TL/ED – Miso
History is merely a term signifying the accumulation of records.
It was a belief, or not quite a belief, held by Dersia. However, she accepted this sentence as a simple fact, not something she particularly regarded as a conviction.
If all the records that captured the landscapes of an era were to be lost, how could one argue for its existence?
Who would remember an era that wasn’t even given a name?
Therefore, history is nothing more than a record. It can never be more than that, nor less.
If it ended there… well, it was a line of thought one could somewhat agree with, but Dersia went a bit further.
Isn’t that, an utterly horrifying thing?
That a vanished era existed, that the miraculous invention which could have changed lives was forgotten, wasn’t that the sort of thing that sent chills down your spine and suffocated you just imagining it?
And that someone was our race.
We, the long-lived race, were the ones entrusted with the role of guarding the records!
Abandon your life and devote yourself to exploring all records.
When the twilight of your life approaches, begin to leave behind in writing all that you’ve read.
And then die. What could be a happier life than this?
It didn’t take long for Dersia to be exiled from Paradise after passionately advocating this grotesque way of thinking and being labeled as mentally ill.
Usually, Elves who are exiled from Paradise end their lives in suicide not long after, but Dersia simply decided to live among Humans and became the master of the Magic Tower.
Though that was over a hundred years ago, Dersia had never once regretted the choice she made that day.
On the contrary, no matter how many times she reflected on it, she thought it had been the right decision.
Look.
“…I’m sorry for coming at such a late hour.”
This vast world was still full of unknowns waiting to be discovered.
Something you could never witness in Paradise. She gave a gentle smile and offered advice.
“First, let’s should wipe off that blood.”
*
To be honest, I did make it to the library… but I didn’t think anyone would be here.
It was already starting to get dark in the evening, far too late.
There was no helping it. The blood flowing from my eyes wouldn’t stop, and there was absolutely no way I could have something like a bandage.
It was hell itself. Blood-tears flowed again over the dried blood. Just moving a little made it hard to breathe, and the density thickened.
Anyone seeing me would think a corpse was moving.
And since Undead were said to actually exist in this world, I tried to avoid suspicion by choosing paths where there were no people, which ended up taking too long.
Luckily, there were no guards, and I entered by picking the now-all-too-familiar lock.
Let’s wait here for Dersia to arrive tomorrow.
Thinking that was the best course, I quietly entered the library, and the sound of pages softly turning reached my ears.
“…?”
At this hour?
Between the white hair, the black pupils that had been focused only on the book now turned to me.
No matter how many times I saw her, she was mysterious. Not just because she was of a different race, but because of the very aura she exuded.
“…I’m sorry for coming at such a late hour.”
Drip, drip… I felt I should apologize first for dirtying the floor, so I awkwardly greeted her. Dersia raised her right hand.
“First, let’s should wipe off that blood.”
In an instant, the sticky, dried blood evaporated.
Slam. She closed the book loudly and stared at me without asking a single question.
Rather, it felt like she was waiting for my question.
“Um, it might be rude to say this after showing up so suddenly…”
As I was thinking, I felt blood flowing from my eyes again.
“Did you know this was going to happen?”
“Yes.”
Dersia acknowledged it lightly.
“Though it’s much worse than I expected.”
“Ah, I’m sorry.”
I wiped my eyes and casually rubbed them on my butler uniform as I asked,
“What exactly is happening to me?”
“You are remarkable. You’ve worked very hard.”
“…Huh?”
A completely unrelated answer.
I tilted my head and looked at Dersia. I couldn’t understand what she meant.
Instead of answering, she began a game of make-believe. She stood a book upright, placed a roof on top, and made a small house.
What on earth is she doing? As I was thinking that, she suddenly said something strange.
“Imagine this. The gap between these books is a sealed space inside a massive steel box.”
“…Ah, yes.”
“Could something arise inside here? Nothing was placed in beforehand, and there’s no way to interfere from outside.”
“Probably not.”
“Exactly. But what if something did?”
