༺ Journey Back Home And A War Of Nerves ༻
Thud. Thump.
In the silence, the carriage wheels rolling were the only sound heard.
“Huhuhu…… The weather is quite nice. It would be quite nice if we don’t encounter any bandits. But what brings you to Mountain Swallow Village?
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
“……Um, the weather is quite nice. It’s rare for someone to visit a mountain village. Last time, we had adventurers. Are you also adventurers, my dear customers?”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
“Huh, huhuh……”Regardless of whether the coachman wanted to break the awkward silence by chatting or not, I continued to stare intently, trying to win this war of nerves against Pink-Haired Lesbian. We were glaring at each other without uttering a single word.
I had to break her spirit. I had to get on her nerves. It was extremely difficult to twist a relationship once it had been established. I needed to either dominate, or at the very least, build a relationship of equals. Only then could I fend off the evil grasp of that wicked les.
I had to protect my small and precious Tower Master. I had to take control of the atmosphere, win the battle, and prevent her from having any thoughts of daring to flirt with the Tower Master.
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
This was a battle where the first one to speak would lose.
Even if my eyes hurt, drying like crunchy chips, I endured. The dryness of the cornea was not important. What mattered was victory and I was in the middle of approaching it. I could bear pain.
At that moment, Pink-Haired Lesbian slowly moved forward.
“⋯⋯⋯⋯?!”
Her face came close. Closer…….and closer! Without stop!
What is this? What does it mean? If this continues……..『It Will Touch』.
I’m talking about our lips! Our lips would touch!
The butterfly flying around fluttered its wings dynamically.
……No, it must be a bluff. It didn’t make sense to sacrifice the purity of lips just to win a battle of nerves. It was definitely a bluff. Definitely, a bluff.
The tips of our noses touched.
My eyes reflected in Pink-Haired Lesbian’s pupils were trembling, as if there was an earthquake occurring. This couldn’t continue. I had to regain my composure. Showing agitation was synonymous to admitting defeat.
To win…
……To win, I, too, had to move forward. I had to assert that it didn’t matter whether we kissed or not. That I was a fucking playboy who fucked. And that you would be the one to back down, not me.
But……what if we collide?
If we end up colliding, what happens to me……?
Should I back down? If I move forward, will Pink-Haired Lesbian back down? If she doesn’t…..? No, no, this dilemma, this worry, is exactly what Pink-Haired Lesbian is aiming for. I must not be fooled. I had to muster courage.
I needed to have the courage to 『Step Forward Even if it Means Jumping Off a Cliff』!
I, too, moved forward. With firm resolve, I pushed my face forward. Our noses grazed past each other and…
Thump!
The carriage shook violently.
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
A slightly different silence followed. If the previous silence was like the tension between two swordsmen in a quickdraw duel…….
This silence was the……pain and regret of two retards who lost something precious while engaging in a meaningless war of nerves. We both opened our mouths simultaneously.
“Pink-Haired Lesbian.”
“Mr. Crazy Wizard.”
“Let’s pretend this never happened.”
“It is indeed true that merely brushing past does not count.”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
I cradled my lips and curled up in pain. Pink-Haired Lesbian, too, was banging her forehead against the carriage wall while pulling out her hair. Nothing had been gained and only much was lost.
Only the fluttering sound of an outraged butterfly could be heard……
===============================================================
Only after spending time healing our emotional wounds could we maintain a conversation. Although we did not verbally agree, we consented through our gaze and minds to sign a ceasefire agreement.
“Mr. Crazy Wizard, you are heading to your hometown, correct?”
“That’s right, Pink-Haired Lesbian. I have no memories of my hometown, so I’m going in order to recover them.”
There were three main reasons for this sudden visit to my hometown (a place I don’t remember).
It’s against my principles, as someone born in the Eastern Land of Courtesy, to neglect my parents. If I can restore my memories, I might see an angle to achieve Metamorphosis. When stating reasons, it’s a rule to list three. As I counted the reasons on my fingers, Pink-Haired Lesbian came in with a tackle.
“The third one is unnecessary, is it not?”
“It’s a matter of aesthetics. Then why were you sent here?”
