Episode 94: Umbrella (1)
Tap, tap.
“Uunng…”
Kaeul groaned. Something was tapping her on her face and it was most definitely Chirpy.
The baby chicken tended to sing in the morning when it was time for Kaeul to wake up. It would sing, chirp chirp~♫, telling her that the sun was up and that she should wake up.
Tap tap. But today, it did nothing but tap.
“Uung. 5 more minutes…”
Whatever the case, Kaeul stretched out her hand, trying to hug the baby chicken. It was a habit. Chirpy had the softest fur in the world so it was tender and soft to hug.
However, Chirpy avoided her hand.
“…?”
When her hand found nothing but the air, Kaeul opened her eyes in wonder and saw the baby chicken staring at herself.
They looked at each other for a few seconds. Chirpy did not approach or act cute like it always did. It merely gazed at Kaeul.
As if it was viewing a work of art; as if trying to etch the scenery into its head as much as possible.
After a few more seconds,
Kaeul’s hazy eyes became increasingly wider.
***
“Unni.”
“Yeah.”
It was a rare weekend at Unit 301 with everyone gathered. Yeorum had returned from Europe after a 2-week training with a ranker and Kaeul was resting at home, after applying for a leave due to not being able to find any meaning from further schooling.
Sheek– sheek–
Sitting on the terrace, Yeorum was sharpening the edge of her sword with a whetting stone.
“Because we are dragons…”
“Yeah.”
“We will live a lot longer than others, yeah?”
“By a few thousand more years, yes.”
“Then, all the organisms around us will die before us, right?”
Sheek… Yeorum stopped her hands and turned around to face her younger sister.
Kaeul’s voice was a lot calmer than usual. After staring at her for a while, Yeorum opened her mouth while moving her hands again.
“I guess so? Elves, who live the longest, only live up to a thousand years while only a handful of demons and devils can live up to a thousand years. Most of them would die and vanish before us.”
“I see…”
“Why.”
“I just thought that would be very heart-wrenching.”
“Is that so?”
“Don’t you think so, unni?”
“Not really.”
“Why? If everyone you get close to dies first, how would you easily befriend anyone? When you have to send them off in the end?”
“That might be true, but,”
Yeorum calmly moved her hands and her voice was as tranquil as her hands.
“Can’t you just befriend someone new then?”
“…”
There was a fundamental difference in their personalities. Unable to find the answer she wanted, Kaeul was about to stand up but that was when Yeorum stood up first and inserted the sword into the sheathe.
“Why are you asking that all of a sudden.”
“Nothing really…”
“Oi. Yu Kaeul. You really don’t act like a dragon, do you.”
“Uun?”
“What kind of dragon ever worries about such a thing? Other people dying and disappearing; is that something to be that sad about?”
“Do you never feel that way?”
“Of course not. I don’t care. No matter who dies and disappears.”
After some contemplation, Kaeul opened her mouth.
“What if that someone was our ahjussi?”
“What?”
“Ahjussi is an amazing human, but he’s still a ‘human’. He can’t live for thousands of years in Providence so in the end he would die before us…”
“Wait, fuck. What’s with this sudden shit.”
“But, that’s true right…? Will you really not feel sad even when that happens, unni?”
Yeorum said with a frown.
“Are you sick or something?”
“No?”
“Fucking go away. Stop saying weird shit like that.”
“Okay.”
Despite her words, Yeorum pushed her to the side and walked into the living room first. In the process, her feet came to a stop and she pondered for a bit before adding more words.
“Your life must be so laid back. To have time to worry about meaningless stuff like that.”
Her words were sharp. They contained sharp blades themselves.
“What do you mean…?”
“No, never mind.”
Kaeul asked in surprise but Yeorum’s voice soon softened. Raising her hand, Yeorum repeatedly ran her fingers through her hair.
“Did I say something wrong?” Kaeul asked.
“No.”
“If I didn’t, then why…?”
Yeorum didn’t say anything back but she appeared as if she was holding in her anger. Seeing that, Kaeul was quite sad. Because for her, it was a really important and serious topic.
“Sorry if I somehow made you upset…”
But Kaeul knew Yeorum was slightly more sensitive than usual after returning from Europe so she apologised first. Soon, Yeorum heaved a small sigh before adding more words.
