Chapter 784 - 784 – Indecipherable Mess
Gravis talked with Arc for another hour, but Gravis was keen to get back. Right now, Gravis had some time until Arthur’s next attack, and that was a perfect opportunity to finally create his own Focus. Additionally, Stella was waiting for him.
Gravis took out the Emblem. Whenever Gravis crushed the Emblem, a new one would simply appear right in front of him. So, even though Gravis always crushed it, it basically wasn’t destroyed.
CRACK!
Gravis teleported away as he crushed the Emblem, leaving Arc to do whatever he was doing. The lines Arc had been drawing all the time probably had something to do with his guessing of the highest world’s Laws.
SHING!
Gravis appeared back in the clearing and saw Stella sitting on the ground with closed eyes.
"You’re back," Stella said as she opened her eyes. Her tone seemed superficially neutral, but Gravis heard a bit of excitement hidden in her voice.
Gravis sighed when he heard Stella.
Even though he had only talked with Arc, Gravis’ entire perception of Stella had changed.
The two of them were supposed to be perfect matches for each other. When Gravis had talked to her the previous day, he had felt great. Stella’s personality and thoughts were similar enough to Gravis’ that they created a feeling of mutual understanding but different enough for the conversation to not get boring.
It was like two identical people that had gone through vastly different experiences.
Stella raised an eyebrow as Gravis only looked at her with a blank stare.
Gravis saw the raised eyebrow, and he somehow liked that expression on Stella.
Gravis looked away as he touched the side of his head with his hand and began thinking again. ’This is so bizarre,’ Gravis thought. ’We have only met, and we’ve only had one real talk. The conversation was delightful, but all the good feelings have been clouded by a layer of complexity now.’
’I don’t want to admit that my personality is so easily categorized that someone else can find a perfect match for me. However, I can’t deny that we seem to perfectly fit together.’
’What am I supposed to think now? Should I just continue talking like I don’t know anything and allow whatever happens to happen? However, the highest Heaven has placed her right in front of me. I don’t want to just do whatever the highest Heaven wants me to do. It feels like manipulation, and I hate being manipulated.’
’It’s like I’ve just talked to another person for the first time and then got told that this person would be my fiancée in the future. Strictly going against the highest Heaven because this is what it wants is something I do on the regular.’
’However, I don’t want to just cut off Stella from my life. We have just met, and we couldn’t even be considered friends, but my short time with her has been very enjoyable.’
’If we fit this perfectly together, love is bound to happen between us. I haven’t noticed it previously, but after listening to Arc, I realize now that I actually wouldn’t be against spending the rest of my life with her.’
’It’s weird, whenever we simply talked, I haven’t realized my attraction to her, but after knowing the truth, the attraction seems obvious in my mind. She doesn’t know of our connection, making it nearly impossible for her to notice her own subtle signs of attraction. Normally, I’m not a person that injects perceived feelings of attraction towards me into someone I like, but if we are perfectly compatible, there is no doubt that they are there.’
Gravis’ emotions were mixing together into a confusing mess of different colors. His mind and being had no idea what they should make of the current situation.
Gravis desired freedom, and the highest Heaven had involved itself. Logically, he should lash out at the highest Heaven since it continued to involve itself in his shit.
However, he wanted to spend more time with Stella. Wasn’t freedom doing whatever one wanted to do?
Gravis wanted to be angry at the highest Heaven for interfering again but meeting one’s "soul-mate" only had positive things. Should he be angry?
Meeting the one destined person in one’s life would be an event of happiness and excitement, but when one desired freedom and was basically forced to meet this person, would it still be a happy event?
Gravis’ emotions had never been this messed up before. They weren’t messed up in the sense that he became emotional but in the literal sense. They were a confusing, undefinable mess.
’Logically, I should pursue a relationship with her, but it also feels like I would be manipulating her. I know that we perfectly fit together, but she doesn’t. It feels like I’m at an advantage in a trade. However, this isn’t a trade. Aren’t partners supposed to give themselves to each other? This would feel more like me taking it than receiving it since the conclusion is basically already foregone.’
BZZZ!
Deep inside Gravis, his lightning was rebelling again.
’And then there’s something else,’ Gravis thought with a sigh.
’Joyce.’
’I have promised Joyce that I would wait for her until we met again. If she were already dead, it wouldn’t be an issue. Hell, it would even be enough if she forgot me or didn’t care.’
’However, father said that Joyce is still hellbent on fulfilling our promise and meeting again. In her mind, I am the perfect Cultivator, uninfluenced by emotions and only striving for power. After all, that’s how she had met me back then.’
’Yet, I’ve changed so much since then. I would be unrecognizable to her. It wouldn’t be that far of a stretch to say that Joyce and I have switched places. She has become a cold, direct, and unfeeling Cultivator that only strives for power while I’m the one that takes emotions into account.’
’Everything’s a mess. Joyce loves a person that doesn’t exist, but that person is still me. Stella and I would be a perfect fit, but everything regarding this situation is just messed up and feels impure.’
’I have given a promise to a person that loves a different me and doesn’t know me. I know that it definitely won’t work out between us, but I would still be breaking my promise that I have given with all my heart back then.’
’I mean, I wouldn’t receive any kind of meaningful consequence by breaking that promise, but that doesn’t mean that I want to. I would feel like a lying piece of shit if I broke that promise.’
’So then, what about Stella? She has to, at least, wait until we reach the highest world. However, that will take hundreds of thousands of years, and I’m only 4,000 years old. The closest comparison would be a 16-year-old that heard that they would only find their partner when they became 80 years old, but even that wouldn’t make justice to the sheer difference of time.’
’I can’t even tell Stella since that would open too many questions and would require me to explain sensitive details about my past. I wouldn’t have a problem with her knowing, but she trusts her brother and maybe even other people. Since she trusts them, she might let something slip. However, I don’t trust the people she trusts, at least not with my life.’
’Also, she probably wouldn’t even believe me. Sure, the Law of Honesty would help, but using it also feels a bit like intruding on someone else’s mind. I have no problem using it against enemies or neutral people, but I wouldn’t want to use it against someone I have a friendly relationship with.’
’On top of that, there is still this issue with my lightning. Depending on how this issue gets resolved, my personality might change drastically again. At that point, we wouldn’t be compatible anymore, and it would be akin to me dying for her.’
’Everything’s uncertain.’
’Everything’s a complex and indecipherable mess.’
Stella looked at Gravis with a confused expression. Gravis had been standing there for several seconds as he only looked to the side with a complex expression. To her, it felt like Gravis had heard something that shattered his entire worldview. Gravis had the expression of someone that didn’t know what they should believe anymore.
However, that didn’t conform to Stella’s image of Gravis in her mind. Gravis had seemed like a person that logically categorized all the concepts he came into contact with. So, what was going on?
Gravis sighed and looked to the moon.
’I have no fucking idea what I should do.’
’Everything’s a mess.’