“C, come here…”
Kaeul grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him into her room. Yu Jitae obediently followed her like a sinner tied by a rope.
There were a lot of plushies in her room, and there were a lot more plastic bags, cartoons and devices rolling on the floor since the last time he saw her room.
She pulled him and sat him down on the bed.
“Stay here, ahjussi. Okay?”
“…”
“Nn? Okay…?”
Yu Jitae nodded his head. Even then, Kaeul wasn’t at ease and looked at him with anxious eyes before starting to grab a cake ribbon that was on the floor next to her.
“When I, unn… was like, going around causing trouble, so, when I was very young… my mum tied me with something like this…”
She tied his wrists together. It seemed that she didn’t know how to tie a ribbon properly. She randomly wrapped it around several times and connected it to one of the pillars of the bed.
“Ahjussi, you’re like my mum, so what my mum did should work… What am I even saying.”
Her face soon turned gloomy.
“Uaah… It’s like I’m locking you up. Sorry! I didn’t want to do this…! But you can’t go somewhere else now. Okay?”
“…”
“Please say something… Nn? Nn?”
“Kaeul.”
“Yes?”
He was saying something because she asked him to but Kaeul flinched a little.
“Why did you stop me.”
“Sorry?”
“I told you there was somewhere I had to go for a bit. Why did you stop me.”
“…”
Kaeul hesitated before opening her mouth.
“I felt like you were going to go somewhere far…”
Recently, throughout the time she spent with him, playing around and having a meal together, she couldn’t help but feel that.
“You are not going anywhere? Right?”
“Yeah…”
“Stay here for a bit. I will talk to unnis. You know, this place might be a bit dirty… Uun… but it should be fine. Because I live here fine…”
“Alright.”
She was still uneasy, and threw several glances back at him on the way outside.
Yu Jitae looked at his own wrists with hazy eyes.
Him saying he would stay here was nothing but a word of formality and even now, the impulse that he should immediately leave this place was filling his mind.
The ribbon was so loose that even a child would be able to break free and something like this couldn’t stop him in the slightest.
He simply had to rip it and leave.
So why was it that he couldn’t readily do so? It felt as if this fragile and feeble string was the last rope connecting himself to Unit 301.
It could be very easily ripped apart and the decision was completely up to him. The same was with the relationship between Unit 301 and Yu Jitae. He was the guardian – because he was above the kids, the relationship was that of a one-sided dependency and it would crumble the moment he wobbled.
But what was broken wouldn’t stick back.
And even if it did, the trace of the snap would remain forever.
“…”
However, shouldn’t he still tear it apart?
Not because Bom was a problem. She had never been the problem. The problem was his feelings for Bom and the life he had lived through. The past was not something he could change, and would stay that way forever.
…Vacantly, he continued thinking for a while,
But soon, he added power into his hands.
*
“If ahjussi wants to, we should let him go.”
Bom’s words caused Yeorum to wear a deep frown while Kaeul widened her eyes in shock.
“U, unni! What are you talking about?!”
“Oi. Have you gone crazy?”
The two of them said at the same time but Bom’s hazy gaze wasn’t on them.
“Why?”
“What ‘why’ you b*tch. What kind of f*cked up question is that?”
“Is there a reason he shouldn’t be able to leave?”
“What?”
But her next words shut Yeorum’s mouth.
They can’t let him go.
They can’t but… Yeorum couldn’t think of a reason to support her claim. Bom then added more words to her confused mind.
“Maybe we are too used to receiving everything from him?”
Yeorum twitched her eyes.
“We’ve been getting everything from him ever since we came here. Ahjussi is a person too and there will be things he wants. If he wants something, I don’t think we should stop him.”
“…”
“B, but…! No!” shouted Kaeul.
“Why, Kaeul?”
“He can’t just leave like this! How do we know when he will come back? He said he will be back soon, but I can’t trust that!”
“Then when should he come back by?”
“Nn…?”
“We can negotiate on the time with him. One year?”
“No?”
“Then? Half a year?”
Kaeul shook her head in fright.
“N, no… Half a year is still too long.”
“Then what about three months?”
“No! It’s weird. Why do we have to negotiate on something like this!?”
In response, Bom gave a faint smile.
“You’re right.”
Bom suddenly changed her attitude. Finding her voice and her smile odd, doubt appeared on the faces of both Yeorum and Kaeul as Bom opened her mouth with a sigh.
