Strength against strength.
I charged right in.
No turning back now.
A fight had begun where neither side could retreat until one broke the other.
It was a disadvantageous battle.
It was too sudden to just play around like this, Cheongwol was furious, and it was broad daylight.
No way the mood could settle.
If it had been night, or if Cheongwol had been whining a bit, maybe.
Make-up sex? Sure, that could happen. But make-up SM? No way.
SM only works when the masochist wants to hear the sadist's words, but right now, Cheongwol looks like she wants to kill me—what can I do...!
That said, it wasn't like I had zero ground to stand on.
"...What? Selling my body?"
"..."
If our sadist-masochist relationship meant anything to her at all, this was a line-crossing remark from the masochist's side.
If she wanted to keep the SM dynamic, if she wanted me to hold that air of dominance, this was something a sadist couldn't just let slide.
"Cheongwol. I get that you're angry... but is that the right way to talk right now?"
I needed this position just to speak with any confidence.
Cheongwol was still glaring at me with cold eyes—maybe even misty ones.
My heart was pounding like it might burst.
But I had to cling to this slim thread of hope.
Cheongwol gritted her teeth for a long moment before speaking.
"...Don't try to brush it off lightly. I told you, I don't want to play right now."
"This isn't playing."
I took one more step forward.
Cheongwol didn't back away either.
Our distance just closed further.
The metallic tang of blood grew thicker in the air.
Still, I had to hold this distance.
There's a difference between my usual self and the me acting as sadist.
Usually, it's about arm's reach.
Now, it's close enough for breaths to mingle.
Cheongwol's hot breath touched me, and mine reached her.
Every time my breath brushed her, her eyelids twitched.
I admitted it.
"Yeah. I met Dang Soran."
Cheongwol's face twisted in fury as she shouted.
"Then you did lie to me—mmph!"
I covered her mouth with my hand.
First things first, shut that mouth...!
My options for tools had definitely expanded.
"Listen to me first."
At those words, Cheongwol—who'd been trying to pry my hand off—froze for a moment.
I quickly sorted my thoughts.
More than anything, I'd always thought doing SM with Cheongwol was a curse.
But now I realized just how much of a blessing it had been.
An unleashed Cheongwol was a total nightmare.
It was way better when we could still do SM.
I had to reestablish the relationship.
If it broke completely, that would be even more dangerous.
Above all, the lost trust was the problem.
Trust is the foundation of SM.
Repair the broken trust first.
I've got plenty of grievances too...!
Cheongwol thrashed and yanked my hand away.
"-Pha! No! What excuse are you gonna make? There's proof! It's like you're screaming 'Dang Soran forever' at this point! My friend who's supposed to treat my heart demon! How am I supposed to be happy when you're carrying the name of the woman I hate most?!"
"I didn't know."
I said firmly.
"...What?"
"I didn't know Dang Soran would leave her energy in my dantian. I didn't know it was that important to you. If I had, I never would've given it up."
I looked her straight in the eye.
Fuck, it's true...!
"This isn't a lie. It wasn't what I wanted. I just found out myself."
Cheongwol scanned my face, trying to gauge if it was true.
I continued.
"I didn't know. Really. I just wanted to build up some internal energy casually. I figured I'd pick up some tricks, and since Dang Soran was there, she offered to help. That's how it happened. I didn't give her my body like you imagine, or favor her over anyone."
As suspicion filled her eyes.
"I swear I didn't know."
I answered definitively once more.
Cheongwol, who had been speechless for a while, finally whispered.
"You... didn't give up your dantian to satisfy Dang Soran...?"
"Why would I do that?"
"Because you're the clan leader type...! Dang Soran is rich...!"
"If I was really going to sell myself to the Tang Clan of Sichuan, don't you think I wouldn't have come back to Mount Emei?"
"..."
"Don't you get it? Even if it was late, I came back because of my promise to you. Honestly, I wanted to spend more time out there."
I gently took Cheongwol's hand as she pulled mine from her mouth.
Cheongwol frowned like the touch disgusted her, but she didn't reject it outright.
I suddenly asked.
"From the start, why does it matter what energy settles in my dantian?"
After a long silence, Cheongwol answered.
"...Because you're the one treating my heart demon... Because you're the one who sees my shameful side... I asked you to keep your body pure...! That's my request...! Even if you're just some...! Leather Room clan leader—"
"-Watch your mouth."
Every time she seemed about to flare up, I deliberately doused her with cold water.
I had to snuff it out before her anger blazed hotter.
