Cass refused to let anyone come into his rooms after he kicked Sam out of his room. Honestly, he could barely remember telling them not to lock him up in the dungeon, just confine him to his room so that he could deal with him in the morning.
All he could remember was the harsh look on Byron’s face as he looked over Cass.
He couldn’t even remember what he said after that, or what kind of facial expression he was making.
Cass just went to bed, staring up at the ceiling and let the tears flow down his face. What else could he do? He was hurt.
He was very, very hurt.
It had felt like something was twisting in his gut when he heard that Sam had lied to him, and then when he found out the lie?
The pain was immeasurable.
Cass hadn’t felt like this since he’d found out that he’d died and that his family was at risk, and he hadn’t been able to cry then either. He’d had to negotiate with a damn being that didn’t give a fuck about him as an existence, just what Cass could provide to make their life easier.
So, maybe that grief and this grief were mixing together into a deadly combination. Cass remembered that he was supposed to take some of that fucking powder tonight, but he didn’t give a fuck anymore.
He could save that for tomorrow. He just wanted to be left alone to grieve alone tonight.
It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Lucian and probably Edgar were outside of his room all night, keeping guard. He had sent Ser Hune and Sir Sanders away before the meeting and he hadn’t seen them since.
Cass let out a dry laugh, feeling a little hysterical as he realised that Ser Hune was also a spy who had been tasked to keep an eye on him. Did fucking no one want to be around him because he was himself?
Or did everyone just want something from him?
~
When morning came, it was jarring. Cass had tossed and turned all night, rising when the birds began to sing. He went about his room, getting a bath and getting dressed without help. He didn’t dress in the elaborate outfits that the others normally wore of this time, instead opting for something that was closer to what he would wear during his time.
He was feeling sentimental, angry, hurt, and just wanted to see how the others reacted.
It was just a simple top, similar in style to Lucian’s but in black with a silver lining trimming the edges. His pants were the same shade, and he had tucked his shirt into his pants. He wore shoes, and that was it.
His eyes were red, puffy, making him look ill but then again, he always looked ill. He had promised that he would attend breakfast with everyone else, so he would do that. He also had a meeting with Fiona after that to discuss Lord Ridgewood’s situation.
Cass let out a bitter laugh.
Fuck it. Why not? Let’s keep Lord Ridgewood around. What was one more person who was around him just to monitor him and report back to some other motherfucker. Hell, why was he even trying to get rid of the people his grandfather had put in place to monitor him? There was no fucking point if everyone was going to do it.
He should just make a fucking list of all of his weaknesses and hand it out at this point. It would save him this fucking heartbreak. Was this how Cassian felt? Was this why he was so fucking bitter and angry? No wonder he’d turned into a damn villain. Coming to the realisation that everyone around you was just around you to keep a damn eye on you was fucking awful.
Cass hated everyone right now.
When Cass opened the door to his room, there Lucian was. He looked rough. His expression was weird, strange as his orange gaze scanned Cass. Cass’ face felt flat, emotionless. He’d cried so much yesterday that he didn’t feel like he had control over his facial expression at all.
Lucian scanned him before he frowned.
"Are you going to be warm enough?" He asked carefully and Cass waved a hand dismissively.
"It doesn’t matter." Cass told him and Lucian winced. He didn’t bring up the topic again, instead following Cass down the stairs. Cass still needed to use the rail, his legs still a little jelly-like. It was annoying.
Frustrating.
No fucking wonder people were watching him. Look at him? He was weak. He’d always been fucking weak. He trusted people too damn easily. What a fucking idiot. All the damn signs were there.
If Cass had been in Sam’s position, he would have freaked the fuck out if his master had changed so drastically in between one moment and the next. Sam hadn’t done any of that. He had just continued to serve Cass, take care of him, and had been kind to him.
Cass felt his eyes water again and he had to pause on the stairs to compose himself.
If Cass had been in Sam’s position, he wouldn’t have been able to treat Cass the way that Sam had. But if Sam had all of the information that he did, it made sense. Cass was right though. He’d caught Byron early on in his arrival, Sam had a chance to tell him then. He could have just said it, and while Cass probably would have had an adverse reaction then, this could have been cleared up back then.
Cass wouldn’t feel like the man had ripped his heart out and lit it on fire. Betrayal had never felt this terrible before. Not for Cass. He’d always been wary before. Careful. He’d never even considered that Sam would be the one to hurt him like this.
