I found myself in the same position I'd been in the night before—staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, wide awake.
The sun hadn't risen yet, the sky still cloaked in its darkest shade of blue. The room was quiet and still, save for the sound of my own breathing and the occasional rustle of bed sheets as I shifted and rolled in my bed. My eyes were wide open, unblinking, fixed on the blank expanse of the ceiling above me.
It wasn't that I couldn't sleep. It wasn't that I was tired, or that I was having trouble falling asleep.
It was that my mind was too active, too full of thoughts and questions and worries. And at the center of it all, was Mia. A stubborn, fiery woman. Twinkling, mischievous eyes. A rare type of beauty that was impossible to look away from. Butter-yellow hair; not dyed out of some desire to be unique or different, nor was it that rebellious spark to go against nature, but rather to fit a vague criteria of which woman I might take interest in.
It had been so long since then, yet she still regularly dyed it. Did she simply grow fond of the color? Was it a mere habit? Or was it a subconscious decision, a way of telling me she was interested?
I didn't want to look too deep into it, for fear of finding the answer I dreaded. It was an elusive thing, something I ignored when we were kids, because back then it hardly seemed important.
But now, in this perfect, sleepless moment of introspection, I couldn't help but wonder if I should have paid more attention to the little things. The glances, the smiles, the touches. I thought it was somewhat normal, even though my relationship with Su Ah was vastly different, but who was I to compare the dynamics of one to the other?
They were different people, and I was the only common denominator.
And yet…
I didn't know. I didn't know what to think, or how to react.
There were two possibilities. The first one was that I was reading too much into it, and that I was overreacting. It wasn't uncommon for siblings to be affectionate with one another, and it was possible that she was simply expressing her love for me in a way that was familiar and comfortable for her.
The second possibility was that I was right, and that she did have feelings for me that went beyond the bounds of familial love. But that, to me, would be the worst possible outcome. It would complicate things between us in ways I didn't even want to think about.
The thought of it made my chest tighten with dread.
I didn't want to think about it, but I couldn't stop. My mind was running in circles, trying to find a way to reconcile these two possibilities, and I couldn't come up with a clear answer.
Her smile. The slightest narrowing of her eyes. Her skin.
Her hugs. The way she touched me, held me.
The way her ass—
I felt my pulse quicken, and I quickly smoldered that thought.
I wasn't easily stressed out. I've pointed a gun to a man's head before, and I've had a gun pointed at mine. I've killed a man, and I've nearly been killed. But this was different.
This was Mia. This was my sister. This wasn't a game. This wasn't a battle. This wasn't a war.
I rubbed my throat as I swiftly got up from bed. Waiting for sleep was straight out pointless, right now. Besides, despite everything, I did promise Mia we'd go out today.
In fact, it'd be a good chance to see the way she'd act. If my suspicions were correct or not.
...
I took a quick shower. Brushed my teeth. Dried my hair. Slipped into a casual outfit consisting of a black shirt and jeans.
Then, I went downstairs.
There, in the kitchen, I saw my mother. She was busying herself, filling the coffee pot with water and setting it to boil. She turned around at the sound of my footsteps, her face brightening with a warm smile as she saw me.
"Good morning, dear." Eun Ha said cheerfully. "You're up early. Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes. I hope you're hungry."
"I am, actually." I replied, taking a seat at the kitchen counter. "What's on the menu?"
"Your favorite: high protein pancakes." She said, turning back to the stove. "Oh, and I got this for you as well. Don't overdo it with these things, though~" As she said so, she placed a cold can of white monster on the counter in front of me. Zero sugar, zero calories. Perfect for a pre-workout boost. And she knew I loved it.
"Thanks." I said, popping it open.
She hummed happily as she worked, mixing the batter and pouring it into a hot pan. "So, what are your plans for the day? Do you have any practice sessions scheduled?"
"Nothing special." I said, taking a much needed sip. "Just gonna hang around town. I think I'm going to watch a movie later on today. Oh, and I'll be with Mia Noona."
"A movie? How fun! I haven't been to the cinema in ages. Your father and I used to go all the time when we were younger. We'd see all the latest releases, hold hands during the scary parts." She chuckled, flipping the pancakes with practiced ease. "I'm not sure how your sister roped you into spending time with her, but I'm glad you're not spending all of your time off training yourself to the bone like you usually do. You're still so young, you need to enjoy these moments. Have fun with it, alright? You deserve some relaxation."
I huffed, closing my eyes. "You're right. I'll be more mindful."
Eun Ha smiled brightly.
"You deserve some relaxation as well, mom." I said, off-handed. My conversation with Mia yesterday did make me think that I'd likely not be able to spend as much time with my family as I wanted to. "Perhaps I can convince you to come along next time, yeah?"
Her eyes widened at this, and she let out a soft chuckle. "That's sweet of you. I'd love to, dear."
The conversation tapered off as Eun Ha focused on cooking.
Within minutes, Mia came sauntering down, not in her usual casual wear, but in a tight-fitting dress and heels, a small purse dangling from her shoulder. She was always stylish, but this was a step beyond. Her butter-yellow hair was tied into a side-ponytail, her eyes sparkling as she saw me. "Ah, good, you're here." She said, her voice soft.
I nodded, a little taken aback by her outfit.
She glanced at my mother, who was too busy cooking to pay much attention to us. Then she slid onto the seat next to mine, placing her purse on the counter. "So... I was thinking that, after breakfast, we could head to the mall first. I know a great store that sells really nice clothes. I could help you pick out some stuff. What do you say?"
Mia leaned forward slightly, her eyes locked onto mine.
I took another sip of the monster; God only knew how much I needed it. "Yes, that sounds good."
"Great." She said, her smile widening. "We could also check out some of the new releases. I heard there's a horror movie coming out that looks pretty good. You like horror, right?"
I raised an eyebrow. "I'm surprised you'd want to watch something like that."
"Why?"
"I thought you didn't like scary movies."
She shrugged. "I like being scared. It's exciting. Plus, if it gets too much for me, I can just hold onto you, right?"
I stopped halfway through a sip. "Me?"
"Yeah." She said, a playful twinkle in her eye. "You're my baby brother. You'd protect your Noona, right? Hold me close, tell me it's going to be okay."
I froze for a second, then sighed. "Of course."
"You'd better." She grinned, poking me in the side. "Or else."
I rolled my eyes.
This was the type of thing I didn't know if I should take seriously, or brush off as a joke. In fact, it was hard to tell whether or not she was just messing with me or if she actually meant it.
It was a strange feeling, not knowing where I stood with her anymore.
Straight out confronting her about it wasn't an option either. That'd be the nuclear option, and I didn't want to risk blowing things up if I could help it. At least not until I had some more solid evidence that there was something going on, and not just me being paranoid.
Mia quietly nudged me with her elbow, looking at me with a playful, wild grin. One side of her face was partially hidden behind a curtain of buttery-yellow hair. "I'm looking forward to today." She said softly.