The clear timbre of Vintage Clock he was hearing for the first time failed to ring his heart.
“Who asked such a thing?”
Becoming happy meant nothing.
Did that mean he could let everything go and become happy? Probably not because there was no fixed shape of happiness. One still had to move desperately and finally grasp it towards the end of the journey and that was why the revelation that he would be happy was meaningless. At least that was what he thought.
He wasn’t curious about his future. He simply wanted to be guided to the top floor with the door opened before him.
“Or do you not have ears to listen to what I’m telling you to do? Do I just have to listen to you ramble on and on?”
Affection isn’t something given or received.
It appeared by itself and deepened by itself.
It was the same with love. He had never wished for this pointless emotion but woefully by the time he realised it, it had appeared out of nowhere and had deepened by itself.
He had to go back.
“If you truly think and wish for me for even the size of a flea then stop blabbering nonsense and take me to the top floor. Now!”
His affection for Bom was like lighting up the most dangerous fuse and their relationship would definitely deepen the more attention and love he gave. If he could go through the atrocities he had committed and remove his romantic feelings for Bom, that should at least let him avoid the worst case scenario.
Vintage Clock however completely countered the Regressor’s thoughts head-on.
<The Authority, [Vintage Clock (EX)] expels you from the [Vintage Clock’s Workshop].>
His eyes turned into circles enough for his eyeballs to pop out.
“You are expelling me? You? Expelling me?”
Before long, an intense and irresistible wave of power flooded his body and pushed it back.
“Why.”
The force pushing him back intensified. Yu Jitae clenched his teeth and stood his ground as veins shot out of his skin from chin all the way up to his cheeks. He could not leave just like this.
“Are you trying to stop me from misfortune now that I’ve laid hands on daily life?”
The force was pushing not his physical body but his soul itself. However, it was physically revealed in this conceptual world as a storm of wind and pushed him back while the world dissipated into a fog.
“Do you wish for me to escape my hideous past? Bury that and become happy? Is that truly what you wish for?”
It was the same process as the end of iterations; where the world would crumble and leave him behind. Yu Jitae stood firm. Grasping at the darkness of the dissipating workshop, he stabilised his body.
“What kind of hypocrisy is that, huh?”
Despite his words, Vintage Clock appeared resolute.
From afar, the large pair of scissors – [Connection-severing blades] overwhelmed Yu Jitae with its sheer force. A tempest of pressure struck his body like the pellets of a shotgun bullet and pushed his body back.
The concept became blades that ripped his clothes apart and carved several wounds on his body.
With chattering teeth, he screamed.
“How can you do this to me. Who’s the one that drove me into the gutters. You—”
His feelings for Bom –
It made him feel the guilt he had been denying, forced him to hide the past he had no plans of avoiding, uneasily shook the upcoming future,
And made him hate once again,
The Vintage Clock whom he thought forgiveness and hatred no longer mattered, and even his own destiny.
The white bird disappeared into the distance.
“How can you dare do this to me—!!”
Yu Jitae screamed and shouted.
In the end, he was chased out of the Vintage Clock’s Workshop.
No message was sent by Vintage Clock ever since.
*
Three days went by.
Even when the 4th, 5th and the 6th iterations came to an end, even when Hostility affected Ha Saetbyul and Wei Yan, Yu Jitae’s mind had never been shaken so much. Stupidly enough, only after learning how to smile again did he learn once again the displeasure caused by the shattering of that smile.
His mind was all over the place and he had no time to objectively view his own actions and words. Whether he was in the right mind or not, time passed. He was still a member of the daily life, a guardian of the kids, a life stabiliser of the dead child and a prophet of the Association. There were a lot of things that had to be done.
He observed Gyeoul at her school, started training Yeorum and Kaeul again and focused on life at Unit 301 regardless of the awkward distance with Bom. His usual mental calmness was no longer there. He was anxious, and discontent and sometimes, random thoughts popped up in his mind.
If Bom were to remember the past iterations, what should he do?
Habit was scary. The first method that came to his mind were the things he had done in the previous iterations. A different way to put it was that he was spending just over 2 years with the kids in the 7th iteration, while he had spent dozens of years imprisoning the kids. Therefore, he was still more used to that kind of method.
