Chapter 184: Something to choke on
"Eddie! Dinner’s ready!" Lady Ava called and Vespertine looked like he wanted to not go to dinner and pursue the line of questioning he’d just started. In fact, he looked really upset about the whole situation.Cass, however, felt a huge sense of relief at Lady Ava’s call.
"Cass, you should come over and eat with us." Fiona called. "Even if it’s just your food." Her expression was open, hopeful. Cass could feel that his face wasn’t able to stay neutral and watched as Fiona’s expression turned from hopeful to slightly upset.
"Leave the man alone, Fiona. He’s had a long day. Let him eat his cookies and jerky in peace. We can bother him after, when we put him to bed." Lucian said, placing his hand on her shoulder as he accepted the bowl in her hands. All this time he’d been fussing with a fire, but since Cass had partially angled himself away from the others, he hadn’t noticed it until now.
It was soft, an appropriate size, and looked...good. Cass had kind of thought that the other man would have gone all out, making a giant bonfire that would have given everyone a heart attack. He was mildly impressed.
When Cass glanced at Lucian, he met his gaze. He looked smug, satisfied. As if he knew exactly what Cass was thinking and Cass felt his face flush. He awkwardly pushed on Vespertine’s shoulder.
"Go eat with the others. I’ll be fine. I just need some time to myself." He mumbled. He wasn’t even sure if his words sounded like words. Vespertine stared at him for a long moment before he sighed.
"Fine. Alright. I’ll leave Lord Blackburn all to himself, but mark my words. That conversation isn’t finished." Vespertine warned and Cass sighed. Yeah. He kind of knew that it wouldn’t be. Vespertine didn’t strike him as the kind of guy who would drop something he was so interested in.
Cass watched as the other man got to his feet, heading over to where the others were gathering. It was a strange feeling, watching the group from this far away. He didn’t have the barriers he normally had, the ones that kept most of his feelings, or Lord Blackburn’s, out of this mess.
Instead, he had to sit with feeling lonely. Outcast. Even though he was the one to tell them he was fine, that he needed space.
He watched as Lord Ridgewood pulled a pallet bench closer to the fire, a bowl in his hands, and Lucian settled down as far away from him as he could. Lady Ava finished dishing up Vespertine’s bowl, handed him a glass as well as Fiona ladled two more bowls for her and Lady Ava.
Cass couldn’t hear exactly what was being said, but he knew they were talking. Chatting. A deep ache filled his chest. A longing that never quite left. Yet he couldn’t get mad. They had offered for him to come over, join them.
If he was going to be this lonely and it hadn’t even been five minutes, why was he being so stubborn? So stupid?
Cass turned his head away, a tightness in his chest. He couldn’t watch them, so he should just eat his cookies. With a trembling hand, he summoned a small ball of water, his hydration, and munched on the cookie in his hand. It was tasteless now, where before it had been a burst of sugar and butter and a reminder that Sam cared about him. Now it felt like he was trying to chew and swallow sand.
He finished the cookie, reached into his bag at his side and pulled out some of the jerky. He’d had it wrapped in a little cloth protector thing, essentially a zip lock bag of this world, and tore into it with his teeth. Chewing mindlessly as he felt alienated by his own damn actions.
Trying to think of something, anything that would distract him, Cass pulled out a book, any book from his bag and placed it in his lap, the bag for the jerky to his right as he held up the magical ball of water with his left. It happened to be one of the romance novels he was reading, and he folded back the book’s edge where he’d marked it and began to read the page.
Cass knew that it was a controversial move, to fold back an edge of the book. Cass liked to do it with the books he owned since it was a nice little reminder of when he’d read them. Each time he read them was another mark, another story. It was an affectionate reminder.
Most times, he wasn’t able to do this, so it always felt good when he could. He’d borrowed most of the books he’d read from the library. Him and his sister. They couldn’t even trade books because normally his sister was terrible with deadlines. She’d often tell him about a book she wanted him to read but tell him that she wasn’t finished with it yet, and then the deadline to return it would come and she’d panic.
He’d then have to wait like, a month before he could read it because of a waitlist. She’d done that several times at this point. Cass wasn’t surprised anymore.