“Anyways, I’ve never thought about things like that in depth, nor do I want to. I have my own problems to solve so I have nothing to tell you.”
“Uun.”
“Ask Yu Jitae or Yu Bom for something like that.”
“Uun……”
Saying that, Yeorum walked away but Kaeul didn’t go back in. Leaning on the wall of the terrace, she gazed off into a distance.
Chirpy was always looking in this direction every morning.
What did that child see from here? Even with the eyes of a dragon, she couldn’t see it.
Back when she was young, her mother told Kaeul while hugging her that dragons were a ‘glorious race’.
‘…’
But after actually coming out and experiencing the world, Kaeul started to think otherwise. There were still a lot of things that she did not know.
Bigger questions like the one she asked Yeorum and what she herself had to do, as well as smaller questions like the reason behind Yeorum’s irritation were both things that Kaeul could not answer.
Blankly gazing off into a distance like that abruptly resurfaced the memories of the time an elder of the race passed away.
It was probably the mother of the father of the father of her mother. She didn’t really know her but she did see her several times and had shared some conversations while walking to places hand-in-hand.
So Kaeul was relatively shocked after hearing that she had passed away.
– She has gone in accordance with Providence.
On the way back after the funeral, Kaeul in her mother’s embrace felt her emotions.
– It is nothing to be sad about.
Her mother said despite her sorrow.
***
Going into the living room, she found Bom cutting apples by herself.
“Hello, Kaeul. Do you want some apples?”
“Nn? I’m fine…”
She was going back into her room with swaggering steps when Bom suddenly pushed forth an apple with her fork.
“Here. Just have it.”
“I’m fin…”
The fragrance of the apple was very sweet. Both sweet and fragrant.
She felt slightly dejected seeing her own self that was still chasing after food in a situation like this.
“Thank you.”
Taking the apple by the fork, Kaeul was about to walk back into her room but Bom’s voice stopped her in her tracks.
“Kaeul. You have something you’re worried about?”
“Uun?”
“Come here. Let me hear it.”
Who told her that? Thought Kaeul, because she had only expressed her concerns to one person.
Bom grabbed her hands and pulled her towards the sofa as Kaeul vacantly sat next to her on the sofa.
“Like, umm. Well, it’s not that big of a concern but…”
She couldn’t readily ask the question because there were too many ears in the living room. Sensing her agony, Bom pulled her by the hands and brought her into her room. Closing the door, she expanded the alternate dimension to cut off sound.
Only then was Kaeul able to start the topic with a sigh.
“Unni. We live longer than other races, right.”
“Yeah?”
“If we get close to beings that are not dragons… they’ll definitely die before we do, right?”
“That’s true.”
“How would you feel, unni?”
“Well…”
“Wouldn’t you feel sad?”
Bom said after thinking about the answer.
“It would depend on who it is.”
“Right. If it’s someone precious, it would be more heart-wrenching the more precious they are. So what should we do then? In fact, is it fine to get close to others in the first place then?”
“What makes you question that?”
“Because the closer we get, the more painful the time of separation will be.”
Bom shook her head.
“Am I wrong…?”
“No. Kaeul. Everything you said is correct.”
“…”
Kaeul was slightly disappointed by the answer. In a corner of her mind, she wanted her to say no, hoping that the smart Bom-unni would give her a different answer and a new direction.
“In your life, you will meet people, get closer to them, but there will be inevitable times of separation as well.”
“What if we don’t get closer to anyone?”
“We can’t because our mothers are the same as well. Your mother must have lived a few thousand years more than you, right?”
Kaeul’s eyes widened into circles.
That was true… it wasn’t limited to just beings other than dragons.
Some dragons, despite being dragons, will still disappear before she did. It was such an obvious fact and yet she had never considered it that way until now, so Kaeul began to feel sad.
In her life, she would definitely lose her mother one day…
“Kaeul. We call ourselves ‘people’ similar to humans.”
“Uun? Uun…”
“Because everyone that leads a life is similar. Everyone must bid farewell to other people one day.”
With a sad pair of eyes, Bom caressed her by the forehead.
“There’s nothing we can do about it.”
Her response sounded powerless.
“That too is life, so we must accept it.”
