Lucian, after his warning, was on his best behaviour. All smiles, all happiness and cheer. He was the sweetest man alive.
All while Cass was trying hopelessly not to think about what Lucian had said, failing, and then trying to not be a degenerate as he wondered what Lucian was thinking about. What he was planning.
Cass’ body was warm, his stomach full in anticipation as Lucian led him around the capital. They left the artisan district, as Lucian called it, and headed more towards the shopping district. They were separated, since Cass was familiar with the boutique street, but not with the other streets that they passed.
Home goods, children’s goods, food, luxury, and entertainment. The city was divided neatly and Cass was rather impressed with whoever had planned the city out initially.
"This is really well laid out." Cass said, impressed, and Lucian huffed.
"I can’t take credit, but one of my friends helped." Lucian said, his chest puffed out. He seemed pleased with Cass’ praise, but Cass was more surprised that he’d had friends. Maybe that was rude of Cass, but it was true.
Cass knew that he must have had friends, like he must have had lovers, it just...left a strange taste in Cass’ mouth. Not quite unpleasant, but it was close to it. It also made the anticipation in Cass’ gut change, shift into something darker. Heavier.
"Your friends?" Cass asked, hoping that he would elaborate. So far they had been walking for some time and Lucian wasn’t giving him any indication that they were close to where he wanted them to go. They had time to talk, and even if Cass didn’t feel like he was happy discussing it, learning more about Lucian wasn’t a bad thing either.
Look at him, growing so much. It wasn’t that long ago that Cass didn’t want to know a damn thing about him. Like he knew that if he did learn more about him, he would begin to care about him.
Cass nearly stopped walking, his chest tightening as he realised with dawning horror that yes, he did care about Lucian. A lot. Oh fuck. Oh shit. No. No no no.
He just tolerated him. That was it. He was just slowly getting to trust him, with his body and with his life. That was just normal things. There was no way that Cass felt anything deeper for him. He could just care for someone because they were handsome. That happened all the time.
People touched other people that they trusted and cared for. It didn’t have to be anything serious. There was nothing serious happening between Lucian and Cass.
F-Friends could go on dates and...talk dirty to each other. They could do that and still be friends. It was fine.
Fuck, did...did Cass feel this same way he did about Lucian as he did about Edgar? Was that something he needed to consider as well? Shit. Fuck. Shit fuck.
"Well, it’s not very exciting, but how else was I going to start a kingdom, you know? Similar to how I bumped into Fiona without much intention, I ran into a group of misfits who were in the process of trying to defeat a different demon king." Lucian started and Cass was grateful for his words.
Anything to distract him from the catastrophic realisation that Cass was tearing himself up inside with.
"A different demon king? And how many people are we talking about?" Cass asked, surprised that this wasn’t the first hero party that Lucian was a part of. Something dark was churning in his gut and Cass shoved that shit away. Focus on Lucian’s words, not on what his words were doing inside of him.
Cass didn’t want to think about it. Instead he started thinking about how he needed to put one foot in front of the other. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Look around, blink.
Lucian’s hand squeezed Cass’, as if he was able to sense that Cass was not doing well inside.
"Yes. There are many of them, remember? Always being formed, always coming back. They aren’t always sex demons. The demon we had to deal with was one that was exceptionally physically strong. It was a good thing that they found me, honestly. We lost two members in the final fight due to the demon king being too strong." Lucian didn’t sound upset as he said that, and Cass glanced at him.
"Weren’t you...close to them?" Cass asked carefully and Lucian sighed. He didn’t glance at Cass, instead focusing on the people and traffic around them. Protecting Cass, keeping himself in the way of trouble if it decided to happen.
"I was." Lucian said. "One of them was even the lover of my best friend at the time, the man who eventually became King, but what could I do? I was just a dragon, practically a young adult at that time and I could tell that a war was brewing amongst my own people. More people were going to die and while it was tragic, I couldn’t let it faze me. I couldn’t." It was the soft way that Lucian repeated those words that disturbed Cass.
Lucian had lived for years. They had joked about it already, but Cass didn’t think for a second that he had ever forgotten about those who had left him. Byron was a good example of that. Byron was a constant reminder of Lucian’s friends, dragons who had left for a war that they had never come back from.
In a chilling moment, Cass realised that Lucian had experienced several tragedies. Tragedies that had cost him a lot of people and yet...he’d always survived. He was always left behind, alone, without the others.
That was a lonely existence, and he was able to leave Cass’ side for 2 months to protect Cass and break the bond that neither one of them were exactly happy with. Cass because it was made against his will, and Lucian because he wanted more from Cass but knew that the bond was made under bad circumstances.
"I’m sorry to hear that. Did they somehow manage to bounce back after their death?" Cass asked carefully and watched as Lucian’s eye twitched. The muscles in his throat worked, his hand quivered in Cass’ grip and he sighed.