“My senior at work made me. She said she was looking for someone who had slightly lost their mind, so it seemed like the task would be troublesome and annoying. Also, I am excessively normal, so it didn’t seem to fit me. Was what I said when refusing, but……”
“But?”
“I fell for Senior’s honey trap.”
“⋯⋯?”
“She said she’d let me touch her breasts……”
“Ah.”
What a perfectly understandable reason. I felt an inner intimacy rapidly building after that conversation. I was reminded of a close friend from my previous life. I’m talking about a friend with whom I could share and enjoy all sorts of cultures.
In this current life, I did have friends, but well…How to put it. They were all girls, making it impossible to have deep conversations typically had between men. The Tower Master was girly and though Senior Scarface had gloomy, hard-boiled dreams, she was still definitely a woman.
And from what I could see, the Pink Hair in front of me did seem to be a man, albeit with some gender-related bugs at birth. I asked very cautiously.
“By any chance……”
“Yes.”
“What do you think about panties?”
“It’s everything……I think?”
My heart started pounding.
“Could you perhaps share your interpretation of the panties you’re wearing right now?”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
Pink-Haired Lesbian pondered calmly, then shared her own answer.
“They are white.”
“The reason?”
“Because they need to be seen through the black stockings.”
I shivered.
I instantly formed a mutual understanding with Pink-Haired Lesbian and we engaged in a noble, reverent, and even academic discussion about panties until we reached our destination. We shared our souls and felt true brotherhood.
I thought I could continue to be close friends with Pink Haired Lesbi……
“Wouldn’t pink lingerie suit the Tower Master?”
“What did you say, you motherfucker?”
I plunged back into the battlefield to refute this heretic idea. I couldn’t forgive myself for feeling friendship, even if it was just for a moment, with this Panty Ignoramus. How dare she not understand the value of nothingness?
There was a fierce verbal swordplay. The main topic of debate? Whether the Intangible Sword was truly swordsmanship.
I could never forget the look on the coachman’s face when we got off the carriage. It was an expression contemplating whether to report this to the guards or not.
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“Is this my homeland……”
I thought that stepping on the land of my hometown would bring back forgotten memories like a panorama. But reality was, as always, reality, and nothing came to mind.
The material of the fence surrounding the village was wood and it was about as high as my chest. There seemed to be no facilities to protect against invasions from the outside.
The scenery was that of an ordinary rural village. There were houses scattered about and people were digging for potatoes in the fields. Usually a fairly large village had an Adventurer Guild, general stores, and all the typical fantasy-world facilities, though.
But this remote, backwater village seemed to have crammed all those amenities into the Village Chief’s house.
Where would my house be in this place? Right as I looked around, wondering if it still existed, Pink-Haired Lesbian, lifting her glasses, gave me a wary look.
“Something is strange.”
“…….Where? What is?”
“Look at the gazes.”
“Ah, indeed…….”
The obvious reactions that should be there when strangers entered a village were missing. No caution, no curiosity, nothing.
People passing by just glanced at us and kept going on with their lives.
Unless this village was a high-traffic trade hub, which it wasn’t, its daily routine would be seeing the same faces over and over. As such, strangers would inevitably stand out.
Moreover, we were a man wearing a Magic Tower robe and a woman in an obviously expensive suit. Compared to the villagers in clothes made of coarse fabric, we might as well be from another world.
Several hypotheses came to mind, but given that Pink-Haired Lesbian was an agent of the Intelligence Bureau, her guesses were likely more accurate. So, I asked.
“What do you think?”
“To be extreme, it could be a trap set by a Black Wizard.”
“Isn’t that a bit too extreme…….?”
“If we think in a more boring manner, it means that outsiders have been frequently coming and going recently. And that group most likely includes wizards.”
“That means……”
“Isn’t it likely that perhaps a goblin tribe has settled nearby? The Adventurer Guild would have posted a village-level request. That is why outsiders frequented this place.”
It made sense. If we were writing the most rational scenario, that would be it. As long as there were no mind-blowing plot twists or unnecessary complications……
“If a main character’s party wants to gather information, the Village Chief’s house would be the most likely place to head. If not, the village hall as a second option.”
“I agree. Considering the possibility that the outsiders might have vacated the premises, visiting the Village Chief’s residence would be the most efficient choice.
The butterfly also seemed to agree, circling in the air.
