Cass felt weak. His body felt heavy. He struggled to keep his eyes open, but he knew that he needed to. The sheer desperation in the faces of the men above him told him as much.
Edgar and Gideon were crying, Sam’s eyes were watery, but fierce, and Byron was but a dark shadow looming over him. His emotions so raw and uncontrolled that he was barely holding onto a human shape.
He looked more like a spirit of darkness than a dragon.
Cass wanted to laugh, poke fun at him, but the laughter died before it even touched his lips.
He had a lot he needed to do, and falling unconscious again was not in his plans. The violence of the sounds around him were completely different from the first time he’d woken up after speaking to the gods.
If anything, the room had been eerily silent in comparison, especially after two members of the group had seen Cass’ soul, Cassian’s soul, leave his body and then return...different. Changed.
This was a far more appropriate reaction, and Cass just hoped that if Cassian was still around that he could see it. That he could feel how desperate the others were, that he was to keep him here.
"W-Water." Cass rasped and found that Sam was already moving. He was ordering someone or something behind him while Edgar gently lifted Cass up, holding him with trembling hands as Gideon shifted so that Cass was resting behind him. The weight, the warmth of others around him made Cass’ hollow heart ache.
Edgar was the one who took the offered goblet from Sam, carefully raising it to Cass’ lips. Cass was only able to get a few sips in before he started coughing. Panic crossed everyone’s features but it was just that Cass had swallowed too quickly, too eager for the water.
He was weak, frail, and Cass wanted to laugh at the condition he had left himself, and Cassian, in. He was a terrible man for the gods to rely on.
"Don’t think about anything, Cass. Just...get better." It was a prayer from Gideon’s lips behind him. Cass hadn’t been aware of it, but Gideon’s hands were on his shoulders. Strong but shaking. The man was trembling like a leaf yet he was still offering himself as Cass’ pillow.
"I’m sorry." Cass said weakly after he could speak. That seemed to halt everyone and the looks that they gave Cass?
It made Cass very aware that he wasn’t as alone as he thought.
~
Eventually, Cass was able to sit up, drink more water, and realise that the state that he had let his body get into was dire. The gods had been right to scold him. He had been a fool.
Cassian was already a frail man, his health terrible because he hadn’t known what was wrong with himself for a long time, and when he had realised what was wrong with him it had been too late. Cass was different. He had found out relatively early what was wrong with his body, but that didn’t mean that he was taking care of it.
He had taken for granted how well the others had been caring for him, and it was only now that he had to make a very difficult and serious choice that he was aware of it. Cass wanted to laugh at himself, and that appeared to be a very common emotion. He was a fool. That was clear as he looked at the anxious, worried faces around him.
He had gone into shock over information that hadn’t even been confirmed and had not only put himself in harm’s way but had caused distress to everyone else around him. That was a stupid thing to do, and something that the previous Cass wouldn’t have done.
Caspian wouldn’t have worried a single soul, especially his sister. He would have kept everything that was an issue to himself. He had to. She already had enough on her plate but it appeared that now that Cass was in another world his opinions had changed. Well, not that they had changed but that...there were people who cared enough about him to not let him hide himself away.
His chest hurt, his heart battered, and Cass didn’t like how thinking about how much they had been worried and in pain while he was unwell made him feel. It wasn’t that Cass hadn’t considered the others before but...it just felt more real.
Cass had to face the fact that if he went through with this, he wouldn’t have an escape from this anymore. He wouldn’t be able to run away. He couldn’t, in good conscience, say that none of this concerned him anymore. He would be a part of this world. He wasn’t just some interloper who had taken over the sub villain’s body to change the plot and save the world. He wouldn’t be able to just leave after all of this was done.
It was a rather...serious blow to the mental fortitude he’d had before, and probably what had triggered him falling in on himself on top of the fact that he thought he had murdered Cassian. In a way, he was still going to do that. He was...going to finish the job.
The thought of that made tears well in Cass’ eyes and before he could stop himself, he found himself crying.
That sent everyone into a frenzy.
"Cass? What’s wrong, bunny? Why are you crying?" Edgar asked, distraught and Cass couldn’t stop the tears. He tried to raise trembling fingers to his face, but it was Gideon and Edgar who were wiping his tears away. Looking stricken and horrified.
"I’m a murderer." Cass wailed, and Edgar froze, before his expression softened.
