Chapter 52: What am I?
Lord Vespertine played up the dramatics of the situation for quite some time after this, until both of them came to a realisation that...nothing was happening.
Nothing was happening.
Shocked, Cass sat back, staring at the goblet before him, with a dumb expression on his face. Even Lord Vespertine seemed shocked.
"Wait...how are you okay?" Lord Vespertine asked. Cass was just as confused as he was.
"Why am I okay?" Cass asked and both met each other’s gaze. Lord Vespertine was staring at him with confusion, and also a heavy amount of skepticism. Cass couldn’t blame him. He had no fucking clue what was going on.
He shouldn’t be okay. He knew he shouldn’t be okay. So why the fuck was he okay? His stomach wasn’t even rumbling.
No, wait, it was rumbling but like he was...hungry?
Cass felt his eyes go huge. Wait wait wait. This didn’t make sense. Lord Blackburn hadn’t behaved the same way as Lord Vespertine. He didn’t wear a hat to cover himself, he didn’t hide from sunlight, and Lord Vespertine was able to eat any kind of food. So this didn’t make sense.
Plus, he didn’t think-
"Lord Vespertine." Cass began carefully and Lord Vespertine watched him carefully.
"Yes, Lord Cassian?" He replied carefully. Both of them were weary of each other now, and Cass understood completely. Cass knew exactly what Lord Vespertine was, but Lord Vespertine had no clue what Cass was. Hell, Cass thought he was just a fairy from his Mother’s side, and human on his Father’s side, but clearly, something else was going on.
"When did you start consuming this...beverage?" Cass asked carefully and Lord Vespertine stiffened.
"I’ve been drinking this beverage since I was young." A sharp pain filled Cass’ chest at his words. So he’d always been this way. He wasn’t like Lord Blackburn, who had changed as soon as he hit puberty. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. What did that mean? What was wrong with him?
Lord Vespertine noticed the distress on Cass’ face, but didn’t say anything. He seemed hesitant, and nearly shouted when Cass raised the goblet to his lips and took another sip.
"Why are you taking another sip? What if you just got lucky?" Lord Vespertine shouted, loud enough that Cass was sure that he had alerted Sam that something was wrong. He could already hear the panicked footsteps racing towards them.
"I don’t get lucky, Lord Vespertine." Cass told him grimly, and Lord Vespertine stared at him, lost. Just lost. He wasn’t sure what to do with Cass, and Cass couldn’t help him. He was floundering. He didn’t know what this meant. What the implication was.
"What happened to my Lord? What’s wrong?" Before Lord Vespertine could answer, Cass thrust the goblet towards Sam. The liquid sloshed out of the cup, splashing onto the grass, narrowly avoiding the blanket.
"Sam. Take a small sip of this and tell me what you think." Cass ordered, his voice devoid of all emotion. Lord Vespertine looked even more ill.
"Lord Cassian! You can’t just-" Sam took the goblet without a second of hesitation and Lord Vespertine let out a frustrated noise. "Why are you just accepting what he gave you?" He questioned and Sam gave Lord Vespertine a strange look.
"He’s...my Lord? Why wouldn’t I accept it, especially when he asks me to?" Lord Vespertine covered his mouth, so shocked he didn’t even know what to say. Cass was watching Sam, waiting, and after Sam had taken a sip, he appeared to nearly retch. He barely kept himself together, but that only made Cass’ heart race in his chest more. What? What the fuck did that mean?
"Sir Forsythe, help Sam if he needs to throw up." Cass ordered and Sir Forsythe took the goblet from his hands, handing it back carefully to Cass. Cass took another sip, and hated that he didn’t have the same reaction as Sam.
Sam did have to go relieve himself of the liquid, and the birdsong couldn’t even cover that up. Lord Vespertine was still reeling from the situation. He didn’t appear to know what to say. Cass was in the same boat. He had no idea what to say.
"Um, Lord Cassian..." Lord Vespertine began and Cass darted his gaze towards him. "You said...you’ve been able to eat normal food before, yes?" Cass nodded. "When did that change?" He asked and Cass swallowed.
