Mia fell asleep. Her breathing slowed. She went from short, rhythmical inhalations, to slow, deep, even and soft ones.
"Talk about not going all the way." I muttered, glancing down at her shapely, naked body, her delicate face and disheveled hair a messy heap atop my chest.
Yes, because after fucking her brains out, and her experiencing her first sexual and mind-blowing orgasm of the day, she immediately crashed against me, body limping and feeling completely boneless. She giggled, then whispered, 'you fucked me so good', and passed out a moment later.
Now that the horny animal within me was finally satisfied, and with my balls properly unloaded, I found enough presence of mind to realize what the actual fuck we had just done.
I inhaled, looked up to the ceiling, and exhaled.
Mia's mop of blonde hair, now loosened from the clumsy ponytail she'd made before jumping me, tickled my neck and jaw.
... Had I seriously just gone full-blown incest, here? Did I seriously do the dirty deed with my older sister and fuck her until her very brain fried up? And she loved it? And I loved it?
The best way to cope with this type of sudden development was not to think too much about the actual, tangible and real implications.
Just pretend, for a moment, that this was normal. That sleeping next to your naked, warm and beautiful sister and sharing your body-heat with her was an entirely normal experience and part of any young person's rite of passage. It is what it is, really. I didn't feel like indulging in post-coitus regret—I damn knew very well that, given another hour or so, I'd feel horny enough to actually reconsider another round, if she kindly proposed.
...Troubling thought, really.
So for the moment, I merely shut my mind and wrapped my arms around the older girl's shoulders. Tangled my fingers through her hair and inhaled her scent. I cursed her for existing, and thanked God or whomever was out there for the very same reason.
"Stupid Noona."
Mia shifted in my arms.
I smiled.
Ah... this wasn't so bad.
I closed my eyes, and my entire world was bathed in an invigorating darkness.
That night was by far one of the best, not just in my current short-life experience, but in existence. It marked a sort of point in my existence I didn't feel would be attainable had Mia not dragged me along the madness with her.
Still, there are consequences.
You can't open Pandora's box, have all the juicy, marvelous and naughty delights inside spill out freely, and not suffer for it in the end.
Mia was right, though, in her proposition. The deed is done. Forbidden fruit has been tasted and now we would pretend like everything was business as usual, as nothing really changed from here. As though it would be as easy as simply putting the genie back in the bottle.
She made it sound easy, but that was before she got a taste for what it's like getting it on with me.
In a way, I also made it sound easy, because holy shit if this wasn't the best fucking sex I've ever had. It was so ridiculous to me, even thinking about it now, how every sensation seemed... amplified, dialed up, beyond reasonable means, as though we had been predestined or made for each other.
Like this was some sort of perfect relationship the gods crafted and prepared from the get-go, then decided to twist it for the shits and giggles.
This woman's body was simply the most delicious and mouth-watering temptation of flesh I've encountered.
Mãe, what should I do? I couldn't fix this by blowing someone's head out.
This mistake was entirely mine to bear.
The fan overhead creaked in slow circles.
Outside, the dark hues of the night slowly transitioned into lighter shades. It wouldn't be long until the center's staff woke up for shift change.
Mia had to go back home.
This was the perfect time to leave, and not have anyone raising any questions. I put my hand on her shoulder, gently, and slowly shook her awake. She woke up after two tries. Her amber orbs glanced up at me in confusion, and then in recognition.
And the most gentle, beaming, morning smile she shot me had the hardened resolve of sending her off nearly crumbling away in a handful of seconds. For fuck's sake.
My sister cleared the lump that was forming inside her throat, before trying to speak, with an equally groggy voice. "Morning."
"Sister dear, wake up. You gotta go."
"Are you..." She began, her expression a little uncertain. "Going to be okay?"
I smiled, rolling my eyes. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Now you better leave soon if you want to return without anyone seeing us."
"Can't I stay a little longer?"