“My goal is to find my lost family register, but instead of wandering around the village asking ‘Do you know me?’……. It would be quicker to ask the Village Chief. To the chief’s house, then.”
“Yes.”
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“THAT’S! EXACT! LY! WHAT! I’M! SAY! ING! If you’ve taken the money, shouldn’t you be doing something?!!”
“The commission we received was for ‘Village Protection’, not a ‘Goblin Tribe Attack’. Just look here! Seems like the oh so great academy student can’t even read?”
“Do you enjoy deceiving people into signing contracts when they can’t read?!”
“Once we had verified and stamped our seals, it was over. Our mercenary group is moving according to the contract. Why can’t you understand this simple fact?”
“Humans should have some decency-! You’ve been taking over the Village Chief’s house for days, depleting the food supply! How is this ‘protecting the village’ that’s about to freeze to death!!”
“All you do is yap. This is why women are…..”
It was a shitshow.
On the left, a girl clad in a bright red robe was screaming. Judging by the color and emblem, she was a wizard from the Red Magic Tower.
On the right, five men, who looked like they would sneak a chicken out while doing a delivery, were snickering. Their outfit and weaponry suggested they were low-grade mercenaries.
Maintaining a positive attitude was crucial in life. Even facing such troubles, changing one’s mindset could make the situation much more bearable.
I came to investigate my hometown and it seemed like a scam involving a contract between the village and the mercenary group had surfaced. (X)
I came to my hometown and material for a session just rolled in by itself. (O)
With that thought, I felt more confident and in good spirits. Who am I? A walking bundle of luck with material bursting at my feet wherever I go. A man loved by the Goddess of Dice. Someone who has had tea with an Imperial Princess and an Imperial Prince.
Looking at me standing with my arms folded and smiling, Pink-Haired Lesbian asked quietly.
“If you want to quell this disturbance, just say the word.”
“Why? What are you going to do?”
“Just one bastard. I’ll punch just one bastard and plant them in the ceiling. That usually quiets things down.”
“Your fighting style is fucking lit.”
“What?”
“No, nothing. I have a more peaceful and better way.”
Wasn’t that what Illusion Magic was for? Fireboys and watergirls could only do so much in such situations. Like throwing fireballs or ice spears. That was probably all they could do. And such violent spells inevitably brought harm.
Even if thrown just for intimidation, it would blow up the wooden floor or shatter the grandfather clock, no?
But with Illusion Magic, in such a simple manner, so elegantly and quietly, I could…
“『Sensory Reproduction : Overflow』.”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯!”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯!!”
Both parties, who had been raising their voices, shuddered and stopped their quarrel. Then, without any order, they started moving towards the outside of the premises.
Pink-Haired Lesbian watched this scene as if it was fascinating.
“What illusion did you show them?”
“It’s not an illusion I showed, but a……..sensation I made them feel.”
“What sensations is it? Fear? Helplessness?”
“That’s……”
Swish.
I spread my arms, blocking the Red Magic Tower wizard trying to leave the building. The wizard twisted and squirmed, crossing her thighs anxiously.
After seeing this, it seemed Pink-Haired Lesbian realized the nature of the sensation I had induced. Her gaze cooled by at least 10 degrees.
“W-What are you doing?! M-Move! It’s a bit urgent right now……”
“That sensation is just in your imagination, Wizard of the Red Tower.”
“No, shit, I said move…….!!”
“I’m telling you it’s your imagination. The urge you feel right right now is no different from an illusion, so…… Let’s talk. What’s happening exactly? Who are those people?”
“Move, I sa……Ah. Ugh, eh…….”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
Ah.
I remembered the severe drawback of this spell. Being an imaginary urge, I thought it would only assert control to the point of feeling the need, but…
If there was already liquid in the bladder, that is, uh, so like….
Mm.
“……I’ll erase the traces with Illusion Mag──”
“YOU SON OF A BITCH-!!”
WHACK-!
Stars flickered before my eyes for a moment and my jaw snapped to the side. The Red Tower Wizard had quite the punch.
Pink-Haired Lesbian, who seemed to give off the impression of ‘He deserved it, but I’m still his guard, so I’ll retaliate’, was dissuaded by my hand signals to not counter-attack. It was deserved, after all.
I quietly repented……
***
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