"We all are, Cass. That’s what heroes are." Edgar told him softly, gently and Cass cried harder.
"No! You don’t understand. Fiona didn’t kill Cassian, I did!" Cass realised that as soon as the words left his mouth that he had done something he couldn’t take back. Not only had he told Gideon something that he shouldn’t have heard, he told Edgar something that he shouldn’t have heard.
He watched through his tears as the others grew pale and serious, the horror not leaving their face. Gideon was a stiff board behind him, and Cass half-expected that he would throw himself away from Cass in confusion.
What he wasn’t expecting was the low, dangerous voice of his most loyal aide.
"What?" Sam asked, and Cass felt a shiver run down his spine. Cass turned his gaze towards Sam, and for the first time he saw the demonic features that Sam kept hidden peeking through. He had a feeling that the lack of control of Byron’s emotions might be playing into this, or they were amplifying each other. "She’s going to kill you?" Sam asked and Cass felt his mouth dry up.
"U-Um, well, I-"
"Fiona kills you?" Edgar’s voice was hesitant, and filled with so much pain that Cass couldn’t stop himself from looking at him. Edgar was crying, tears pouring from his eyes. He looked absolutely gutted. "Why? Why would she do that? Is that why you avoided getting close to us? You knew that she would?" Cass couldn’t come up with an excuse for his words when Edgar, and everyone else, was taking it so seriously.
"Is that why you didn’t care all that much when Edgar’s father threatened you? Because you knew that wasn’t how you died?" Gideon’s voice was low, filled with the same amount of pain that Edgar was speaking with. Cass felt his body stiffen.
Things were getting out of hand, quickly, and no one had even cared about what Cass had said. They didn’t care that he’d spoken about Cassian as if he was a different entity. They only cared that he’d mentioned that Fiona was involved with his death.
"A-Are you not concerned about what else I said?" Cass asked, concerned, and Edgar reached out, cupping Cass’ face. Tears still streamed down his face, the sorrow on the handsome man’s face so poignant that Cass could feel it in soul.
"We are all murderers, Cass. Whatever anyone else says, heroes who work in dungeons take on that title when we are unable to save those who die because of them. What is another life added to the list? Whatever you think, it doesn’t matter. I am more worried about the things you have been living with all this time without relying on us. Without feeling like you could trust us." Edgar’s eyes spilled over as he let out a shaky breath. "I’m sorry you couldn’t trust us with the truth, Cass."
There was no way that Cass could keep his cool after that. Cass felt his face crumble, his body shaking as Edgar, Gideon and Cass held each other in the middle of the most holy temple in the Kingdom. Cass wasn’t aware of what they had to do to get there, what the others outside of the chambers were thinking, nor what kind of rumours would sweep through the kingdom because of their actions.
For now, Cass was hugged, comforted and loved for all that he was without strings attached. Cass, who hadn’t believed that that was even a possible thing, who had never felt that love was something that could be treated that way, felt lost. He was on unstable ground, in an area that he couldn’t understand.
He was truly able to feel how Cassian must have felt having been faced with the same situation. The hope, the fear, the expectation. Cass just hoped that this situation wouldn’t have the same outcome as in the book.
Cass cried himself to sleep, his body exhausted from the lack of food and everything that he had gone through.
Sam took control of the situation. Being the strong backbone that they all needed at the moment. They wrapped up Cass in a cloak, the same way that they had brought him in. He forced Byron into a normal, human form, forced Gideon to carry Cass while Edgar trailed after. Edgar looked terrible, which would help play into the role that they were trying to convey.
They would be using the fact that no one had seen Fiona completely since her and Ava had been spotted at the ball to say that the figure wrapped up in the cloak was her. They were following Cass’ plan of announcing that Fiona had a miscarriage.
Cass just didn’t know that he was being used as the body to fake it.
He wouldn’t know until several days later, when he was in bed and his Aunt brought him a newspaper. Sam would stiffen at the sight, as would Edgar and Gideon, and Cass would read the news that the Kingdom was devastated to hear that the great hero had lost her child.
Cass would stare blankly at the paper, his mind not comprehending everything for a moment, but when he did, he’d burst out into laughter.
The first time Cass had laughed in almost a week.
The sound made everyone’s shoulders relax. Relief filling them. They had worried that they would have never heard his laughter again.