Chapter 1197 Thoughtful words (4)
Back when the Metamorphosis first descended, Leonel remembered thinking that this was really the end and that this would really be how he died. He had already concluded that the Paradise Islands had fallen and his father was dead, and now he was certain that he would follow not long afterward.
In those moments, he felt lost and alone. He remembered the only thing he had wanted in those final seconds he thought he had was for Aina to look at him, to just spare him one glance as that portal-like wormhole approached them.
He remembered feeling as though his heart was being stabbed through because even then, even when there was nothing else to live for, the girl he had chased for four years didn't even want to look at him. Even now, he could remember how each individual strand of her hair had fallen to the back of her head before he was sucked away and completely lost consciousness.
However, what he hadn't known was that Aina didn't look him in the eye because she couldn't. In those moments, she thought that Leonel was dead, that she would never see him again.
It hurt for Aina to admit any of this, but she gritted her teeth and did so anyway. She felt that she had to…
"… When I saw you came out alive, I was the happiest I had been in a long time. But, I felt that I didn't deserve you, I had done such a horrible thing all because I couldn't open my mouth to speak, so I did something I thought would make you hate me… And I killed Conrad in the most gruesome way possible."
Even now, Aina could remember Leonel's smile fading from its usual bright ray of sunshine. That was the moment the thing she did 'for' Leonel became twisted and dark, so much so that she had a hard time even looking at herself.
"… I realized soon after that what I did was wrong. You had been going through a tough time back then, adjusting to a new world. And, instead of supporting you like I should have, I gave you another dose of trauma…"
Aina didn't realize how bad it was until Leonel went out to fight those A-grade Invalids all on his own. He was suicidal and it was her who had pushed him to that point.
Of course, this wasn't true. Leonel had also let himself be killed by that Mayan girl, his guilt having become far too much. But, this wasn't something Aina learned until much later, so the guilt of pushing the man she cared for to such a point weighed on her even heavier.
And now, she had almost caused Leonel's death not just once, but twice.
"… Luckily, I was able to find you before things got any worse. But I still couldn't open my mouth to say anything.
"When those bandits came to take advantage of how tired you were and I saw how angry you got when they disrespected me, even to the point of not caring about the deaths and killing them directly, one part of me felt happier than she ever had, but another part only felt even more guilty.
"Me, being the idiot that I am, instead of expressing that in words, punched you in the chest to wake you up from your anger. I was just so mad that you kept putting others before yourself... that you kept putting me, a woman who didn't deserve your care or affection, before yourself..."
Aina bit down on her lip hard, as she brought herself to parts of her planned words that were the hardest to say. Even compared to the others, she found that she was almost dying on the inside piece by piece as she said them, but she refused to repeat her past mistakes.
Aina took a deep breath.
"Your memory is very good, so I'm sure you remember the Joan of Arc Zone we entered. Back then, I didn't know what to do and I felt like I was making mistake after mistake. Not even the small kinds of mistakes, the kinds of mistakes that you couldn't' take back and you would regret for a lifetime…
"But to the me of back then, the appearance of that Zone was like a Heaven sent opportunity. Despite the fact I knew it was an eight person limit, I lied to you and said that it was two…"
Leonel remembered this especially well. He remember Uncle Montez telling him that maybe the easiest thing for a scanning device to do was set the entry limit. It might make a mistake in deciding exactly what the quests and main mission were, but it would never make a mistake in something so fundamental and easy to measure.
Leonel had already concluded back then that Aina lied to him, but he didn't mind. The time they spent in the Zone had brought them closer together and he had already put his rose tinted glasses back on. He had also learned about her family back then, so he had assumed that she wanted to gather more treasures to get stronger, faster.
But, he had never thought that the truth was…
"… I wanted to spend time with you. I didn't know how to make it happen but this was the very first chance we seemed to have. I never seemed to have trouble talking with you in class about work related things, so I thought that if we had a task to finish together, it would be easier for me to finally speak with you…
"… And I was right, we grew a lot closer, but I still felt a heavy amount of guilt.
"This was something I ran from for a long time. Even when we fought against the Royal Blue Fort together and you teleported me away, the fear of being found out by you fueled my anxiety even more and it made me shut down the possibility of coming back.
"I didn't trust you with my burdens, I didn't tell you the truth about a lot of things, I couldn't even bring myself to explain how I almost died at the Puppet Master's hands…
"But it was never your fault, it was always mine. I didn't trust you because I couldn't even trust myself. I made so many mistakes, hurt you in so many ways…"
Aina finally couldn't hold back her tears, they began to drench Leonel's chest like a flood.
"… I'm sorry… I'm sorry Leonel… Please let me make it up to you, I'll spend the rest of my life doing so if that's what it takes… I…
"I love you."
Aina gripped the back of Leonel's shirt hard, pushing out those final words with all the strength she could muster.
She struggled to clear her gaze, looking up with what little stamina she had left. It was like explaining all of these things had left her beaten and battered, her heart itself being covered in bruises of blue, green, purple and the deepest of blacks.
But, what she saw when her head looked up left her breathless, as though she had been knocked down once again, her barely paused tears coming back in a second torrent… However, this stream seemed far from finishing.
Those indifferent pale violet eyes looked down at her. They didn't carry hatred or malice. It was almost as though they were gazing upon a stranger, a person of time's long since passed, a woman it had no feelings for.
And then, his lips moved.
"So what?"
[Author's Note: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!! I had to binge so much Andrew Tate to type out those last two words. I need a cleanse. I'm gonna go hit the gym hard then drown myself to sleep. Until tomorrow, lads... *cries* why Leonel... why]