Nick looked at Irwin with a neutral expression.
Right now, Nick sat behind his desk while Irwin stood in front of the office door.
Irwin looked at Nick with worry, fear, and desperation.
For the first time, Nick didn't need to tell him to look at him.
"I want to redeem myself," Irwin said, repeating the words he had just said.
Nick didn't answer.
"Apologizing would be making light of what I have done," Irwin said with a shaky voice. "I don't ask for an apology. I don't ask to be forgiven. No matter what I do, you might never forgive me."
"But I still want to try!" Irwin said, almost shouting.
Nick remained silent for five seconds.
"Why?" he asked neutrally.
That simple word intimidated Irwin.
Right now, in front of Nick, Irwin couldn't muster any strength.
He was like a small child begging their parents on their knees.
"I can't live with this guilt," Irwin said.
Then, he took a deep breath.
"And I also can't die," he added.
Nick remained silent for a couple of seconds.
"So, you want to feel better. You don't care what I feel," Nick said evenly.
Irwin's body shook. "No! No! That's not true! I want to make things right! I want to do everything in my power to pay you back!"
Nick remained silent for some seconds.
"Because your feelings drive you to make things right," Nick said evenly.
Irwin couldn't immediately answer.
He would love to rebuke Nick immediately.
In his mind, he was doing his best to redeem himself by helping others.
Yet, in front of Nick, he couldn't muster any strength.
He just didn't dare to talk back.
The room fell into silence.
This situation was why Julian had laughed.
There were a couple of ways things could have gone after Nick had let Irwin go.
In every case, Irwin would have been fired by Solace.
Solace couldn't afford to have him keep working for them while still having a good relationship with Dark Dream.
They had to and wanted to fire Irwin.
And when a Manufacturer fired a Peak Veteran, they must have had a good reason, which meant that no other Manufacturer would possibly hire Irwin again.
Everything after that depended on Irwin.
If he didn't feel any guilt, he would have searched for new companions and opportunities.
He would have continued training.
He would have tried to contact some people to maybe get a job.
He would have tried to get employed by the city.
Maybe he would have searched for love or built some kind of business.
If any of these things happened, Nick would have gotten his answer to his uncertainties.
At that point, he could have killed Irwin himself, told Julian to do it, or just tell the city.
Just like that, his life would be over, and Nick wouldn't need to think about any what-ifs.
The same thing would have happened if Irwin had decided to dedicate his life to revenge on Nick.
Due to what Irwin had done, Nick had full power over his life.
He could kill him without any consequences whenever he wanted.
The confession was irrelevant since he didn't need it.
And finally, what if Irwin actually felt guilt?
In that case, it could have gone a couple of ways.
Maybe he would kill himself because his entire life broke apart.
Maybe he would eventually recover and live with this guilt for the remainder of his life.
Or maybe he would try to get rid of this guilt.
Which would bring him to Dark Dream.
If Nick had directly told the city, Irwin would have been executed.
But if he didn't, Irwin would have either been executed or become one of Dark Dream's most loyal and powerful Extractors.
Someone like Irwin would most likely never betray Dark Dream.
Julian knew all of these things, which was why he had laughed.
Nick also knew that it would go either of these ways, but this wasn't the reason why he had made his decision.
Most of all, Nick wanted to see how someone else would act in this situation.
Irwin had done something horrible, which filled him with guilt.
Wasn't that just like Nick?
Nick wanted to see what someone else would do.
When Nick had said that Irwin wasn't like him, he had referred to something specific.
Nick meant that Irwin hadn't done something unforgivable.
Irwin had attempted to kill someone.
Yes, that was bad.
However, he didn't succeed.
Additionally, Nick wasn't an innocent child, and he knew that.
Meanwhile, Nick was responsible for over a thousand deaths of innocent people.
Nick knew that his guilt weighed infinitely more than Irwin's guilt.
So, Nick wanted to give him a chance.
Maybe he could make things right.
And if Irwin actually succeeded…
Maybe Nick could also succeed.
"There is nothing wrong with that," Nick said after ten seconds of silence.
"We humans are inherently selfish."
"We help others because we want to be repaid."
"We help others because we want to be seen as good."
"We help others because we want to feel good about ourselves."
"In every case, helping others is very often helping ourselves since we get something out of it almost every single time."
"True selflessness doesn't exist."
"And yet, helping someone is still considered to be more good than killing them unless they are a monster or something similar."
"This means there is a gradient."
"Since true selflessness can't exist, it is impossible for humans to reach the good end of the gradient."
"So, we have to move the goalpost."
"In that sense, the best person is somebody who helps others without expecting them to repay the deed. That is as selfless and good as it gets."
"The person still gets satisfaction and positive emotions out of that, but that can't be helped. It is the best that person can be."
"You want to get rid of your guilt, which is why you are here."
"Are you a good person?"
Nick chuckled as he looked at the table.
"You tried to kill me. Of course, you're not a good person," Nick said.
Irwin just looked at Nick in silence.
"But I see that you're trying."
"And while I have not forgiven you, I am willing to give you the chance to try."
Then, Nick took out a prepared contract.
All of Irwin's information had already been put in.