It was an extremely weak sentence. Kaeul still couldn’t understand it, so she asked about something extreme like she did to Yeorum.
“Is that it? Just feel sad, accept and that’s it?”
“What else can we do?”
Kaeul pondered. In occasional conversations about families, Bom mentioned that she didn’t have a father and she seemed to have a bad relationship with her mother.
The person she likes the most would be…
“Unni, you like ahjussi don’t you.”
Bom’s eyes widened into circles.
“…Nn.”
“Uun? Am I wrong?”
“No. Go on. So?”
“I really really like ahjussi as well right? But ahjussi is a human and he will die before us. When that happens, I think I will be extremely sad. What about you unni? Will you just accept the sadness and finish there?”
“No.”
“…Uun?”
“I will die with him.”
Bom said with a straight face.
It did not sound like a joke at all. Kaeul suddenly remembered her emotions that she had received in the past and asked back in fright.
“Are you serious…?”
“Of course it’s a joke. Why are you so surprised?”
After seeing her face turn jet black, Bom laughed out loud.
Ah, so it was a joke.
“Kaeul.”
“Uun…”
“There are many sad things in life. But us dragons apparently get numb to those feelings with age. We get used to the sadness.”
“…”
“It sounds a bit scary right? Because that means we have to weather through a lot of sad things.”
“Uun…”
“But, there’s nothing we can do. Even the dragons that die early live for at least 5,000 years. That’s the life that was prepared for us from birth.”
Bom said with a bitter smile. Even then, they had to endure it, and live on despite the sadness.
That was the fate of dragons, and;
“…That’s our providence.”
***
Kaeul learned two things from Bom.
1. Separation is inevitable.
2. You must accept it even if it hurts.
Lastly, Kaeul decided to go to Yu Jitae after some hesitation.
“Yeah. Come in.”
He was in the study reading a newspaper with Gyeoul who was sitting on his lap but when Kaeul opened the door, Yu Jitae made Gyeoul leave the room. And facing her questioning gaze, he said, ‘I heard you had something you’re concerned about’.
How did he know?
After telling him everything she learned from Bom, she asked Yu Jitae about the things she wanted to ask.
“Then how should we handle separation?”
“How do you think we should handle it.”
“…I, don’t really know.”
Kaeul placed her hands on her chest.
“Just thinking about it makes my heart ache. I don’t like pain, so I hope it’s never painful…”
“So?”
“So I thought about it. How about distancing ourselves before the separation?”
“Distancing yourself?”
“Yes. It hurts because they’re precious right? If they’re no longer precious, then wouldn’t it be easier at the time of separation?”
Yu Jitae looked into her eyes and replied.
“I don’t think so.”
“What do we do then…?”
Reminiscently, he opened his mouth.
“If the problem is your heart aching, then you need to think it through. Sorrow lasts for some time but that’s it. It’s like a wound. With time, the blood stops and the wound closes. But some emotions really last a long time in your heart and endlessly pain people.”
“What is it?”
“It’s regret.”
Kaeul blinked her eyes from the unexpected words.
“Regret exceeds the scope of a wound and leaves a disability. It continues on and sometimes regrets suddenly appear long after the event. Even the wisest people will inevitably build up regret with more time. Because the past is unretrievable.”
“I see…”
Regret aches the heart. Even more so the pain of separation, it bitterly pierces a corner of one’s mind.
“That is why the final moments must be decorated as beautifully as possible. At least that’s what I think.”
“Do you ever have any regrets, ahjussi…?”
“I used to have none.”
“Then?”
He didn’t reply and Kaeul too was soon immersed in her own thoughts.
In deep contemplation, she did not open her mouth for a very long time.
Before long, tears budded around her eyes. She blinked her eyes for a bit before slightly raising her head towards the ceiling to stop them from falling down. They still threatened to travel down regardless so she lowered her gaze and stared at the ground this time.
Her fingers fidgeted without an end. With her right hand, she constantly touched her left index finger.
She slowly walked towards him and he stood up from his seat after sensing what was happening.
The child slowly reached her arms out and wrapped them around his neck. He bent his back to match his height with the child’s and returned a natural hug.
“Is it time?”
In his arms, Kaeul softly whispered with a lump in her throat.
“Yes…”