78 Comfortable (2)
Alessandra stared at Edgar, unable to give a response to his words. Eventually, she had to break eye contact as tears were threatening to form in her eyes but she wished to not cry.
It had been a long time since anyone referred to her as being beautiful and did not laugh once her back was turned. Not even her own father could look her in the eye and give her a compliment on her appearance.
In her youth, she hated her beauty because her father would parade her around like a doll to be sold. She hated her face when she was her father’s favorite and she hated it, even more, when it was ruined.
Alessandra did not know what she wanted when it came to her appearance but after many years hidden away from others, she wished to feel like she was not some terrible creature. Edgar, at this moment, gave her what she desired.
“Thank you,” the words left her mouth in a whisper but it was loud enough for Edgar to hear thanks to their closeness. Alessandra placed her hands to the side of her body, not wanting to be nervous around Edgar anymore.
“Did I just make you fall for me?” Edgar released her hair, taking a step back to see her face clearly.
“How can I love you when I hardly love myself?” Alessandra replied. Just like Edgar, love was foreign to her in all aspects. She saw nothing worthy of loving when she thought about herself. This was why she was certain she would never fall for Edgar and vice versa.
“You-”
“Duke, Duchess, we have brought your food,” a voice said after a knock on the bedroom door.
.....
Edgar sighed, slightly annoyed their conversation was interrupted but perhaps it was best they stopped here. There was a lot said that needed to be digested and then talked about at another time. There was a lot about Alessandra he had to unravel and one night wouldn’t be enough for him to do so.
Edgar was a man skilled enough to do many things but he did not know how to make Alessandra love herself. It might be something she needed to figure out on her own and he could only stand on the sidelines giving her support.
“Come in,” he called to the door. “It wouldn’t be right to keep them waiting any longer or your stomach will start yelling at us,” he teased, attempting to change the mood in their bedroom.
Alessandra forced a small smile and when Edgar looked away from her to the servants coming in with their food, she used her finger to rub her eye to get rid of a tear determined to fall.
“Do not disturb us for the rest of the night. Inform Alfred that any visitor at this hour should be turned away. Anyone who disobeys this order will be fired,” Edgar informed the servants as they placed trays of food and drinks down on a table in their bedroom. “Understood?”
“Yes, Duke Collins,” they replied in unison.
“They sent up good alcohol,” Edgar picked up a bottle from one of the trays. “I use this for special occasions. Are you a good drinker, Alessandra?”
“Yes,” Alessandra stood up from the bed to see what they would be having tonight. “As long as it is not bitter I will drink it and I have never passed out with the amount-” She stopped herself before she could mention Mario again.
They were in such a comfortable space with each other that she did not wish to irritate Edgar by mentioning Mario or letting her husband know that she had drunk alcohol around Mario once before.
“With the amount the cook gave you?” Edgar knew what she was trying to hide. Who else would give her alcohol if not for the person who had it within arm’s reach in the kitchen? “You have learned quickly not to annoy me with his name. Come take a seat,” Edgar took out a chair for Alessandra to sit on.
“Where will you sit?” She asked due to the fact there was only one chair at the table Edgar had in his room.
“Well, if you wish to sit on my lap our problem would be solved. I normally use this table and chair to do more work in my bedroom after Alfred chased me away from my office. I was joking about you sitting on my lap,” he added so that she wouldn’t tense up again.
“I-If that is the only way we can both sit at the table and eat, I am okay with it,” Alessandra looked everywhere but at Edgar, as these words left her mouth.
Edgar stood still, surprised by what Alessandra just told him. He placed his hand over his face as he found himself in a predicament he wasn’t expecting. He knew this took a lot of courage for her to say and he was the one wanting her to slowly become comfortable but now that she was, he did not know how to handle it.
He could be a gentleman and suggest they pull the table closer to the bed so that there would be no need for Alessandra to sit on his lap but where would be the fun in doing that?
Like the sly man he was, Edgar sat down on the one chair by the table and patted his lap for Alessandra to take a seat. He wanted to see if she would be brave even to see this all the way to the end. She was the one to suggest this after all. She should be prepared for whatever doors she opened after this.
Alessandra took a deep breath, swallowing her nerves as she did not want to back out when she was the one to suggest it. ‘Get it over with,’ she thought.
To both of their surprise, her feet quickly moved to where Edgar sat with a smile on his face like this was the most entertaining thing in the world.
Alessandra knew he was expecting her to back out based on the way he looked at her but she made it too close to him to give up now, so she sat down on his lap.