Cheongwol froze at my words.
She wore an expression like she couldn't believe her ears.
I anticipated her reaction and grabbed her collar.
Sure enough, she started thrashing about.
“N-No! I hate it!!”
I had to grip the collar tighter than ever.
I flexed the muscles honed from tanning hides and menial labor.
Cheongwol bucked like a wild horse tethered down.
“I hate it, I said I hate it!!”
I forcibly subdued her hands as she flailed and pushed me away.
Soon, I seized her waist and spun her around.
With her back to me now, Cheongwol thrashed in my arms.
She wasn't thinking rationally, just lashing out blindly, so pinning her down wasn't too hard.
Her neck was secured by the collar, and her torso by my hold on her waist.
The more I did, the more flustered she got, shoving at my arm around her waist.
“L-Let go! I w-won't do it! I'll die before I do!!”
Cheongwol even kicked her legs up like a child throwing a tantrum.
Ugh!
Holding her only by the waist now, I had to brace myself to keep from shaking.
My back's gonna snap!!
I couldn't let her break free.
I had to subdue her quickly to control the situation.
If I backed down here, my life wouldn't be guaranteed.
Flap flap, her limbs flailed wildly in my arms.
Ow! You bitch! Scratching me now?
“H-How am I supposed to pee like this? Y-You're insane!”
I took a deep breath inwardly, then whispered calmly.
“You have to go, Wol-ah.”
“H-How can I go in front of a man!!”
“Why am I a stranger? You're mine right now.”
“...Ugh...!”
As if conceding, her struggling weakened for a moment.
One of her long legs touched the ground.
I was scared out of my mind too, but I couldn't deny that each of her reactions stimulated me.
Forcing a woman to submit.
Maybe because it was a life-or-death gamble, the dopamine rush felt even stronger.
Is this what it feels like to survive Russian roulette?
I don't want to do it... but the thrill of surviving? Can't even describe it.
That was the vibe as Cheongwol's resistance slackened.
More than anything... wow. Why is her waist so slim?
Crazy bitch. This is a nun's body?
I barely suppressed the urge to grab it hard.
Pleasure and terror mixed together.
Feels like facing off in the Colosseum.
Get it together. This isn't a woman.
This is... a tiger. A yaksha. A demon.
Don't be fooled by that frail sight from the temple earlier.
She's a soul-sucking fox spirit.
Better if she were ugly, damn it!! Why does her beauty make it harder...!
“No... I still don't want to...”
Cheongwol kept pushing at my arm.
I crushed her into my chest and kept saying things to ease her resistance.
“You drank the tea, so you have to let it out. A puppy out for a walk has to do its business before going back, right? You're not saying you'll do it in the room?”
“Th-There's the outhouse...!”
“I'm telling you, this is your outhouse.”
“Ah... aaa...”
Cheongwol's head drooped limply.
She was surely staring at the items I'd placed down.
I watched her reaction closely.
...Her neck and ears were starting to flush red.
Even in the moonlight, the difference was clear.
Above all, her body heat was scorching.
That heat told me she wasn't feeling pure disgust.
“Haa... haa...”
Whether from the struggle or something else, her breathing was ragged.
I turned my head a bit more to check her.
Her eyes were fixed piercingly on the fallen Buddha statue and the leather knife below.
I slowly released her.
Excretion is pleasure.
The act of expelling something from the body brings a certain release, no matter what it is.
Pleasure stems from that liberation.
...Except blood. That can't be pleasure.
Humans learn excretion first after birth.
In the cycle of eat, absorb, expel, we first connect with our bodies.
Ironically, humans quickly learn to hide excretion.
Because it's defenseless and dirty.
As social creatures, humans have an instinct to package themselves beautifully.
That instinct stands in direct opposition to excretion.
The moment you say you peed, your dignity takes a hit.
But everyone does it.
The girl you crushed on in school? Goes to the bathroom.
The flawless idol who couldn't possibly? Bathroom.
The capital's top beauty (virgin)? Bathroom.
