Chapter 343: Difference in Height (8)
Are you angry?
You are, right?
Right. Of course you are.
I’m insulting your personality and betraying you like this. Of course you should be mad.
Isn’t it the same as how your oldest unni used to insult you in the past?
That is how I, who you apparently trust the most in this world, actually thought of you the whole time.
It was annoying having to hold all that in till now.
Do you know how ridiculous I found it looking at you with such a feeble body and an actually weak heart trying to desperately press others down?
How laughable it was seeing you rejoice from a simple compliment.
It’s not like I wanted to look after you.
Think about it. Who in this world would try to look after someone so weak, small and useless like you?
Unless they’re crazy.
He flooded out words of hatred that would grind at her heart as soon as he could think of them.
At the same time, he stabbed various places around her body to create deep words.
As her teacher, he focused on the given role and had forgotten the cruelty of the process; and was therefore late to notice the dark thing inside his heart crawling up.
While trying his best to ignore that wriggling darkness inside and provoking Yeorum,
At one point, everything started to flip.
When was it…?
Was it when Yeorum thrashed her body around trying to escape from his grip?
Or was it when she grabbed onto the blade of her dagger so that she wouldn’t stab with it, and have all her fingers bleed?
Or if not the above, was it when tears mixed with blood budded beneath those crimson eyes that were glaring at him?
“Hkk…”
The small and feeble child helplessly sobbing by herself–
Was it, perhaps then?
Falling–
He was falling.
Looking around, his body was still there.
So what was falling was probably his heart.
By making Yeorum this mad, Yu Jitae had achieved his objective. Her body was a bloody mess and her emotions were probably in an even greater disorder.
There was a sharp bloodthirsty glare in her eyes. It was the gaze of a beast that couldn’t wait to bite a person to death. The uncontrollable fury was agitating her emotions and making tears drop from her eyes.
She was drooling from her opened mouth and even that was mixed with blood. It was probably because she was biting so hard onto the core that her gums would break. Was that why? The core was still running amok trying to shake her emotions.
She was already mad and that core was making the process of controlling her emotions even harder by several-fold.
Now was the time to test it by stabbing her heart with the knife.
Raising the knife one more time, he placed it at her heart as tears endlessly dropped from her eyes. Hatred seeped into the eyes of Yeorum who had been glaring at his eyes the whole time.
You probably hate me, but there’s nothing that can be done.
There was no mercy in his hand.
Stabb—
“Hkk…”
A groan left through her tightly clenched fangs.
It was the same with the red entity.
Things were exactly the same. The entity was as angry as now and was looking at him with the same eyes of hatred. When he stabbed its heart with the knife, the red entity was able to control the impulse but still attacked as a self-defence.
The hazy memories of the time clearly resurfaced in his head.
– You called me, a test subject.
With a deep voice as if it would vomit out blood at any time, the red entity said to him.
– Are you going to do what you did to me, to another dragon in the future?
– I hope that dragon is not a precious dragon to you.
– Because they will curse you and hate you from the bottom of their heart
He had long forgotten the words of the red entity. Why was it that those memories were coming back to the surface now?
<The Authority, [Key (EX)] gazes at you.>
A familiar gaze could be felt from above. This meant that his emotions were being shaken tremendously, which he couldn’t deny.
Vividly came back the memories of the time he had been glared at by the red entity, who looked the same, had the same gaze and had the same voice as the ever-so-precious Yu Yeorum.
– Has this proven things now?
– I am in full control of myself.
– But I still must stab you at least once.
Saying that, the red entity took the knife away from his heart and stabbed it through his neck. It deeply pierced through his throat and cut the main artery on the right.
He was going to kill himself with a successful experiment anyway, so Yu Jitae accepted his death.
Sin seeped deeply into his heart.
Many things came back with those memories. It was the countless types of sin that had been committed on the red entity.
He felt his breath coming to a stop. Every one of them was something he had done himself.
It was still in the middle of training. If Yeorum did not stab his heart and could fully control her anger, that would mark a perfect success to the training, but her emotions right now were jumping around like crazy.
She still couldn’t hold her anger in.
But, it was then.
A peculiar thought popped up in his mind.
He suddenly hoped Yeorum would stab him. Without withstanding the urge, it would be better if she were to instead stab his heart or his neck.
That was the abrupt thought he had.
In fact, she could do even more than that.
He hoped Yeorum would run in and attack him with the goal of half-killing him. If she were to do so, he would let it happen without doing anything.
A life that he had harmed and harassed.
The 28 experiments that had been conducted with the red entity was only a fraction of the whole thing. However, it seemed that he had forgotten all the built-up past. The relationship was glued together with falsehood and was making him feel the likes of a bond.
He found Yeorum precious.
He wished Yeorum wouldn’t be in pain.
He hoped Yeorum would not die after going back.
That was what he wished for from the bottom of his heart, with all his heart.
That much was possible. But the thought of not wanting to be hated by Yeorum was, no matter how he saw it, extremely unethical that gave rise to his self-hatred.
Even though there was a reason, and even though he could use the excuse that he had never once wanted to do such a thing, it was an undeniable truth that he had pushed the red entity into the gutters of despair time after time.
Wasn’t it this me,
That forced countless ‘Yeorums’ into misfortune?
Once, there was something the Vintage Clock said. Things have passed so treat them as if they had never existed because that will put you at ease. He replied yes and he really did so by telling himself that.
