Chapter 19 - 17 — The Gate
The morning came too fast.
Syla had known it would. She’d been tracking its approach for weeks with the specific dread of someone watching a deadline arrive that no amount of preparation could make feel prepared for. She’d packed and repacked her bag three times. She’d made sure the household accounts were organized and annotated and left in a format that — she’d told herself this firmly, repeatedly — Rhea could manage perfectly well, which was true and which she’d checked twice anyway.
She’d made his tea this morning the way she always made it.
Set it where she always set it.
Stood at the counter afterward with her hands around her own cup and let the kitchen be what it was for the last time as a morning that belonged to her.
They gathered at the front of the house before the sun was fully up.
Four bags. Four daughters in traveling clothes that somehow managed to look like themselves — Vera’s practical and worn-in already, Mira’s neat to the point of deliberateness, Ren’s slightly too colorful, Syla’s quiet and carefully pressed.
Cidd stood in the doorway.
He looked at them the way he looked at things that mattered — directly, without looking away, without the buffer of doing something else at the same time.
None of them said anything for a moment.
Then Ren said: "I changed my mind. I’m not going."
"Ren," Vera said.
"I’m serious. I’ve reconsidered. The capital will still be there later. Father needs—"
"Ren," Mira said.
"I’m just saying there’s no specific rule that says it has to be today—"
"There is actually," Mira said. "We confirmed the departure date with three separate contacts. The guild hall is expecting me Tuesday morning. Syla’s faculty orientation is Wednesday. Vera’s knight evaluation—"
"I know the schedule Mira I helped make the schedule—"
"Then you know we’re leaving today."
Ren looked at Cidd.
He looked back at her.
"Later," she told him. "We’re going to talk about this later."
"We’ll talk about it when you’re settled," he said.
"That’s not a no."
"That’s exactly what it is."
She crossed her arms.
The village was already gathering.
Ashfeld turned out for them the way Ashfeld turned out for things that mattered — completely, without organization, simply because word moved through a small village the way weather moved through a valley and by the time the sun was properly up the road to the gate had people on both sides of it and more coming.
Brenvar was there, which surprised nobody, standing with his arms crossed and his expression doing something complicated that he would deny if asked. The baker’s wife had brought something wrapped in cloth that she pressed into Syla’s hands with a look that said everything she wasn’t going to say out loud. The miller’s wife hugged Ren with the enthusiasm of someone who had, over five years, become genuinely fond of being talked at by her, which she’d never have predicted and had come to treasure completely.
Elder Broft gave a speech.
It was not short.
It covered the daughters’ time in Ashfeld, their contributions, their characters, several historical parallels that were loosely relevant at best, and concluded with a formal village blessing that he’d apparently written out the night before and which he read from a piece of paper with the dignified concentration of a man who understood the weight of the moment.
Nobody minded the length.
Not today.
The warnings happened near the gate, while Broft was still speaking to Mira about something commercial and Vera was in a final conversation with the guard captain’s eldest who had been her primary sparring partner for two years and whose face had the specific quality of someone trying to maintain composure at a farewell.
Mira found Rhea and Sylvaine at the edge of the gathered crowd.
She looked at them.
They looked at her.
"We’re leaving him with you," she said. Simply. Without preamble, the way she said everything important. "Both of you."
"We know," Rhea said.
"He won’t ask for anything. He never does. You’ll have to notice." She looked at both of them in turn with the assessing gaze that had been cataloguing everything for years. "You’re good at noticing. That’s why I’m saying it to you specifically and not anyone else."
Sylvaine inclined her head slightly. "We’ll notice."
Mira was quiet for a moment. Then, in a slightly different register — still controlled, still precise, but underneath it something that belonged to a fifteen-year-old who was leaving home for the first time and knew it: "Take care of him."
"Yes," Rhea said. Without hesitation.
"And—" Mira glanced at the gathered crowd, at the women who had been finding reasons to bring things to the gate all morning. "The village has—"
"We know about the village," Sylvaine said mildly.
"Then you know what we’re asking."
Rhea’s ears went slightly back. Then forward. "We know."
Mira looked at her for one more moment.
Then she nodded once and went back to Broft.
Vera appeared approximately four seconds later.
She looked at Rhea.
She looked at Sylvaine.
She didn’t say anything for a moment, which with Vera meant more than most people’s speeches.