"When I turned of age." Cass muttered. "I...I had a sudden change." Cass muttered. Lord Blackburn wasn’t taking over today when he spoke of it, so it appeared that he was either on the right track, or Lord Blackburn didn’t have enough energy to take him over so soon.
Lord Vespertine looked as if he had learned quite a bit of information about Cass from his words, and Cass chuckled darkly. So he knew what was going on, but Cass was still in the dark. This was fucking horrible. He hated that people he considered possible enemies had so much knowledge about him.
Even if he knew the truth about them, that didn’t mean he liked others to know things about himself without his knowledge. Especially things he himself didn’t know.
Sam came back, looking decidedly ill, his limbs trembling so much that Sir Forsythe had to help him over.
"M-My Lord, what did you-"
"I don’t know. I don’t have a clue what’s in it, but I’m not reacting to it." Cass told him, but watched as Sam’s eyes widened and his gaze flickered to Lord Vespertine and back. "What did you taste, Sam?" Cass asked quietly and Sam’s eyes watered.
"I-I would venture, the same taste you taste when you drink your healing tonic." Sam looked awful. He looked like he was ready to burst into tears. "I-I can’t believe I’ve been forcing you to drink that. I-I am so sorry for making fun of you for reacting so terribly." Cass couldn’t feel sympathy for Sam at the moment.
He felt too numb inside.
What the fuck was wrong with him that drinking human blood didn’t set off his body negatively? This was...he was baffled, and he felt a lump forming in his throat.
With shaky hands, he put down the goblet and slowly got to his feet. Lord Vespertine was anxiously watching him, nervous as Cass stood shakily.
"Lord Cassian? What are you doing? Where are you going?" Lord Vespertine asked desperately and Cass grimly stared at the scenery around them.
"I...need a moment to think. I’m going to go for a walk around the gardens. I’ll...be back shortly." Cass mumbled, not feeling like himself and Lord Vespertine frowned, but didn’t pursue him. Sam looked distraught, and Sir Forsythe tightened his grip on Sam.
"Shall I-" Sir Forsythe began and Cass shook his head, interrupting his words.
"I don’t want nor need an escort. Just...give me a moment to myself." Cass muttered and Sam trembled. Cass began to move towards the path, his head muddled and his steps hesitant. He fiddled with his clothes, making sure that he looked at least somewhat presentable. He’d had to take off his cloak when he was in the clothing boutique so he at least somewhat blended in with the people around him.
His thoughts didn’t fit their mood, however.
Cass was trying to rack his mind for anything, any small piece of information that he could. What on earth was wrong with Lord Blackburn? What was so bad that no one spoke about it? It clearly involved his Mother, and was probably the reason his Father had stepped down as the Duke and given the title back to his own Father.
It had to be the reason that the Duke, his own flesh and blood, didn’t want Lord Blackburn to inherit the title. What the fuck did all of this mean? What was wrong with him? It also appeared as if Sam knew more than he was letting on. Cass had noticed the subtle way that Sam’s brows had knit together when he’d looked at Lord Vespertine.
Fuck. Was he about to lose his most loyal henchman? Was he even his henchman? Or was he also working for someone else? Was Cass really that fucking alone here?
Despite his actions, Cass didn’t believe for a second that Lord Vespertine had really changed his opinions of him. He was just...a good actor. Cass knew that from the book, and from the way that Lord Vespertine had looked at him when he had first woken up, and all of the interactions he’d had with him so far.
Draken, he could somewhat understand why the man had a sudden change. He was forced to bond with him. He had to treat Cass differently because of that. Lord Vespertine had no fucking reason to treat him better.
It was an excuse. He was trying to get a feel for Cass. Figure out what was going on. Catch him in a lie or something.
Cass covered his face, pausing near the bubbling fountain to cover his face with both of his hands and let out a shuddering breath. What the fuck was he supposed to do? What was he going to do? There was something clearly wrong with him, and it felt like everyone else around him knew what it was, but he was the only one blind to it? Why wasn’t he able to know what was wrong with him?
Why was that knowledge being hidden from him? Was it something so bad that he would get killed? Was that it? But Lord Vespertine was fine! He wasn’t being shunned or alienated for his strange behaviours? Was Cass really that different? Was he really that strange?
Why couldn’t he be normal too?