The great figure immortalized in history for purity? Bathroom.
...Emei Sect's beautiful nun? Yeah, she goes too.
But people want to forget that obvious fact.
Or pretend not to know.
When your lover lets out a poot, you act like you didn't hear or smell it.
Sometimes people avoid even saying "I peed," opting for euphemisms like "went to pick flowers" or "got some fresh air."
Hiding excretion ultimately becomes the most primal dignity one can protect.
You might give up many things, but not that dignity easily.
Because it's what makes you human.
As a sadist, I want to shatter that pretense.
Of course, only for someone I love.
I want to forcibly drag out the most shameful moment from my most precious person.
My masochist, obedient and perhaps even noble to me... I want her to spew beastly humiliation before me.
I stood before Cheongwol again.
Her trembling eyes turned to me.
“If you don't pee... we can't end the walk.”
“...Ugh!”
“The Sect Leader will get mad if she finds out you're gone. Hurry up and go, then.”
Cheongwol's face was red as a beet.
Confusion and shame filled her expression.
“Anyone who sees will think you've already done it.”
“Sh-Shopkeeper...!”
“You haven't even done it yet, so why so embarrassed?”
I nodded toward the Buddha statue and Dang Soran's leather knife again.
“Why the hold-up, Wol-ah.”
“...”
“I thought you had a lot of resentment toward the Emei Sect... and Dang Soran.”
“Ugh...!!”
“Pee. It'll feel good.”
Cheongwol's knees twitched together slightly.
I let out a long sigh.
“Hurry.”
I knew this would be a long persuasion.
****
Here? Pee here?
Cheongwol's head spun.
The Buddha stared up at her blankly.
Her heart pounded under that gaze.
The Buddha she'd seen since age ten.
A being she'd relied on as much as the Sect Leader in tough times.
...But lately, as resented as the Sect Leader.
...She'd even started suspecting it had thrown her into this hell.
That didn't mean she wanted to pee on the statue and defile it.
She'd just harbored resentment.
But how did it come to this?
Just hearing Han Seojin's words made her breathing quicken.
Pee right here?
Even someone without faith would struggle.
The act of peeing itself was bad enough.
Even Beggars' Sect beggars in the back alleys don't do it in an open forest like this.
At least behind dense bushes.
And Beggars' Sect beggars don't poop on command either.
Who pees where someone orders them to?
But Han Seojin was doing just that.
Right at this moment.
Right on those two items.
Like commanding a dog, he'd ordered it.
She wanted to run, but Han Seojin wouldn't allow it.
She'd thrashed to escape, but he'd grabbed her waist roughly and whispered hotly in her ear.
You're my puppy, so obey.
It'll feel relieving.
And some strange sensation kept stopping her.
Excitement, taboo thrill, fear—all mixed.
Her crazy imagination made saliva pool, heart racing like it'd burst.
In this moment, she didn't want to be Emei Sect's Cheongwol.
Instead...
...That didn't mean she wanted to pee on the Buddha.
Cheongwol shook her head again.
“I... I really can't do this, Shopkeeper. M-My legs are shaking.”
It wasn't empty words.
Her knees had been trembling like a newborn's for a while.
Then Han Seojin smiled and stood behind her again.
“Eek!”
He jabbed her calves with his knees.
Her weakened legs buckled pathetically, and she ended up squatting.
Just like the position before peeing.
“N-Now, Shopkeeper...!!”
Cheongwol tried to stand, but her legs truly had no strength.
“Not ready?”
Han Seojin growled low for a second.
Cheongwol flinched at the deep tone and turned her head away briefly.
“...”
Cheongwol's eyes met the Buddha's.
She could only squeeze her eyes shut and groan.
How.
How could she pee on the Buddha?
It was utter madness. She'd never even imagined it.
Worst of all, his constant pee talk had actually made her need to go.
The tea he'd forced on her seemed fully digested.
“Aa...”
She wanted to pee.
Clenching her knees didn't help.
At this rate, she'd really do as he said.
“Eek!”
