The Circulation of Light minced her body as her mind slowly faded away.
When she next came to herself, she was at one of the corners of the arena leaning on the wall without even the power to lift her head. It was obvious that the fight had ended with her loss.
Even though the first-aid team that was waiting nearby came rushing in, Yeorum refused their help and made them go away. They told her she had to be healed but she revealed her fangs and threatened them instead.
Yeorum staggered as she left the arena, leaving behind the stiffened first-aid crew. She shrugged them off and aimlessly walked forward as if trying to escape from something.
It was an impulsive yet unavoidable action, because she had no idea herself what unsightly thing she would do if she were to stay there.
There was only one pair of legs following Yeorum from behind.
Her body was full of wounds and the natural recovery was taking a very long time due to the infectious Circulation of Light. Therefore, Yeorum had to bleed while walking and her footsteps were followed by drips of blood.
Walking down an alleyway of the city, she no longer had the strength to proceed and at last halted her feet. The one following her from behind also stopped with her.
Yeorum opened her mouth with a faint murmur.
“You know… Maybe I’m still too weak…”
Watching kids younger than herself calmly accepting the farewell, Yeorum thought she had naturally accepted it as well, because she was more of an adult than them.
“You saw that right? I got shit on…”
Because the one-sided announcement of the farewell seemed like an act of betrayal, she thought he had discarded her.
Since he always did whatever he wanted to.
“If I go back now… It will be difficult, right…?”
But on the last trip, he had definitely said to her, that she must live after going back. So if she was still too weak, perhaps it might be possible to postpone it.
“I might die…”
She was not confident in conveying her honest thoughts, so she had to spout words of deceit no matter how pathetic they were.
However, it was fine. None of that mattered. If doing this could allow her to cling onto him,
“…I could end up dying.”
If this could delay the end of the Amusement…
***
Yu Jitae closed his eyes.
After saying something with a sorrowful voice, Yeorum was silently waiting for his reply. The alleyway was bright but the hair covering her face was casting a shadow over her eyes.
The gibberish she was speaking, in fact, did not enter his ears that well.
Frankly speaking, Yu Jitae was feeling an emotion that was close to irritation.
It was because of her attitude when facing the fight. Doing that for any other fight might have been passable but Javier’s fight alone was something she had to be serious with. She had to be fully immersed in it.
Even if she did not like the farewell, and even if she wanted to protest against him, that fight was one that shouldn’t have been degraded.
This fight was the proof of her growth, and the result of all the time Yu Jitae and Yeorum had poured in during the Amusement.
And yet Yeorum ruined it due to her personal emotions.
Although she had been constantly exposed to harsh drills that could cost her life at any time, him clutching onto her and treating her generously might have created a greenhouse over the child’s heart.
If she were to return with a mild heart like this, would she be able to survive? Would Yeorum be able to have a proper fight at the ‘Selection Ceremony’ in Askalifa? Even though she has already ruined such an important fight just because of an impending farewell?
Finishing his line of thought, Yu Jitae opened his eyes. Depending on the course of the conversation, he might even have to scold her.
He was a person who planned all the time. Even when planning for the farewell, he had set up Plans B and C.
Among those, Plan B was how he would deal with the situation if the kids were to refuse the farewell until the very end.
He gazed down at her face.
Looking at it from the perspective of daily lives, his next words could end up hurting her feelings a little bit. However, he needed to be stern at times even if someone was to get hurt from it.
“No.”
“What…?”
“It’s alright. You won’t die.”
Her eyes that were unusually powerless slowly blinked. One of her eyes was squinted, which was probably because of the wound near her eyes.
“I don’t think you lost against Javier.”
“What do you mean? You, saw me… lose.”
“It’s strange. It was a fight you cannot lose. Fight him under the same condition a hundred times and you should have won ninety of them, not because of the difference in strength but because of the way you fight.”
“…”
“There is a limit in the size of the territory Javier can control. All of his skills exist to maintain that distance. Stick too close and his sword flicks you away, and go too far and his sandpapers of light will endlessly gnaw at you. But you, on the other hand, have great mobility that allows you to move freely regardless of his territory. You have a better chance to win from the get go.”
“…So? What about it. In the end, that doesn’t change the fact that I lost.”
“Yes. And now your job is to explain that to me. Why did you lose.”
“…What?”
“Why did you lose. When you could have won it.”
Yeorum’s eyes twitched again. The wounds inflicted by the [Circulation of Light] were yet to close.
“It’s just… just that my body was a bit stiff.”
“Stiff?”
“Maybe, I was a little nervous or something…”
“Why were you nervous.”
“Why not? A dragon, can get nervous as well for fuck’s sake…”
“Yes. Dragons can get nervous, but not you.”
“Huh?”
“Yu Yeorum. You shouldn’t have been nervous.”
In response to his words, Yeorum, who had been staring at the ground, lifted her head and looked at him.
“…What? Are you saying it’s my fault? Do you mean it was my fault that my body was more tense than usual?”
He knew Yeorum hated finding the reason for a bad event from herself. Rather than denying it, she simply detested it.