The humour faded as he realised that he wasn’t ever going to have moments like that again. Fuck.
His eyes felt hot. Burning. He was fighting against crying with every fiber of his being. Shoving jerky into his mouth, chewing it without being able to taste it as his head throbbed with his suppressed tears.
He was fine. He couldn’t make this anyone else’s issue when he’d already done that. They had just gotten through all of his shit, and they were settling down. A unified force. Cass just...needed to not bother anyone.
Cass felt his back round as he hunched over, and he let out a shaky breath. He couldn’t shove anymore food into his mouth. It didn’t taste like anything anyways. He shoved the ball of water into his mouth, feeling it pop as water flooded his mouth and throat. Cass said nothing, didn’t even flinch as it happened before he began packing up the food. He kept the book in his lap.
It was a good distraction, and it hadn’t done anything wrong.
After Cass had put everything else away, he hunched over further, focusing on the book and trying to ignore the tempting smell that came from the others. It was a hard thing to do, especially as he could hear them murmuring to each other and the sound of the fire popping and crackling as it burned.
Cass did his best to ignore everything else. Absorbing the words as best as he could. He eventually was able to get absorbed in a scene so deeply that when someone spoke up behind him, he nearly jumped out of his skin.
"-Aryn let out a deep moan as the other man plunged his fingers deeper into his tight, hungry-my gods Cass, is that what the kids are reading these days?" Cass felt his whole face go red. It wasn’t a blush, it wasn’t anything beyond pure embarrassment. He hadn’t even heard the other man sneak up on him.
Apparently, he’d been too absorbed in his book.
He went to slam the book closed, but Lucian bent further, covering Cass’ back with his chest as he spread his hand wide, keeping the book open.
Lucian’s soft exhale near the nape of his neck had Cass’ body on high alert as the man leaned further, more of his weight on Cass’ back along with his body heat.
"Dear gods, what is this story about?" Lucian whispered and Cass flinched. Damn it. This was too close. Cass had told him he was fine on his own, but to suddenly be surprised like this by Lucian? Cass wasn’t sure his heart could take it right now.
"U-Uh this is about a demon and a dragon." Cass whispered and Lucian let out a snort.
"No, it cannot be. Who is Aryn? Is he the dragon or the demon?" He asked and Cass wanted the world to swallow him up. Damn it. This was not how he wanted this to go.
"H-He’s the demon." Cass said with a small voice. Lucian let out a deep sigh.
"Then this isn’t accurate." Lucian said with heavy disappointment. "Half of the characteristics for the dragon man are unrealistic. If he was that turned on, something else should be happening." Cass didn’t know what to say to that. What could he say?
Of course the author probably didn’t know any dragons to get reference from. It was crazy that Cass even knew one dragon, let alone two.
"W-What should be happening?" Cass asked and realised he’d fallen into Lucian’s trap when the other man slid his other hand to Cass’ waist. Cass jerked back into Lucian’s chest and Lucian chuckled. He turned his head slightly, his breath fanning against Cass’ ear.
"Well, for starters, only two fingers? Any respectable dragon I know needs at least three. I certainly do." Cass shivered at the implication in those words. Cass didn’t even know what to say, too stunned to speak. "His eyes haven’t even shifted. You’ve seen it, you know that it happens when I’m turned on. This guy just has horns. Sure, that can happen, but only in the throes of deep passion and they aren’t even there yet." Lucian’s breath was hot against Cass’ ear and he tried to move away, but the other man wouldn’t let him.
"T-That’s enough. I get it." Cass said weakly, unable to handle the full force of the other man.
"Oh? But there’s more, Cassian. Wouldn’t you like to hear it?" Cass felt his mouth open and close like a fish trying to get a breath. He was caught. He didn’t even know what to say. As the silence dragged on, Lucian leaned in further. "There’s a rather glaring issue as far as I can see. He’s missing a rather vital part." Lucian’s voice held humour. As if he was amused. "Dragons have two dicks, Cassian."
Cass forgot how to breathe. He choked on the words that left Lucian’s mouth and could feel the smug turn of his lips against his ear.