“I thought about it, but it might be a little better if I leave.”
“What? Why!?”
“Because I might be the problem.”
“Stop saying nonsense unni…! What’s gotten into you now?!” Kaeul sorrowfully shouted.
“Do you know something?” Meanwhile Yeorum, who knew of the relationship between Bom and Yu Jitae, asked for something more fundamental but Bom shook her head in response.
“I don’t…”
It was true. Bom was quite fast at reading the atmosphere and realised that there was a part of Yu Jitae that wanted her. But she couldn’t understand why he would try to create a distance despite those emotions.
However, her instincts told her that there must be a reason. Like herself who couldn’t go all the way despite loving him.
The three of them soon turned quiet.
The baby chicken was mindlessly blinking its eyes in Kaeul’s arms, not knowing what was going on. Kaeul hugged the chicken a little harder and said with a sunken voice.
“He needs to take responsibility…”
“What?”
“That’s what ahjussi said. A guardian should protect and be responsible for happiness. Ahjussi brought us in, right? So he should take responsibility. Leaving now is too irresponsible…”
“Even if he’s only leaving for 3 months?” Bom asked.
“…”
Kaeul hesitated. Inside her confused mind was only black and white and anything gray in between them only made her more displeased. So the only words that left her mouth were her honest thoughts.
“No. I just don’t want him to go…”
Yeorum heaved a deep sigh.
Kaeul was right. There was no logical reason why he shouldn’t be able to leave – it was just that they didn’t want him to leave.
Kaeul threw a glance before talking to Bom.
“You look more weird to me, Bom-unni.”
“…”
“Like, I’ve been thinking you were weird for a long time. Whenever we are talking about ahjussi, you pretend you are not a dragon or something. What kind of dragon thinks and speaks like you?” Kaeul added.
The expression vanished from Bom’s face.
“Then, what am I?” she asked.
“I don’t know… but, what’s weird is weird. Unni you always think based around ahjussi, as if you might even give him your dragon heart if he wanted it. Don’t you think about your own wishes?”
Her words struck deep into Bom’s heart.
“I have my wishes too…”
Bom said with a slightly melancholic voice.
“What wish?”
She had a lot.
Bom wanted Yu Jitae to love only her.
Bom wanted Yu Jitae to be a better person.
Bom wanted Yu Jitae to be happy.
And Bom wanted to understand Yu Jitae.
However, he was bound by something and didn’t reply no matter how much she asked what was binding him. Those things were grabbing his ankles like shackles and were stopping him from going forward. Bom thought about all those before slowly realising what it was that she truly wished for.
Not being able to become a human. Not being able to become happy and refusing to be understood. And withdrawing from the affection that finally bloomed within all those.
Something was restricting him from all those.
Thus, all her wishes led to one conclusion.
“Ahjussi becoming free…”
If she herself was a part of those shackles, it was right for her to leave.
Bom added those words but Yeorum simply couldn’t understand her.
“Shut your trap. Yu Bom.”
“I’m being honest.”
“Just stop it. For real. I feel like smacking you right now…”
Yeorum had to suppress her anger because of Bom’s disjointed way of thinking. And because Bom understood why Yeorum was upset, she couldn’t retort in any way.
That was how the three of them were.
There was one who treasured their guardian so much that they had to let him go, as well as those that treasured their guardian so much that they couldn’t let him go.
They were all treasuring their guardian in their own way and there was no clear solution.
“We can’t even come to a conclusion so how are we even going to talk to him…” Kaeul said with a melancholic voice.
In front of the complex array of emotions so complex and difficult, Gyeoul silently stood up. Until now, she couldn’t follow the conversation because it was too complicated for her.
With a blank gaze, Gyeoul glanced at her unnis. She couldn’t understand why they were having such conversations in the first place. She thought to herself that this discussion itself was wrong.
Thinking that, the blue-haired child turned around. She then headed straight towards Kaeul’s room, ignoring the one that called her name from behind.
***
A slight sense of resistance was felt by his wrists as he was about to rip the string.
The door was pushed open and Gyeoul walked into the room. She closed the door and stood completely still facing him, so he had to stop his body as well.
“…”
“…”
The two of them didn’t say anything;
Gyeoul looked at him with extreme caution in her eyes, and with an even more cautious movement, she moved her feet.
He stayed still.
Taking another step forward, Gyeoul approached him like a baby walking to a lion for the first time. At last when she was next to him, Gyeoul reached her arms forward.
