Chapter 264: I am not the same
"...Yes, that’s right."
The casual confirmation hit me like a physical blow.
So this woman knew the past me before I lost my memories. But that made things more complicated. What kind of connection did I have with them? Was I truly in love with her daughter? Or was she just spouting nonsense?
...Urgh.
"The, can you tell me what kind of ’relationship’ you and your daughter had with ’him’. How did you meet, or if ’he’ said something important to you about the situation?"
"Hmm... That I can’t do."
"Huh? Why?"
"Well, because it’s a secret, isn’t it? And I enjoyed watching you struggle with all your might."
Wait, she was watching? How? There was Virion back when I was in the academy, so she probably observed me when Virion wasn’t near me, or unless...
"Why were you watching?" I asked in a cold voice. "Don’t you know something called privacy?"
She let out a melodious laugh that somehow managed to sound both innocent and sinister at the same time.
"Oh my, how scary~" she said with mock fear, placing a hand over her heart theatrically. "But you see, I wasn’t ’watching’ you per se. Think of it more as... keeping tabs on someone precious to me."
"Precious?" I repeated, my voice flat.
"Of course! You are going to be my son-in-law after all." She said it so matter-of-factly that it made my head spin.
"But I never agreed to-"
"The ’you’ from before did," she interrupted smoothly. "Quite entusiastically, I might add. You were practically begging for my daughter’s hand in marriage."
What?!
That didn’t sound right at all.
From what I could gather about Amaniel’s past personality from his memories and the people around him, he didn’t seem the type to ’beg’ for anything.
"That doesn’t sound like... something ’he’ would do," I said carefully.
Her eyes glinted with amusement. "Oh? And how would you know what ’he’ would or wouldn’t? You don’t have those memories, do you?"
Damn it. She had me there.
"Besides," she continued, her voice taking on a more serious tone, "people can surprise you when they’re truly in love. Even the most prideful can become quite... desperate."
The way she said ’desperate’ made something uncomfortable twist in my stomach.
But who was she talking about? Me? My past self? Or perhaps even herself?
"That’s why I advise you to be careful. Don’t develop relationships hastily so you won’t regret it in the future... I’m sure you know what I’m getting at, right?"
Her tone shifted to something more maternal, almost protective, but there was still that underlying sharpness that kept me on the edge.
I went silent, my mind racing.
Was she talking about... Cassandra?
The thought hit me like ice water.
Urgh, I hate this feeling of being watched while not even knowing it.
The violation of privacy was one thing, but the fact that she might have been observing my most vulnerable moments without my knowledge or permission made my skin crawl.
Had she been watching me that closely?
Did she know about my growing feelings for her?
Did she see everything? Even that illusion?
The feeling of being completely exposed, a spectacle for someone else’s scrutiny, I hated it.
It also made me realize just how little control I had over my own life and how many secrets about myself weren’t my own.
"..."
If she knew about Cassandra, then she also knew that I was potentially walking into exactly the kind of situation she was warning me about.
"Can you help me restore my memories, then? So that I won’t make a mistake and hurt anyone."
The request came out a bit more vulnerable than I expected, but I needed to know.
If there were a way to recover what I’d lost, to understand who I really was and what promises I made, then maybe I could navigate this situation without causing pain to everyone involved.
"..."
She shook her head slowly, and for the first time since we’d started talking, she looked genuinely regretful.
"It’s not because I don’t want to, but because I can’t. And..." She paused. "It’s a risk I’m not willing to take, for your own sake."
"..."
"However, I’m sure you can uncover everything by yourself, just like how you have been doing till now. Just follow your heart, and the truth will find its way to you." The hint of a smile touched her lips, a brief flash of warmth that was quickly gone.
So she can’t help as well, huh? Well, I guess I expected too much from someone whom I didn’t even know.
But since she was being sincere, I guess the past me really had a relationship with them.
Or... her acting skills were on a whole other level.
However...
"However, the current me is different now, and it’s not certain if I will return to being my past self even if I recover my memories," I stated calmly. "What makes you certain that I will follow through with the promises made by someone else?"
My question hung in the air, a deliberate challenge to her unwavering confidence.
"The man you knew and the man I am now... we are not the same."
She just smiled, and for a moment, there was something melancholic in her expression.
"No, you are," she said with quiet sincerity.
"Even if there are some differences, you are still the same old you. You haven’t changed."
Her words caught me off guard. How could she be so confident about that?
"How can you say that so easily?" I asked, my voice betraying more emotion than I intended. "I don’t remember anything about my past self. How I thought, what I felt, what I wanted... none of it."
"Because," she said, her smile widening slightly, "the core of who you are isn’t something that can be torn away with memories. The way you worry about hurting others, the way you put your mother’s wellbeing above your own comfort, the way you struggle with decisions because you care about the consequences..."
"They haven’t changed at all."
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