Chapter 210: Distance of Touching Breaths: Pervading in (1)
Clank…
While the protector was wiping the floor with a rag, Yu Jitae lifted up Yeorum and headed to her room.
On the way his eyes met with Kaeul and Gyeoul’s who were peeking from behind the door.
Since it was night time, they were all at home. Flustered, they looked into his eyes and tried to assess what was happening.
They must have been surprised. Thinking that, he gestured to the kids with his eyes as if everything was fine but anxiety remained on their faces.
After placing Yeorum down on her bed, he walked out.
“Chirp…”
That was when the baby chicken cried without reading the mood. Kaeul startledly held tightly onto the beak of the large spirit beast in her arms.
He stopped his feet. He could hear the loud and fast thumping of their hearts.
He didn’t know how to soothe startled kids but at least he now knew how to talk to them.
“You don’t have to be so scared.”
“Uh, umm…”
“…Why did they fight?”
“Nn nn. Right. Why did the two of them fight?”
He didn’t know why either.
However, it didn’t seem like a good option for him to say that. The unknown tended to bring out meaningless imaginations. Although it was an efficient method he relied on while ruling with fear, something more transparent would be better to settle the minds of the kids.
After thinking for a little, he crouched down in front of them and matched his line of sight with them.
“There’s nothing to worry about. It’s normal to fight when your thoughts are different.”
“Different thoughts?”
“Yeah. I don’t know the details but there must have been something they didn’t agree with.” He continued.
“…”
“There’s no need to worry. Fighting like this is a way of telling each other that their thoughts are different, and whatever is different can be compromised or aligned.”
“Why, are their thoughts different?”
“Look at you. Aren’t you doing something similar yourself?”
The baby chicken cried because it wanted to, and she grabbed its beak because she didn’t want it to cry. It happened because their thoughts were different.
Realising that, Kaeul carefully released Chirpy’s beak and whispered, ‘Sorrry…’ The baby chicken rubbed its circular furry head on her arm.
“It’s simply because they’re different people. It’s natural so don’t worry about it. Relationships are about fighting and making compromises so don’t worry and rest.”
“Nn nn. Okayy.”
“…Yes.”
After settling them down, he went back into Yeorum’s room after feeling a presence inside.
Yeorum wasn’t entirely back to normal even after waking up. She was sitting on the side of the bed and her breathing noises were extremely coarse. It was evident that she was trying to hold it in.
When would be the best time to talk to her?
He did not know. Therefore, he decided to wait next to the child until she calmed herself down.
10 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour and 3 hours.
Time passed and only when it was in the middle of the night did Yeorum collect her breath and lay down on the bed.
“Why’re you here?” she asked.
“Why did you fight.”
“Nothing much.”
“Be honest and say it.”
“…”
Lying down on the bed, she wriggled her arms and pulled the blanket from underneath her body. She then covered herself with it.
“I don’t know. We just fought.”
“I knew you were a little strange today from morning.”
“…”
“There should be a reason why you were like that. What were you thinking?”
“…”
Yeorum was silent.
“Are you not going to say it?”
“…”
“You’re living under the same roof. It’ll be uncomfortable with a persisting problem.”
“…”
“Yeorum.”
She audibly took a deep breath in. Soon, a sigh with an equal amount of breath escaped from her lips.
“…I don’t really know either.”
“What don’t you know.”
“I wasn’t trying to pick a fight, so how did things turn out like this. Makes me wonder why it became like this.”
“…”
“I was worrying about Yu Bom in my own way though.”
“What were you worrying about? And what’s the deal with the heart and the laptop.” He asked.
“…”
“Is the laptop thing about you playing with her pen name?”
Yeorum closed her mouth again. After some time, she opened her mouth with a softer voice.
“You know.”
“Yeah.”
“You said you had been leading a hard life right? A very long time ago?”
“I did.”
“Is that why you’re weird?” she asked.
“What?”
“Have you had your heart flutter recently after seeing a woman?”
“Who knows… But what about it.”
“Or wanting to possess a woman? Well, it could be a man as well.”
“Why would I want to possess a human.”
“Why not? Nothing wrong with feeling like that. If you don’t psychologically feel that way, then how about this: if I moan or act erotically, does that arouse you?”
“No it wouldn’t.”
“Is that because I’m young?”
“Because that isn’t what I want from you.”
“Are you a eunuch?”
