-----
"Like this, I can feel if someone harbors darkness or light in their hearts, and if they have bad or good intentions with us… None of you had bad intentions, but a few harbored a deep darkness and sorrow… I felt pity for your hearts, and I welcomed you all without hesitating."
Mary suddenly thew a big reveal out of nowhere. Apparently she was long ago taught a special spell that can help her read emotions to an extent, and even the true intentions of people. If they harbor hate or ill intentions, she can easily tell. But it also can even tell her if they have "darkness" or "light" inside their hearts. But having darkness doesn't mean having bad intentions, it merely means that someone had gone through a lot of pain and suffering, perhaps, and there's a big burden someone's heart is carrying…
Do my parents… and Aquarina's parents carry such a darkness?
Did I also carry it? Could Mary had seen through my heart?
I suddenly noticed Mary looking at me for a few seconds and then quickly looking away, I noticed that her gaze seemed concerned. Perhaps she really saw through my own heart. The things I went through in my previous life… do they still haunt me to this day? I've been trying my best to get over such things, but it is simply impossible. I always try to be good at doing things, I always train harder than anybody as well, and even now as I hold a mysterious power I am still developing, I often wonder if I have delved too deep into my own training and into becoming "someone strong and perfect" that I've lost myself and my own emotions along the way.
I do… think of myself as someone imperfect, but do I truly look imperfect to others? What does… Aquarina likes about me? That I am strong? That I am brave? What does… Zack likes? Or my parents? What sort of appearance do I give to other people? How do they see me?
I began thinking so much that I felt slightly sickly. Thinking these things affected me more than I thought, and I quickly decided to calm down and sort out my thoughts later, perhaps when I go to bed. I suddenly felt rather ill, as if I had… been missing something important in my life. Do I even lack something? Now that I see how much everyone has suffered, how much everyone is flawed, and how much everyone misses something… I feel guilty for having more than them, and… for having strength and love from my parents.
It is just as Celeste said, I am someone that grew in comfort and that has yet to truly see what's the world about. Even in my previous life, I only spent two years training and then I died recklessly sacrificing myself for my mother and my sister. But is that enough to justify having everything I have? I feel like a noble, lucky to have everything I could ever need, without lacking a single thing… Do I even have flaws? Or perhaps… my own flaws are deep within me, hiding them from everybody, so I always make it seem I am always alright?
Can Mary… see through my heart?
I felt the impulse to ask her what she could see. It was sorrowful to think that not even I could know how my heart was deep down. Reincarnating… really takes away a bit of your common sense. I wished someone could hug me now, but I know that's also a spoiled brat's thinking. I train every day and concentrate into not thinking about myself… because I know that I have flaws I don't want to show to others, such as one that has resurfaced now, my insecurities.
Am I strong enough to deserve to be the daughter of two heroes?
Aren't I merely cheating with my System, having a power I really don't deserve?
Shouldn't someone like Mary… truly deserve what I have instead of myself?
Am I… good enough to deserve the love of someone else…?
Do I even… deserve any love?
…
"Sylphy!"
Suddenly, as I thought about these things, I heard the voice of Alice within my soul.
"What's going on with you? Your soul… it is wavering with pain, what is happening?"
"Y-You can sense them? My emotions?"
Alice quickly realized that my soul scape could change in color and even generate different light depending in my mental state.
"Yes… I saw through it. What is troubling you?"
"I… Nothing, don't mind it. I don't want to trouble you…"
"Sylphy…"
This is something I have deal to deal with myself. My own insecurities, my own thoughts, and my own flaws, perhaps trying to fix them will never be possible. It is often impossible to fix our flaws, as that's what makes us who we are. At the very least, I need to make up for it… And perhaps that's a reason why I feel the obligation to be good with others. Even though I feel like it always comes from the depths of my heart, maybe there is another reason as well.
Sigh…
I don't really know what to think anymore. I should simply ignore things for now… I don't feel like thinking any longer, I've thought enough for the day. If I really want myself to become worthy of the things I was gifted after my rebirth, I have to make up for it. The only way I know is… to help others get through the same darkness in their hearts. I looked back at Mary and everyone else, as I remained in silence. Afraid from interrupting them, I remained quiet.
"Mary… So that's what you did…" Said my mother in shock.
"So you can read hearts?" Wondered my father. "That's a rare spell, I had never heard of it."
My uncle quickly decided to talk a piece of his mind, he seemed to know a lot.
"Ah, of course you guys don't know about it, that's the old Emotion Magic, lost in time due to its dangerousness. It helped people see through the intentions of others, so it always was terrible for those that plotted and schemed against the other. That magic was banned from this continent five hundred years ago, and any evidence of it is hard to find, its wielders are just as rare… I happen to have similar powers thanks to my blessings and Sound and Wind Attribute Magic. But that's mostly because I am a talented Bard that can read people's hearts."
Emotion Magic, so this is the power that saw through our hearts, and the power that made me think so much as well…
-----