Chapter 155: I would like to hide myself in a hole now
Cass didn’t know how to get himself out of what he’d just done.
He knew that he’d crossed a line. He knew that something had changed now that he was calmer, less emotional, and less...aggressive. He just...didn’t know what to do in response. He’d never had to recover a relationship after he’d exploded. He just...dropped it. Left it before he had to face his own actions.
Granted, they hadn’t gotten into a fist fight like he thought they were going to, but he had exploded. Emotional. Needy. Strange. This wasn’t like Cass. Therefore, he had no playbook to work out of. He’d always put down stories where the main character freaked out and had an emotional response to what they were going through. He didn’t like it. He thought it was childish.
Yet here he was, doing the exact same thing. Into someone else’s husband’s arms. Even if she had given permission, that didn’t mean any of this was okay. He was still feeling a lot of feelings, and that was one of them that lingered. Damn it.
He felt like he was having some trouble breathing now that the tears had dried. He was too embarrassed to raise his head from Draken’s chest. He didn’t want to make eye contact. He didn’t want to even acknowledge what had just happened. He’d unloaded on Draken about his own personal issues. Nothing was related to Lord Blackburn, or could be traced back to him. That was a big no no.
He was already worried about being fucking burned at the stake. The only thing he could be grateful for was the fact that Draken was the least religious out of everyone in this damn mansion. That was his only saving grace.
In fairness, Cass didn’t really know Lord Ridgewood’s stance on the temple, but he would hazard a guess that since he was friends with Vespertine that he was pretty invested.
Fuck. Cass was lucky that no one really knew anything about Lord Blackburn, or this could be even worse. It was awful that Lord Blackburn had been isolated, but fucking hell was that to his benefit right now.
Cass could feel his chest tighten, his breathing becoming erratic, and Draken tightened his grip on him.
"Cassian. Breathe, sweetness. You’re working yourself up even more. That isn’t going to help you. Breathe in, breathe out." Draken’s voice was a rumble against Cass’ ear, and only made his face flush. He, of all people, was coaching Cass on how to calm down? This was...Cass only felt himself grow more panicked, more frantic. He was well on his way to making himself pass out when Draken slid his hand up to cup the back of his neck, pulling Cass’ head away from his shoulder and leaned down.
Cass was expecting him to kiss him against his will again. That Draken was going to try and shock him out of the building panic in his whole body. He wasn’t wrong, but he wasn’t quite right either.
Draken’s lips didn’t touch his own, and instead touched Cass’ cheeks, eyes, nose, forehead, the corner of his lips, the corner of his eyes, his chin. Pretty much everywhere else but his lips proper and that was enough to shock Cass out of his growing panic. Cass sucked air deeply into his lungs as Draken’s facial hair tickled his skin with each kiss. It was strange, it was odd, and Cass was confused as to why he didn’t hate it.
Draken pulled away, stopping his assault on Cass’ face when Cass’ breathing evened out. He was still a little raspy, each breath feeling like claws against his skin, his lungs aching, but Draken beamed down at him. This fingers stroked the back of Cass’ neck, making him shiver.
"There you go. Look at you. Breathing fully on your own. What a good man." Draken praised, and that was making Cass even more embarrassed. This was fucking hell. How could he have broken down around him? At this point, he was pretty sure if he broke down around Sam he would have had a better response. A response that Cass would have been able to handle.
Able to control.
"S-Stop it. This is embarrassing." Cass protested, trying to push Draken’s face away from him. Draken chuckled. His grip on Cass’ neck tightened before he relaxed and Cass swallowed. Fuck. That was...ugh. The man was holding him delicately, like he was important. He wasn’t allowed to do that.
"Ah. There is the distant Cassian that I know. So cool and collected." Draken sounded sincere, even if his words were teasing. Cass didn’t know what to say, but he couldn’t look into his eyes. He could feel Draken staring at his face now that he had pulled back and wasn’t kissing him like a maniac.
"You should just call me an asshole. You don’t need to make it sound nice." Cass muttered and Draken laughed.