"He built everything for us," she said finally. "From nothing. Everything we are, every skill, every—" She stopped. Started differently. "Don’t let anyone give him a hard time. Don’t let him isolate. Don’t let him convince himself he doesn’t need anything because he always thinks that and he’s always wrong." She looked at Rhea specifically. "And the women who keep bringing things to the gate. Don’t you dare to lay hands on him behind our back while we are away."
"Vera—"
"I’m not saying anything unreasonable. I’m saying be aware of it." Her jaw was set. "He’s not—" She stopped again. "He doesn’t know how to be chosen. Nobody’s ever chosen him first. Just—" She looked away briefly. Looked back. "Just be the people who choose him first."
Neither Rhea nor Sylvaine answered that immediately.
It sat in the air between them and landed somewhere real.
"Vera," Sylvaine said.
"Mm."
"We already are."
Something moved through Vera’s expression. She nodded once, the sharp decisive nod she used when something had been confirmed that she’d already known but needed to hear.
Then she went back to her sparring partner and said something that made him laugh despite himself and Rhea watched her go and thought about choosing and about three years of wood chopping and about how some things arrived at the right moment when you stopped trying to find it.
Ren still hadn’t gone through the gate.
Everyone else was ready. Bags were shouldered, goodbyes were cycling through their final repetitions, the crowd was doing the specific slow reluctant parting of people who didn’t want the moment to end. Vera was at the gate already, looking back with the contained expression she used for things that cost her. Mira had her ledger out — not from detachment but because she needed something to do with her hands and this was the thing she always did with her hands. Syla was hugging the girl with the festival ribbon who was now thirteen and had been crying for twenty minutes which was making Syla cry which was making four other girls in the vicinity cry.
Ren stood ten feet from the gate.
Not through it.
"Ren," Mira said.
"One more minute."
"You’ve had eleven more minutes."
"One more."
Cidd walked to her.
The crowd quieted slightly around them — not completely, conversations continued, farewells continued, but there was a quality of awareness, the way a room shifted when something that mattered was about to happen.
He stood in front of her.
She looked at him with the expression she almost never wore — not the open warm Ren that the world got, not the specific Ren she was in this house, but something underneath both of them. Something that had been ten years old on a step under stars and had been growing ever since.
"I’m not ready," she said. Her voice was steady, which cost her visibly.
"You’ve been ready for two years," he said. "You just didn’t want to be."
She looked at him.
"You built something here," he said. "In this village. With these people. What you did here—the way you knew everyone, remembered everything, made every person feel like the most interesting person in any room—that’s not a skill, Ren. That’s who you are. And the world is going to find out who you are and it’s going to be completely unprepared for it."
Her chin did something.
"And," he said, quieter, "you told me once, a long time ago, that you were going to get strong and stay. You never left. You stayed." He looked at her directly. "You kept that promise for three years past when you should have gone. Now I’m telling you—go. And then come back. And bring the world with you when you do."
She stared at him.
"And bring me with you," she said, which was not what she’d meant to say but was apparently what came out when he said things like that to her.
"When you’re settled," he said. Firm. Kind.
"Promise."
He looked at her.
"Promise," he said.
She grabbed him—both arms, face against his shoulder, the specific way she hugged things she didn’t want to let go of, which was fully and completely and without any of the usual Ren awareness of how she looked doing it.
He put his arms around her.
The village was very quiet.
"I love you," she said, into his shoulder. "You know that. You’ve always known that."
"I know," he said. "I love you too."
She held on for another moment.
Then she stepped back. Wiped her face with the back of her hand with the specific efficiency of someone deciding crying was done now. Picked up her bag. Looked at him one more time.
"We’re going to write," she said.
"I know."
"And we’re going to come back."
"I know."
"And you’re going to be here when we do."
"I’ll be here."
She nodded.
Turned.
Walked through the gate.
The others followed.
Vera went last, after a final moment with the guard captain and his eldest, who shook her hand and then — apparently deciding formality was insufficient — hugged her instead, which she allowed with the expression of someone surprised by their own willingness to be hugged.
She stopped at the gate.
Looked back at Cidd.
He nodded once.
She nodded back.
She went through.
The crowd watched them go.
The road from Ashfeld curved around the first pine hill and disappeared, and they watched the four of them until they disappeared around it — Vera first, upright and already focused forward, Mira beside her with her ledger put away now, Syla’s silver-brown hair catching the morning light until the trees took her, and Ren last, who turned back once at the curve and waved with her whole arm at the entire village with the enormous uncomplicated warmth she gave to everything, and then was gone.
