Chapter 154: Repressing only gets you so far
Cass was expecting to find a pouting Draken in his rooms when he returned to them. Maybe even a loud, shouting Draken.
Instead, he found the large dragon man asleep on one of his couches, his eyes closed, and his expression relaxed. He was holding onto one of Cass’ pillows placed on the couch, his head leaning back against the couch. He was too big to actually lie down on the couch, since it was a loveseat, but it was clear that he had made himself comfortable.
Cass didn’t even know what to say.
Draken stirred when the door closed behind them, and Cass was halfway to his desk to put the papers down. Cass heard Draken’s soft noise he made and he turned. Draken was sitting up, rubbing his eyes as he straightened up on the couch. Sam had tried to enter the room more, but Byron had grabbed him, preventing him from doing so.
Cass thought he was being a bit over dramatic until Draken set his gaze on Cass, and he realised that Draken was barely in human skin.
"Who is in my den?" He asked and Cass was startled. He slid his gaze to Byron, and Byron shook his head aggressively. Cass didn’t know what he warning him about, but Cass didn’t have time for this.
Cass sighed heavily, putting a hand on his hip as he looked over at Draken.
"This is my den. You fell asleep in my den. Not yours. What are you doing here?" Cass demanded and that seemed to be what Byron was warning him about. He shouldn’t provoke Draken while still sleepy.
A deep, rumbling growl filled the air and the hair on the back of Cass’ neck stood up. Sam went white, while Byron didn’t look too good either. Cass could tell he wanted to bolt, but he was staying behind. Probably for Cass. That was stupid. They were right near the door. They should leave.
"My den." Draken rumbled, getting to his feet. Cass sniffed, tired and honestly? Ready for a fight.
"Byron, leave right now. With Sam." Cass ordered, speaking through his teeth as he stared at the dragon who had woken up in his damn office and was now about to cause problems for him.
"My Lord, I-"
"Sam, go." Cass ordered and shortly after the sound of the door opening and closing caught Draken’s attention. "Hey. Where the hell do you think you’re looking? We’re about to get into a fight because you’re interrupting my feeding time." Cass said. Draken kept approaching him, forcing him to stumble back. Cass was so freaking tired of this man looming over him. Bossing him around. Influencing him. He was tired of everyone, everything.
Giving into his frustrations, he stopped stepping back. He stopped letting him get what he wanted.
Cass felt like something snapped inside of him.
Furious, not really at Draken but at the whole situation, Cass moved towards the growling dragon in human flesh and shoved. He pushed. He pressed his weak hands against the firm chest of the man in front of him and pushed.
When Draken didn’t stumble back like he wanted, Cass screeched in frustration.
"Stop it! Stop moving! Stop doing this! Just-leave me alone!" Cass shouted, shoving at Draken’s chest. The man was still in his ’this is my den’ bullshit so he didn’t even notice how torn up Cass even was. This wasn’t like the first time he snapped. Where his powers had gone out of control.
This was a wholly Cass issue. He was frustrated. He was upset. He was angry. He was just filled with rage and other uncertain emotions, and he hadn’t really had a chance to get them out. There wasn’t a gym he could go to, and even then, his fucking body wasn’t even strong enough to handle how far he wanted to push it.
He wanted to work out until he felt like jelly. He wanted to run forever and ever until he felt like he wasn’t being chased by everything that he had no choice but to leave behind. He wanted to run from the truth. The blaring truth that was in front of his face, but that he was ignoring.
He was...He was...
Cass felt his eyes heat and he cursed up a storm, pushing and pounding at Draken’s chest as the man wasn’t even the man who Cass knew at the moment. Only the dragon who had fucking killed Lord Blackburn.
Cass sniffed, fighting for his life against the tears, but it was too much. He started crying as he continued to pound on Draken’s chest, the stupid man pushing him back until Cass’ ass hit the desk and he let out a shout.
"Just stop it, you stupid idiot!" Cass wanted to call him worse things, to say things that would really, truly hurt him, but it wouldn’t have the effect that he wanted. The bastard couldn’t even fucking hear him right now.