"But I’m not trying to make it sound nice. You can be an asshole all you want, but I think you are just cool and collected. Calm. Sauve. Distant. You like your space, and that’s okay." Draken told him, leaning in and pressing his lips against Cass’ cheek. Cass made a noise of protest and Draken grinned, pulling back. "Damn it. You’re too much, you know that?" Draken’s warm body was slowly making Cass relax again, but now he just felt foolish all over again.
His face felt warm, he was embarrassed, and he wanted Draken to let him go.
"You can...you can release me." Cass said from his perch on his desk. "I’m fine." He said and Draken chuckled. His arms squeezed Cass tightly. The hand on the back of his neck gave a squeeze and Cass had to stop himself from shivering. He wasn’t sure why, but that hold was...doing something to his body.
"Are you okay? Can you say that to me while looking me in the eyes? Because I don’t know if I trust that, after realising how much you’d been hitting me and screaming at me." Cass felt his face flame.
"I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. I apologise for that." Cass wasn’t going to be like them and not realise when he’d done something wrong. Draken squeezed him.
"Sweetness. My husband. That’s okay. You can use my body to act out your anger. I don’t mind. I’m sturdy enough as long as you don’t use magic, and even then, as long as you use flame magic, you can keep going. I’m immune." Draken told him, and Cass swore he could hear the amusement, and affection he had for him in his tone.
Cass swallowed sharply.
"You’re just saying that because of the bitemark. You don’t need to humour me. It’s...I’m fine. It was just a moment of weakness. We have much bigger concerns right now, like the demon king and the nobles who are belittling Lady Fiona." Cass was not above trying to distract him with little things, but Draken wasn’t falling for it.
He pulled Cass tighter against him, their bodies meeting and Cass gasped, surprised by the way Draken’s body felt against his own. The way that their bodies aligned now that Cass was sitting on the desk. His face flamed as he realised some parts were near each other. Even if they weren’t hard, Cass had never-he was still fresh and new to this. Draken didn’t seem to be thinking about this in a sexual way, instead just holding him close.
"You are not getting out of this by using Fiona, alright? I am not mad, and I’m not going to get mad. I apologise for my reaction when I woke up. It’s not normal for me to get comfortable enough to sleep deeply, which is what I was doing on your couch. I expected to just take a short nap, and wake up as soon as someone opened the door. I usually only sleep deeply in my den, which was why it took me a moment to realise what was going on." Draken was so willing to apologise that it was only making Cass more flustered.
He still refused to meet his gaze.
"You know," Draken said conversationally, shifting Cass until his ass was barely on the desk and he was holding him against his body in an act that should have been difficult but he was making it look easy. "It’s actually a good thing that I fell asleep like I did. It means that both sides of myself are comfortable here. A very good sign for when you need help during your next week of isolation." Draken said and Cass snapped his eyes towards Draken’s gaze. He was not going to do that! Cass hadn’t agreed and-
"You aren’t-" Cass began but Draken bent, pressing his forehead against Cass’ and silencing all protest.
Oh.
Oh no.
Draken’s warm, orange gaze met Cass’ red, panicked one and Cass knew he should have kept his gaze away from his for longer. He should have avoided eye contact at all cost. The way Draken was looking at him...
"Finally. Finally you met my gaze. I knew if I waited long enough you would look at me." Cass felt a strange shifting in his stomach. He wasn’t sure what it meant, and he was going to ignore how it made him feel.
"Draken, this is-"
"Lucian, Cassian. Call me by my first name. Please? If you feel apologetic for beating me up, you can do that, can’t you?" Draken’s orange eyes widened comically as he pulled his head back and Cass felt his heart twitch at the look. He was using what Cass had done against him, and Cass couldn’t find it in himself to complain. If it had been anyone but Draken, they might have been injured. It wasn’t like Cass had held back. His hands actually were throbbing from his strikes.
Cass let out a shaky breath. Fuck. Shit. If the man would just...let him go, he could maybe get out of this, but he had a feeling there was no way Draken was going to let him go until he got what he wanted. For some reason, right now, it was Cass calling him by his name.
He could have demanded worse things. After all, Vespertine had demanded kisses. This was...tolerable. He could do this.