If things went south, he might even unknowingly lock her up.
“Ahjussi. Have some of the whipped cream as well.”
“Uh? Ah…”
That was why he couldn’t stare at her eyes for a long time when they were at the cafe together.
Today, Bom ordered a caramel macchiato with whipped cream for him and to Yu Jitae, who still only knew how to slurp a drink with a straw, she gently scooped some cream and brought it to his mouth.
“I’ll eat it.”
“You say that but you don’t eat it…”
“I will.”
“But it’s more fun for me to feed you.”
“It’s alright. Give it to me.”
He reached his hand out. With the straw in hand Bom narrowly avoided his hand and soon, his hand had nowhere to go and had to go back down.
Bom was teasing him. The smile on her face proved it, and so did her pointless evasion. Therefore, he shook his hand as usual. In a situation like this, he would say, ‘Give my straw back,’ and add ‘Whatever. Don’t need it,’ if she continued pulling a prank. It might be somewhat strange but he had no time to worry about that.
He did what came to mind. Was it natural? It probably was considering the faint smile that was on her lips.
Going back home and acting his part in daily life, he suddenly realised that their dinner was a lot louder than usual.
“Uaahh, this is too salty and sourr…!”
“Which one? The kimchi?”
“Nn! I don’t like it…!”
“Stop eating you monkey. You said it was strange a while ago so why the heck are you still eating it?”
“But! They gave this with the meat so we have to eat them together right…!”
“Ehew.”
“But why did they put so much vinegar on kimchi? It’s weird! Hehe…”
No, it was just Kaeul that was more bustling with noise than usual. Now that he thought about it, she was like that recently. Maybe there was something she was happy about.
But in comparison to the noisy Kaeul, Gyeoul was a lot quieter than usual.
“Gyeoul. How are you eating this?”
“…Just.”
“You just eat it? Uhh, that’s incredible. You’re so small so how are you so good at eating things like this!?”
“…”
He asked, ‘Should I wash it for you,’ and Kaeul frantically shook her hands.
“Who washes kimchi before eating it…! Right, Gyeoul?”
“…”
Gyeoul sneaked a glance at his face and turned towards Bom before giving a nod.
*
It was night time. When Yu Jitae walked into the living room, Yeorum casually walked up and wrapped her arm around his.
“What.”
“Let’s have a chat for a bit.”
“Huh?”
“Come here.”
She was stubborn. Yeorum pulled him along so he followed her onto the terrace. With a cigarette in her mouth, she frowned.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“What do you mean.”
“Did something happen between the two of you.”
Two of you?
“Yu Bom and you. You’re both acting strange. How many days has it been already? Why are you scaring others?”
Her words shook a corner of his mind. Whenever he doubted his attitude and found it questionable, he tended to look at Bom but she had been treating him all the same.
Was there something wrong there?
“Nothing happened.”
“Are you seriously saying that right now?”
“Yeah.”
—-
Breathing out a gush of smoke, Yeorum scattered her hair that was reaching below her shoulders and suddenly screamed.
“Stop saying freaking nonsense!”
His expression didn’t change but he was inwardly quite surprised. It was because he couldn’t understand the suddenness of her outburst as well as the outburst itself.
“What’s wrong. Calm down.”
“What calm down. Calm down what? Don’t you know Yu Kaeul and Yu Gyeoul are scared as heck ‘cuz of you guys?”
“…What?”
“That food-loving pig isn’t finishing her meal these days and doesn’t even freaking eat anything sweet. And Yu Gyeoul? That noisy little brat constantly looks at you and is too scared to make a damn sound. How many days has it been already! Why are you like that if nothing’s happened?”
“…”
“Same as Yu Bom. Why is she suddenly like a stringless puppet and blank like someone who got smacked on their head everyday?”
Seemingly upset, Yeorum continued sucking through her cigarette. It seemed that her temper wasn’t going to die down anytime soon and she placed another cigarette in her mouth.
“Did something happen between you guys?”
“…”
“There is. There must be. Fuc*. You’ve already done that huh.”
What was this about.
“I knew from a while back that Yu Bom liked you.”
“…What?”
“The other kids don’t know but I do. So what is it. Be honest. What did you guys do? Sex?”
“No. No. Calm down. Nothing happened.”
