Cass found that the conversation he needed to have with everyone once they allowed him to do anything but eat, drink and sleep, was hard.
It wasn’t for the reasons that Cass thought it would be hard, oh no, because Edgar and Sam didn’t seem to care about basic concepts like souls should be on the body that they belong to. No, they only cared about Cass’ well-being. They kept coming back to the ridiculous piece of information that Cass had said about Fiona.
Sam in particular wasn’t forgiving. Edgar might be angry, might be pissed, but Sam? Sam was haunting the halls more than Taniora was. He was livid, his true nature seeping through. To the point that Cass had to turn to Byron and tell him to calm down.
Cass knew that Lucian could be affected by him when he was angry, which meant that it could go both ways for Byron and Sam now. Sam was normally collected, and so was Byron. So for this to be affecting him this much? Byron wasn’t innocent in this either.
Byron didn’t even deny his feelings once Cass called him out on it, and he didn’t defend himself either. He said that it was hard to watch Cass go through this on his own, without someone to help him manage his emotions and everything else. Both Byron and Sam were frustrated, and annoyed.
Cass couldn’t exactly do anything about that. How could he? He didn’t think it was a smart idea to tell them what he knew about the future of this world because it could change. That’s why Cass didn’t think of Fiona as that much of a threat to him. While it was clear that the others didn’t share the same sentiment.
That didn’t mean that Cass could weasel his way out of this conversation though.
So, a few days after Cass had been brought to the temple on order by the gods, Cass found himself in the redone waiting room surrounded by plants, greenery, and the people he cared about.
Aunt Alysora was also there, but none of the other fairies. She made it clear that Taniora and Ailia wanted to be there, but she was the one who had put her foot down. Taniora might be an elder, might be someone who they trusted, but she was still the Matron. That was respected.
Ailia was a little less respectful, but for her it was Aunt Alysora telling her to respect Cass’ boundaries. She had complained but eventually relented. Aunt Alysora knew more than the others when it came to who or what Cass was, or she had some idea of what was going on.
That didn’t make the conversation any easier.
So, Cass finally admitted everything. He told them the truth and how it was different from what he had told them originally when he had first been cornered and had been forced to tell them something.
This world was real, but so was the one that he had lived in before.
He hadn’t been brought to another world to live out a life sentence there to teach him humility, Cass and Cassian were two different people. The hardest part was telling them all, to their faces, that Cass had read about their lives in a book.
To tell Aunt Alysora he knew nothing about her, had never known anything about her because the story wasn’t even told from Cass’ perspective, it was told from the main character’s perspective. Fiona’s.
Cass hadn’t been the main character, he’d been the sub villain. He had to admit to the crimes that Cass had committed, what he had committed, and what happened at the end. Cass didn’t explain it in detail, didn’t think that part was important and also made it clear that since he was here his job was to make sure that the end of the book didn’t happen. That was something that the gods asked him to do.
He also explained that knowing the future wouldn’t help them. They might act in ways that could harm things, and Cass didn’t need that. Only one person needed to know what was going on, which was why there were two heroes this time around. He did explain what he was working towards.
Cass was working towards the world not completely ending and the demons not gaining full control of this world. His job was to thwart their plans and apparently the choices that Cassian made led to that result.
Cass didn’t explain that others had attempted this and failed. They didn’t need to know that. What he did need to make clear was that Cassian and Casper were different people, and that up until recently Cass had been able to converse and use Cassian as a sounding board or ask his permission to do things in his body.
Then, something had happened, Cass had pushed the limits and had weakened Cass’ standing in this world and in this body. Cass was wholly human before this as other races didn’t exist in his world, nor did they have magic as they understood it. This was important because it was Cassian who had the demon and fairy blood. It was this body that had all of those ties, and it was his soul that his shitty Mother had made the deal with the Demon King with.
So that meant that the next step, the thing that Cass had to do to make sure that Cassian didn’t get yoinked down into their version of hell because of the demon blood in his veins, was to merge their souls. Cass would change. Cassian would change.
There would be no way for Cass to go back to his world if he did this. He and Cassian wouldn’t be separate entities anymore living in the same body, trying to accomplish the same goal. It would be one soul combined together, fates intertwined forever. If he didn’t do this?
Cassian’s soul would be lost forever.