The village stood for a moment in the specific silence of an absence that had just been created where presence used to be.
Then slowly, in the gradual ordinary way of life continuing because it did that, people began to drift back to their days.
Brenvar clapped Cidd once on the shoulder — a single, wordless, complete gesture — and walked back toward his farm.
The baker’s wife squeezed his hand.
Elder Broft said something about the village being proud which was true and which Cidd heard without processing because he was looking at the curve in the road where four people had just been.
One by one the crowd thinned.
He stood at the gate.
Rhea and Sylvaine stood slightly behind him and to either side. Not close. Not intruding. Just present, the way they’d learned to be present for things that required it — fully, without demand.
The road was empty.
He stood for a long time.
Then he turned and walked back toward the house.
The house was wrong.
That was the only word for it — wrong in the specific way of a space that had been calibrated to a particular number of people and was now running a deficit. The kitchen was clean and quiet. Four cups were in the cabinet instead of on the table. The training clearing was empty. The study lamp was off.
He walked through it slowly.
Syla’s room first. The bed made — of course it was, Syla would have made it before leaving — the small careful arrangement of everything in its place, the herb bundles on the windowsill still fragrant, the single cup she’d left on the desk with a note under it he didn’t read yet.
Mira’s room. Books on every surface, organized in a system only she fully understood, a ledger left open on the desk to a page that he understood, when he looked at it, was the household accounts annotated and cross-referenced and arranged with enough clarity that anyone could follow them, which was Mira’s way of taking care of him in her absence the way she’d taken care of him in her presence.
Ren’s room. Colorful, slightly chaotic despite apparent packing, smelling faintly of whatever she’d been burning in the oil lamp last night, a list on the wall of every village resident’s name with small notes beside each one that he understood, looking at it, was her way of ensuring that whoever needed checking on got checked on even without her there to do it herself.
Vera’s room. Spare, functional, the training dummy in the corner she’d never moved back out, the wooden training sword from her childhood hung on the wall above the window. On the desk, a single piece of paper.
I’ll be stronger when I come back. Train harder while I’m gone. — Vera
He stood in her room for a long time.
Then he went to his own room.
Closed the door.
Sat on the edge of the bed.
The house was quiet in a way it hadn’t been for fifteen years.
He sat with it.
He thought about four newborns in the rubble of Halvern. About naming them in the ash. About a morning clearing and goldbroth noodles and a ring on his hand and ten years of the same gate and fifteen years of the same table and four people who had called him father every day and meant it every time.
He thought about Ren’s face at the curve in the road.
He thought about Syla’s tea.
He thought about a salaryman who died at his desk with nobody to notice.
He thought about a twelve year old walking into the dark.
He thought about everything he’d built from that dark, piece by piece, year by year, with his hands and his work and the specific stubborn refusal of a man who had decided that if he was going to exist he was going to exist for something.
He thought about them going out into the world to become what they were going to become.
He sat with all of it.
And then, alone in his room, in the quiet house, with nobody watching and nobody to hold himself together for, Cidd Ashen bent forward and put his face in his hands and let it come.
Not dramatically. Not with sound. Just the specific silent grief of someone who had been carrying something for a very long time and had finally found a moment private enough to set it down and feel the full weight of it leaving.
For Halvern, still. Always for Halvern.
For the twelve year old who deserved better and never got it.
For fifteen years of mornings in a clearing and evenings on a step and every small ordinary day that had been, without him quite knowing it was happening, the best thing he’d ever been part of.
For four people going away to become extraordinary, which was exactly right and exactly what he’d worked toward and which cost him, in this private moment, more than he’d known it would.
He stayed like that for a long time.
Downstairs, Rhea and Sylvaine sat at the kitchen table.
Not talking.
Not doing anything in particular.
Just there.
The way they’d learned to be.
The way the daughters had asked them to be.
They sat with the quiet house and the empty cups in the cabinet and the sound of nothing from upstairs that meant something very specific and which neither of them interrupted because some things needed their full space and this was one of them.
Rhea’s hands were flat on the table.
Sylvaine’s eyes were on the window.
They waited.
Not impatiently.
Not without feeling it themselves — the specific weight of a house that had just changed shape, of four people who had been woven into the daily texture of everything suddenly not being there to be woven.
They waited because he needed the time.
And because when the time was done they would be here.
That was enough.
That was, for now, exactly enough.