Dersia pushed a small candle into the building made of books.
That was probably supposed to represent me in the metaphor.
“It shouldn’t be possible, but it has appeared. In a time when only the result exists, what do you think is the most appropriate course of action for ‘this thing’?”
“Wouldn’t it be escape?”
“Do you think a tiny candle could melt walls made of steel? Some impossibilities are truly impossible. This is one of those cases.”
“Then I’m not sure.”
“I see. Then, what do you think is the way to survive the longest?”
“…Staying still?”
“You are clever, as expected.”
Dersia blocked the candle completely with other books so it could no longer be seen.
“It never belonged to that world in the first place. It is a being with a body and mind composed of elements from this world. Survival is impossible, and sitting quietly to await death is clearly the path to live the longest.”
“…”
“That’s why I said you’ve made an effort. Truly, you’ve tried so hard it’s almost unbelievable, to the point you’ve reached this state…”
Dersia looked at the blood-tears starting to flow again and stain the butler uniform, smiling as if proud.
An Elf mocking a ten-year-old child shedding blood-tears.
It was a truly surreal sight.
“You must have learned magic. You must have understood the laws of that world at least a little. Not satisfied with just being in contact with it all day, you must have learned by experiencing it. Perhaps you thought that it is not a separate world, but a place you can understand and accept.”
“All correct. So what?”
Though my tone was sharp, Dersia didn’t mind.
“Don’t be ashamed. Those blood-tears are the result of your effort. After struggling in that Deep Sea, you are slowly pulling forward the inevitable ruin that will one day arrive. Ah, but please don’t misunderstand. Enduring it doesn’t mean you’ll survive when the end comes. It’s merely a matter of whether you die in pain or live normally and then die.”
“So there’s no way to stop it?”
“Of course there is. Two, to be exact.”
She smiled gently and held up her fingers.
“As I mentioned before, relying on what you’ve heard, experienced, and that cleverness of yours, I’ll offer the most efficient choices.”
Dersia folded one finger.
Crack-! A book on the floor writhed and then shriveled up.
What remained was a purple powder, with smoke rising from it. Frowning, I bent down and touched it, it had a sand-like texture.
“What is this?”
“Ranya.”
“What’s Ranya?”
“Um, in human terms… it would be drugs.”
I immediately shook off my hands in alarm.
“It’s nothing like that, so don’t worry. Unlike drugs, its toxicity is so strong that the moment you ingest it, your brain shrivels up and you die.”
“Can you explain which part of that is supposed to reassure me?”
“At one time, some human emperors offered up everything they had just to acquire Ranya. In the few seconds before death after ingesting it, you’ll experience pleasure far beyond anything you’ve ever tasted.”
“Ah. That’s not too bad.”
I smiled, knowing what Dersia was trying to suggest.
It was an extension of what she had mentioned last time.
And because I knew she was offering it out of concern for me, I could accept it.
If I stay still, I’ll die.
If I struggle, I’ll die painfully.
Since the outcome is death no matter what I do, she was offering to at least remove the pain.
The most rational choice.
“But I don’t want it.”
I crushed the Ranya underfoot.
Dersia didn’t get angry. Instead, she asked with curiosity.
“Hmm. I’m curious about the reason.”
“As I said last time, I’m too resentful to die.”
My will to survive isn’t really about surviving itself.
It’s a line that goes beyond absurdity and into contradiction, but it’s the truth.
If I’m going to die this way or that, then I’ll struggle to the end.
The struggle itself is my goal.
Of course, saying it as-is would be too long, so I summarized it appropriately.
“It’s a death I’ll only go through once in life, so I’d rather try dying painfully while I’m at it.”
“…”
Dersia’s expression slowly faded into blankness.
Did she not like the joke? She looked at me, lips twitching, then grabbed her chin with a suddenly serious expression, clearly deep in thought.
“…That much… would not work, but…”
What is she thinking about?
Is she considering killing me herself for my own sake?
She really might. As I slowly started backing away, she folded another finger.
