Chapter 290 - 290 – More Freedom
Gravis had regained his calm by now. "You know what?" Gravis asked. "You’re right."
Joyce was taken aback by the sudden surrender. Wasn’t Gravis supposed to defend his point some more?
Gravis looked away and started scratching his chin in thought. "Though, not completely. I have to concede that you are right in the sense that my distant coldness is a choice, but that hasn’t always been the case. Before I reached the Spirit Forming Realm, my coldness wasn’t a choice but a necessity. Yet, you are right that it is wrong when I say that I have no control over my coldness in my current situation."
Joyce furrowed her brows. "What do you mean?"
Gravis turned back to her. "Do you remember how I told you that it was important that you gave me the Formation Array in an equal trade?"
Joyce nodded.
"That was because Heaven is my enemy, and it tried to force me into isolation. It killed everyone I came close to. In comparison to your way of tempering, this wasn’t something like a chance of dying or tempering. In my case, it was a definite death sentence."
Joyce looked with skepticism at Gravis. "Quite a bold claim, but how are you still alive if Heaven was your enemy? After all, it could just strike you down."
Gravis sighed because he knew that this would take a while to explain. "I’m not from this world."
Joyce’s eyes widened. "What do you mean?"
After that, Gravis told Joyce about how he came from a higher world and that his father had a huge enmity with Heaven. This had implicated him, and the Heaven of this lower world had tried everything to kill him or stop him from cultivating. He didn’t describe the concept of Karmic Luck and only said that Heaven would kill everyone he came close to. After all, that wasn’t a lie. He also told her that it was his father that stopped Heaven from directly annihilating him.
"So, back then, I didn’t have a choice but to become cruel and cold. If anyone liked me and decided to help me, it would just end with their death on Heaven’s hand. Something like this isn’t tempering. My only chance was to make others hate me," Gravis said.
By now, Joyce had also calmed down. She had shown that Gravis’ opinion of her being a spoiled brat was wrong, and now Gravis showed her that his situation also wasn’t simple. All in all, both had realized that they had judged the other without knowing all the details.
"So," Gravis continued. "You are right in the sense that my coldness is a choice, but it hasn’t been an active choice from my part until I realized that nothing happened to Lasar or Old Man Lightning. I only realized the reason why nothing had happened to them after I left for the Freya Clan."
When Joyce heard that, she released a sigh. "I’m sorry for judging you without knowing all the details."
Gravis looked at her and smiled for the first time since entering the room. "The same holds true for me. I shouldn’t have assumed that your life has been easy." Then, Gravis looked out of the window. "The still progressing cultivators in the Freya Clan are very powerful in their own right."
"Still progressing?" Joyce asked unamused. "Only them?"
Gravis turned to her again. "As soon as someone gives up on their cultivation path, they will never become stronger. In comparison to the higher worlds, every single person in this lower world could be considered weak. Yet, every person has the potential to become truly powerful as long as they continue on their way. But the people who have already given up will never get this chance."
"So, in the end, you only care about strength," Joyce commented dryly.
Gravis nodded. "This might only be my opinion and not the objective truth, but I believe that everyone desires freedom. This is my ultimate goal. I want to become so powerful that no one can hurt my close ones or me ever again. Yet, that goal is very far away. Until then, I have to live with the knowledge that anyone I am close to can die at any moment."
For the first time, Joyce also smiled a little. "So, in the end, your goal of freedom is not only for yourself but also for your close ones."
"Yes, it is," Gravis said. "But until then, I can’t build too many relationships or connections with others."
Joyce frowned. "But you agreed that your coldness is a choice. Why do you still intend to distance yourself from others?"
"Because I have a choice," Gravis said, making Joyce furrow her brows. "If I build too many connections, Heaven might use all of them to force me to stop cultivating. Imagine the scenario where Heaven tells you that you need to stop cultivating, or it will kill everyone in your entire family. What would you do?"
Joyce thought about this, and her insides shook. She had never thought about such a scenario because such a scenario was simply too cruel to be real. Who would do such a thing? Yet, after hearing Gravis’ story, she couldn’t deny the possibility of something like this happening.
Joyce took a shaky breath. "I think I would stop cultivating," she said.
Gravis nodded and looked out at the Freya Clan again. "I don’t know how I would choose in that situation, because I’ve not been in such a situation before. But the possibility that I will stop cultivating when it comes down to it is very real. I can’t risk such a situation occurring."
"But something like this will only happen when you become a danger to the Heaven in your homeworld," Joyce said. "The chances of that happening are infinitely close to zero. Why go through so much pain just for the nearly non-existent chance that you will ever reach that point?"
"Because my goal is the peak, and my goal is more important than everything else," Gravis said with resolution. "That is my current belief, and even if my mindset changes in the future, I know that I will forever regret the decision to stop cultivating."
Gravis looked into her eyes. "Until recently, I have had many regrets. I have killed a close friend and mentor of mine about two and a half years ago. This has weighed heavily upon my mind, and the guilt had manifested in regret. But I have learned to accept the world as it is, and I can say with certainty that I am living without regret right now. If I don’t do everything for my goal, I will live in regret again, and I don’t want that to happen."
Joyce smiled bitterly. "A life without regret, huh?" she muttered sadly. "I can’t imagine something like that. The faces of my dead companions still haunt me, and there is not even a second where I don’t feel pain for their passing."
"That’s why you have such a powerful will," Gravis said. "To be brutally honest, in my opinion, the way how you are forced to cultivate is incredibly tragic and downright masochistic. You are basically emotionally torturing yourself to become more powerful. I’m sure your companions know about the way you cultivate, and I think the knowledge that they made a close friend more powerful with their deaths doesn’t make their deaths meaningless in their eyes. Their path might end, but in turn, they strengthened your path."
Gravis looked encouragingly at Joyce. "I guess the only thing you can do to get rid of that regret is to become powerful. Like this, you won’t disappoint the people that died at your side. When you become powerful, you can tell them that it was them that helped you to get where you currently are. This brings meaning to their deaths."
Tears started streaming down Joyce’s face. It wasn’t because of the impact of Gravis’ words, but the fact that she remembered all the faces of her companions when they died. Most of them had looked at her with encouraging smiles. She had also already realized all the things that Gravis had told her. After all, she knew herself and her companions the best, so she knew that she had to become powerful to get rid of her regret. Yet, hearing her thoughts spoken by another person made her relive the pain.
After some seconds, she gnashed her teeth and narrowed her eyes at Gravis. "I know! I know all that! That’s why I am still cultivating!" she shouted with motivation. But then, she sighed. "But, I am glad that you can understand me that well after we’ve only talked for half an hour."
Joyce laughed bitterly. "I guess you actually do have empathy. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have realized the motivation behind the actions of my companions and me. So, sorry that I said you lacked empathy."
Gravis only smiled and waved his hand dismissively. "Don’t worry about it! I also said a couple of bad things to you. Let’s just forget all that." Then, Gravis looked through the window to the sky. "And thank you. You have helped me to understand myself better. My way of acting won’t change, but I, at least, now realize that I am consciously choosing to remain distant."
Gravis chuckled a little. "Previously, I felt like I had no choice and that I was forced onto this path. This made me feel frustrated and suppressed." Then, he turned to her. "But now, I know that it is my own decision. In a weird way, your words have shown me that I have more freedom than I had initially believed."
Joyce wiped her tears away and smiled genuinely at Gravis. "You’re welcome!" she said as her eyes were now full of life and positivity.
"So, let’s think of a way how you can repay your debt!" She said and grandly pointed at Gravis.
When Gravis saw her change of demeanor, he chuckled again.
"Sure!"