Despite his unwonted answer, Eleanor did not show too much of a reaction. She gently raised her left eyebrow, as if to acknowledge that his answer was worth investigating further - that was all.
"What does it mean for you, to ’be a monster’?" she asked, her words spoken at an entirely relaxed pace, as if there was not an ounce of urgency at the moment.
Nero, too, did not rush to answer. He took a sip of the green tea, admiring its fresh taste mixed with the mild sweetness of honey. With that flavour occupying a part of his thoughts, Nero thought back. He thought back to Perilith, to his first encounter with the Primal Exarch.
Nero thought to the chills in the air, to the tremble of the ground, to the fear that seemed to grip the dimension itself. He recalled that fear that ruled all the others when they saw it, and the shock - both mental and physical - when it chomped through his metallic spear!
He thought to how spectacularly he had been wounded afterwards, to the point he was nearly dead. That was, by far, the closest he had come to death, yet there was a certainty in him that his survival was within the Exarch’s control.
"Have you ever seen a monster, Eleanor? A real monster, not just some Tainted or Revenant," Nero asked, his gaze still unfocused, looking upon something that was distant not in length but in time past.
"I have seen my fair share, but I get the feeling that you’re talking about something rather specific," she said as she grabbed a file sifted through it. She opened up a couple of images. One was of a berserker, but the other was merely a drawing of something... greater .
"I’m not talking about a random fiend or horror," Nero said, shaking his head. "No, I’m talking about a monster . That’s the thing children are afraid of. It’s the thing people are afraid they’ll find when they look into the darkness. When a monster steps onto the field, everyone knows it. Blood runs cold, knees grow weak, and hope is snuffed out like a candle in the wind. When a monster steps up to fight, soldiers have to rely on courage, because logic has already informed them of their demise."
His voice was low, but Eleanor heard him clearly. She put aside the picture of the berserker, and observed for a moment the picture of the Exarch. There was another picture that had been drawn with a human for scale.
"So you want to be a formidable fighter - the kind that can people tell scary stories about," Eleanor said, though her words sounded half like a statement, and half like a question.
Nero shook his head.
"No, you’ve got the spirit of it, but you still misunderstand. I want to be a monster - so skilled in fighting, such an expert in tactics, that no matter what the situation is, it can never be a wrong decision to rely on me. Whether it’s striking an enemy, leading an army, negotiating a deal, or anything else.
"I want to be so skilled that it’s not only undeniable, I want all enemies to freeze when they hear my name. I want morale to drop when armies know they will be facing me. When I say I want to be a monster, I don’t want stories told of me . I want stories told of whoever stands against me, as if acknowledging their unquestionable bravery for doing so.
"If being a mere fighter was what I wanted, then I would have gone to KWA. But I want something far more than that. I want the training to be the best, the guidance to skip countless hurdles, the recognition of all that I can achieve. I want to be the penultimate consequence of hundreds of years of military science, all culminated into one, powerful, undefeatable entity - all achieved through unquestionable, undeniable hard work.
"What I want is to achieve such a level that I cannot even be used as an example of hard work anymore. I want to be at the level where I transcend the very idea of human limits, and into the realm of a monster - the kind whose presence alone can win a battle."
Despite herself, Eleanor gulped softly. She was a Mystic Monarch, and in her sessions she used her passive quite frequently. Regal Command, the Monarch passive, was an ability that increased the user’s influence on a target. It was simple in definition, but its applications were quite diverse.
Eleanor used it in her questions to get her targets to open up, and answer honestly. This was not to force them to answer honestly. In truth, in this way she often could pull out answers that the targets themselves did not consciously realise. Thus, it was an exceptionally important tool for her.
Right now, talking to Nero, she sensed that every work he said was the honest truth, and it wasn’t even hidden in his psyche. Instead, it was out there, on the forefront of his mind, and at the core of all his actions. It was his belief, his mantra, his compass.
That in itself was fine, as having grand goals could easily be attributed to Nero’s youth. What was noteworthy was just how well Nero was walking down the path to achieve this goal of his.
From his performance in all his missions, to what she understood of his character and his upbringing, it was clear that Nero was well on his way to fulfilling this goal of his. Whether he could actually accomplish or not was outside the area of her expertise. All she could say was that he was mentally stable, productive, and logically sound. That was more than she could say for most of the cadets she counselled.
"I never thought I’d say this, but becoming a monster sounds like quite a noble goal," Eleanor said as she raised her cup towards him before taking a sip of her tea. "Let’s look into this a little more, shall we? What is your end goal for becoming such a monster? Who are you becoming a monster in service of?"
Nero’s gaze finally focused as he looked at Eleanor. This was a lady who was difficult to distract. She was not affected by his speeches, always able to see the very crux of the matter. It didn’t matter - it wasn’t like he was trying to hide anything. He was just acknowledging that she was formidable, in her own way.
Nero knew that if he gave an overly or unrealistically patriotic answer, that would backfire. So, he instead decided to stick to the truth - at least, the truth as he technically saw it.
"In service of my country, of my friends, of my family," Nero said. "In this life, there are too many things that deserve protection, but we are too weak to actually protect. I will become a monster in service to them, that they may also live this life, and see a better tomorrow."
Eleanor nodded, and moved on.
"Protection seems to be a very common theme for you," she said. "I’m going to ask some difficult questions now, so if they make you uncomfortable, you don’t need to answer, but I have to ask them anyway. I see from your many reports that you recently led a team that suffered many casualties on mission. How did that make you feel? Being unable to protect them, I mean."
Nero paused, if only just for a brief second.
"Confused. Inadequate. Angry," Nero answered casually, as if he wasn’t talking about his own state of mind. "At the same time, it brought me a new and deeper perspective about what I value, and how I should go about protecting it properly. Among other things, that also motivated me to become a monster, so that I may be able to protect whatever it is I wish to protect."
Eleanor nodded.
"Tell me, then, what is your opinion on Lieutenant Earl? He is lauded as one of the foremost defenders of Kolar, and his soldiers have one of the lowest casualty rates when in an active mission. You’ve served under him for a while, so what was your takeaway from interacting with the man?"
Nero’s expression hardened, ever so slightly. A very astute woman indeed.
"I consider him a failure," answered Nero directly, and without hesitation. "He is an honourable man, and a noble one. Compared to most of the superior officers I’ve met, he is among the better ones. Yet that does not change the fact that he is a failure where it counts, and his failure has cost the country greatly."
This time, Eleanor put her tea cup down and looked at Nero, giving him all her attention.
"Would you care to elaborate on that a little?" she asked politely.
"Of course," responded Nero. "His indecisiveness and incorrect priorities cost Kolar one of the greatest assets it could have had, not to mention it caused him great personal loss as well."