Chapter 237: A monster inside me

Chapter 237: A monster inside me

Leo

I rushed out without having any idea where I was going. The frustration sat heavy in my chest, making every step feel sharper against the sand.

I was just annoyed that Miller wasn’t listening to any words that I said, and he made it sound like I had done something wrong when all I had wanted was to help.

I continued walking until I reached the beach, then I sat down staring at the sea. The salt in the air stung my eyes a little, or maybe that was just the anger still burning.

My enigma side was affecting our relationship badly to the extent that I could barely have any conversation with Miller without raising my voice at him. It felt like something inside me was growing stronger every day, and I hated it.

"Oh goodness," I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair, the strands already damp from the sea breeze.

I needed help, answers to why it was like that. Was this how it had been when my father and mother were together? Was this why they never worked? Could enigmas and alphas ever be together?

"I am going insane!" I yelled, the sound raw as it left my throat.

"That is not a word I would have expected the great Leo to say!" Kayden’s voice sounded from behind me.

I had not even noticed or heard his footsteps approaching on the sand because I had been too caught up in my own little world, and I have to admit that it was starting to make me seem crazy.

My heart was still pounding from the shout.

Kayden placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently as he reached me, then he sat down beside me. "Is everything alright with you? You seemed a little tense back then. I know you are sometimes annoying but back in there, you sounded like someone else. The last person I had expected that you would raise your voice at is Miller. Leo, are you alright?"

I sighed, still staring at the sea as the waves came crashing against the shore in steady, powerful rolls, sending white foam rushing over the sand before pulling back into the ocean. The cold spray touched my ankles.

Kayden sat beside me and then sighed heavily. "Or is this because of me? Because from what I could understand, you went to Langose because of me and didn’t tell Miller and..."

I shook my head before he could finish. "That wasn’t why," I cut him off. "The truth is far from that." I finally faced him. "Miller and I..." I paused, catching my breath for a moment, my chest tight. "We have been having issues and it’s not because of you."

"Is it because of Miller? If he had done something to you then tell me. I will make sure I give him an earful if he ever treats you badly."

"That’s not it," I told him and looked back at the sea. "The truth is that ever since we’ve been intimate, my enigma side that I had suppressed for so long is starting to show. It’s like a sudden hormonal surge mixed with heightened pheromonal aggression — the kind that floods the system and pushes every suppressed instinct to the surface. My body wants to dominate, to make Miller submit and bare his neck, to prove that my enigma is stronger. But Miller is a true alpha and alphas don’t bow. They never did."

I inhaled deeply and placed a hand behind my back, fingers pressing hard against my spine as if I could hold the chaos inside. "It’s driving me insane, Kayden, because every time I see Miller, all I always think about is having dominance over him. All I think of is marking him and I can’t control myself."

My pulse hammered in my ears. I swallowed hard before continuing.

"And whenever Miller tries to be in charge, my brain switches. It goes crazy violently showing my side of enigma — it’s like a violent neurological override where the suppressed enigma pathways suddenly activate, flooding my system with aggressive pheromones and primal dominance impulses that completely drown out rational thought."

My hands curled into fists on my knees, nails biting into my palms. The scent of my own agitation spiked sharply around us, bitter and metallic. "I am scared that I might hurt him with my words, my actions and you saw how I had reacted to him earlier. That’s how it’s going to be. I can’t control it no matter what."

I sniffled, hating the weak sound, hating how my eyes stung.

"And it makes me start acting like my father." I grabbed another handful of my hair and groaned, tugging until my scalp burned. My shoulders curled inward like I could shrink away from the truth. "I am turning into that man and I hate how it’s making me feel. I can’t control this, Kayden."

Kayden shook his head as he turned me around to face him. "No way, you are not your father. That man was a monster. You will never be him."

"But you don’t know how I am feeling inside," I told him, my voice cracking slightly. "There is a violent nature that is starting to well up inside of me and I don’t know how long I can suppress it."

My eyes widened when I suddenly realized something. "What if I hurt him, Kayden? What if one day Miller tries to talk to me and then I suddenly become my father and I hurt him?"

Kayden pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly.

I didn’t struggle against him. If anything, his hug was comforting.

"Does Miller know what is happening to you?"

I shook my head. "He might have suspected but I am not sure he knows."

Kayden pulled away gently, just enough to look me in the eye. "Then tell him. Don’t hide anything from him. If a relationship is to work out, I believe that talking with your partner is the only way out."

"What if he doesn’t want to listen? What if he still wants to dominate? What if..."

"It’s always going to be what ifs, Leo, if you don’t speak to him," Kayden said softly. "I love seeing you happy and Miller has been playing a huge role in that. I love the relationship between both of you and I truly hope you don’t let it affect you. Please."

I nodded, the movement small.

"I’ll try. How was his reaction when I left?"

"He was unhappy and that’s why I rushed after you. The last thing I want is for two of my friends to start fighting. Try to talk to him."

I nodded. "I will try to talk to him but not yet. Right now, let’s talk about you." I faced him, eyeing his face that seemed brighter and full of life, and then my gaze met with the huge mark on his neck. It looked like a birthmark but I knew it was Rhys’s mark.

Any alpha or enigma could tell because Kayden smelled more of Rhys now than himself.

The sight of it made something twist in my chest — envy mixed with genuine happiness for him.

I wished it was Miller wearing my mark.

"Your mark is beautiful."

Kayden’s hand instinctively went to his neck and rubbed his mark gently. "Thank you. I have come to enjoy the sea and I totally forgot what is happening outside this island."

"You don’t need to know anything about what is happening outside the island. I mean there are mean posts and comments online about you and Rhys but that’s all it is. The rest doesn’t matter. It’s just people’s opinions — nothing more than background noise, like minor psychological irritants that trigger temporary emotional inflammation but have no real long-term effect on a bonded pair once the bond is stable and accepted."

Kayden chuckled. "I have come to miss the way you speak. I really do miss everything about you," he nudged me on the shoulder.

I adjusted my glasses and chuckled. "I mean I am the Leo Ackerman," I added. "Which is why I need to know what you and Rhys do for fun on this island. Anything aside from the boring romantic moments with you two."

Kayden rolled his eyes dramatically. "There is nothing boring about my moments with Rhys," he stood up and wiped the sand off his shorts. "Since you are trying to cool off, let’s take a walk and let me show you some palm trees."

"Palm trees?" I scoffed.

I had expected that he would say something else. "I have seen hundreds of palm trees in my life so why the hell should I care about one."

Kayden grabbed my hand and pulled me up. "Trust me when I say this one is not something you can miss and besides the sun will set soon and we can watch it from behind the trees. It’s a beautiful sight."

That made me clap my hands excitedly. Exactly what I needed at that moment. "Great," I muttered. "Let me see this magical tree."