Chapter 356 - 356 – Letting Go
"I... helped my father?" Gravis asked unbelievingly.
Who was his father? His father was the most powerful being in all the worlds, except for Heaven. He had been a constant monolith, unchangeable, and unstoppable by everything. Gravis’ power was so far away from him that helping him seemed like a distant dream. It hadn’t even been a possibility in his mind.
Yet, everything that his mother had said made sense. Gravis was an adult, and he could understand these emotions in more clarity. Many younger people might feel betrayed by the fact that their father hadn’t loved them or their siblings in the beginning. Yet, wasn’t his father also a victim of circumstance?
Not everything in the world went smoothly, and often enough, there were bitter truths. Gravis had gone through enough pain to realize this. Having a perfect family was basically impossible. Everyone had their issues. Overcoming these issues was what made a family as perfect as possible.
"Yes, you helped your father," his mother said, pulling him into a hug again, "and I’m really proud of you."
Gravis was still a bit stunned, but he returned his mother’s embrace. This time, it felt even better than before. Hearing her talk about his father’s past and Gravis’ possible future allowed him to let go of some of his previous inhibitions.
Yet, by letting go of his emotional control, he involuntarily felt a lump inside his throat again. He started thinking back about what had happened in the lower world.
He remembered the pain he had been in when he was forced to deny every relationship with the people he met in the Outer-Continent. He remembered the loneliness and emptiness he had felt when he had tempered his skin for the first time.
He remembered Gorn’s death. He remembered how he had been forced to kill the disciples of the Lightning Guild, which he felt indebted to, if he didn’t want to die. He remembered the time when he had felt isolated from everything and everyone while staying inside the Heaven Sect.
He remembered the death of Wendy and how he had chosen power above emotions. He remembered being forced to abandon Skye for her own good. He remembered Saron, Wendy’s father, and how he had died after helping Gravis.
He remembered his parting with Aion. He remembered Byron’s betrayal after Gravis believed that he finally had a group he could belong to. He remembered the death of Skye’s parent. He remembered how he had involuntarily caused the death of thousands of beasts and cultivators by giving the Lightning Sect Destruction Lightning.
He remembered his parting with Old Man Lightning and Lasar. He remembered how Heaven had constantly suppressed him. He remembered how Claude had died when Gravis chose his opponent. He remembered the apocalypse he had brought while fighting Heaven.
He remembered Joyce’s heartbroken tears before he left. He remembered the uncertain futures of his companions. He remembered Skye’s departure to a different world.
On his journey until now, there had been a lot of pain and worry. Many of his close ones had died while the future of the other ones was uncertain.
He felt sadness for his dead companions.
He felt guilt for the lives he had involuntarily destroyed.
He felt worried about his companions.
Gravis remained silent, but his insides were shaking. He gulped a couple of times out of nervousness. He always believed that everything was natural and that he had accepted the cold reality of the world.
But was that true? Did he really feel nothing?
Gravis was not an emotionless machine. He felt sad when he lost someone dear to him. He grew angry when someone threatened the people close to him. He was worried about his close ones.
Gravis was a human, and he felt emotions. People often associated emotionlessness with strength, but that was only true when it was necessary. When emotions became a hindrance, shutting them off helped, but that couldn’t be kept up forever without lasting damage.
Gravis had realized by now that by always swallowing the pain, he was transforming his colorful life into a grey void.
Yet, pain was difficult to accept. Humans didn’t want to feel pain, and most humans felt that emotional pain was worse than physical pain.
Displays of emotions were a sign of weakness for many, but wasn’t that because they were afraid of confronting their own feelings? Being strong when it was necessary was strength, but it was also strength to confront one’s own inner demons and pain.
Always hiding the pain away was like sweeping the dirt under the rug. On the surface, it appeared clean, but deep beneath, there was still dirt. At some point, it would become just too much.
"You’ve gone through a lot," his mother said warmly. "I’m not able to watch, like your father, but he has shown me everything. I know how difficult it is to lose someone close to you. I know how it is to fear for your friends."
"You’re not an emotionless machine," she said. "I could feel your pain through your father’s telling of what was happening to you."
They remained silent for some seconds, just hugging each other.
"Let it out," his mother said. "Let me help you with your pain. No one is watching, and there is no one that you need to be strong for. Even with the pain, your will is powerful enough to continue. You know that this pain won’t stop you in your path. You know that you can still be cruel when it’s necessary."
"But when you release it," his mother said warmly, "you also know how to be warm when it’s necessary."
Some more seconds passed as Gravis’ body shivered.
"I miss them," Gravis said quietly. "I miss Joyce, Skye, Nero, Manuel, Lasar, the old man, Aion. I’m afraid I’ll never see them again," Gravis said in a whisper.
His mother remained silent.
"I don’t know what to do," Gravis said in a shaking voice. "I say that emotions are only a weakness, but yet, I am unable to shut them off. I try to believe that the pain just helps me to grow more powerful, and it does, but that doesn’t mean that I like pain. I don’t want to feel pain."
His mother still remained silent.
"But, the world has become greyer as time passed. I felt less pain, but I also felt less happiness. No matter what I do, I only see pain or grey emptiness."
"So what if you feel pain?" his mother said. "It hurts, but only for a while. After that, it slowly vanishes. What’s the harm in confronting it? Pain only stays for a limited time, but the grey nothingness stays forever."
Gravis remained silent for half a minute. He had made his decision, and he would go through with it!
He let go of everything. Tears formed in his eyes, and he hugged his mother with all his power.
"I don’t want to be alone!" he screamed.
And with that, Gravis broke down.