Chapter 299 - 299 – Wall
"You’re really bad at talking to girls," Manuel said from the side, eliciting a side-eye from Gravis. "Hey, I don’t mean it like that," Manuel said with a smirk. "I know that you only try to help her by showing her the cold, hard, uncensored truth of the world, but sometimes, the direct way isn’t the most effective one."
Gravis’ furrowed his brows. "Why not? If I don’t tell it as it is, it won’t be as effective or descriptive."
Manuel sighed in helplessness. "That’s true, but only for people that have a strong grip on their emotions. Not everyone is able to keep their emotions completely in check and think rationally even when they are riled up."
Gravis’ brows stayed furrowed. "But cultivators with a Will-Aura can control their emotions."
Manuel scratched his head. "Normally, I would agree, but Joyce is a special case."
Now, Gravis lifted an eyebrow. "How would you know that? You have just met her," Gravis said.
Manuel had a helpless expression on his face. "Well, it’s kind of obvious," he said helplessly. "I haven’t met her, but I’ve heard of her. I know that she is from the Freya Clan and know that she cultivates Life Lightning. If you want to get through to her, you should talk to her like she’s a mortal and not a cultivator."
"That would be considered talking down. Why should I talk to cultivators like they are inexperienced mortals? That would just be needlessly disrespectful," Gravis asked evenly.
Joyce’s group just looked at the back and forth with helpless smiles. They decided to keep themselves out of the conversation.
"That’s where you’re wrong," Manuel said with a serious expression. "You say mortals are inexperienced, yet most mortals manage to live a life without regrets. Isn’t living a life without regrets what we all seek? Isn’t that the whole point of cultivation? We want to be free and seek our own destiny," Manuel said.
Gravis scratched his head. "Hm, maybe in that sense, you’re right. But mortals don’t know how the world works for us cultivators. Of course, they won’t have as many regrets."
Manuel smirked. "True, but that doesn’t change the result. More mortals lead fulfilling lives than cultivators. That’s the truth. You can’t change that fact."
Gravis wanted to argue, but he realized that he had no counter-arguments. It was true that he couldn’t change that fact. If he couldn’t find a counter-argument, it probably meant that he was wrong. Gravis scratched his chin in interest. ’Interesting. Maybe Manuel is speaking the truth.’
Then, Gravis looked at Manuel with an interested look. "Tell me more," he said.
Manuel was a little surprised by Gravis’ quick change of mind, but he quickly recovered. Manuel’s smirk changed into a genuine smile. "I think the problem why many cultivators are so stressed out, cruel, and serious all the time is because we are required to suppress our emotions. After all, if we didn’t, we would feel pity for every enemy we killed, would cry for days when our close ones die, or make a wrong decision in a fight. We can’t allow ourselves to be emotional because emotions could cost us our life."
Gravis thought about this and nodded. ’Makes sense.’
"So," Manuel continued while lifting his right index finger. "We feel less anger, less sadness, and also less pity. Yet, we can’t just choose which emotions we want to suppress. It doesn’t work like that. Because of this, we also feel less happiness, less excitement, less love, less friendship, and less closeness in general. So, all in all, our outlook on life becomes result-focused and grey. The world lacks color. We channel all of our positive emotions into a goal, and if we can’t reach it, we feel immense regret."
Gravis thought about these words and also thought about himself. ’Is that true? Well, I felt happy for the old man’s breakthrough, but not that happy. When Joyce condensed her Unity Will, I also wasn’t particularly happy or excited. When I saw many disciples of the Lightning Sect condense their Destruction Lightning, I also didn’t particularly care.’
Gravis scratched his chin in thought. ’Progressing in my cultivation or winning a fight makes me happy. Though, the only time in the Core-Continent where I was happy that didn’t directly relate to my cultivation was when I joined the Lightning Sect.’
Gravis continued thinking, and as time passed, his brows furrowed. ’That was literally the only time in the Core-Continent. What about the Middle-Continent? I was happy when I met Skye. I was also happy when I accompanied and talked to Skye. I also enjoyed Aion’s company, even though I knew that he would become an enemy in the future. When I took a break, I also felt happier than normal.’
By now, Gravis was frowning. ’In the Middle-Continent, I had more times where I felt happy than in the Core-Continent. What about the Outer-Continent? It wouldn’t be wrong to call me an emotional mess at the time. I felt anger, frustration, and hatred, but even small things made me feel excited. I was excited when I met Joyce. I was excited when talking with the bandits. I wouldn’t care about such things today.’
Gravis sighed as the others watched him with interest. Gravis’ face grew progressively sadder by the second. ’The further I progressed, the less emotional ups and downs I felt. When I saw the corpse of Skye’s parent, I thought that I didn’t even feel anything. Though, is that really true? Did I honestly feel absolutely nothing?’
Gravis searched deep inside himself and looked at his feelings. Yet, at some point, he felt like he touched something dangerous. It was like a wall or a dam that was blocking something. This wall looked black to him, and he didn’t want to look at it. For the first time in a long while, Gravis was afraid of something. He didn’t want to touch this wall. He felt like, if he touched it, he would fall into hell.
Gravis took a shaky breath. ’Do I really live without regrets? Am I really not bothered by being alone? Yes, I have the Lightning Sect, but do I really feel like I am part of that? Officially, yes, but the only people in the Sect that I have a connection with are the old man and Lasar. What if one of those two die?’
Gravis remained silent as he was deep in thought. ’Would I feel bad if they died? I would like to believe that I wouldn’t but is that truly the case?’
"Gravis!" Manuel shouted, taking Gravis out of his thoughts. "I know what you’re going through right now. I went through something similar about a year ago. It happened in the days after my master died. I was surprised at how little I felt when my lifelong master and mentor died, and I fell into deep thought for a long time. After a while of thinking, I realized that I actually felt incredibly terrible. Not only for my master’s death but about many many other things too."
Manuel walked over to Gravis and put a hand on his shoulder. "Now is not the time. Save it for when you have time and when no enemies are around," Manuel said with compassion.
Gravis took a deep breath and took hold of his emotions again. In basically no time, he was back to his usual self. He turned to Manuel and nodded. "Thank you, truly," he said with sincerity.
Manuel clapped Gravis on the shoulder. "Don’t mention it!" Then, Manuel smirked. "So, if I directly told you the cold, hard, uncensored truth, would you have immediately believed me?"
Gravis sighed. "No," he admitted.
Manuel’s smirk intensified. "See? Sometimes, to make people understand, you need to guide them to the truth slowly. Just explain it to them slowly in terms and feelings they understand. Try that when you talk to Joyce. After all, you need to take her feelings into account when you want to have a chance with her."
Gravis frowned at Manuel. "It’s not like that."
"Yes, sure, sure," Manuel said dismissively as he walked back to his spot. "Joyce wears her emotions on her sleeve. She doesn’t have the same strength, but also not the same weakness as you. Everything has its advantages and disadvantages. Ever heard of that phrase?"
Gravis laughed bitterly. "Yes, I use it quite a lot."
"Good! Try to remember that. Judging by your will, you might have gone through a lot more than many of us combined, but it’s not only quantity that counts. Different people go through different experiences, which teaches them different things. A different outlook might not be a weaker one." Manuel said with a smirk and then continued absorbing his Energy Stones.
Gravis sighed again as he remembered these words. Yet, he didn’t answer. There was no need to.
With the conversation over, Gravis focused on his goal and upcoming fight again. This Heaven’s Trial could be considered a direct showdown between him and Heaven. If he wanted to win and survive, he had to be in his top condition.
Like this, several minutes passed.
And then, Joyce returned.