TL: looloo
Schedule: 4/Week Wed-Sat
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I started dating Yeonho again.
In my foolishness, I confessed without even revealing my name.
Yet somehow, my words reached him.
"To be honest, I like you too. Do you want to go out with me?"
That day, your slightly alcohol-fueled confession managed to resonate with me, even if just a little.
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Raei Translations
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Since we started dating again, I've had many heart-to-heart conversations with Yeonho. Most of the topics were familiar, but the sheer joy of reconnecting and revisiting those moments with him was immeasurable.
Your demeanor now, compared to when we first dated after already having some history, is endearingly shy. The way you'd meet my eyes only to quickly look away was utterly charming.
It felt as if I was discovering a side of Yeonho from before we met. Initially, this realization brought a tinge of loneliness, but the extended moments I now have with him have become incredibly precious.
When we tried to capture a moment together in a photo, I noticed his stiffness, a clear sign of his nervousness.
In that first picture we took in this life, Yeonho was wrapped in evident awkwardness.
Yet to me, that picture was an irreplaceable treasure, one I'd want to hold onto for a lifetime.
I couldn't resist making it my profile picture and, with a bit of playful coaxing, asked Yeonho to do the same. After all, one never knows if there might be connections unknown to me.
I wanted a picture that, at first glance, left no doubt we were a couple.
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Raei Translations
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On a Friday, filled with exchanged messages, Yeonho and I had plans for a date on Saturday.
No matter how deeply two people are in love, seeing each other daily can be taxing. With this in mind, I decided we should take a day apart; I wouldn't visit, and I asked the same of Yeonho.
Yet, in between classes, our brief chats persisted. Merely a few hours in the evening apart, and I felt an overwhelming sense of emptiness.
Even though I had resolved to cut back on messaging during study hours, holding back only made me more anxious. Unable to resist and still in my school uniform, I found myself heading to Yeonho's school.
He was clearly surprised to see me, given our agreement not to meet. However, his warm, welcoming smile soon made me feel at ease.
Deep down, I knew he wouldn't hold a grudge over such a small thing. But I also didn't want to risk any hint of annoyance from him.
With Yeonho, all I wanted was to be enveloped in love.
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Raei Translations
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Saturday had come.
The day of the date with Yeonho.
The moment I woke up, I felt on the verge of tears.
It's hard to recall now, but I remember:
The last date I had before I truly understood love.
And the date I tried to have after understanding love, the one I never got to have with Yeonho.
I wanted to erase all those memories.
Even if Yeonho didn't love me yet,
I believed that with time and my effort, he might.
But the thoughts lingered.
What if Yeonho doesn't show up at our meeting spot again? Even as I put my utmost effort into getting ready that morning, I couldn’t steady my trembling nerves.
I messaged Yeonho, but still felt anxious.
I knew he was coming by subway, but the uncertainty persisted.
I even thought of meeting him at his place and setting off together. But taking that step felt like a decision I might never be able to shake off.
A car once took everything from my previous life.
Yet, it didn't leave me traumatized.
For all it took away,
It led me to a crucial realization.
It helped me recognize my love for Yeonho.
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Raei Translations
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I arrived an hour ahead of our planned meeting, eagerly waiting for him.
I wished you would come to see me waiting.
I was sure Yeonho would also arrive early, so I gave myself some buffer time. Amidst my anxiety, I found myself constantly checking my phone for about 30 minutes.
Then, he showed up.
Given that it's a place frequented by many awaiting their appointments or just passing through, he moved at a leisurely pace, navigating through the ever-dense crowd.
You came to me.
This time, we were able to meet.
"Yeonho!"
Unable to hide my joy, I rushed to him.
I tightly held Yeonho's hand with both of mine, steadying my emotions. I felt that if I let my guard down even for a moment, tears would stream down.
Thank you, Yeonho.
For not being late this time.
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Raei Translations
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Having safely met him, a weight was lifted from my shoulders.
As we chatted, he took my hand. Not interlocking our fingers, just in a plain way. A pang of longing hit a corner of my heart.
"Are you nervous?"
"Isn't this okay if we're dating?"
Yes, you reached out to me that way. I'll strive just as much, if not more, than the efforts you've made.
I released Yeonho's hand and took it again, this time with interlocked fingers.
"I like holding hands like this. Since we're dating."
Hearing this, Yeonho nodded in understanding.
Seeing the slight upturn of his lips, it was clear he was pleased. The brief knot of tension that had formed vanished instantly.
"By the way, I forgot to tell you earlier,"
"You look so beautiful today. I was genuinely taken aback when I saw you at the subway station."
His words, calling me beautiful, painted a smile across my face.
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Raei Translations
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Holding his hand, we strolled through the streets, just the two of us.
While lying in the hospital, I dreamt of days like this. During my rehabilitation, I yearned for them even more.
All the efforts I had put in flashed before my eyes. Though there were many painful and challenging days, they only strengthened my feelings for Yeonho.
The sheer joy of walking with Yeonho in this moment was electrifying. I felt a deep urge to do anything for him.
"You know how much I love street food, right?"
"The sensation of eating these guilty pleasures is incredible."