“Who knows. But I won’t be aroused by you ever, including the future. Why would I be aroused.”
“A kidnapper pretending to be nice…”
“That’s not the nature of the relationship between you and me though.”
“What is it then?” she asked.
“A guardian and a ward. I simply protect you and hope it turns out well for you. My wish is for you to be healthy and strong.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s what you wish for.”
“…”
Yeorum remained silent for a little. The blanket moved as she began turning her body underneath it.
“But that’s weird. Are you Santa or something? Or a genie from a lamp? How could there be a human who lives solely for the sake of another person?” Soon, Yeorum opened her mouth with a bunch of questions.
“There’s one here.”
“Why would you live like that?”
“It’s just that such people exist.”
“No. That can’t be the case. That’s way too freaking weird. Humans all live for their own selfishness don’t they? Living is just a process of trying to be happier.”
“…”
“How do you become happy by helping us?”
In fact, there was a fundamental difference between the foundational thoughts of Yeorum and Yu Jitae. In his opinion, humans didn’t live to become happy.
Regardless, there was no reason for him to correct it for her.
“Does that matter? It’s not like you want something strange from me.” Yu Jitae said.
“…That’s true. I want to become stronger. My wish is to go back and smack the shi* out of that bit*h of a sister.”
“I know.”
“But what if, what if I was actually not interested in becoming stronger. What if my wish was to have you for myself?”
“What?”
“Didn’t you say it was the guardian’s role to listen to what the dependents wanted? But if I wanted to have you for myself and wanted you to desire me as well – even if I’m not like that, some stupid crazy bi*ch might be like that. Then what? Are you going to listen to her request as well?”
“…”
“Why aren’t you saying anything? What if that’s what the dependent wants from you? According to what you say, you need to listen to that as well.”
“…”
“Weren’t you a guardian? Dicktae Shittae Yu Jitae.”
Yu Jitae could guess who Yeorum was talking about. It was the second or third time he was made to think about the topic, but it was nonetheless a question that was difficult for him to reply.
He considered that he had no right to become happy alongside the dragons.
At the same time, a dragon trying to be happy with him was also a thought that was difficult for him to accept.
More than anything, he couldn’t understand why Yeorum was curious about that and naturally, he had no obligation to reply.
“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Yeorum asked.
“…”
“Come on. Say something. This is very important you know.”
“…”
“You love silence don’t you, fuc*…”
Yeorum laughed along with a gush of air.
“What are you going to do now.” Yu Jitae broke the silence with a question.
“What do you mean.”
“You fought with Bom.”
“Do I have to do something here? I’m the freaking victim though?”
“Are you serious?”
“Of course? The damn perpetrator needs to come up to me and apologise. Why do I, the victim, have to do something? I was saying all that because I was worried about her.”
“…”
“The reason I was trying to hit her was because she tried to kill me first. No? The things that were all around me like fangs – that thing was her killing intent right? And yet I was simply using my fists in response. Shouldn’t you be complimenting me for being able to hold back?”
Yu Jitae remained silent for a bit. Depending on the perspective, her words could be both right or wrong so he felt annoyed by the situation. Thinking back on the event apparently made her upset again and the thin blanket started faintly trembling.
“Crazy bitch… she’s a crazy bit*h. Of course, I’m a retard as well but that bi*ch is actually a crazy psychopath. I want to tie her down and smack her. Fu*k…”
“Stop. That’s enough.”
“What?”
“Your emotions are getting the best of you right now. You’re bound to make mistakes with your words when you’re upset.”
“I’m not making any mistakes. I was really surprised and I was really upset.”
“Stop–”
Yu Jitae’s voice came out strict and surprised her.
“…Why? Why are you telling me to stop? Why only me…”
Seemingly feeling mortified, her voice suddenly turned louder before abruptly coming to a stop. Then, after repeatedly heaving deep sighs, she continued.
“…Do you think I made a mistake?”
The statement that they probably both made mistakes, would probably be meaningless even if he were to let it out of his mouth.
“Maybe I did make mistakes. But I held out a toothpick, and she brought out a sword.”
“Yeorum. I’m not trying to discuss who’s in the wrong here. Rest for now and calm your emotions down. You’re too stimulated right now.”
“I’m not angry.”
“Of course.”
“Ah, I’m serious!”
“Yeah. Kaeul said she’s going vegan too.”
“What are you even f*cking saying…”
Yeorum grumbled. His awkward joke was apparently a failure.