"Are you...Did you sleep okay, Cass?" Lucian asked from behind him. They were on the second floor landing, heading down towards the main floor. Cass let out a dark chuckle.
"Take a guess." Cass told him coolly, and watched as Lucian flinched out of the corner of his eye. Cass closed his eyes. Fuck. The man was just asking how Cass was doing, clearly avoiding trying to make him snap at him, and here he was, still doing it.
He was fucking terrible as a human. Terrible as a Lord. Why the fuck did the gods even want him when he was this terrible at everything?
He’d never had friends before, he’d never had whatever fucked up relationship he had with Lucian and Edgar before. All he’d had was his sister, and even then, he was prepared for her to leave him at any point.
Just like his parents did. Just like everyone did.
~
Breakfast was one of the most awkward experiences he’d had since he’d come to this world. Everyone could tell that something was clearly wrong, but no one was bold enough to ask about it. Well, one person was, but Fiona made sure that she didn’t.
Lord Ridgewood clearly thought it was because of him since he looked ill, while Edgar was watching Cass with this worried expression that Cass couldn’t quite place. It was something he was sure he’d seen before, but Cass couldn’t quite place where.
Cass ate in silence, a few times turning to ask Sam for something and catching himself. Fuck.
Cass did ask Fiona to delay their meeting since he had something more urgent to attend to first. Fiona was curious, but didn’t ask beyond letting Cass know that he could take his time. She will be in the mansion the whole day today.
~
When Byron brought Sam into the same room that they had their meeting in last night, the man looked terrible. Cass couldn’t exactly blame him. Cass felt equally as shitty today. He was at least in fresh clothes, but from how Byron was reacting it was clear that the other man had helped him get dressed. Byron made Sam sit down across from Cass. Lucian would not let Cass do this alone, and Cass just shrugged. Whatever. It didn’t matter to him. Byron also didn’t leave Sam’s side either.
Silence rang out in the room for a long moment before Cass began to speak.
"I think that I first need to apologise to you, Sam." Cass started and Sam looked stricken as the words left Cass’ mouth. "You clearly didn’t trust me enough to think that I would support you if you told me the truth. That’s on me. I’m a terrible Lord, so I’m sorry you had to serve someone like me." It wasn’t just Sam who looked horrified now. Byron also looked upset and Cass could feel how Lucian was shifting behind him.
"N-No, my Lord. You are a good Lord to serve!" Sam protested, but Cass just gave him a cold smile.
"If that was the case, why would you keep this from me? I keep going over it in my head, and I just...I can’t come to any other conclusion. You never wanted to stay by my side, you had to. Byron is no different, nor is anyone else. Everyone around me is only by my side because they have to be." A hand clamped down on Cass’ shoulder, giving it an almost painful squeeze.
"Stop." Lucian croaked. "Cass, stop." Cass didn’t know what Lucian meant. Sam’s face was crumpled, his shoulders shaking.
"I’m sorry my Lord. I’m sorry. I didn’t know this would hurt you this much. Please. I apologise, so please stop saying these things about yourself." Sam begged, but Cass didn’t know why he was doing that.
"Why are you apologising? It’s my fault for not noticing this in the first place. I burdened you with my issues, completely forgetting that you had your own problems. I should have known better. No one would want to be by the side of someone like me. Clearly, all I cause you is pain. It’s no wonder that someone would want to kill me." Lucian’s grip tightened.
"Stop." He asked again and Cass tilted his head back in confusion. He met Lucian’s churning gaze.
"Why? You’re only by my side because Fiona ordered you to bite me." The words left Cass’ mouth and he watched as they tore at Lucian. Cass felt his own heart twist, but this was the right thing to do. It was the truth, after all.
"If I knew that this would be the outcome, I never would have agreed to do so." Lucian whispered and Cass watched as his eyes watered. "Stop this, Cass. You’re killing me." Lucian’s voice broke and Cass blinked. Lucian let out a shuddering breath before he crawled over the edge of the couch and before Cass could protest, pulled him into his arms. "I’m sorry. I’m sorry I forced this issue. I didn’t know. I didn’t know, Cass." Lucian’s arms were warm around Cass, tight and the knot in Cass’ throat tightened.
Why was he apologising? It was Cass that was the problem. Not him. Still, it felt nice to have someone else hold him.