Yuri Lanster’s childhood village had a secluded hill where flowers bloomed beautifully. Young Yuri loved playing there.Neither the villagers nor Yuri’s friends knew of this lovely hill. It was like a secret hideout just for her.
She would spend time there, breathing in the scent of flowers and weaving them into crowns to play with.
One day, a pure white woman appeared on the hill. Yuri was initially afraid but quickly opened her heart to the woman’s gentle smile and kind voice.
“I called her Unni and followed her around.”
The pure white woman told her heartbreaking love stories from the outside world, while Yuri told her about small, everyday stories about things that happened in the village.
The woman would light up like a child even at trivial stories like those of little kids playing soldier. She didn’t dismiss Yuri as a child but listened with genuine attentiveness.
She asked Yuri to keep her existence a secret, and she complied. She was Yuri’s secret friend.
A hidden friend in a secret hideout—it was enough to thrill a young heart.
Yet, she was, surprisingly, a ‘succubus from outside.’ The village elders had always warned that any outsider succubus was dangerous and had to be reported immediately. But…
They never really explained why everyone had to do that. And to Yuri, she didn’t seem like a bad person.The pale woman explained that she, too, had been persecuted and cast out, driven away even by other succubi. She cried, saying she was only searching for a place to stay.
Yuri said her village would welcome her. That it was a good place where humans and Dream Demons lived in harmony.
Then she──
“…She asked if I could introduce her to the villagers.”
But she was scared they might not accept her and asked if she could meet them in their dreams.
Dream visits weren’t strange to Yuri and her friends. They would often enter each other’s dreams, sharing little secrets like, “Mom made too many mashed potatoes today, so come get some.”
So…
Yuri lit the candle she had received from the pure white woman had given her and left her window open.
The villagers’ collective mental barrier—created with all their might to protect against the Succubus Queen’s pursuit—became defenseless against a door opened from within.
What happened next was obvious.
“The village was wiped out in an instant.”
The memory of that day’s horrors flickered in Yuri Lanster’s eyes, as she alone survived and watched the village’s destruction under the Queen’s schemes.
A deep red hatred burned in her heart.
The Queen had sent the village’s succubi into a frenzy. She had kept their consciousness perfectly aware, and had shattered their restraints, leaving them unable to suppress their natural sexual desires.
“Neighbors violated each other, friends turned on friends, those who were exploited died… and the succubi who ended up killing villagers with their own hands, took their own lives in despair.”
But the Queen left Yuri untouched.
With a chilling “Thank you for inviting me,” she made sure she remained unscathed, driving in a mental wedge to keep her from ending her life.
When she screamed, demanding to know why, the Queen’s response was far too light.
“I heard there were succubi coexisting with humans in some remote mountain village. Isn’t that strange? That beings like me could have hearts… So, I decided to test it a little.”
Saying that even with a simple enchantment, it had turned out like this. She gently mocked Yuri, suggesting that Dream Demons should just live as Dream Demons.
“So don’t worry about trivial things like having a heart, and live by instinct, okay? And devour as many people as you please.”
“AAAAAHHH──!!”
Right then, young Yuri made a vow.
If everyone died because of me, and I couldn’t even follow them in death.
Then I would use this sinful life that destroyed my village to butcher the Queen. Even if it costs me everything, I’ll kill her. If I can’t even accomplish that, I won’t have the face to meet my friends and family again…
===============================================================
Yuri Lanster, sinking into darkness and dying, spoke calmly.
“I chose to focus solely on revenge. And one day, I realized that carrying a heart was too burdensome. So I decided to let it sink.”
Let’s look away. Let’s tear out every needless emotion blooming within and throw it down into that lake below.
Happiness and affection, friendship and belonging, ethics and morality—all those good things down below too. Because I don’t deserve to feel them.
Pain and sadness, loneliness and guilt—let them sink as well. I don’t have time to be held back by those.
I’ll make anger my only guide.
So, her Metamorphosis won’t just sink anger alone.
“…Still, when you met me, you were joking around, even a bit relaxed.”
“That was thanks to C. She seemed to want me to let go of revenge. She said the Queen is elusive and impossible to catch. Unless a genius appears and invents wide-range detection magic, tracking and killing the Queen would be incredibly difficult… that’s what she said.”
And it was true. The Defense Bureau collected information on the Queen tirelessly, but nothing substantial ever came from it. It was unclear whether she was even alive for a long time.
Therefore, C urged Yuri to think like this:
If revenge was doomed from the start, wouldn’t it be better to find another way to atone for the villagers? Mayhe, by living a happy life.
Gradually… very gradually, the tired Yuri Lanster began to soften.