Things have passed. They had never existed.
But can they truly be considered as things that had never happened just because they were in a different time frame?
Even though it’s so vividly here in my memories?
Something dark was crawling in his heart, leaving behind a disgusting trail and sediment. Before long, it reared its head and looked up at him.
The dark thing revealed its horrendous teeth with a wide smile.
It’s fine. A disorder like this in his emotions was an impulse that was bound to leave soon. However, Yu Jitae still wanted Yeorum to stab him. In the stead of the red entity that could do nothing but be on the receiving end of the pain, he wanted Yeorum to carry out the revenge on him.
So if Yeorum would leave an injury that was close to death on him, the chaotic emotions that had risen inside him should be soothed albeit a little.
He wanted to get rid of the dark thing in his heart as quickly as possible.
<The Authority, [Key (EX)] gazes at you.>
<The Authority, [Key (EX)] pitifully looks at you.>
He let go of her left hand because there was no more need to convey his emotions.
Soon, Yeorum clenched tightly onto the knife in her right hand. Blood seeped into her eyes.
Her shoulders and arms slowly began to move.
And her wrist;
The dagger held tightly in her hand– it slowly started to move.
Yes.
Lift that up and stab me.
Stab through my heart to let it bleed; pierce through my neck and crush the bones and the spine.
That will put me at a slight ease because that will let me pay for a tiny bit of the sin.
He wanted to atone for his sins with that no matter how fake it might seem.
Her red eyes were in front of his eyes.
She was such a precious child. That must have been the case even in the past.
Although she had trouble controlling her emotions, had a coarse mouth and would sometimes antagonise or irritate him, she was such a kind and affectionate child. An ever so normal baby dragon who could show him so much trust.
It was him, who had shoved the life of a child like that into despair multiple times.
It was none other than him.
So hurry up and stab me.
Stab me and injure me.
Hurry up.
‘Ah, fuck…’
Soon, Yeorum murmured.
Her right hand holding the knife came towards his head,
And then, he was met with an incomprehensible turn of events.
‘It’s over, hehe…’
Yeorum smiled.
He was waiting for her to stab, but Yeorum wrapped her two arms around his neck instead.
Yu Jitae was engulfed in a large chaos.
What are you doing.
You have to stab me.
Like what the red entity did, you must stab through.
Why aren’t you stabbing me?
Didn’t the red entity say it? That the dragon would detest me?
But from the voice that flowed out of her lips as she wrapped her arms around his neck, he could not spot a sliver of hatred.
‘It’s all, over. Right?’
Her voice that seemed to have a lump in the throat rested near his ears and flowed out with difficulty.
‘I, held it all in. It’s all done now right?’
Sniffing her nose, she said with a whimper.
Yeorum wrapped her arms even tighter around his neck and leaned her body in. The knife was still stabbing through her heart and he could thus feel something round touching his chest.
‘By the way, what you said just then.’
‘You were just saying random things right?’
‘They were so harsh that I was shocked, but on second thought, there’s no way you would say something like that to me…’
‘…Right?’
At this point, he really wanted to run away from this place. The dark thing inside his body grew even bigger. It was different from the experiments with the red entity. As he was left unable to even utter a word in response, Yeorum followed through with words that shattered the barriers he had forced around his chest like glass.
‘I, trust you…’
Even in a situation like this, Yeorum was trusting him.
***
“Ohh. Look, look!”
After half a day, after completely recovering both her body and mind, Yeorum inserted the core into the longsword and released a flaming sword aura that reached 9 metres in height.
“Woah fuck. This is so cool! I don’t feel any impulse right now!”
She hopped up and down while swinging the sword. A large aura of mana that she couldn’t even dare use before fluttered. It was the result of using an onion core with 10 lifted seals to the full extent.
“Dear. Can I hit that wall over there?”
He didn’t reply.
Without any hesitation, Yeorum added the breathing method of Karl-Gullakwa into her sword and struck the wall of the training room.
Kwaaaanggg–!
A ray of light on a similar level to a dragon breath shot out from the edge of the sword that crashed through the dimensional walls and through the ceiling of the building, that then soared through the skies into the clouds above.
“Kyahahahaha—-!!
“What a refreshing hole!
“Little Yeorum the bulldozer~!”
However, Yu Jitae could not laugh with her.
If a heart was a lake, his was a quagmire.
Weathering through the four seasons slowly lifted the murkiness. As the muddy lake gradually turned clear, the dark horrendous forms that had been buried deep inside the water were slowly revealed. His long sins that had remained invisible when it was a quagmire; the carcasses of birds locked in cages were slowly being uncovered.
A red bird flew above.
With a bright smile on its face, it chirped and sang.
“My teacher is really the best. Yeah?
“I just have to do what you tell me to and it all works!
“So why would I not trust you! Why would I not like you!”
A red light was flashing in his head.
<The Authority, [Key (EX)] pitifully looks at you.>
<The Authority, [Key (EX)] states that such an emotion is called [Guilt].>
<The Authority, [Key (EX)], however, notifies that none of the obelisks have newly been lit up.>
Yeorum jumped towards him and gave a big hug.
The red bird will always look at the clear sky and chirp, but the object it was stepping on, and the inside of the quiet lake had a different look.
At this point, he could no longer even try to deny it.
“Dear. I really really love you ♥”
That his guilt was slowly being exhibited.
TL Reminder: Four seasons, Bom Yeorum Kaeul Gyeoul.