That one spark of thought was like a trigger. After that, Kaeul thought of him whenever something gave her a hard time.
If it was ahjussi,
If it was Yu Jitae…
Thinking about it like that, Kaeul started to see the state of this ill-tempered gnome as similar to that of her own,
And Yu Jitae trying desperately to make sure she wasn’t hurt in a world full of hatred, was also similar to what she was doing right now.
In fact, guardians weren’t machines and they were also people. They were just another living being who had more things to be responsible for.
If a child cried on repeat, the mother would feel tired. A father might feel annoyed by a child who constantly whines and gets mad. Some parents might get emotionally upset with their kids.
That was the state Kaeul was in right now. Gnomes had been in disharmony for a few years by now and she was feeling annoyed by a lot of things.
But what about ahjussi? What did Yu Jitae do?
Closing her eyes, she looked back and remembered how she had been whining like crazy everyday.
– I’m so stupid.
– Why is there nothing good about me…?
– …You also think I’m pathetic, right?
At times she reproached herself.
– I think I just can’t.
– Maybe someone like me should just stop.
– That’s just what I am… I’m sorry it turned out like this even though you were trying to help…
And sometimes she was about to give up.
Although that might have been an honest expression of her feelings for Kaeul back then, it must have been very painful for the one listening.
Despite that, Yu Jitae had never gotten mad at her imperfection. Even though he definitely should have felt annoyed on the inside as a human, he had never shown even a sliver of it on his face…
Now, Kaeul knew how extremely, extremely amazing that was.
“…”
That day, on the way back home after finishing her work as a guardian deity, Kaeul stopped in the middle of a street. She started to realise the kind of love he had given her during the most unstable times of her life.
Her heart was aching.
At the same time, Yu Jitae’s actions became an indicator for Kaeul. Like how he had protected me, I should also be able to protect someone – thinking about it that way gave her courage.
Soon, she turned her feet and returned to the village of gnomes. She called the challenging gnome and quietly talked to him.
“I wonder who put our little boy in a bad mood?”
Her words were a lot more cautious than before.
“Do you mind telling me…?”
The size of the umbrella had to fit the size of the person. What was important was matching herself as a guardian to the ward.
It was just like how Yu Jitae, who at a glance was extremely different from her, tried as much as possible to align himself to her.
‘Whateverr! They’re making me upsettt!’
The gnome exploded in rage at the beginning, so Kaeul carefully raised him into her arms.
“You were upset, hun? I see.”
She wasn’t just coaxing and calming the child. Instead she was starting a conversation.
“Who was it? Who did it.”
Her soft voice started flowing into the firmly shut steel gates of the gnome.
‘Kobing! Kobing did ittt! She keeps telling me to stay stillll!’
Kobing was the name of his mother.
“Why did Kobing tell you to stay still?”
‘I don’t knowww! It’s weirddd! She always leaves in the morning, so I wanted to go with herrr! She takes everyone else but not meee!’
“Agu agu. I see…”
Kaeul tapped the gnome on his back.
It seemed that he had been wanting to leave with his mother but was refused because she couldn’t bring the most renowned problem child of the village outside with her.
In the end, it appeared that the problematic gnome just wanted to spend time with his mother.
Strangely enough, after dropping her prejudice, thinking of the gnome as another person and deciding to calmly talk it out with him, she realised that the solution was quite simple.
“You wanted to leave with your mother in the morning, right?”
‘…I don’t want tooo. She never takes me with herrr.’
“Do you think your mother hates you?”
‘Yesss. Kobing hates meee. I hate Kobing toooo!’
“Let’s go talk to her.”
‘Nn?’
“Un un. Why. Are you scared to do it by yourself?”
‘…’
“Then I’ll come with you. Let’s go together and tell her what you think.”
‘…’
Something remarkable happened after that.
The problem gnome sloppily expressed his honest thoughts while looking away from his mother’s eyes, and the mother who had been feeling exhausted due to the temperamental actions of the child was also shaken.
In that place was an apology and a forgiveness.
The next day, the two of them went outside early in the morning.
It was a success.
“Iya. That’s pretty good. Not bad, my dear daughter?”
Kaeul hopped up and down after bragging about it to her mother.
That wasn’t the end of everything though. Due to all the time that went by, the crack had been deepened and the improvement in his relationship with his mother was just one of the problems that had to be addressed.
What was fortunate was that the problem gnome always came to Kaeul and prayed to her whenever there was a challenge in his life. Kaeul had to listen to his story and empathise with him whenever the gnome was feeling challenged. And when he was feeling better, she also had to suggest a solution.
At a glance, that seemed like an ideal relationship between a guardian and a ward, but on the other hand, Kaeul felt slightly fatigued over time.
There were in fact almost 500 gnomes living in the village, and there were quite a few of them who complained about their hardships in life.
She was already feeling tired with how everything was and now there was one child who leaned on her everyday, so Kaeul had to firmly hold her ground.
The issue was in her personality of deeply immersing herself into other’s problems. She was sincerely upset when others were angry, and sincerely sad when they were sad. When it was frustrating, she felt suffocating as if there were dozens of potatoes blocking her throat.
All of that added to the lassitude she was feeling in her heart. Once, her legs even lost power on her way back from the village.
However, Kaeul had to persist. Kaeul knew that it would be the end for both the baby gnome and the village the moment she faltered.
She also remembered his back when Yu Jitae was trying to leave the house after feeling crushed for some reason, as well as her voice that stopped him in his tracks.
Maybe he was feeling exhausted just like her…
Everything she learned about a guardian was from Yu Jitae and he was a successful figure in her mind.