Was she asking for a hug?
There was a strong feeling that he shouldn’t get too close to her, and so he gave an excuse.
“As you can see, my hands are tied up.”
Seemingly convinced, Gyeoul gave a nod. She carefully resumed walking towards him, and placed her hands on his lap before floating her body.
He unknowingly pulled in his large and thick thighs together and belatedly realised that it had become a habit. Because he had to stick his legs together for Gyeoul to be more comfortable on his lap.
But this time, she didn’t sit on his lap and she sat next to him on the bed.
“…”
Without saying anything, she looked at him.
Only after sitting side-by-side did she start understanding what the mission given to her was about.
– My dear daughter.
It was when Gyeoul was still very small and young.
When she was around 80 days old.
She went sledding with him with just the two of them, and had instant noodles that he cooked for her for the first time. She heard the long-awaited ‘Here you go’ from him and went to sleep at night grasping onto his finger.
That night, the young and small blue dragon had heard the voices of her forefather.
– From now, you need to protect your precious ones with your own hands.
The grandpa said.
There will come a long night so prepare for it. Realise what is precious to you and ponder on how to protect it.
– It will be very dark. With nothing visible, someone would inevitably fall. Merely standing up with those injured legs will be difficult and they therefore might not even be able to stand up properly.
Inside the swarming tempest, there were a lot of words Gyeoul couldn’t understand.
– When that time comes, my child, do whatever you can.
But she vowed to etch the words of her forefather into her brain, and contemplated endlessly on what it was that she had to do.
– And protect what you must.
This time, it was her turn to do something.
The likes of a paper string was tying Yu Jitae up like a sinner and Gyeoul just couldn’t understand that. In her mind, he wasn’t a bad person. And it didn’t matter even if he was a bad person because she herself didn’t think of him as a bad person.
However, if there was some kind of darkness permeating around him that made him consider himself a bad person, she wanted to get rid of the darkness with her own hands.
Slowly raising her body, Gyeoul stood on Kaeul’s bed and walked towards his back.
His usually wide back appeared small today.
– Protect.
Following the clear mission inside her head, Gyeoul opened her mouth.
“…Can you, not go?”
He closed his eyes and stayed silent.
“…I will be happy, if you don’t go.”
He was still silent so Gyeoul added more words. Soon, Yu Jitae unknowingly let out an excuse.
“I think I must go.”
“…”
“There’s a reason I have to go. I won’t go that far and if it’s me, I can look at you and protect you from a distance.”
“…Nnnn.”
Gyeoul stubbornly shook her head. ‘…You can’t.’ Her soft voice touching his ears gave rise to a myriad of thoughts.
“…I will ask questions. Only reply.”
“…”
“…With one word, okay?”
Yu Jitae decided to drop all the complex thoughts and agreed to follow Gyeoul’s pace.
“Okay.”
“…If I’m sad, how will you feel?”
All sorts of words, complex thoughts and situations could have been used for the reply, but he followed Gyeoul’s request and gave a simple response.
“Wouldn’t feel good.”
It was then.
Gyeoul wrapped her arms around his neck from behind. It was always him that was hugging her, so this time, she wanted to be the one hugging him instead.
When the body of the small child touched his back, Yu Jitae quietly remained still until she continued.
“…Then, don’t go.”
He couldn’t move. The feeble arms wrapped around his neck gripped tighter. Gyeoul’s lips, forehead and cheeks were all warming up the back of his neck and he couldn’t move.
“…If you go, I will be sad.”
Her voice; and her breath,
They touched his ears and his heart as the murky darkness slowly dissipated and brightened. The fundamental thought popped up in his mind.
“…A lot.”
To achieve their happiness, he had seeked for their safety and individuality. Helping with that and walking down the journey together, the time he had spent with them was way too much.
“……A lot.”
The relationship they had built in the present was too deep,
For them to distance because of the past.
*
Sometimes, it was the simplest of solutions that solved the most complex of emotional knots. Millions of people who had cursed each other and shed blood under different ideologies – like how the large wall that separated them came crumbling down immediately (sofort) without delay (unverzüglich) from a simple mistake of a representative.
But at the base of that was the people who had wished for harmony with innocent hearts.
Innocence sometimes had the power greater than anything else on earth. And when innocence conveyed through Gyeoul’s voice reached his ears,
The complex knot of emotions started loosening itself.