136 Just you (2)
“Sorry to interrupt,” Caleb entered the room and showed the three bags in his hands. “I brought your bags, Duchess. That is all,” he placed them on the floor and quickly left.
Edgar stared at the three bags with curiosity. He bought her a room full of things women normally enjoyed but she paid no mind to them. What else other than painting could she have been interested in? “What did you buy today?”
“Let me show you. I didn’t buy expensive things. The town is full of so many intriguing places,” Alessandra slid her foot off of Edgar’s lap excited to show him what she stumbled upon today.
“Stay, I will bring them. You need to keep off your feet for a while for the swelling to go down,” Edgar stood up from the bed and went for the bags. He handed them off to Alessandra then patiently waited for her to reveal everything.
“Oh, I bought this for you actually and some for your-our home,” she quickly corrected herself. “You don’t walk around with a sword but I’ve noticed how many you have in possession and Alfred says you train with one from time to time. I bought this to offer protection when you are using your sword,” she took a small charm out of the first bag.
Normally, Edgar would be one to state the fact these things were of no use and the only way to stay unharmed was by engaging in more training to be better in combat but Alessandra seemed so excited that for once he couldn’t say what was on his mind. “Thank you,” he accepted the charm.
“I picked out a red one for you because I think it suits you and I gave Caleb a green one. There were also these things,” Alessandra pulled out an object made solely of wool, sticks, and small shells. “They are meant to keep bad spirits and energy away from our home.”
“You should have bought a carriage full of them. You can let Alfred place them around the gates. People with bad energy line up there every day looking to come inside. What else did you buy?”
“Well, books about painting because I didn’t think you would have any in your libraries. These are seeds for a beautiful flower I found in town. Hopefully, we can add them to the garden so that I can paint them when they blossom. And-ugh,” Alessandra quickly closed the opening of the bag. She was so eager to show Edgar what she found that there was one tiny thing she forgot she needed to hide.
.....
“Don’t be shy now, Alessandra. Your behavior makes me want to know what it is even more. I have three ways of finding out if you don’t tell me what it is,” Edgar hinted at the fact he could go to Caleb, Erin, or Sally. “You must know Caleb is not good at keeping secrets from me. He will squeal like a pig about to be slaughtered.”
Alessandra slowly opened the bag as Edgar was sure to find out if he asked Caleb. “Erin was the one to convince me to buy it. I am in no way trying to wear this to bed. I meant to hide it when I came home” she revealed the night dress she bought.
“That is all? You were trying to hide something so simple,” Edgar chuckled. He found it to be more provocative than anything she wore to bed and understood why she would be so shy but it was nothing to hide. “I have a love slash hate relationship with your dressmaker but after this, she deserves a raise for her services. I don’t mind if you find yourself buying more in the future but they are not needed.”
Edgar gave her back the light thing that could hardly be called a night dress. It was much shorter and more revealing than anything Alessandra ever wore to bed. “You do not need something like this to seduce me. I care more about what is underneath it. You’d be more alluring if you stood before me naked-”
Alessandra covered his mouth with the palm of her hand. This wasn’t where she expected the conversation to go. At first, she thought he agreed she was nowhere ready to be wearing something like this but then he just had to mention being naked. Would it kill him to turn down how blunt he was?
“We are married, Alessandra. Regardless of how we got here, this is an important conversation. As a man, there is nothing I believe that I can wear to seduce you. All I have are my body and my words so I expect nothing more from you. Rather than build up the courage to wear those things, please build up the courage to show me yourself as I am willing to do for you. Let’s keep in mind that doesn’t mean you can’t wear one or two of these to bed.”
Alessandra placed the dress back into her bag. “I need more than my body to seduce a man like you. You have so much experience and I’m sure you’ve been with women much better than what I can offer you with my body.”
Edgar found her words to be unbelievable. “Have you not been paying attention Alessandra or are you just in denial because you think you are misunderstanding what is happening? You’ve felt when we sleep together that you certainly entice me. The part that tortures me is how you unintentionally do it and like a fool, my body cannot help reacting to it.”
“Believe me, nothing hard would be pressing against your lower back at night if I didn’t have thoughts of bedding you, not because you are a woman and I am a man but because I find you hard to resist. Why is that so hard for you to believe?”
Alessandra found herself staring at Edgar in disbelief and had to eventually look away. She heard nothing but snarky and cruel remarks about her body and face, whether from family or the servants talking. Her self-love had started to grow now that she was away from that depressing house but she found it to be believed that a man as perfect as Edgar could lust after her with the way she was now.
She saw the many women eyeing him at the ball and they were certainly more beautiful than her and had no problem flaunting their bodies while she hid behind a mask.
“My face...”Alessandra trailed off.
“This entire time that I have been flirting with you, I have clearly seen your mask and I have never cared about what you are hiding. I don’t view you how you view yourself. I see something different that I wish you’d hurry up and see for yourself. Listen carefully, I want you, Alessandra. I am attracted to you whether you like it or not. Do not cry,” Edgar gently placed his hand on her cheek and wiped away the tears spilling from her exposed eye.
Moments like this made him regret leaving the entire Barrett household untouched after they had damaged a beautiful soul. Alessandra was like a butterfly in his eyes. It was a shame someone plucked her wings and left her to fade away in the corners of her small room.
“I am trying not to,” Alessandra softly spoke as she tried to stop the tears from flowing. She squeezed her eyes shut to try to stop them.
Alessandra couldn’t help being emotional at this moment because no matter how much she might want to deny it, Edgar was honest with her. Just like before when he admitted to feeling something for her and found her to be beautiful. She had been in denial about him finding her beautiful as no one else ever said such a thing to her.
‘That’s my problem,’ Alessandra thought.
She kept thinking about other people when only Edgar’s words should matter. Before she could let negative thoughts dwell in her mind from what happened in the past, she needed to first remember Edgar had nothing to do with her past. He was being honest with her each time he spoke and she should take his words as they were each time instead of thinking about what someone else said.
Alessandra was tired of going around in circles when it came to not seeing herself as beautiful and denying the fact Edgar wanted her just as she was. Each time she stepped out of her comfort zone she went back into it and hid like a fool. No more. No matter how awkward or weird it might be, she was done hiding or running away from what she could experience with the man before her.
“Thank you, Edgar. I will try to reciprocate what you do and say to me as your wife. I...” Alessandra paused as she wanted to say this more confidently. “I don’t want to shy away from you anymore,” she gained the courage to look at him instead of avoiding his gaze. “I think that-no. I know that my body wants you too. I have been avoiding the feeling from the moment I felt you that night. I just do not know what to do.”
“That is alright. The plan was to always go slow when it comes to intimacy between us. Just know that I am going to show how much I desire you from this moment on. You do not need to know what to do,” Edgar slowly slid his hand down from her cheek to her neck and stopped to palm her left breast. He squeezed it to hear a cry escape her lips. “You only need to enjoy what is to come.”