Lifting his body, Yu Jitae was about to leave her room. That was when her final words flew out and touched his ears.
“Are you going to that b*tch?”
“Yeah.”
“Then tell her to apologise to me first.”
Yeorum continued with a sunken voice.
It was slightly unexpected of her to say them.
“Then I’ll apologise as well…”
***
He went into Bom’s room.
It was 3 in the morning and she was lying down on her bed. Going next to her, he gazed at the sleeping child.
“Ah…!”
Suddenly, Bom woke up as if she was having a fit. After raising her body, she squeezed tightly onto her chest before glancing around the room with an anxious gaze. The Regressor followed her gaze and turned his eyes.
There were sharp things wherever her eyes stopped.
Bom looked like she was possessed by someone, so he called the child.
“Yu Bom.”
In a fluster, Bom quickly turned towards him. Her hair, drenched in sweat, was stuck next to her face. Carefully collecting her breath, she tucked her hair behind her ears.
“Ahjussi…”
Bom had trouble looking into his eyes.
He nonchalantly walked next to her and sat down. Bom then pulled her small feet that were protruding out from the blanket and hid them beneath it.
For a long time, the Regressor did not open his mouth.
It was an extremely complicated situation.
Yeorum treasured Bom.
According to what she was saying, it could be said that she was treasuring the existence itself of Bom. But unrelated to that, Yeorum was upset at Bom.
That would probably be the same for Bom, judging from how she formed her surprisingly sharp and secretive killing intent into a form to the point that it could kill Yeorum. Even he didn’t know how she could utilise it so well.
Both of them made mistakes to one another.
And both of them probably had their own thoughts and resentments.
It was impossible for someone to always love their precious ones. Even the Regressor himself was the same. Although Yeorum was precious to him and he was nurturing her well, even he was slightly irritated by her temperament these days.
Having precious people didn’t always mean a good relationship.
What was the correct thing to do then?
“I’m sorry…”
“What. Why are you sorry.”
“…We must have bothered you for no reason, ahjussi.”
“At least you know.”
“…”
“How do you feel.”
“A bit better.”
“Would you to like to chat?’
“No. It’s okay. It’s all my fault so…”
Yu Jitae gazed into her face.
“What?”
“Yeorum didn’t do anything wrong. My mistake was too big and I couldn’t control my emotions in that moment.”
The reason for her emotional acts was her desire to monopolise. Yu Jitae was aware that Bom wanted to monopolise him but was merely having trouble discerning whether that was love or simply a desire to keep things all by herself.
“A few days ago, when ahjussi wasn’t at home, I made the same mistake when Yeorum touched my laptop on her own accord.”
“What happened.”
“I hate my belongings being touched so I suddenly got a bit mad and tried to throw the laptop… Back then, Yeorum apologised first so this time, I’ll go and apologise first and stick to it until she is satisfied…”
While saying that, she carefully glanced at his face in an attempt to read his mood. When he looked back at her eyes, the child avoided looking into his eyes.
It was strange.
The Regressor found her words a little strange.
It didn’t really sound authentic.
Why was he getting this feeling?
“You can scold me… If you’d like to punish me, please do so…”
Bom was different from other hatchlings – she had always been trying to help him.
From their first meeting when he suddenly threatened to kidnap her,
When he was bringing other hatchlings,
Even when the other kids were having trouble with their school life,
And even when he was catching demons and when Gyeoul was shedding her skin,
All those things she did; who was it for?
Even now it was the same.
If they both remained prideful and stubborn, it might lead to a troubling situation that could affect the management of daily lives at Unit 301 with both of the hatchlings living together.
But Bom quickly lowered her pride.
Who was the one that would be made the most comfortable by Bom lowering her pride?
It was himself.
At this point, wasn’t it as if Bom was living for his sake? This was completely confrontational to Yu Jitae’s thought that he was living for Bom’s sake.
He had a doubt that she was lying right now. Although he didn’t have any proof, it was a strong doubt born from his conviction without him even knowing why.
While he was leading those complicated thoughts forward, Bom opened her mouth with a worried voice.
“Ahjussi. I actually had a dream just then.”
“What kind of dream was it.”
“…”
This time, she was even more cautious than before. Her fidgeting fingers and her blinking eyes proved it so.
“What’s wrong. Come on. What was it about.”
From within her slow voice popped out an unbelievable word.
“…A dream about being imprisoned.”