Cass kept slamming his hands against him, screaming, crying, even his own words sounding muddled and messy to his own ears. Until Draken jerked as if awakening, and then hands grabbed his wrists. Cass jerked, trying to pull his hands free.
"No! You don’t get to just wake up and stop me! Fuck off!" Cass shouted, furious, upset, and confused.
"Cassian, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please stop this. Don’t cry. Did I hurt you? I’m sorry 100 times over. I didn’t want to hurt you." Draken wasn’t the one who had hurt him, but Cass just wanted to blame him for everything. A dark, insidious nature burrowed itself inside of Cass. He wanted to spew hateful words. Harmful words.
He wanted to make Draken back away from him, his eyes devastated, his expression pale. He wanted to push everyone away. Let no one near. He didn’t want anyone to know a damn thing about him. He didn’t want to get close to a fucking single soul. Why would it matter? This wasn’t his home. He didn’t want this to be his fucking new home!
He wanted to be home with his sister, helping her deal with her pregnancy. Meet his niece or nephew, be a good Uncle. He just wanted his old life back.
Cass stopped jerking against his grip, growing silent, but the tears still poured down his cheeks. Draken looked heartbroken at the stricken look on Cass’ face. Whatever had happened, Draken realised that Cass was not well.
Draken, worried, reached for Cass and wrapped his arms around the man. Cass sobbed, the heat of another person making all of this even worse. Draken didn’t back down, wrapping him up tighter, lifting him up until Cass’ ass was on the desk and Draken was between his legs, holding him.
"Cassian. Whatever you are going through, I am here, alright? You aren’t...you aren’t alone anymore, okay?" Draken’s voice cracked. "Fuck. You shouldn’t have been alone in the first place. I am sorry for that too. Shit. Please. Please stop crying. It’s breaking my hearts." Cass buried his face into Draken’s chest.
Everything with Lady Fiona was taking a toll on him. He was a fool. He had tried to convince himself that everything had been okay. He was fine. Nothing was getting to him. But Lady Fiona fucking had to keep acting like his damn sister, looking like his damn sister, and also letting others take advantage of her in the same damn way. He was so homesick.
This world was so fucking boring compared to what he was used to. It was quiet, there weren’t cars and planes and helicopters going by. There weren’t concerts happening, or loud sports matches. There weren’t even as many people always around but who had no interest in him.
Instead, there was a small core group of people who had a rather serious interest in him. He hated this. He just wanted what was normal, what was his. He didn’t want to have to continue living like this. Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to grieve everything, on his own, and he had no one who he could confide in? Why did they have to put him into a world where how he got here was viewed as demonic possession and he would be killed unilaterally if it was revealed?
"I fucking hate this." Cass sobbed and Draken flinched.
"What do you hate?" Draken asked softly, gulping.
"Everything. I hate everything. Nothing is going my way. I’m just tired. Why is everything so fucking hard for me? I didn’t ask for this. This was just the hand I was dealt." Cass complained. He knew he probably made no sense to Draken, but he couldn’t stop the words from overflowing. "I miss my family. I miss what I could have had. Why did this have to happen to me?" Draken didn’t know what to say to Cass’ words, and instead just held him, burying his face into his chest.
"Oh Cassian. I have no answer to that. The gods are fickle. I don’t even like them that much most days. I just...live with the fact that they did this, and here we are." Draken muttered. "I’m sorry you miss your family. Truly." Draken had to sound sincere at this moment, didn’t he? Fucking cocksucking whore.
Cass’ eyes wouldn’t stop leaking. He couldn’t stop crying, but Draken said nothing. He just held the smaller man as he shivered and trembled against him. Cass appreciated that at one point, Draken’s body temperature rose, but he didn’t say anything to Draken.
Hell, he couldn’t. He was racked with guilt, grief, anger and humiliation. He had shown another bad side to Draken, and the man was being too fucking nice about it. He hated that. Why couldn’t he be like Vespertine, and fucking ask for something in return for Cass doing something nice for him? He could understand that kind of logic, but this? Freely given kindness?
They weren’t attached. They didn’t mean anything to each other. Whatever little tie they had to each other wasn’t going to last long anyways. It was going to expire in just over two months anyways.