard Bennett Hilton.
He found himself in a dark city, overrun by cultists preparing for the Evil God’s descent. He fought through countless dangers alongside his friends and ultimately saved the world.
This brief world was one filled with suffering. I designed it that way. I felt a sense of regret for the three people who faced my malice so directly.
But I had to admit, I enjoyed it immensely.
Yuna likely sensed this malice as well. She, who always worried about my corruption, was watching my every move.
doubt it was a mere coincidence that Yuna initiated her operation to remove ‘That’ at that particular moment. Setting aside how she was inexperienced in leading a story… if she hadn’t gone forward with her plan…
How much more would I have tormented those three?
Well. Maybe it would have been like Isaac who was planning on riding a skeletal horse wearing Abraham’s head… or requiring someone to be sacrificed to save the world.
Two people’s hearts crumbled, but one held it together. He acknowledged his faults, accepted his desires, and decided to move forward after preparing himself. He refused to lose himself.
I think it’s remarkable how he held it together. According to the session data, he received no support from any NPCs.
After one point, he went out to explore dungeons. Did he perhaps meet a helper or great being then?
People are creatures of habit. If you deceive yourself long enough, it becomes your reality. Breaking free from that inertia, stopping, and then turning toward the right path…
I could vaguely feel it. Haven’t I, too, been drifting in the routines of daily life, turning a blind eye like an ostrich, just going with the flow?
Could I, too, steer toward the right path as he did?
The strength of heart to gather oneself and move forward despite anguish.
In him, I saw the Way of Returnal (回道).
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#4: Does A Butterfly Dream Of A Magical Girl
Assassin Roderus Redburn.
He got caught up into an unexpected situation and transformed into a Magical Girl. At first, he did it only as a means to escape the situation, but eventually, he realized the preciousness of ordinary life with friends and, in the end, saved the world as a Magical Girl.
No matter how one tries to control people’s hearts with strange, indoctrinating brainwashing, no poison was more lethal to the heart than true happiness. He was shaken to the core, his beliefs challenged as much as he was tested.
It was like the disorientation of changing genders or the gap between happy dreams and an unhappy reality.
Had he stubbornly clung to his misguided beliefs until the end, the darkness within me would have been fully satisfied. Because I had prepared a finale for such a foolish person.
I would have had him ruin his own happiness—forcing him to pierce Kim Ruru’s heart with his own rapier and painfully realize how his obstinance had destroyed a future where everyone could have found happiness. That would have been perfect.
But fortunately, he was kinder than I had expected. I could only be grateful for that. Had he refused to change and the story ended in tragedy, wouldn’t the malice inside me have bloomed fully?
But I have no regrets.
I wasn’t soft enough to sympathize with someone who was once wildly trying to take my life. Rather, he should feel indebted to me.
After all, didn’t I save his life, get him a strong and successful girlfriend, make him TS, open his eyes to different sexual orientations, and do countless favors for him?
So, we’re even.
But… in that final moment. The sight of him pulling himself together despite his crumbling spirit and ultimately standing up for his friend—I was moved by that sight.
If someone like him were placed in my circumstances, would he find the strength to overcome for the sake of his friends?
The strength of heart to rise again even after falling.
In him, I saw the Way of Righteousness (正道).
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#Extra: Murim Travelogue
This story was the product of my own struggle, caution, and guilt. I suppressed myself thoroughly. As a result, no allies were lost here.
I only slightly touched Envers’ heart.
Yet, some regrets linger. Had Namgung Myeong died, it might have become a better story. Or if I had ignored his connection with Luna and pushed Namgung Seungah as the primary love interest…
But in truth, what changed him wasn’t my story but the friends who gathered around him.
Honestly, how can I sugarcoat it? Despite going easy on him for so long, there was a reason why Namgung Cheonghwi simply cracked his head even though he struggled against Shadow Bennett.
Through this, I learned that people change through the influence of others.
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…Alright.
Everyone reaches a moment when they choose the course their heart will take.
The lingering is over, and now I needed a path forward.
The protagonists I created each found their own way. Even placed in different scenarios, they ultimately acted the same: shouldering burdens, breaking through obstacles, turning back when needed, and rising again.
Could I walk along their paths?
Or should I forge a new one, following their trajectories as examples?
I could see countless branching paths before my eyes. These are the paths I must tread, and I must choose one of them. I look at them intently with open eyes.
