Chapter 174: I don’t want to talk about it
Cass was pissed. He was so damn angry and emotional. He knew he wasn’t being logical, and he knew that Lucian could feel everything he was feeling. Lucian wouldn’t stop giving him a look.
"Cassian? How do you know that that is the mini boss?" Cass took a few deep breaths, looking around. The body was signaled out, Meant to make him act out, meant to make him lose all sense of reason. Probably charge in and become another body on the floor.
Fools. They clearly didn’t know him.
"Look at the area around them. The way that the other undead are kind of just...thrown about. As if this was a giant game board and they’d placed the mini boss down and then threw everyone else around the room." Cass said, his eyes hard, his throat tight. "Honestly, I think I know how to eliminate them." A sudden, sharp pain on Cass’ back and he hissed, letting out a noise.
Lady Fiona’s eyes widened, before her gaze slid from the mini boss, to Cass, and then something clicked.
"Normally, I would tell you to stand back because clearly, you understand more about this room compared to the rest of us. It isn’t as if this is the first time we’ve seen a mini boss chamber geared towards one of us, but it’s the first time you’ve been so heavily affected, Cassian." Lady Fiona’s words gave Cass some comfort, and he was glad to see that some of the suspicion left Lord Ridgewood’s eyes, while Lady Ava looked quite upset.
"Ah shit. I’m sorry Cassian." Vespertine’s words were tinged with sadness. "I had hoped that you would get one, since so far you’re the only one who had gotten by unscathed, but in an undead dungeon? I’m sorry." Cass’ throat closed up.
His hands felt clammy, his eyes stung, and he was just trying to get through this. He glanced up, noticing a beam swaying in a breeze he couldn’t even feel. For fuck’s sake.
He let out a dry, painful laugh.
"Yeah. Me too." Cass muttered. "I know what I have to do. I feel like once we step into the chamber, I’ll focus on the mini boss. Can everyone else focus on the undead that are going to awaken as soon as we step in?" Cass asked and Lady Ava gave him a look.
’Are you sure you don’t need my help? What are you going to do? I can help you with my holy power." Cass let out a dark, sinister laugh that had Lady Ava pausing. Her intentions were pure. He appreciated her offer, but he knew, for some reason, that he wouldn’t need her help.
He hadn’t needed her help the first time.
"I have a sneaking suspicion that we won’t need holy power to get rid of this mini boss." Cass told her darkly, and Lady Ava gulped.
"O-Okay." She said quietly, and Lady Fiona watched Cass. She looked concerned, hell, they all did, but Cass couldn’t face them right now. He had bigger problems. He wanted them gone. Erased.
Cass knew his sister would never have allowed this, never would have permitted it. It was distasteful and done in poor taste. He wasn’t going to forget this, nor forgive it. He was a cremated kind of guy. What a fucking mockery of everything he had gone through.
"Alright Cassian. Is that what you need? What happens after you take care of the mini boss?" Lady Fiona asked and Cass was grateful she was being so serious. He needed it. Cass swallowed, clenching and unclenching his hands. What did he do after that? What was the next step?
He was having a hard time thinking past the pulsing anger, the need to get rid of it. The thing pretending to be him.
"There is a chance that another mini boss could show up. It just feels...easy, so prepare for that, just in case." Lady Fiona glanced around the room and nodded.
"Understood. Well, the longer we wait, the harder it’ll be. Should we step in first?" Cass wanted to be the one to rush in, but Lady Fiona was right. He wasn’t a front line fighter. What he was going to do had nothing to do with his hands. Lord Blackburn was back of the party, throwing magic around. Cass needed to remember that.
Cass nodded, along with everyone else. He could tell that they were watching him. He was trembling, shaking really, and he just wanted to get this over with. He waited though, biting his tongue as Lord Ridgewood took his sweet fucking time to enter into the chamber. Like anticipated, everyone began to stir.
Including the mockery of himself.
Cass clenched his teeth, nearly screaming as he raised his hands, no words uttered as he reached for the loose construction work and yanked it down forcefully. It accelerated at an alarming rate, causing even Lady Ava to gasp as it slammed into ’Cass’ and splattered the undead creature everywhere.
It was a good thing none of them were close enough, and Cass felt something shatter inside of him at knowing, even vaguely, how he had actually died. He didn’t think he would ever get that piece back.
It was so sudden, so quick, that everyone froze. It seemed as if even the enemies were confused, before they continued on their path towards them.