"...I told you to watch your mouth, Cheongwol."
Fortunately, Cheongwol lowered her voice as she asked.
"...Then."
"..."
"But if that's true, why did you lie? Why say you went alone? Why hide Dang Soran from me?"
No point hiding anymore.
"Because I knew you'd get mad, so I didn't say. I knew it'd lead to this annoying conversation."
She bristled.
"Annoying?! This is something I should obviously get mad about—"
I stubbornly covered her mouth again.
"Obviously?"
And with that, I finally voiced the one nagging doubt I couldn't hold back.
"Why are you trying to control me like this? What are you to me?"
Strength against strength! Even rougher!
It's a battle of wills. I can't break.
Cheongwol's body trembled slightly, and she looked up at me—startled, or maybe shocked.
My hand over her mouth kept feeling her soft breaths.
"I've been wondering since earlier. Who I meet, whose energy is in my dantian... That's not something for you to make a huge fuss over, right? Feels like you've got the wrong idea about boundaries."
It was something I had to say eventually.
A issue we had to address sooner or later.
Cheongwol yanked my hand away again, looking frustrated.
"Tch, because we're friends, so of course—"
"-Isn't that already lover territory?"
Cheongwol's mouth clamped shut.
"Besides, since when could you give me orders?"
Even Gwak Du Uncle doesn't pull this on me...!
And how is this 'friends' distance anyway!
Does she not know what friends are because she's a loner, or did she just cross the line without realizing?
Her reaction melted away ten years of heartburn.
It was something I'd wanted to say so badly.
Of course, if Cheongwol pulls a sword and asks 'So what?', I'm out of options.
As long as no sword gets involved, I've got words too.
"..."
"..."
We faced off for a long while.
Just as I thought the conversation might end like that, a scene unfolded that blanked my mind.
With my hand still over her mouth, Cheongwol suddenly started shedding pitiful tears.
****
When he changed his tone, attitude, and vibe, I'd felt offended for a moment.
But now I understood why.
The timid Han Seojin who hides the truth in his normal state... When he's like this, Han Seojin is brazen, infuriating, but at least honest.
'Isn't that already lover territory?'
Those words shook Cheongwol to her core.
No. That's not it.
If we're just friends, that should be enough...
...Since we share so much...
So if he looks at someone else, I just get petty.
But the more I chewed on it, the more he was right.
What right did I have to force my feelings on him like this?
I'd argued back that he needed to stay pure for treating my heart demon.
But really, Han Seojin is just helping with the treatment—it's not his duty.
Thinking that way, maybe I was the only one who wanted to keep this relationship going.
No words left, but my heart raced ahead.
And that frustration brought the tears.
****
The one who broke was Cheongwol.
Shockingly, the moment she did, tears started pouring.
She stood rigid, lips pressed tight in resentment, eyes downcast, tears just dripping.
At that sight, the taut tension and hostility in the air deflated pathetically.
"...Uh."
No thrill of victory. Just a weird feeling welled up.
Guilt, maybe. Or bitterness.
The Cheongwol in my head kept clashing with the one in front of me.
...Was she the type to cry here?
I was flustered.
And she was crying so heartbreakingly, I couldn't help but be even more shocked.
My grip on her mouth weakened.
As my hand fell away, she whispered.
"...I didn't do anything wrong."
"..."
"...Fine. Whatever. I know everything you said earlier was a lie too. Just fancy words again. All excuses to dodge this. I still didn't get a gift, and your dantian has Dang Soran's energy... Nothing's changed."
Cheongwol wiped her eyes.
"What am I to you that I'm trying to control you? I don't know...! But at least, you're my one and only friend."
Those words hit my chest harder than expected.
"So, is it really that hard to just not look at other people? Push everyone else away, scold me only...! Can't I even feel hurt?!"
Her honest words and tears doused the fear rising in me, simple as could be.
I'd been shaking like she was a ghost, but flip on the light and it's just laundry.
Something inside me screamed to comfort her quick.
Nothing's over yet.
If you wield the whip, you gotta offer the carrot.
That's how you fix it.
"Just say you hate only me!! Then I'll say I get it!!"
With that, Cheongwol turned away.
She picked up her sword from the ground and started walking off.
That's when I finally grasped the situation again.
The countless bandits Cheongwol had killed for me.
Anyone else, maybe not—but I owed her thanks for this at least.
Her back, as she walked away in tears after saving me, looked so lonely.
The earlier clash of wills hit me with regret now.
I didn't hesitate long.