Didn’t I grow up fine just like this? So I can do the same as him.
Kaeul was able to persist by thinking of it like that.
Rather, she thought she was able to hold on.
That was until one day a gnome hung herself by the neck.
.
.
.
Fortunately, the gnome didn’t die thanks to Kaeul who happened to be nearby rushing in and cutting off the string. She wasn’t dead, but was instead greatly hurt. Even her life was at risk so Kaeul took the child away from the village and brought her to her nest.
Kaeul earnestly looked after the injured child. The little gnome was hovering between the boundaries of life and death and Kaeul thus could not sleep for almost an entire 3 weeks.
The pain appeared to be very intense around her neck and the gnome couldn’t easily fall asleep. Kaeul stayed by her side, worried that something wrong might happen to her and anxiously watched her go to sleep.
For her, the gnome was like a thin marble of glass.
She was scared it might break.
Meanwhile, the gnome village searched for their guardian deity who did not come to them, so Kaeul had to rush to the village when the gnome was asleep to listen to their requests.
It was excruciatingly exhausting.
She did find it worthwhile, and seeing the little ones relying on her as a guardian deity and looking at no-one else but her, Kaeul realised that she couldn’t crumble when they were leaning on her. She had to become a thicker pillar and needed to have a wider hug.
But as those agonising days continued without an end, the guardian deity also wanted to rely on someone.
‘Maybe I’m still too young…’
Kaeul bitterly smiled to herself.
After dealing with her task at the village, Kaeul returned to the nest and checked the state of the child.
She looked after the baby gnome who was still suffering with constant irregular breaths, all throughout the night.
Fatigued from all those tense moments of care, her eyes were slowly and unknowingly coming to a close.
.
.
.
She met Yu Jitae.
The background was very hazy, but it was probably Unit 301, and she was probably in her room.
There was a time when Chirpy the baby chicken had almost been taken by the people from the spirit beast breeding centre. Kaeul attacked them with a startled heart. It was fortunate that she had missed because otherwise someone would have died there.
It seemed that she had gone back to that time.
“…”
Kaeul, who had been burying her head into the pillow, raised her head and saw Yu Jitae’s face. He was using his large hand to caress her head, the little strands of hair near the boundary of her forehead and her hair.
She blankly looked at him as he asked her a question.
“What’s wrong?”
Kaeul shook her head.
She simply realised something.
Ah, it’s a dream.
She had been thinking about him a lot recently. During the first few years after her return from the Amusement, she had thought about him even more.
Back then, she had been complaining to him in all of her dreams.
Ahjussi, there’s no pork cutlet here.
They don’t know how to make macarons.
But more importantly…
I miss you…
Those were the dreams she used to have quite often.
She didn’t know they were a dream back then, and she was thus a little depressed after waking up from one because of the thought that she might not be able to see him ever again. However, he was now here in front of Kaeul.
“…”
His large and slightly cold hand slowly went through her hair.
It had been her lifetime question. How did Yu Jitae know where she liked the most? That she felt comfortable when he caressed the area right above her forehead…?
“Do you feel like going to sleep now?”
He asked. Resting her hand on top of his, Kaeul shook her head.
“Please stay here a bit more.”
“Alright.”
Yu Jitae followed through with what he said and stayed there. It was okay even though she knew it was a dream. Kaeul wanted to remain in this moment a bit more.
His chest that she always comfortably leaned on whenever she was tired; his feet that used to tread with her when confronted by a crossroad; his hands that held her whenever her heart was quivering and his voice that consoled her when she was sad.
Now that she was an actual guardian of someone else, there were so many things she wanted to share with him. Even though it might be a dream, she still wanted to talk to him.
“Have you been well?”
Kaeul opened her mouth.
“Of course. I’ve been fine.”
“Anything go wrong?”
“Why would anything go wrong.”
“I see. That’s good.”
He started moving his hand again and resumed caressing her hair.
“That’s not like you.”
“Uun?”
“Asking something like that.”
“…”
Kaeul grinned. It was a really vivid dream.
“I missed you.”
“We see each other everyday though.”
“Uun… But still, I wanted to see you. And you know, I wanted to say thank you.”
“Why?”
“You see, now that I actually became a guardian of someone, I realised how hard it was.”
“Is that so.”
Kaeul talked about the things that recently happened to her, carefully, so that he wouldn’t find it odd.
“Must have been rough.”
And after being acknowledged by him like that, Kaeul smiled with her eyes closed.
“I’m sure it was more rough for you,” she added.
“At least you know it.”
Yu Jitae faintly smiled back.
“So let me have some rest today.”
“Yeah. Rest up.”
Listening to his voice and feeling his hand, she closed her eyes.
“If this is a dream, I hope we meet again after I wake up.”
“Why.”
Kaeul replied with a powerless voice.
“Because this time, I can do better…”
.
.
.
After waking up from her dream, Kaeul saw the gnome restlessly tossing in her sleep. The pain was still stopping her from sleeping properly.
That was the end of her short dream. It was a shame because there were still a lot of stories she wanted to tell him, as well as many things to ask.
Although it was partially embarrassing that she relied on him even in a dream,
On the other hand, it soothed her heart that she was able to rely on him at least in a dream.
When she was back to reality, Kaeul was once again the guardian of someone else. This time, it was therefore her job to soothe this tired little child.
With her beautiful voice that used to bring tears to the world, Kaeul sang a lullaby.
“Child… You pretty child…”
And she caressed the gnome’s head, until the child comfortably fell asleep.