She left the Extermination Squad to become a field agent for the Defense Bureau, shed her fierce wolf’s exterior, and, bit by bit, allowed her anger to fade.
She reminisced.
“…Maybe I was only looking for an excuse to escape my guilt. If I were truly strong-hearted, I wouldn’t have given up on revenge no matter what.”
“Don’t say that. It hurts.”
“Well, we are connected now. I apologize.”
“No, it would have hurt even without this pipe between us. And, that wasn’t your fault.”
With a soft “Thank you,” Yuri smiled, as if grateful just for that feeling.
What reignited Yuri Lanster’s slowly cooling rage was information about the Queen—information that I brought.
A genius wizard had emerged, capable of facing the Queen in a battle of information.
By eliminating the Black Wizard and unnecessarily capturing and handing over succubi, Yuri Lanster finally found her opportunity for revenge.
The reason she had abandoned revenge was because it seemed ‘impossible.’ But, now that it had become possible, she had nowhere left to run. Yuri had to make her choice, and so…
Perhaps sensing my guilt, Yuri dismissed it sharply. Saying it wasn’t my fault.
“You didn’t push me into this, Mr. Crazy Wizard. This was my choice.”
“…Still, I should have realized sooner.”
I should have kept the Queen’s agent hidden, so that not even a trace leaked out, and handled it alone… No. Had I done that, I might have ended up like Yuri, diving into this on my own.
“There was a real chance of winning. It’s only because that crazy bitch brought something strange.”
“Saying that even after getting wrecked…”
“You got wrecked too, gawking when she took my form.”
“Well, if you’re going to bring that up, then don’t look so damn pretty!”
===============================================================
"Then, what about you?"
“…Me?”
Yuri Lanster nodded. Not entirely understanding what she was asking, I tilted my head and looked at her quietly.
As much as I was curious about her past and why she had chosen revenge over me… She seemed to have something to say to me too.
“Why don’t you accept the Tower Master’s heart?”
“What…”
I instinctively recoiled, feeling her words pierce deep into my heart. Yet, perhaps because my life was hanging by a thread, I felt a strange release of tension.
When you’re close to death, there’s no reason to hold back words.
While I tried to comfort myself, Yuri began to voice her thoughts—her own doubts about the person she saw as the “Crazy Wizard.”
“I can understand. Being from the Dream Demon race, spending only a little time together, feeling more like friends than lovers. But… the Tower Master is different, isn’t she?”
“……”
“Not pretending not to know, and making it obvious that you do. While keeping the Tower Master in your heart… why don’t you move forward with her?”
I could answer that I don’t understand love.
“From someone who’s so skilled at seducing men when disguised as a woman? If you truly didn’t know love, I’d believe you were a succubus from birth.”
“……”
“That’s why I teased you. That confession wasn’t just cheesy—it was full of lies.”
It wasn’t a lie. But it wasn’t entirely the truth, either. It would be absurd for someone who mimics love at every opportunity to claim ignorance of its workings.
Caring for each other, feeling those emotions, the need to restrain sexual desire, the worry when she’s gone—what else could this be? I know it. I always knew.
But I blocked it out.
“It’s not a lack of ability, and the circumstances aren’t the issue. If it’s not that you don’t care for the Tower Master… then what is it? Playing the field?”
“No.”
“Or is there something you prioritize over emotions? But that’s odd too. Didn’t you come to save me, putting everything else aside? Even risking your life?”
“…I did.”
If you think I disregard emotions, then I’m the type easily swayed by them. Yet, even then, I do everything I can to suppress them. It’s understandable why that would seem strange.
The reason I restrained myself so much is simple.
Because I was crazy.
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It's a chronic illness that accompanies the phenomenon of not being able to remember names.
Let me be honest. I really like seeing people suffer. It brings a spine-tingling, almost euphoric satisfaction—a deep-seated malignancy within me.
I like stories of lovers torn apart by tragic fate.
I like stories where characters must confront the ghosts of their past wounds.
I like stories about characters losing their way, burdened by the weight of their own sense of justice.
I like stories of awakenings that come only after loved ones are lost.
I like stories of characters regretting their past actions.
I like stories of losing precious friends after fierce battles.
I’ve woven tragedy into most stories I tell. I dressed it up as “adversity and hardship are always necessary”… but the form didn’t always have to be permanent loss. But I still chose it.
They didn’t need to believe the story was real. But I made them believe it, just so I could see their pain when they were thoroughly immersed.
I examined the depths of people’s hearts, stabbing at their vulnerable spots, then offered a remedy, acting as if I were being generous. I would say:
Overcome it.
This trial was for your sake.
