Chapter 189: Incompetent Regressor
My eyes fluttered open and I still couldn’t fall asleep.
By now, sunlight was peeking through the cracks in the window, and the rain that seemed to never end had finally stopped.
I closed my eyes again but even now, when I close my eyes, I can still see Zetto’s blue eyes.
This was the second time I had seen his eyes.
The difference was that the first time was when he was dying in my arms, and this time was when he was starting to breathe again in someone else’s arms.
It was a huge difference.
I steadied my breathing and pushed myself upright then gulped down water so cold it burned my throat.
It wasn’t a dream, nor was it an illusion.
Zetto was alive.
What had been lost had returned.
I can’t clearly see why but the only thing that matters is that it wasn’t my doing.
Maybe that’s why I couldn’t be happy.
Because I wasn’t the one who brought him back?
Because I was the one who should have brought him back, the one who should have protected him, and I didn’t?
That’s not it.
There’s no reason to feel bad for someone who’s dead, someone you love, when they come back to life for all the same reasons.
So what is this feeling I’m feeling in the back of my mind?
Just as I started to think about it, the mirror on the other side caught my eye.
“Ah…”
I saw a familiar face in the mirror.
It’s the same as it was then.
It was the look of someone who didn’t want to lose.
It was a memory that only I had and a connection that only I remembered so I had to endure it.
Any more than that, and I’d get him in trouble.
It certainly was at the time but then I lost him again, even though I got him back.
Then a miraculous stroke of good fortune came my way and I was given another chance.
It was different than before.
Now Zetto had memories, the memories of our time together so there was no fear of revealing it.
I just wondered.
Did I deserve to be with him?
I failed twice and my incompetence, and guilt were weighing me down.
They were all ugly thoughts.
Throwing myself heavily onto my bed, I turned my head and stared out the window, not at the blank ceiling.
The sunshine that followed, the peaceful mornings that followed, the fresh air afterward.
Zetto gave me hope, the hope of tomorrow.
But what was I thinking, sitting there?
I was such a pathetic regressor.
“…Ah.”
I’m not really a regressor anymore.
I don’t know what the future holds anymore, but the important thing is that I can walk through that uncertain future with him.
The future with him that I had hoped and prayed for would unfold.
It was like a miracle.
I jumped out of bed at the thought and I couldn’t wait any longer.
I wanted to meet Zetto.
I wanted to see him.
***
“Hmm…”
Priscilla, the Academy’s medic, who had been checking my condition, cleared her throat.
“Is something wrong?”
“…Many things.”
Turning her attention to the report in her hand, Priscilla scratched her head and continued.
“The trauma to your abdomen has disappeared without a trace, and your left arm doesn’t feel like a repairable wound at all… It’s literally gone. The same goes for your eyes…”
“……”
“You were brought back to life, but it felt like they just let you breathe again.”
I regenerated enough to live again so Priscilla’s reasoning was correct.
“…I’m happy, because where else can I breathe and have a voice like this?”
“Well, you’re right, I suppose I should call it a miracle, but…”
Priscilla trailed off as she looked at me with a smirk.
“…There’s no guarantee that a miracle will happen twice, that’s why I call it a miracle, and anyway, you died once, and you know what that means, don’t you?”
“What are you trying to say?”
“I’m just saying…”
“……”
“You don’t seem to have any intention of doing that. Ha… You insisted…”
Priscilla stole a glance at my smile, then sighed heavily.
“All well and good, but I’m having a hard enough time with no one else in the club.”
For some reason, Priscilla’s plaintive tone was endearing.
On the one hand, I realized that maybe this distance was a good thing.
It was a little scary to think that if I’d had a deeper connection with Priscilla than I did now, I might not be in the infirmary, but in a small room with no light.
“Anyway, you should probably stay put and not try to move around for the time being… I heard that this incident has caused a stir in the Holy Land, right?”
“Haha…No wonder.”
Miraculously, a dead man had come back to life.
What’s more, the Saint was present, and the revived man claimed to have seen the Lord, so there was bound to be an uproar.
“You… Do you know what they’re calling you now?”
“What are they calling me? Hmm… Ghoul…”
“…Ha.”
Priscilla stood up from her seat and looked down at me with wide eyes.
“…Just kidding.”
It was a self-deprecating joke I threw out to lighten the mood, but the reaction was quite cold.