"No. He didn’t." Lucian admitted. "He took on another wife, but he told me that he was upfront with her. He’d only love one person and she was gone. His new wife was good for him. Stable. Calm. She wanted him for his power and she got it. They had two kids but he was never himself." Lucian let out a breath. "The lake outside the capital is named after her." Lucian told Cass. Cass was surprised to hear that.
"Which one?" Cass asked and Lucian squeezed his hand.
"Lake Taniora." Lucian said. "His lover was a fairy." He clarified. They remained quiet for a moment as Cass processed the new information. How in the world had their lives gotten so fucked up then if the human first King of this country had liked fairies? He certainly wouldn’t have moved against them to persecute them. He wouldn’t have allowed something like that.
"How in the world did they decide to start hunting fairies then?" Cass asked, confused and Lucian shrugged.
"I was asleep during that time. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more." Lucian did sound actually apologetic and Cass squeezed his hand.
"Don’t apologise. After what you’d gone through...you’d earned a rest." Cass muttered quietly. Lucian’s gaze when he looked at Cass was so warm that it made the butterflies come back into his stomach.
"The other person who died was someone I was sleeping with." Lucian told him. It was like a gut punch after the sudden bout of butterflies. "It was then that I realised that I was rather detached from most living things." Lucian continued, turning his gaze away from Cass’. "I hadn’t realised it then, since I had liked the pleasure of lying with another, but as I held them during their last moments, I realised I felt more pain over my friend losing their lover then I felt losing my own. I never let them know that, of course. I’m a monster, I’m not cruel." Lucian kept walking, kept them moving while Cass felt confused, conflicted.
"Why...are you telling me this?" Cass asked, his voice sounding strange even to his own ears. Lucian’s lips curled up in a bitter smile, his profile harsh.
"I’m telling you so that you understand why I ran away from my feelings at first and why I prioritized my promise with Fiona over you." Lucian said slowly. "I thought the friendship would last longer than the feelings I had for you. They always had, and given my approach to Fiona I was treating her more like a friend then I was a lover or wife. My romantic relationships have been short, and usually sweet. The few times that they had ended tragically I had felt nothing over the ending of them. Even now, I’m not upset that my relationship with Fiona is over. I’m more upset about how it made you feel and how you reacted."
Cass’ breath caught in his throat. He could feel it. The weight of the words that Lucian was speaking, what he was going to speak. Cass almost wanted to shake his head. He didn’t want to hear it. He knew that it would change something, and from the nervous way that Lucian was swallowing, he knew it too.
"You’re different, Cass. You’ve always been different. No matter who you are now or who you will be after. From the moment I locked eyes on you and your rather frightening expression back then, it was like a lightning strike had hit me. I was unstable, confused, and thus I lashed out at you because...I already had an agreement with Fiona. The best thing Fiona could have done was give me permission to bite you, but that was also the worst thing I could have done." Lucian swallowed thickly. "When she said those words, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t even chat to her about what it meant after. I just knew, she knew, and that was all that mattered." Lucian squeezed his hand again.
"I’m sorry I bit you. I really am, but it’s a complicated situation for me. The moment I bit you I realised something wonderful and terrifying all at the same time. You’re the one. The one who is going to fill this aching void in my chest. Something I had been ignoring my whole life as I watched those around me find their partners, their loved ones. You’re that for me, and while I’ve certainly fucked it up in the first half, I have no intentions of continuing to fuck it up after I come back."
Cass’ feet stopped moving, his mouth opening in shock as Lucian’s words washed over him. Lucian stopped as well, turning to face Cass, his eyes bright, serious, and his cheeks slightly flushed. He took Cass’ other hand in his own and Cass had a brief moment of clarity to realise they were in a residential area with very few people around them.
Cass met Lucian’s gaze, the seriousness and hope in it, and felt his pulse pick up.
"I wanted to tell you this sooner but I didn’t think you’d be receptive to it. I’m glad that I was able to tell you before I had to leave, and...this is what I planned for the second half of our date. My confession." Lucian admitted, dropping his head slightly.
Cass couldn’t breathe around the weight of his words. Holy shit. Fuck. Oh no.
"Cass? Are you okay?" Lucian asked, concern in his voice. On his face. Cass wasn’t sure what to say? Yes? No? Cass didn’t think it was that simple. He needed to speak to Lucian, tell him the truth that he’d told Edgar, but this location...
"I...I want to talk more, but can we do it in the carriage?" Cass asked softly and Lucian swallowed.
"Of course. I’ll call for them now." Lucian agreed readily. It seemed that Lucian was nervous and Cass wanted to laugh. He shouldn’t be as nervous as he was. It was Cass who was nervous.