Chapter 237: Dust of a Million Dreams
What... what was that...?
Ray’s head was ringing, an endless, high-pitched buzzing that seemed to drill into his skull without pause. His thoughts scattered in all directions, blurred and unsteady, as if each one slipped through his grasp before he could hold onto it. He tried to open his eyes, to move his hands, to hear something—anything—but nothing happened. There was no sound, no light, no response from his body.
{wa-- wa-- p -- --- -- -- - -y -- -- g-t--urs---}
Aetheris’s voice echoed inside his mind, broken and fragmented like a signal struggling through heavy interference, the syllables bending and twisting until even the meaning was half-lost. Yet even those disjointed words could not drown out the constant buzzing that rattled through his consciousness.
His skull throbbed with every heartbeat, each pulse sending sharp tremors through his head. His body felt hot... no, not just hot—burning, far beyond what any human should be able to endure.
W-what... is happening...?
His mind searched for answers, but his memories were fogged. He couldn’t recall what had happened, as though a thick curtain had been drawn across his thoughts.
Minutes passed—or perhaps it was half an hour. Time no longer held any meaning. It was only after what felt like an eternity that the buzzing began to fade, just enough for him to think again, though his senses still refused to return. He could neither see nor hear, and his lips would not part to form a sound.
I remember... there was a sudden blast and...
{WAKE UP RAY!!! DON’T DIE, YOU BASTARD!!!}
Aetheris’s desperate cry tore through the haze, making Ray’s thoughts flinch as if struck.
I am awake... though...
{WAK--}
The words cut off abruptly, but in that instant Ray felt something deeper than the broken syllables—shock, grief, anger, and a raw sadness that shouldn’t even exist within a sword. Those emotions seeped into him through their bond, unfiltered and heavy.
{Oh... you are awake. I guess you survived then. Good. Good, it’s good you’re still alive.}
The voice had shifted instantly, the earlier desperate shouts now replaced by a calm, almost grandfatherly tone.
If Ray had been in a better mood, he might have found the sword’s unpredictable behavior—going from raging to gentle in seconds—oddly amusing. After all, this was the so-called God Slayer speaking.
But he wasn’t in the mood for amusement.
What happened? I remember... a sudden, massive explosion erupting from nowhere. I reacted without thinking, releasing all the absorbed force outward—enough to stall the blast, or at least that’s what should have happened. But then I remember... my body burning, the Mantle Skill’s limit shattering even though the charge had already dropped to 0%...
...How is that possible...? How could that attack have happened...?
Deep inside, he already knew. The Hollow Mother had survived even after the Saint’s strike that Ash unleashed. It had transformed into its small form—a form that had a 100% chance that it could quickly regrow to its previous size.
Still, he could not bring himself to fully accept it. How could such a tiny remnant of that creature create an explosion of that magnitude?
And what about the awakened ones who were unconscious...? What about the civilians...?
Why can’t I see or hear anything...? Why can’t I even open my mouth...? What’s happening...? And where are you? Were you thrown away from the blast...? And Ash...? Where is he...?
His questions came one after another, a flood that refused to stop, though he already knew the answers to most of them. His eyes would not open because they had melted away in the heat; his ears could not hear because the drums had been torn apart; his mouth could not speak because there was no mouth left to move.
He knew what that meant for the others in the blast zone, but some fragile, desperate hope still clung to him—that perhaps, somehow, a miracle had saved them. Perhaps the Saint who had given Ash that attack had come to shield them.
But all that came from Aetheris was a single, drawn-out sigh.
Being linked to Ray’s mind, Aetheris had felt every contradiction in his thoughts, every hope and denial tangled together. Even when Ray’s mind had been in chaos earlier, Aetheris had sensed it. And now, that sigh... that heavy, resigned sigh... told Ray everything he feared was true.
His thoughts stilled. His body stilled. Even his emotions froze in place, as if the weight of the truth had locked them away.
Did they all die...? I tried to save them... but in the end, they all died.
Was it my fault...? Did I kill them...? No... no, I tried my best. I fought with everything I had. We almost succeeded... but... but what happened at the end...? Why did such a massive blast occur...?
Before his thoughts could fall deeper into the abyss, a new sensation stirred. Someone... was touching him.
It was so unexpected that his mind flinched away from it.
W... Who...?
Ray asked himself, but then his body suddenly felt lighter, as if an invisible weight had been lifted from him. A strange warmth spread through his veins, mending what had been torn apart. He felt his shattered hands knit back together, and the broken parts of him—the torn flesh, the deep burns, the cracks in bone—slowly began to restore themselves. His eyes, ears, and mouth formed once more, reshaping with a sensation that was alien to him.
Within a few minutes of this constant, almost overwhelming supply of energy, Ray could feel his body returning to its former state. The feeling was bizarre, almost foreign, as if his very cells were being rewritten. It was his first time suffering such devastating injuries, the kind that left even breathing a distant thought. If not for his Indomitable Mantle skill... Ray would have been nothing more than a corpse lying in the dirt.
His eyelids fluttered open, and the first thing he saw was a face—beautiful in its symmetry, framed by long, loose hair that swayed gently with the lingering breeze. Blue eyes stared back at him, and in them he recognized Ash.
Yet the expression was not the one he had grown used to in the present. It mirrored the way Ash had looked long ago—eyes dim, stripped of light, a completely neutral mask that seemed to bury every possible trace of human emotion.
Ray said nothing. His mind felt heavy, as if the thoughts he wanted to form were too dense to rise to the surface. Pushing himself off the ground, he became aware of sunlight spilling over his bare skin.
...Sunlight..?