In that instant, Han Seojin's hand touched her head.
While she froze like ice in shock, his hand stroked her gently.
Starting from her hair, down her cheek, then to her chin.
“U... ugh...”
His fingers tickled her chin lightly. Exactly how you'd pet a dog.
“So pretty. Come on, pee here. Yeah? My pretty Wol. Hurry. Obey your master?”
Cheongwol's heart clenched.
Why did that perverted, irrational whisper stir her chest so?
Maybe because just before, he'd angrily demanded why she hadn't come sooner while choking her.
His anger giving way to affection.
The gap shook her for a moment.
So much that when his hand left, she unconsciously leaned into it.
“M-Master... no...”
She wanted to shout it loud, but she had no strength left.
All she could do was whisper her defiance.
Han Seojin looked down at Cheongwol.
Cheongwol looked at the two items.
“...”
“...”
A long silence flowed.
Time dragged on.
A cool breeze brushed past them for a good while.
But in that time, Cheongwol's thoughts flipped like waves.
No way.
No, absolutely not.
How do I convince him I can't?
What do I say to make him give up?
Should I act cute?
Crazy? What cute? He'll get mad.
But my dantian still won't respond...
I don't want to. Let's stop.
...Just close my eyes and do it...
No!!
Never!!
I'm supposed to be a heroine like the Sect Leader...
“Ugh...”
Seeing her struggle, Han Seojin sat beside her.
Cheongwol looked at him with damp eyes.
Maybe he'd comfort her. Tell her to give up.
Han Seojin whispered.
“My puppy won't obey, so I have no choice but to help. Yeah, can't be helped. I'll take off your undergarments.”
Before she could react, his hand shot toward her rear.
“Kyaa!!!”
Cheongwol screamed and smacked his hand away.
“Don't! Don't come!!”
After that outburst, Cheongwol snapped back to her senses.
“Ah!”
What she saw was Han Seojin staring coldly at his struck hand.
The kind Han Seojin who'd whispered 'my puppy,' 'my Wol,' 'so pretty'... was gone.
“...What was that?”
“Ah...!”
Han Seojin sighed deeply.
Then he said.
“I was only thinking of you.”
“...”
“You seemed to resent Dang Soran and the Emei Sect so much, so I wanted to help.”
Her conscience pricked sharply.
It felt like she'd betrayed his efforts.
“But... but...”
“Were you lying?”
“...”
“Got it. If you don't hate the Emei Sect and Dang Soran, then no need for this.”
Han Seojin stood up.
Then he pulled Cheongwol to her feet too.
“Uh...”
Escaping the uncomfortable, hateful situation... but the sensation she felt then, Cheongwol couldn't understand.
Shame, embarrassment, disgust faded... replaced by anxiety, fear, frustration.
“I was even going to give up Dang Soran's gift for your sake, but fine by me. No need now.”
Han Seojin picked up Dang Soran's leather knife from the ground.
Cheongwol's heart sank again.
“Gotta treasure it—”
“...”
“...”
Cheongwol grabbed his wrist.
She didn't know why, but she knew she'd regret it if she didn't.
“...Why?”
Han Seojin asked coldly.
Cheongwol bit her lower lip, then squeezed her eyes shut.
“...P-Pee.”
“What?”
She reclaimed her shame. Anxiety, fear, frustration vanished.
“...I mean...”
Saying 'pee' or 'urine' felt too dirty.
She'd always said 'getting some air' even for the outhouse.
Cheongwol squeezed her eyes shut.
She whispered.
“...I... have to pee.”
Only then did Han Seojin smile, raising a brow as if to say 'prove it.'
Cheongwol kept her eyes shut tight, trembling... and squatted down.
Taking the peeing position.
Han Seojin, satisfied, set Dang Soran's leather knife down again.
Cheongwol looked at the two items again.
“...Ah... eek...”
The Buddha staring at her.
“...S-Sorry.”
Though her conscience pricked, Cheongwol cautiously reached out and turned the Buddha statue away.
So it wouldn't look at her.