Whenever there was something she did not like, she would lament and complain, ‘Why is it only me?’
Until now, he had never openly touched her pride, but today he had to.
“Do you want me to be more honest? It’s okay to be nervous, but you shouldn’t have let that nervousness impact the result of the fight. Your duel just then was, to be honest, a mess.”
“What the fuck… It’s just a small mistake. What the hell is with all this…”
“Yu Yeorum.”
“…?”
“You are seriously spouting some pathetic nonsense. Do you still not feel any sense of caution even at this point in time?”
His words were increasingly turning sharper. Yeorum repeated opening and closing her mouth as if she was swallowing her excuses.
“…You don’t have to, say it like that.”
“Javier left. It will be nigh impossible to plan another fight with that guy. And you have to return home soon, and in the end, you have to bring back an experience of not being able to achieve your objective.”
“…So? And what?”
“I told you in the morning that I’ll help. You were the one that refused it.”
“That’s…”
“Shut up.”
Her faintly opened eyes slowly became wider. She instinctively realised that something was different from usual, because Yu Jitae had never forcefully cut her words off like this.
His expression that she was now so accustomed to, appeared frightening.
“It was strange even before the start of the fight. Your doping state was awful and your mana was unstable. The key point here is that you were egotistically saying you’d do everything by yourself only to have this as the result.”
“…”
“Why were you so full of yourself? Why did you have an attitude like that before an important fight?”
“…”
“Say something.”
“…”
“Or what. Is that what you learned from me?”
*
There were several excuses she could give.
Doping? She wanted to do that properly and the same was for mana – she wanted to maintain her peace and control it, but it just didn’t work out properly.
That was the truth. Even before the start of the fight, Yeorum knew something would go wrong. Her body turning stiff was just the tip of an iceberg and now, she could observe the rest of the iceberg, and that she had been wanting to run away from the fight thousands of times until it began.
“I’ve told you countless times. Do not think about something useless when you have a sword in hand. It looked like you were doing that properly during the training but I guess not.
“You will have your Selection Ceremony after going back. That will make you more nervous than now and you’ll make a mistake because of your nervousness, won’t you. Your head will be ripped and wedged into the ground. Will you say the same thing then? A dragon can get nervous too? Just a small mistake?
“What kind of stupid excuse is that.”
No. Even though that wasn’t it, Yeorum stayed silent under the unbearable pressure he was giving off. His eyes that were right in front of her face were burdensome so she ended up shouting, “It’s all over, so why the hell do you even care?” Unknowingly, she drew a line between him and herself but he raised his voice in return.
“If you were going to fight like that, then what was all that blood for!”
He was pretty much shouting by now. Something shattered in her head as Yeorum glared daggers back at his eyes.
“The sweat and blood you shed would fill up a swimming pool. The distance you’ve run will be several laps around Earth, and all of your pain and agony will cover a library if you put them into words. Where did all that time go – how can you dare! Treat a fight like that!”
She felt like she was being falsely accused. Her fingertips turned numb and his shout was making her so sad that she had to hold back her tears.
“Why are you being so mean? I might have been feeling slightly unwell! Do you think I was fooling around by myself because I’m a retard? I had my own circumstances as well!”
“Are you really saying that to me?”
“…!”
“Tell me. What kind of circumstance is it, that it can justify a stupid act at the face of a life and death fight that you’ve been preparing for over 5 years?”
“You’re the one that fucking shot my life down on your own accord! Who can ever stay in their right mind in a situation like that? Do you think we are all mental patients like you?”
“What are you talking about.”
“Are you just pretending like you don’t know anything? Or are you really that mental? Or what, do you want to watch me being pathetic again?”
“Answer me. I asked you. What are you talking about.”
“For fuck’s sake! You…!”
In that instant, her words came to a stop.
Seeing Kaeul cry while grasping onto his pants, she thought she was pathetic.
Seeing Gyeoul constantly ask him if he was being serious about the farewell or not, made her think she was doing something useless.
“You…”
Yeorum could not continue her words.
Because it was pathetic.
Because it would be useless.
Raising her hands, she covered her face. Ever since the day they first met, through all the time they had spent together to the day of their separation – he did everything the way he wanted to and that was something she already knew about.
Even when she was in too much pain and thinking of giving up, he persuaded her and in the end, things turned out the way he wanted.
Have I ever, turned his heart even once…?
Thinking back, a memory that had stayed down until now for some reason, floated back up to the surface.
There was one time. When she begged him to revive BM’s son, ‘Jung Taebaek’, that was when she had first managed to change his stubborn mind.
A single strand of solace was shining upon her despair.
Yes. It was possible to change his mind.
“Everything you said is correct.”
Even though she had been thinking of them as useless and pathetic words, Yeorum decided to pluck up her courage.
“So… I think learning for around, 1 more year? would be enough.”
I will stop negotiating after this, and will obediently accept the farewell.
But let’s just spend one more year together.
“Nn? As you said, my mind is a bit weak… How about you fix that for me. There are still things for you to teach me right?
“Those training methods that were all strange but helpful to me… Can you teach me those for just 1 more year?
“You won’t let me die right?
“……Right?”