The air in the room was stale, tense. Edgar knew some of this, as did Aunt Alysora thanks to her connection to the nursery tree. Sam also knew some of this, but hearing the truth spread out, bare, to the light of day made Cass sweat.
His palms were wet, he couldn’t count how many times he’d wiped his hands on his thighs. He was sure his hair was sticking to his face, his body was warm. He felt like he was rambling as he spoke, his nerves all over the place.
He couldn’t make eye contact with anyone for longer than a few seconds because he didn’t want to know what they were thinking. What they thought of him. He knew how ridiculous this sounded, and also knew how close his story sounded like something a demon would do.
Cass found that after the long pause carried on for too long, he started talking again.
He spoke about his theories, how he didn’t think that demons and gods were that far off from each other. He was pretty sure that they were the same, just slightly different. This was a turf war in his mind, and at this point he wasn’t sure which side was better. What he did know is that hearing that Cassian would be sent to the side of the demons filled him with dread.
He wouldn’t feel the same way about the gods. He would be uncomfortable, he’d even question why they wanted him, but he wouldn’t have terror deep in his gut. That was all he needed to know that the demons were the bad ones in this regard. That, and who the fuck would allow someone to sign their child up to take over their deal?
That was evil, no if, ands or butts.
Cass was also very curious as to why the original gods abandoned this world, and why fairies couldn’t blend with the others as easily as they could blend with other humanoid creatures. He wanted to know more about the gods who came before, and why fairies were so important. He was also curious about the space that he spoke to the gods in, why he had been selected, and how many other worlds there were like his?
How many other worlds did the gods have control over? How many other worlds had the older gods created that the new gods then came over to claim as their own to continue a fight with the demons over? Why had Cass’ planet been spared of the same fight and instead had been a place to choose heroes from? Why did his world not have magic?
These were big questions that Cass didn’t have anyone else he could speak to about. He had wanted to speak to Cassian about that, but with a bitter, upset smile, Cass admitted that he was the one who had fucked that up. They also hadn’t had that much time to talk to each other when they could either.
Cassian had to use that time to tell Cass important details, things that Cass wouldn’t be able to pick up unless he knew everything about Cassian. Cassian was a private person. Even now there were still some things that Cass didn’t know, even though Cassian had given him a lot of control over his memories, his body, and his life.
They weren’t big memories, but were probably very important to Cassian. Cass couldn’t get mad at the man for having a hard time being open with others.
Cass felt like he was out of breath when he finally shut his mouth, forcing it shut. He wasn’t sure how long he had rambled, but the air in the room hadn’t gotten better.
Everyone was silent, and that made Cass’ mind work overtime. He was worried about Gideon, Byron and his Aunt. Edgar and Sam knew pretty much that something wasn’t right about Cass, and thus far had been good to him.
That didn’t mean that Cass wasn’t terrified.
It honestly would have been a good thing if Taniora had come. That way he would have known that he had someone on his side, no matter what.
The silence continued to drag on and Cass fought himself from filling the silence. He knew it was a guilty conscious thing. He knew that silence made others talk, but he couldn’t help himself. He wanted to speak more so that they could see where he was coming from.
What was killing him was the fact that no one was speaking or asking him questions. They were just sitting there with the words that Cass had said. Cass could feel panic coming in on all sides as the silence continued.
Were they mad? Were they upset? What were they thinking? Cass didn’t think it would be too strange if they yelled at him. It was deserved. To Gideon he had lied, ruined his life, forced him to sign a contract and even brought him into his bed while lying to him. Gideon would have every right to be absolutely disgusted with him, and it wasn’t like Cass was blind.
He had noticed how Gideon had been silent and quiet compared to Sam and Edgar in the last few days. He had every right to be pissed. Cass’ breathing was ragged, and he wouldn’t look anyone in the eye.
He was sitting in a chair alone, his hands on his knees and his eyes on said hands. He had no idea what the others were thinking, wouldn’t allow himself to meet their gaze to see their anger.
Was it the coward’s way? Absolutely, but Cass wasn’t sure he could handle seeing how their feelings had changed now that they knew the full truth. How they now knew he wasn’t the kind of hero that they had expected, and that he had hurt someone close to them. How he had lied about who he was.
Someone cleared their throat and Cass winced. From the direction it could have been Byron, Sam or his Aunt. Given the pitch, it had to be Sam or Byron. Cass braced himself.