She turns her head and spits out the last word.
“The one who returned from paradise.”
“Paradise…”
I wonder if she means heaven.
“So, out of curiosity, what was paradise like?”
“Well, I don’t know if it was paradise.”
It certainly wasn’t paradise.
It was more like a spiritual world.
But there was no reason to deny people’s beliefs. After all, my resurrection was supposed to be a “miracle” involving a saint and a god.
After such a meaningful conversation, Priscilla left the infirmary but I hurriedly called her back.
“Ah, Doctor Priscilla.”
“Yes?”
“When can I expect to see the others?”
“Well… there’s no major physical problems, no memory problems…your mental state is good… I suppose you could start today, if that’s what you want, since I’m sure there are plenty of people waiting for you.”
Smacking her lips, Priscilla glanced at the report she was holding.
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“Then why don’t I call your friends instead?”
Priscilla said, opening the door.
“I don’t think that’s necessary.”
They were already here.
A platinum-haired girl stood in the open doorway.
Priscilla’s eyes caught her reflection.
“Aizel…”
“…”
Without saying a word, Aizel stood in the doorway, staring at me.
“Come on in. We have a lot to talk about, don’t we?”
Priscilla slipped through Aizel’s side and patted her on the back.
“I’ll keep the others updated.”
The sound of Priscilla’s voice followed Aizel back into the infirmary and the door closed behind her.
“…”
“…”
There was silence after that as Aizel was still on her feet.
***
Jet-black hair, pure white bandages and he smiles at me.
There was no change in that smile. It was the same gentle smile I had seen all along.
It was Zetto.
He came to life before my eyes.
“……”
I didn’t know what to say.
I was going to ask him a question.
There must have been so much to talk about, but my mouth was clamped shut and wouldn’t open.
As soon as my eyes caught sight of him, my head instantly went white.
“…Ms. Aizel?”
Zetto tilted his head at the silence.
Up close, I could feel that he was alive again and I was happy.
Nothing else entered my mind.
I just tried to remember this moment, this smile of Zetto’s that was right in front of me.
A little closer.
Just one more step.
I want to feel his breath.
Before I knew it, I was right in front of his nose.
I clutched his hand tightly and I didn’t want to let go again.
“You know what? You know, you don’t have to be scared… you don’t have to struggle… you don’t have to… I’m so glad…”
“…I was.”
“But the truth is…”
I spoke with a sincerity I hadn’t realized I had. I had a lot of questions to ask, but this was the first.
“Losing Zetto was… was my biggest fear…”
The world without Zetto was pitch black.
It scared me so much that I couldn’t walk forward.
I was afraid and it was hard to take a step.
“The hardest part was letting you go…”
Having to let go of his hand and never seeing his smile again was bitterer than any pain and more agonizing than any torture.
My vision blurred as a tear rolled down the back of his hand.
“…Miss Aizel, are you crying…?”
I look up at his question.
It’s the same as before.
Zetto’s voice, which I thought was just a delusion.
I wonder if it was my delusion that I heard then, and not an illusion.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and opened my mouth.
“I’m sorry… Zetto… I said I wouldn’t cry…”
I told him I won’t cry but I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
The words he spoke were the same as when I had watched the ocean with him before but the words that followed were different.
“It’s okay.”
“…”
“You’ll just have to smile a lot more in the future…so…”
“…”
“…I think it’s okay to cry right now.”
I suddenly understood.
When he told me not to cry, I thought he was going to leave me forever.
I had to give up on him so I shouldn’t cry, I thought.
I wanted to laugh and send him away, just as he had done with me but Zetto came back to my side once again. He had miraculously come back to life and was smiling at me.
Now there was nothing to be afraid of, nothing to be scared of.
There would be nothing but laughter.
There will only be happy moments.
So now I can cry my heart out.
I can let it out.
Suddenly…I understood.
“…Because, after all, Ms. Aizel is beautiful when she cries.”
“Pfft, that’s not…Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Uh, you’re even prettier when you laugh after crying.”
Zetto’s cheeky voice.
“Really…?”
I managed to smile widely but I couldn’t have asked for a happier smile.
It was just a joke, a silly joke from a blind man…Maybe it was my mood, but it didn’t sound like a joke.
Gone is the incompetent regressor stuck in the past and in her place was Aizel Ludwig, someone who could look forward to tomorrow with a smile on her face.