I placed my hand on the thick ice block, eyeing the crab floating inside like a frozen dinner. It stared back with those wide, soulless eyes. Steve swam up beside me, gave the crab a once-over, and then looked at me.
"You gonna eat it or interrogate it?"
I frowned. "Both, if possible."
With a wave of my hand, I shifted the water around us, forcing it outward in a slow swirl. A hollow space formed in the center, and a thin dome of water shimmered above us. The water clung to the edges like an upside-down bowl. Steve immediately exhaled and blinked.
"Finally! I was two seconds from drowning."
"You can swim, Steve."
"Yeah, swim. Not monologue in a crab's face."
I ignored him and turned back to the cube. The crab sat in the center, still frozen solid but alive. I tapped the ice twice.
"Hey. You understand us?" I asked.
No response. Obviously.
Steve stepped closer. "Try waving. Everyone responds to hand signs."
I narrowed my eyes. "It has claws, Steve. Not hands."
He ignored me and gave the crab a peace sign. Then a thumbs up. Then he mimed eating something and pointed at the crab.
The crab blinked slowly. It looked mildly offended.
"I think you just threatened it," I said.
"No, that was universal for 'we're friends.'"
"Pretty sure that was universal for 'I'm hungry and you're dinner.'"
I sighed and released a bit of Essence. The ice thinned slightly so the crab could hear us better.
The crab raised one claw and tapped the ice twice.
Tap. Tap.
We both blinked.
"…Did it just respond?" Steve asked.
I leaned in. "Tap once for yes. Twice for no."
The crab tapped once.
"Holy crap. It understands!"
Steve gasped. "Wait. Ask it if it's guarding something!"
I looked at the crab. "Are you guarding something?"
Tap.
"Is it treasure?"
Tap tap.
"Is it meat?"
Tap tap.
"…Is it an entrance?"
Tap.
Steve leaned in. "Ask it if the sloth-mice work for it."
"Do the rats work for you?"
Tap tap.
"Oh," Steve said. "So… crab boss, not crab king."
"Ask if it likes being frozen."
"Steve, what kind of question is—?"
I looked at the crab. "Do you like being frozen?"
The crab flailed both claws dramatically and smashed one against the ice.
"Okay, okay! Sorry. Let's wrap this up before he has a heart attack."
Steve grinned. "Last one, ask if it's going to move the rock for us."
I hesitated. "Will you let us in?"
The crab glared at me.
Tap tap.
Then it slowly turned around in the cube.
Steve rubbed his chin. "You think it just said no… or it's mooning us?"
"I think both."
I sighed and released the rest of the ice. The crab flopped out and instantly raised its claws in a boxing stance.
Steve took a step back. "Bro, we're not fighting a crab."
I held up my hands. "Easy. We're just tourists."
The crab tilted its head, lowered its claws… and then pointed at the rock.
We blinked.
"Was… was that a yes?"
It pointed again.
"Yep," Steve said, clapping. "Definitely a yes."
I grinned. "I love it when negotiations don't end in explosions."
The crab raised one claw and tapped my shoulder.
I looked at Steve.
"…Is it asking for a tip?"
Steve shrugged. "Give it a shiny rock."
I handed the crab a glowing ice shard which barely took a second to create. It accepted it like royalty.
We nodded in respect. The crab returned the nod.
Crab diplomacy: complete.
The water dome still held as the crab pointed at the rock with all the royal dignity of an ancient gatekeeper. Steve gave it a thumbs-up, then leaned toward me.
"I still say it's asking for a bribe."
"We already gave it a glowing rock," I muttered.
Steve crossed his arms. "That was a tip. Tips and bribes are different. Bribes come before the service."
"This isn't a restaurant, Steve."
"Exactly. It's a secret entrance. You think crabs open doors for free?"
The crab, still holding the glowing shard like it was sacred treasure, turned and began crawling slowly toward the rock.
Steve poked my arm. "You're just mad I handled the diplomacy better."
I turned to him. "You threatened it with a peace sign."
"I established dominance."
"You flashed hungry signs at a crab."
He grinned. "And look who's opening the door."
I rolled my eyes. "Just shut up and follow."
As we walked forward toward the rock, the argument simmered under the surface like a kettle about to whistle. Steve nudged me with his elbow.
"Bet I could've convinced it to open the entrance ten minutes ago if you let me do all the talking."
"Oh yeah?" I stopped. "Let me guess—you'd challenge it to a game of underwater charades?"
He grinned. "Better than freezing it."
That hit a nerve.
"Freezing works fine," I snapped. "It listened after I froze it, didn't it?"
Steve raised an eyebrow. "So your strategy is just ice everything until someone agrees with you?"
"Yes."
"You need therapy."
"You need to shut up."
We were staring face-to-face now, arms crossed, completely ignoring the fact that the crab had stopped and was now watching us like a disappointed babysitter.
Steve smirked. "Fine. If you're so confident, freeze me. See if I obey."
I smiled sweetly. "No. I'll freeze the crab again."
Steve's face dropped. "Wait, don't—"
"Too late."
I snapped my hand toward the crab. "Ice."
Essence burst out, and in an instant, a fresh block of shimmering ice swallowed the poor crab.
Again.
Steve just stared as the crab blinked from inside its frosty prison, visibly confused.
"Seriously? We just made peace with it!"
"You challenged my authority."
"Bro, you just iced our key."
The crab made a slow, exasperated motion—what looked suspiciously like a facepalm, if claws could do that.
I tilted my head. "You think it's mad?"
Steve nodded. "Mad and probably drafting a letter to the Labour Union."
We stared at the frozen block for a moment in silence.
Then Steve muttered, "Well, guess we're breaking into the secret place now."
I frowned. "We could just… unfreeze it again."
"Fine."
I sighed, walked over, and gently began melting the outer layer of ice—just enough to free its limbs.
The crab blinked slowly and then, with the weariness of someone who had seen too much, turned back to the rock.
It made a slow, dramatic gesture as if saying, Again with this?
Steve gave it a thumbs-up. "Sorry about him. He gets cranky when someone else has a better idea."
The crab didn't reply. It just waddled to the rock and, with a sigh that somehow translated through its body language, shifted the massive stone aside again.
The hidden hole underneath shimmered in the dim light.
Steve turned to me. "Next time, let me do the talking."
I nodded. "Sure. If we ever have to negotiate with a sea cucumber, you're in charge."
"Deal."
The crab raised one claw like it was waving goodbye or flipping us off.
Hard to tell.