But deep down, I knew the truth. I just… did it because it was fun. I enjoyed it enough to develop deep attachments to players I had only just met.
There is a demon who watches the suffering of others, laughing and talking gleefully.
That terrified me. I was afraid of my own heart. Even though I could genuinely love, respect, and empathize with others… I couldn’t stand this frightening duality that laughed at those very things.
It felt as if something sinister had fused with my desires. No matter how much I denied it, I couldn’t ignore that it had become a part of me.
I did it to princes and princesses with power. I did it to students I was supposed to teach. Maybe I was anxious, because I sensed I couldn’t control this impulse.
No—I felt threatened.
Threatened that someday these arrows might be aimed at the people I cared about.
That one day, I might break Yuna, who loved me, with my own hands—and laugh while doing it!
In an old notebook, I find it packed with pages full of twisted ideas, all scrawled in my handwriting. Ideas that subtly hinted, “What if we turned these fleeting fantasies into reality?”
Encouraging rivalry among students, sharpening their minds with “accidental” events, betting on the exact moment they would shatter.
And, and…
Once, as Yuna lay sleeping with her head on my lap, I stared at her neck, imagining—no, obsessing—about slightly cutting the carotid artery.
I imagined the expression she would make as she woke up, startled, while I gently patted her cheek, watching her die as she looked into my eyes.
How could I let things end like that!
I hesitated. I struggled. I tried to pacify the darkness within, to craft tragedies that could somehow become beautiful, so we could all laugh when the curtain closed.
I sometimes tried to suppress my wickedness, trying to exclude it considerably.
I tried finding breakthroughs by giving the NPCs in my stories noble beliefs, watching as they found ways to overcome darkness.
But look—I haven’t changed!
So I suppressed it. I tried to feel nothing. I bottled it up, fitting a whole city’s worth of chaos inside my head. Yet still, I’m thinking about another session.
Since reincarnating into this world, I don’t think I’ve… deeply thought about emotions. Or rather, I haven’t faced them. And this was why.
I was afraid that if I faced it, I would confirm the darkness inside me.
Afraid that twisted ‘thing’ in my head might actually be me.
What Pink-Haired Lesbian says. And what many others have said.
It was why I accepted rather than denied the title of ‘Crazy Wizard’.
===============================================================
Black liquid seeped from my ruined face. I couldn’t tell if they were tears or fragments of melted information. I didn’t want to find out. I confessed while frantically scratching my skin.
As I crouched there, hands tangled in my hair, Yuri Lanster cautiously spoke up. Her tone was half-teasing.
“So, you must be enjoying this—that the person you like melting away beside you.”
“…Honestly, it’s a bit arousing.”
“……”
Even the great Pink-Haired Lesbian made a somewhat disgusted expression at this. I know. Maybe it would’ve been better not to say that. I regret it a little.
Maybe it would have been better to end things without revealing this uglier part of me.
But, maybe because death was close, because it felt like a last confession, I just needed to let it out.
After a very long silence, Yuri…
“It… might be okay.”
“…Using all of you as toys?”
“Of course not, I hate that. But what I mean is, even with your madness, Crazy Wizard, you managed to hold it together. After all, every one of your stories had a happy ending.”
“……”
Better than herself, she implied, who let revenge consume me and caused so much trouble. Yuri Lanster gave a self-deprecating smile, and I patted her back, telling her that it wasn’t true.
“In the end, we two… we were both walking tightropes. You teetered between good and evil; I, between revenge and ordinary life. That’s probably why we got so close.”
“They say losers smile just by looking at each other’s faces.”
“If this is a last confession, so be it. Since we’ve managed to clear the air, we can enter our graves with unburdened hearts… is what I’d say.”
Well, is this really the end?
Yuri Lanster had a calm, almost prim expression, as if questioning it.
If we’d truly been defeated, unable to resist… we could let things end here. But we were preparing for our final battle with the Queen.
If somehow we win that disadvantageous battle. If we return to the outside world.
We’ll need what comes next. We demanded promises of each other.
“You, value us more than revenge. Let us be a greater joy than any sense of loss.”
“And you’ll have to properly confront that demon inside. We’ll stand as the wall to keep you from straying. The Tower Master would certainly do that too if she were here.”
“…This doesn’t sound like a last confession.”
“Let’s think of it as the Queen’s last will. She won’t have the chance to leave her own.”
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...Was she willing to be that accepting? Even a crazy wizard whose head isn't quite right?
Then, if that’s the case…
Though I’ve gazed into the dark well, fearing I’d be swallowed, that the monster lurking there would drag me under… if you say you’ll be there to hold me—
How about I face it? This heart I’ve only ever run from.
I looked back on my story. And all the stories I’d woven along the way.