……
To the left is the path that glows with pure white.
It is the way of compassion (包容) and empathy (憐憫). A path of recognizing people’s pain and regrets, valuing others above oneself, and radiating a warm, benevolent light like the sun’s.
On this path, faint footprints suggest someone has walked ahead.
This might sound a bit strange but… this is the path I ‘have walked.’ That’s how it feels. Although I haven’t yet chosen any path, a faint feeling like déjà vu lingered around it.
……
To the far right, there is a sticky black path.
This is the way of self-righteousness (獨善) and self-interest (自己愛)—a path of observing people’s joys and sufferings from a safe distance, of caring more for oneself than for others, and thoroughly enjoying this beautiful world as if it were a carefully crafted garden of chess pieces.
And on that path, broken dragon scales (龍鱗) are strewn along the way.
And somehow, I knew… that tremendous pleasure lay at the end of this path. It would undoubtedly be days full of power and exhilaration, playing with the world as if it was a toy.
……
But I…
Disliked both this and that.
I wanted to live in a bright world, surrounded by those I love. But, I wanted to utterly crush anyone who would harm them.
I wanted to live happily and joyfully, by any means necessary. However, I want to retain the bare essence that makes me human.
I want to be a good person. However, I don’t want to be shackled by such crude things.
I want to enjoy games. However, I want to live in reality.
I’ve been confused all along.
I couldn’t judge what to accept or reject. If I pursue my desires openly and love one person, I’d also be compelled to listen to the darker voice that wants to control and break others.
If I renounce all my desires to follow a higher cause, loving everything in the world, then I wouldn’t be able to give anyone my fullest love, and I would have to put down my own life’s joy.
A boy holding dice, with angels and demons whispering in turns.
This was me. This was the image of myself that I saw.
Be good, be evil. Between those painful whispers.
“After all, all your stories had happy endings, didn’t they?”
Yuri’s words echoed faintly.
…I realized the answer might be closer than I thought.
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All the paths I considered converge at a single point.
They faced their hearts, fought and won.
Even through pain, they pursued what they believed was right.
I gazed at the dice in my hand, and in that moment, I vaguely understood something. My hobby—simple if labeled as such, flashy if you call it flashy—would become my discipline.
Roll. I rolled it.
As it rolled, its path became both a line and a journey.
With that line as the axis, reality lay to the left, and games to the right.
I won’t deny my urges. I have desires. Inside me is a nasty, mean-spirited bastard who wants to torment and toy with people. I accept that.
But that will just be a game. I will bind it.
I will embrace my impulses. I have desires. Within me is a spoiled child who wants to love those I love and dreams of paradise. I accept that too.
But that will become my reality. I will achieve it.
I am weak. Weak enough to make a fuss at small emotional fluctuations. I know I’ll likely stumble, waver, or lose my way along this path I’ve chosen. Many times, in fact. But I accept this.
And I’ve decided. I committed myself. I decided to try.
If any of my urges become a source of pain for me, I will accept and metamorphose it, like a caterpillar enduring to emerge as a butterfly.
If any of my desires cause pain for others, I would let it sublimate beautifully. Just like I have cautiously done until now.
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“……”
The colors of my heart ripple in my grasp.
White and black alternate, merging into a shade of gray. Because there was no soul for it to dye, it was just wavering in emptiness.
This is my Metamorphosis… or perhaps how it is meant to be.
Because for now, It could only be installed on the souls of others to reverse their Metamorphosis. Maybe should I call it something like a Metamorphosis Extra Module?
A new technique—one that amplifies Metamorphosis’s aggression when used in pitch black and increases its supportive qualities when used in pure white.
How will this change 『True Desire Restraint』?
Yuri and I intuitively knew its effect.
If we dye Yuri Lanster’s Metamorphosis black and use it, we could deliver a fatal blow to the Succubus Queen. However, to do so, we would have to give up one thing.
“…It’s alright.”
Yuri smiled, saying it was fine. Although I hesitated briefly, I nodded.
We would lose something, but we could surely get it back. So, let’s do this. Let’s strengthen our resolve for a happy ending.
We’ll kill the White Queen.
With this, I’ll construct a scenario—a session in which two players, trapped in a strange mental space, defeat the Queen and escape outside.
The title is the 『Love Of A Succubus』.