“If nothing happened, then why the f*ck are you like that? Say something! You’re usually not like this. You’ve been acting all gentle so what are you doing right now?”
She appeared as if she was ready to come punch him on the face. His mind that had already been shaken was easily shaken again.
For starters, his goal was to calm her down.
“Calm down. I must have been tired. You know how I’ve been busy these days.”
“…”
Hearing his words, the cigarette dropped from her mouth.
The ember dropped from the dark sky onto the ground. As if she was staring at something bizarre, Yeorum was staring at him with a strange look on her face.
“What now.”
“You’re seriously weird right now, you know that…?”
Her words caused something to drop inside him as he asked with a dazed voice.
“…What?”
“Are you acting like a normal person, just because you’ve been with us like a normal person?”
“What are you on about.”
“How can you be tired? How can there be such an insincere excuse…”
— It was a mistake. A wrong word.
He was trying to use a word fitting daily life and had unknowingly spouted a word that didn’t suit him.
“Seriously, what wrong with you…”
Seemingly scared, Yeorum took a step back. Yu Jitae tried to carefully and sincerely choose the words to say but her next words made his mind blank.
“…You’re now scaring me even.”
Her red eyes gazed deeper into his eyes than usual.
He lowered his eyes.
A thought intensified – a thought that something had started going wrong.
This was an element he couldn’t do anything about. Human emotions which he had earned after a long time was the problem. It was causing him to be so unstable.
At the same time, a different impulse intensely rose up.
What about distancing himself from them before these kids got more scared and got repulsed by him?
Or perhaps for the whole remainder of their time?
Even from a distance, he could protect them and guard them. The kids had now formed a small society of their own and they could help each other out when necessary. Even without him Unit 301 would be fine and that would also be a natural way of distancing himself from Bom.
There had to be no hazards to kids but the biggest hazard right now was himself.
Thus, he simply had to distance himself. Quite a rational judgement was it not.
“Can you say something?”
“Sorry. Wasn’t trying to surprise you.”
“What?”
“Let me go somewhere for a few days.”
Saying that, Yu Jitae turned around.
He wanted to escape this place. He wasn’t a human suitable for a place like this. It was the same thought he had as the day when he had gathered the kids. A hideous rock in a colourful field of flowers – that was him.
“Where are you going!”
Without replying to her question, Yu Jitae opened the terrace and walked back into the living room. Yeorum could not stop him but this time, someone else did.
It was Kaeul.
“Where are you going…?”
He had blocked the sound after going to the terrace, so why was she here.
“I’ll go somewhere for a bit.”
Moving aside, he tried to walk past her but she also moved to the side and blocked him. She had a very withdrawn look on her face and her eyes were quivering.
“Why are you in front of me.”
“Where are you going?”
“Just stay here. I’ll be back soon.”
He moved to the left but Kaeul once again blocked him and did the same even when he moved again to the right.
“What’s wrong. Let me go past.”
“Uh, uh… Please don’t go.”
“Why. I’m just going somewhere for a bit.”
“J, just don’t go. Let’s have a chat today…!”
He couldn’t understand. Why was she stopping him? Now that the situation was well beyond his comprehension, his mind was more in a rush and he wanted to leave this place as soon as possible.
Yu Jitae grabbed the child by her shoulders.
“Let’s do it at night. Okay?”
Kaeul, who was mumbling for words, soon closed her eyes. He released his hands but that was when she suddenly grabbed him by his wrist.
It should be fine to be strict at this point.
“Yu Kaeul.”
However, he couldn’t say anything else.
It was because Kaeul was staring at him with a gaze different from before. Her eyes were no longer quivering and there was a strong vigour in her eyes.
“Don’t go.”
The voice leaving her lips was calm and low.
“I can’t stay like this any more. Have a conversation if there is a problem with someone right? That’s what you taught me.”
A gaze full of vigour.
He remembered the words he told her.
When she wanted to hurt someone or had to convey her sincere thoughts, Yu Jitae said it was fine for her to immerse herself in BY.
“So have a conversation with us.”
Despite that, his confused mind still pushed his feet forward but Kaeul pushed her arms out straight and stopped him by the chest as if pushing a wall.
She then softly tried to pacify him.
“Please…”
And his feet finally came to a stop.