Chapter 355 - 355 – Emptiness
Gravis felt like time stopped. Heaven had created his mother? What did this mean? Why? "You’re a Heavenborn?" Gravis asked in shock.
His mother tapped her chin. "You could call me that," she said nonchalantly like it wasn’t a big deal. "Heaven created me to be as compatible with your father as possible. In the beginning, your father wasn’t very thrilled with me. He just thought that this was another one of Heaven’s schemes."
Gravis couldn’t wrap his head around this fact. So many moral conflicts and implications appeared with that fact. "Were you also created to love him?" he asked, fearing the answer.
His mother nodded. "Of course. We were perfectly compatible with each other. So, I quickly fell in love with your father."
This was the answer that Gravis feared. The fact that his parents didn’t meet or fall in love naturally made a lump appear inside his chest. This didn’t feel like love. It felt more artificial than that. "And you never questioned these feelings, fearing that they have been instilled by someone else?"
"Oh, I did, trust me on that," his mother said. "I was unhappy, angry, and hated my life. It didn’t feel like I was my own person. It felt more like I was a tool that had been created just to please someone else. I hated that feeling," she said.
"I stayed like that for a long time and mostly spent my time with the mortals. I have built a lot of relationships with them, but I always felt sad when they died of old age. In the beginning, our times together felt like an eternity, but as more time passed, their lives just seemed to become shorter and shorter."
"Back then, your father and I talked a lot. He was the only constant in my life. On top of that, I just didn’t feel any love for any other man or woman. They all felt so fragile and distant. It was like we were living in different worlds."
"After a long time of talking, we became closer. Just like today, he always seemed to be busy with something and just sat inside his room, frowning all the time. His demeanor might not seem different from today, but I felt the difference. It felt like your father was lost," she said.
Gravis gulped again. "And even though Heaven created you to fall in love with each other, you just went along with it?" Gravis asked.
His mother sighed. "I guess we both felt lost. I felt isolated from the mortals, and your father felt isolated from everything. Except for Heaven, we were the only two constants. We always were there and stayed the same. I fell into thought for a long time, just thinking about my life, emotions, and life in general."
"So, after a long time of thinking, I came to a conclusion," she said.
"Which is?" Gravis asked.
"Emotions are necessary to give life meaning when you have nothing else to strive for," she said. "You might believe that you are above such emotions, but your emotions are part of who you are. They drive you forward when you have no goal."
"Also, the want for freedom is also a kind of emotion. You just place it above any other one. Yet, if that want disappears, you need a backup to fall back on. I think feeling happy is the goal of everyone. Whatever emotion or circumstance creates this happiness is different for everyone, but basically, being happy is everyone’s goal."
"If your dependent emotion for happiness vanishes, you need a different one to give your life meaning. The desire to reach supreme power won’t ever be fulfilled for nearly everyone, so, with their goal in mind, they could strive for happiness for their entire lives, but that’s because they can never reach it."
"It’s like the saying that one bread can feed you for your entire life, but that’s because, without more food, your entire life won’t be very long. The desire for power follows everyone until the day they die because they will never reach supreme power."
His mother smiled, "but you have an actual shot of becoming supremely powerful. Yet, if you bank everything on this one desire, achieving your goal will only leave emptiness behind. In my opinion, betting all their happiness onto supreme power means that they have already committed to never achieving it. After all, if you do reach it, only emptiness or death remains."
Gravis listened intently, reflecting on his own desires.
"I realized these things back then. So, I decided that I wanted to be happy. I loved your father, and even though these desires might appear artificial, I’ll follow them. I don’t want to die or live an empty life. It felt like I lost to Heaven’s schemes, but so what? Losing isn’t so bad. You can learn a lot of things by losing something," she explained.
Gravis actually admired his mother. It surely wasn’t easy to give in to what Heaven wanted. Gravis felt like he wouldn’t be able to do that. Something inside of him just didn’t want to give Heaven any victory, no matter how small it was.
Yet, wasn’t his mother happy now? Of course, his father’s words also returned. "But didn’t Heaven create emotions like love to push people to power? Following this feels manipulative," he said.
His mother tapped her chin again. "Honestly, I’m not so sure about that," she said.
Gravis lifted an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"It’s like when you really dislike someone. You see that person commit a mistake and automatically think that this person is stupid, but if one of your friends made the same mistake, you would say that humans make mistakes and that it’s normal. We automatically assume the worst of the people we dislike and often ignore their positives."
"What if Heaven had been entirely different when it had created this world? What if it only wanted to create a happy world with love and closeness? Maybe it felt empty and wanted to see what people would make of these emotions? Maybe it wanted to grant the people a chance to decide their own happiness?" she asked.
"Imagine a world completely without emotions. We would only strive for our own survival and die at some point, but with enough intelligence and wisdom, we would realize how senseless this life was. What’s the point of living? After all, we’ll only die in the end."
Gravis thought about these words. Was it possible that Heaven hadn’t created emotions just to force people to get stronger? What if Heaven really had been different back then? Gravis noticed that his mother had said that Heaven might have been different in the past. This meant that she acknowledged that Heaven seemed cold and selfish right now.
If she said that Heaven currently was different, he wouldn’t believe her. That just seemed delusional. Yet, by acknowledging Heaven’s current conduct, it actually opened up new possibilities for the past. People change. So, Heaven could maybe also change?
Yet, Gravis realized that the most pressing question still hadn’t been answered. "You said that father might not love us," Gravis said, bringing the original topic back.
His mother remembered that this had been the starting point of everything. "Ever since we got together, your father tried to regain his love. I helped him along the way, but it just seemed impossible for him. After a long time, he started believing that it was impossible for him to ever love again."
"Yet, he still tried against all hope. We created a family, grew bigger and bigger, and the world recovered. Sadly, with a bigger world, danger also returned to cultivators. At some point, the cultivators became powerful enough to fight our children evenly," she explained.
"You know your father, and you know that he values fairness. If one of your siblings died in a fair fight, he wouldn’t stop it. Your father tried to feel love again, but when he felt the pain of his children dying, it became even more difficult to open up. After all, no one wants to feel the pain of having a loved one die. Ever since then, we have been working on that," she said.
Now, Gravis understood what his mother meant. It wasn’t that his father didn’t love him, but that he couldn’t. Yet, what of his sacrifice when Gravis reached the Spirit Forming Realm? Also, he had felt his love when he had been with him previously.
"I think you’re wrong, mom," Gravis said.
His mother only smirked. "No, I’m not," she said with a small laugh, which didn’t fit the atmosphere. "I didn’t say that your father doesn’t feel anything, but that he hadn’t felt anything. It’s past tense," she said.
Gravis’ eyes widened, and he felt anticipation. "What do you mean?"
His mother laughed again. "It’s you," she said. "About five days ago, when you broke into the Spirit Forming Realm, your situation forced your father to decide between being emotional or emotionless. Just imagine it. On one side was the death of his only remaining enemy while on the other was the life of his son."
His mother smiled warmly and happily. "At that point, he had realized his own feelings. He couldn’t bring himself to sacrifice you. Why was that? It was because he loved you. You might not realize this, but you have created an unprecedented storm inside your father’s heart."
"Me?" Gravis said incredulously, pointing dumbly at himself.
"Yes, you," his mother said with a laugh. "Your father has truly opened up for the first time. It made him realize that he wasn’t a hopeless case. After realizing his own love for you, he finally felt something. You have helped your father more than you could ever imagine," she said, poking Gravis in the side.