"Heena! Try just one bite! Just one!"
As we passed the street vendors, I was reminded of the words you used to say. You absolutely adored them, while I was slightly hesitant because they felt unsanitary.
"Heena, our family used to vacation on the east coast every summer. During the season, there are markets resembling open-air bazaars that pop up every other week. It's a treasure trove of delicious spots. Seriously, we should go together someday. You'll absolutely love it. It's cleaner than you'd think."
"Have you heard? There's a festival on the east coast during the summer with incredible street food."
Truthfully, I didn’t know.
We never managed to go together.
But now, I want to. Imagining future conversations about beach trips, I was drawn to the street vendors that caught his eye.
At this point in my life, I was so focused on my studies that I saved most of the allowance I received. I rarely spent any money since my parents and brother would often buy me cosmetics and clothes.
So, I eagerly moved ahead, intending to treat him. While I knew that being too one-sided wasn't ideal, I simply wanted to do something for him.
Finding a bench, I took out a scarf I had packed and laid it out for him.
He seemed pleasantly surprised by my gesture.
It's nothing big, Yeonho.
All these gestures, I learned them from you.
From someone who always put me first and took care of me.
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Raei Translations
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We visited an eyeglass store.
Although he doesn't currently wear glasses, I was aware that his eyesight wasn't the best.
There was no urgency to get him a pair right away. And if he did decide to, he wouldn't settle for a cheap pair. Proper lenses would undoubtedly come at a significant cost.
I could offer to pay, but he'd likely refuse.
"Should I buy one just for fashion?"
I smiled at your suggestion.
Seeing you wear the glasses I gave brought memories of the past. You looked so much like you used to.
I held back.
The sting at the corner of my eyes was concealed with laughter and joy.
After much thought, we selected a frame. But when he proceeded to pay, I concealed my disappointment and requested the shopkeeper to use plastic frames.
He once mentioned struggling for a long time because he didn't know he had an allergic reaction to metal frames when he first got glasses.
I'm just relieved we won't have that issue this time.
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Raei Translations
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While wandering around the cinema, I walked into the arcade next door. It brought back a flood of memories.
I always visited this mall when I watched movies, stopping by this spot every time while waiting.
Knowing I'd be uninterested in the smaller games, I noticed a familiar basketball game.
That game you always insisted on playing just once while I stood by and watched, impressed by your skill.
After the accident, I regretted many things, but most of all, I regretted missing the opportunity to do things together with you.
Even after a seemingly successful rehabilitation, I couldn’t run as normally as others.
I wanted to experience all the things you loved.
So, for the first time, ever, I stood beside you holding a basketball.
And I, too, grasped the ball with both hands. Though it might feel different from a real ball, I thought, "So this is how it feels."
You loved this ball so much.
And here I am, holding it for the first time.
Feeling a bit melancholic, I threw the ball with all my strength. After a few consecutive successes, someone beside me suggested we could play basketball together.
I thought it was a good idea.
Not a real match, of course, but I wanted to casually toss the ball back and forth on the court. After throwing it a few more times, I felt a strain on my arm and soon noticed soreness in my shoulder. So I took a break, holding a basketball and watching you play intently from the side.
There you were, so focused in the game, silent.
Surely, the you of my past memories and the present you seemed quite different.
Because our relationship started at a young age, it didn't have the same patience and leisure as before. The way you used to be so relaxed with me, a close friend, had transformed into the nervousness of a young man around his girlfriend.
Yet, still,
Your calm smile remained unchanged.
The face you made when you felt your attentiveness was lacking, when you tried hard to hide the corners of your mouth from turning up in joy,
And the serious expression you wore, a constant contrast to your usual jovial self, especially when you were so focused.
All of it was the you I loved.
No, in truth, you probably hadn't changed. We had just met early; this version of you was just the younger you, before turning twenty.
Tears I had been holding back since our first meeting, since that visit to the eyeglass store, began to fall, dripping one by one onto the ball I held.
You were by my side.
The basketball you loved so much, the friends who were always around, the precious youthful days of your early twenties - all of it was in the past.
All of it was given up by you, and you had dedicated yourself to me.
There you were, by my side, ready to relive those moments with me.
The sudden realization, the gratitude I felt for this chance brought tears to my eyes.
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Raei Translations
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Stupidly, I couldn't hold back one last time, causing Yeonho to worry. I ruined our plan to stay close until late into the night.
While I felt regret and sadness, I realized he was worried for me and accepted his comforting words.
Before getting on the bus, I embraced him, committing to memory the feel of his body and the scent from his exposed neck. Honestly, I wished to be with him not just for that evening but the following day as well.
I yearned to experience everything I hadn't before, right at that moment.
However, I shouldn't rush. Even if my heart wanted to make those fleeting feelings a reality,
I knew that you had a penchant for romance, perhaps even more than I did.
So, I chose to hold back.
It might not be easy suppressing these desires, feeling him so close,
But it's for you.
On the day you feel the happiest in your life,
I wish to become one with you.
Author's Note:
The "Heena" section turned out longer than anticipated.
I aimed to add a bit each time before switching subtitles...