“There is another method.”
“What is it?”
“Try persuading me.”
?
What the hell is she talking about? As I stared at her, confused, Dersia straightened her posture.
“Jern, as I said last time, you’re more than just unusual, you’re a strange existence.”
“I thought there were a few fallen wizards like me, though?”
She shook her head in denial.
“You’re on a completely different level. In the past, there was a bizarre group of wizards who claimed that falling was the only path to ascension, and they went around breaking other wizards’ Inner Worlds, so there’s quite a bit of information about Inner World wizards. However, none of them were born with an Inner World from the start.”
“Is that so?”
“It is. To be honest, I’m curious. I want to know more about you, Jern. I’m addicted to the act of analysing & recording things inside my mind.”
…Her tone was a bit off.
“However, I do have a conscience.”
“Wait?? Seriously???”
“…Yes. When I say analysis, it naturally means recording your death. How will a human born from hell suffer and die? What drives them? What will they leave behind? It’s cruel. Especially if the subject is a 10-year-old child.”
“Above all else, Ciel is a problem…” she added with an odd comment, then cleared her throat.
“If you show me something enough to make me toss aside my so-called conscience, I will accept you as my disciple.”
“So what changes then?”
“Everything changes. If you have an Archmage with nine stars as your master, you’ll be able to attempt things that don’t even compare to your current conditions. Even if the end is still death, you’ll be able to struggle far more fiercely than you can now.”
Honestly, it was a tempting offer.
At the very least, it would solve the money problem. I couldn’t keep raising hell at gambling halls every time I was broke.
“Make yourself shine. I heard you’re at the Academy. Any method is fine. Make it so that even I, an Archmage, hear rumors about a natural-born wielder of bizarre magic.”
Dersia said with that same unsettling smile as before.
“I’ll come to find you myself.”
“…Understood.”
There was no other way. After a brief staring contest, I got irritated by the constant bleeding and rubbed my eyes.
“So, is there anything you can do about this? Feels like I’ll die from blood loss before I even get to do anything.”
“I’ve already prepared for that.”
Dersia floated a small pouch toward me.
When I opened it, it was filled with red pills, as red as blood.
“One every two days should be enough, but if you need to use a significant amount of magic, take one daily. Think of it as a coagulant and headache medicine, it’ll be easier that way. As for the other side effects, you’ll have to endure those yourself.”
“This alone is more than enough. Thank you.”
Just the sense of being underwater and slightly reduced vision, nothing I couldn’t handle.
Still, she could’ve given it to me before lecturing me… I immediately pulled one out and chewed it up. The bleeding stopped as if it were a lie.
Quick effect.
…But what is that?
I pointed beside Dersia, who was looking at me like I was a fattened pig.
“What is that, some kind of dramatic effect?”
The candle that had been trapped had escaped the steel box.
To be exact, it was now burning up all the books.
“…Yes.”
Dersia, as if it were nothing, snapped her fingers and extinguished the fire.
“It was meant to show you what kind of flame you should become.”
“…”
I stared silently at her shameless face.
Well, I’m just here to learn magic anyway.
*
“Haa…”
Only when it was fully night did I manage to return to the Orphanage.
So much had happened that I just wanted to rest properly, but I really couldn’t lie down. The Director would be worried, so I thought I should go find him first and let him know I was safe-
But the light in the Director’s office was off, and no one was there.
“?”
This time, I returned to the dormitory, but again, there was no one.
A chill ran down my spine.
Could it be retaliation? Had they finally tracked me down?
“Tch…!”
I had to find out. Just as I was about to burst out the door, someone entered holding a lantern, and our eyes met.
“…Jern? Looks like nothing happened to you.”
It was the Director, drenched in sweat.
Had he been looking for me? But from the still anxious look on his face, it didn’t seem like that was the reason.
“What’s going on? There’s no one here.”
“R-right! It’s terrible, Jern!”
The Director, looking shocked, grabbed my shoulders.
“Linmel is missing!”
“…What?”
What is this now.