Cass was shaking violently now, cold, chilled to the bone and Lady Ava had to keep using her powers. Vespertine caught him when Cass’ legs gave out.
"It’s okay. I’ve got you." He whispered and Cass felt his jaw shake as his teeth chattered. He was in shock. He was going into shock.
"I-"
"It’s okay. I’ll handle the rest. Sit, Cassian." Vespertine whispered and Cass couldn’t even nod. He just slumped to the ground, Vespertine’s legs at his back, keeping him upright as he watched everyone else deal with the monsters.
He felt his chest rise and fall, knew he was breathing, but something wasn’t quite right. Those fuckers. Those fucking fuckers.
He was glad. So damn glad that he was the one who did it. He didn’t even like the thought of one of them doing it. Felt too close, too real to what he was sent to prevent. Cass could tell that even Lord Blackburn inside of him was shaken. This was a horrible thing for them to do, and if the others were able to see it then it wasn’t at all related to the mind manipulation that Vespertine’s magic was preventing.
This was a serious concern. This was a big issue.
Why the fuck did the demons know about him? How did they know about him? This wasn’t good. This was awful. This was not just awful, but fucking terrible. Cass was fuming, and terrified.
He was barely holding himself together, barely able to keep all the pieces of himself glued while he was learning the ropes of Lord Blackburn, but now he had to worry about there being a snitch amongst the gods? Or had there always been a chance that the demons would find out? Cass didn’t know. He had no idea.
He didn’t know enough about anything to be able to make a solid decision, and with the sound of moaning, slashing, and grunting, Cass was nearly at his nerves end.
He ducked his head, closing his eyes as he pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face there. What else could he do? He wasn’t capable of helping them right now. He had a feeling his magic was all out of whack and wouldn’t be of much use now that he’d become a trembling mess.
Cass listened to everyone fight, breathing quietly, trying to calm himself down as the sounds slowly quieted. He jerked when he felt Lady Ava’s powers begin to fill the space, getting rid of the evidence and he let out a shout as arms slid under his armpits and rocketed him into the air. He let out a huff as he slammed into the hard, but warm chest of Lucian as he wrapped him in a hug.
"Fuck." Lucian exclaimed, his voice trembling as he squeezed Cass tightly. "You can’t be okay. What the hell was that?" Lucian’s tone softened as he realised how much Cass was still trembling.
"I-"
"If you fucking dare to say you’re okay, I’m going to hold you down and punish you." Lucian growled and Cass let out a slightly delirious laugh.
"I’m not stupid. I know I’m not okay. I can barely talk." Cass’ teeth were still chattering. "I-I’m cold." Cass muttered and Lucian let out a deep growl of anger before a warmth began to trickle into Cass’ body. Soft, sweet, and Cass let out a soft sigh of relief.
"Cassian." It was Lady Fiona. Her voice was soft, but he knew that she wasn’t going to back down until she got answers. "What is this place? Why are you familiar with it?" She asked and Cass shivered. He was fucked. Fucked.
This was exactly what they had wanted to happen. It was clear to Cass now that the demons didn’t want him to be here. They wanted the original story to play out as it had. Cass wondered if they even cared about the timing, or if they just wanted Lord Blackburn to die at any point. Was that their goal?
Have Lord Blackburn die? Or was it to have Lord Blackburn be a villain? Cass didn’t know, and he honestly didn’t have the capacity to worry about it right now. His teeth were still fucking chattering from shock.
Something snapped, and Cass felt his eyes water and spill over.
"I don’t want to talk about it." Cass’ voice cracked and Lucian froze.
"Oh hell no." Lucian growled. "Cassian, are you crying? Oh sweetness, it’s okay. It’s fine. Hush. We won’t prod anymore." Lucian spoke up for him and Lady Fiona and that only made Cass cry harder. He curled his arms up. He hadn’t wrapped them around Lucian when he’d picked him up, instead curling them into themselves near his stomach. Holding himself for comfort.
"I-I know it’s suspicious. I know that. I can’t. I don’t want to." Cass had officially fully snapped. He clung to Lucian as he cried like a baby. Every damn barrier he’d built, put up so that he pretended like everything was fine was gone. He wasn’t fine. He wasn’t okay.
He’d just made a pancake out of a fake version of himself. The demons had made him do that. Fuck everyone and everything. It was either lose himself, or kill himself. He just wanted to go home.