Slowly, he turned his head. In that instant, his heart felt as though it had been torn apart. His blood ran cold, his spine stiffened, and every breath felt like frost in his lungs.
His eyes widened as the sight before him crashed into his mind—there was no sign of peaks, ridges, or even debris. Only a vast, yawning hole carved into the very planet itself, and they were lying inside its depths, like two fragile survivors at the bottom of a scar the world itself would remember.
"T-T-T-T-T-This..."
The stutter was all he could manage. No other words came. But within that broken sound was the weight of what he felt—the cruelty of the world, the cruelty of fate, and a deep, unrestrained hatred for the demons that had brought this to pass.
---
Ash watched Ray’s stuttering figure, so unlike the brave protagonist he had once read about in the novel.
What bravery? There was no such thing. People simply put on a show, hiding their cracks behind practiced smiles. Everyone is vulnerable, in some way or another.
Some feel it in the presence of those they love. Others, who have no one, feel it most when the silence of being alone swallows them. In that silence, they find a strange solace, yet also the sharpest reminder of how fragile they are.
Ash himself was no exception.
He could not shake the sensation that still clung to him—the feeling of his entire body being consumed by heat, only to be healed in the same instant.
That unbearable heat, that tearing agony, and the unnatural speed of recovery had left a shadow in his mind that no amount of willpower could erase.
The experience had been nothing short of... traumatic.
He was still reeling from having faced the full power of a Saint’s attack. And before that shock had even settled, he had endured yet another of his most horrifying deaths, one that had lodged itself quietly and mercilessly into his bones.
The emotions, the pain, and the raw flood of sensation had been too much, forcing him back into the expressionless state he had once worn in the days before Dark Ash had vanished.
It was the only shield he knew, a cold mechanism to protect what remained of himself.
His sense of self clung together by threads—threads woven from the Rune of Stability, the Rune of Knowledge, and perhaps, the faint whisper of Life.
So they all died... huh.
The thought was cold, but it was not born from apathy. It was born from a choice. He was not feeling anything, because he refused to let himself feel. He had locked his emotions away, sealing the door shut.
And yet, no matter how much he suppressed them, his heart still beat against that locked door, thumping loudly as if to remind him that he was still alive.
I tried my best. I killed the Hollow Mother. Then why did the explosion happen? And an explosion of this size... one that erased the whole city from the face of the planet?
Does that even make sense?
He had fought like a beast trapped in a cage, shattering the bars with bloody hands, only to realize that the circus he had been trying to escape had already burned to ash.
His fists clenched before he even noticed. And then, beside him...
"DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN THOSE MOTHER FUCKING DEMONS.....DAMN IT....."
Ray broke down, his voice cracking under the unbearable weight of emotions. His guilt, his anger, his sadness, his grief, his... his..?
He collapsed to his knees and cried, fists pounding the ground as if trying to bury the pain beneath the earth. "I should have been more careful, I should... I should’ve seen it coming. I—" His teeth sank into his lip until the metallic tang of blood spread across his tongue.
"What’s the point of surviving if everyone’s dead?"
Inside, his mind spun in an endless loop: I killed them. I killed them. I killed them.
Even if Ray had never known the victims personally, his conscience refused to let him detach. People had died, and in his heart, he felt a thread of responsibility binding him to their fate.
It was his carelessness... no...
It’s my fault... why is he falling apart like this... Ash’s gaze was void of emotion as he watched Ray, then shifted upward, toward the sky, then towards the vast crater, the... aftermath of the battle.
It was my fault. I wasn’t able to kill it fast enough. If only I had mastery over the death element... the creature would have been finished in seconds... maybe... maybe...
The wind carried with it the dust of a million shattered dreams, clinging to their skin, seeping into their lungs, settling deep like the weight of guilt neither could shake.
It took a long time for Ray’s sobs to quiet. Ash did not comfort him, nor did he scold him, but his own thoughts circled endlessly, weaving together every possible grim outcome as if punishing himself in silence.
When the air finally felt less suffocating, Ray spoke again, his voice rough and uneven. "Why... why did the blast happen?"
"I don’t know," Ash replied instantly.
Ray’s face flushed red, his frustration igniting again. "You don’t know? You said you knew everything about that abomination, and now you’re saying you don’t know? Are you kidding me?" His words were sharp, spilling with anger that refused to settle.
Ash turned his head slightly, meeting Ray’s gaze with an unyielding coldness. "I am not omniscient. No one is."
Ray gritted his teeth, bitterness twisting his voice. "As if. You claim to know everything about me, yet you don’t know anything about the monster. Only... only if you knew, only if you—"
"And what then? What difference would that have made? We still would have been unable to kill that monster. People still would have died from the life force absorption. We tried and failed, that is all."
"That’s all? That’s all? You’re saying that’s all? Are you even human, you vile monster? Don’t you have any feelings?" Ray’s rage erupted as he swung a punch at Ash.
Ash caught it, but the force still rattled through his bones, making his fingers tingle.
Before the quarrel could spiral into a full fight, Aetheris voice rang out.
Yes, voice. His words came directly from his sword form, buried a short distance away.
The sound wasn’t carried by air but by faint, deliberate vibrations in the blade itself. Both Ash and Ray knew he could do this, so they weren’t surprised... only reminded of his presence.
{Sigh... Don’t be so pathetic, fighting like this. Don’t you have any shame?}
"But don’t you know what he said? ’That’s all.’ This fucker’s feeling nothing," Ray shot back, still seething.
{...}
{Ray, not everyone likes to show their vulnerable side to others. Leave him be.}
{Instead, let me tell you exactly what happened. How the blast occurred. And everything else.}
***