Mia rolled around, stretching, arching her back, curling those beautiful, pale, plump thighs. I loved thighs. I admit it, officer. I loved my sister's thighs.
Her smile—lazy, smug, still flushed at the edges—hit me like a drug. One look and every rational circuit in my brain shorted out. I could already feel the pull: one more round, right here, damn the consequences, damn the team, damn the world.
"You know." I said, voice rough. "If they catch us sharing a room, the whole camp's gonna know. They're not idiots. One whiff of this and the rumors start sprinting faster than our relay noonas."
And, as far as I've heard, they ran really fucking fast too.
So, even if they knew we were siblings, if they were to hear us, find the sullied sheets, and come in while the air still lingered with the stench of fresh-fucked incestuousness, and had even an ounce of intelligence and logic they'd begin pointing fingers at us.
Mia froze, just for a second, then her face went blank, like someone had hit pause. I gave her shoulder another gentle shake.
She snapped her gaze back at me, and I had to do a double-take at how... lifeless her eyes had become. Dull. Sad. Still beautiful, but tragic.
"Jae-il, why is incest such a taboo?" She began, voice soft, almost careful. "Why must it be forbidden in the first place? Do you think it's truly as horrible as they tell us?"
I stared at her. She stared right back at me.
"Yes, it is."
No hesitation. Not because I believed it in my gut, but because I knew it. Wanting something doesn't make it right. I've broken rules before, but never pretended they didn't exist.
"Why...?"
"It just is, Mia Noona."
"Why... how can it possibly be bad if it doesn't hurt anyone?"
I sighed. "It's not about us, not really. It's about what happens after. Not tonight. Not next week. But down the line. Kids, genes, health, all of that stuff gets messed up. We'll never have kids of our own. Sure. We're not hurting anyone, but we'll only do so later down the road. Humans can be fickle, hypocritical and hard-headed. They panic. They assume. They judge. Don't give them reasons, Noona. It's not worth the risk."
Mia didn't respond. Didn't reply. Just sat up slowly, in a daze. She looked around, locating her clothes, then stood up.
I admired the curves of her back and her rear when she picked them up and started putting the pieces on. She did it with methodical grace and almost robotic motions. She seemed numb, not wanting to actually accept what I just told her.
I sat up, staring as she jerked her hips left and right to make those tight jeans slide over her curves.
"We're siblings, Mia. We were not designed or brought here to love each other, or have sex, or have kids. Not for mornings after, not for anniversaries, not for… whatever this could've been in another life."
That was perhaps the cold, most factual answer I could ever provide to her. But I am an unfeeling bastard, sometimes.
It saddened me, actually. I might've developed more than incompatible-fuck-buddies type of attraction towards Mia. No, I knew I had.
She paused, one leg in, one out, and stared at me. Huh. Scary eyes. "I disagree with you there, little brother." She tilted her head, her trademark veil of hair covering one eye. "People choose to love. That's one of the truest, simplest concepts out there. People chose to love others all the time, Jae-il. Every day. Gay couples. Age gaps. Divorcees. Nobody gets to police that. So why should blood matter if we're happy? If we're careful? If we're consenting?"
Her response took me aback. So bluntly spoken, as well, no pauses, no breaks or stutters, just a torrent of emotion and words flowing. She stared down at me, same... dull expression. No, there was a faint twitch of irritation. A slight, almost imperceptible narrowing of eyelids.
"I don't see it as a terrible thing, either." I shrugged. "I'm just reading the map. Draw a straight line from tonight to next year, five years, ten. One slip, one photo, one viral clip of us at the wrong place, at the wrong time and the headlines write themselves. It's over not only for us, but for mother, for Su Ah Noona, and for our father as well. We'd be the perfect victims in a culture that loves a good witch-hunt."
She kept going, pulling her hoodie over her head, hair spilling out like ink. "I'm not saying we shout it from the rooftops. I'm saying… we don't have to end it. We just play smart."
I laughed, short and dry. "Forever?"
"If we have to."
"You really believe that?"
She zipped up, hands in her pockets. "I believe in now. And right now? I don't want to walk out that door and pretend this didn't mean something."
I closed my eyes. "I never said that, I'm merely running risk assessment here."
"......"
Mia slipped her hood up, briefly obscuring her face. "Tch." She clicked her tongue. "I know, idiot. Still, can't you be a little more romantic after you fucked my brains out?"
I huffed a chuckle. "Sorry, sorry. Post-nut clarity." She snorted.
I stood up, grabbing the incriminated sheets and balling them up. This thing would need thorough, heavy cleaning later. I'd have to do it myself since I didn't want the cleaning personnel going wild about all these suspicious stains. And the blood. I threw them aside for the moment, and began pulling my boxers and pants up.
"Come, let me escort you outside."
She rolled her eyes.
I grinned.
When I was done slipping my shoes on, Mia had already crossed her arms under her bust, leaning against the side of the door and staring off towards the stairs. I glanced at her. From the side, all I could see was her hair sticking out of her hood.
We walked the distance, silence settling. The common area was completely barren. At least the hour hadn't drawn enough attention yet. And for that, I was grateful.
The less people saw us, the better.
"Are you mad?" I whispered.
She made a soft clicking noise. A sign of displeasure. "I'm not."
I laughed. "I can tell, though."
"Fuck you."
"You already did, Noona."
"Look at this cheeky brat."
And then she began wrestling with me, throwing hands and shit.
By the time we arrived in the ground floor, our moods were both slightly improved. She smiled. Not much, but just enough that it reached her beautiful, almond eyes. We retraced our way through the winding back rooms and up to the side entrance hall. I opened it for her.
And there it was.
The morning's cold breath, crawling over my neck.
Mia stuffed her hands in the pockets of her hoodie, looking up at the sky. "What should we do from here, then?" And then she turned to look back at me. "Do you... really want it to be a one time thing?"
I pursed my lips, briefly closing my eyes. "I don't... think so." Being honest with oneself is what most matters, right? I shrugged. "It's not like we can go back."
Her mouth pulled back, showing white teeth in an approximation of a smile. "We can make it a two time thing, you know?"
"Will a three time thing be okay, too, sister mine?"
Her cheeks colored. Her smile faltered slightly, but a laugh broke it completely. It was a sort of flustered and pleasant tittering. Her amber orbs glimmered with mischief, and her teeth peeked again, in an open-mouthed grin.
"You fucking pervert."
I blinked innocently. So, now I was the pervert?
And then she punched me in the shoulder, softly. "Just once every so often, got it? Just so you can... vent off steam. We're not doing anything bad, I'm just helping my dear little brother relax after a difficult day of practice."
I had to stifle the bark of laughter that'd have no doubt drawn way too much attention had I not repressed it. "That sounds very reasonable. You're just a concerned sister taking care of her younger and stress-filled brother."
"That's exactly what I am. One hundred percent." She said, winking.
I shook my head in disbelief. Here I was, contradicting myself at every turn. I said one thing, then meant another. Said this was wrong, that this was right. My words were scattered. Maybe part of this was, as I kept claiming it, nothing more than animal lust. Maybe a natural urge. Perhaps part of what was occurring was instinct and instinct alone.
A man's urges are hardly ever rational and definitely can't be dictated by rationality alone.
Yet another part of me was not so sure, and this particular feeling was the source of all this doubt I expressed.
"Until then."
Mia stepped up and placed her arms around my shoulders, and our faces drew very close.
A peck.
The contact was feather-light. She backed off, slowly, waving a tiny, cute hand that looked too small for that sleeve. I could barely see her fingers.
My smile held up until I closed the door, because as much as I loved this feeling, I knew there would be consequences of playing with fire.