Chapter 212 You lack Passion
"I'm sorry, what did you say now? Until I get the job done? What job?"
Raven smiled.
"It's simple. Should things go south...no, south, you will have to steal the map alone while I stall the Desert Huntress until you are done."
Northern frowned darkly.
"And if you're leading me into a trap? What if this was your plan, to trick me and use me to fulfill your own goal? Or do you think I've not noticed how manipulative and smart you are being with me?"
Raven looked at him seriously.
"I'm not being manipulative, I'm not even being overly smart. When you have lived around dangerous people all your life, this is how you would be; in your case, I think worse..."
She paused and continued after sighing.
"Use you... this is too small and menial of a thing to use an amazing resource like you for. I can even do it myself should you decide not to. But with the two of us, it will be better. We still have to face a monster, remember, and the expedition is not going to be a walk in the park either. I just think we need to save as much health as we can by best utilizing each other..."
She was silent for a while, then her voice came again, this time...cold.
"Besides, Northern, aren't both of us using each other here? Not to even say, you receive more of the benefit in this fight than Terence and I do."
Northern withdrew a little, momentarily averting his eyes. Then he shot them at her.
"You agreed to it, didn't you?!"
"Yes, I did."
"Then why are you complaining now?"
"I'm not complaining, Northern. I'm just saying, you can't receive that enormous reward and not want to put in your own quota of work for this to be successful. Besides, I'm not even asking you to fight Helena."
Northern was silent for a while, looking down.
"Or would you like to fight Helena? Locating and stealing the map is a much better option, but should you want to fight Helena, she's all yours. Don't just die."
He frowned at her.
"What's your deal if I die?"
"This expedition cannot be successful if you do."
His frown got deeper; he looked down at her, silent for a few moments, then his voice ushered out, pitch climbing higher than usual.
"What is it? What is it exactly that you need from me and can't get from other drifters? I'm sure it would have been very easy and possible for you to coerce the ice guy into following you on this expedition. Those are actual powerful dudes, you know... compared to them, I'm not all that, you know."
Raven looked at him and scoffed.
"Are you trying to mislead me from the fact that you are strong?"
Northern was frozen for a bit and cursed internally.
'What the hell?!'
His advances were to dig out Raven's intent, of course. To himself, he meant it when he said he wasn't all that.
But that didn't mean he didn't know of his potential to surpass each and every single one of them.
However, the problem that even Northern didn't know he had...
...Was that he was taking this overwhelming potential too lightly. And Raven could see it.
How she could, however, remained a mystery.
Perhaps she was taking him on this journey to do what she did with other party leaders... bringing out the strength in them.
Perhaps she just truly needed him as much.
Northern, of course, didn't chart the course of his thoughts to these paths, not at all.
In fact, he couldn't read anything at all in Raven's words and actions.
They were compelling him to believe and trust her.
And he was barely just holding on due to his cynical view of everything, including her. Most especially her!
Raven's voice trailed into his ears.
"I think you are selling yourself too short. I don't know if you are doing it to hide... what is it you are hiding though? Your strength, your weakness? How are you ever going to grow if you hide everything? Or are you just a coward."
Her words were like sharp knives, cutting into his skin.
But Northern kept a firm and unbroken gaze, clearly getting offended by the things she was saying.
When did the conversation become this... become about him?
'This fox!'
Raven finally raised her head and looked at him.
"You are strong... far stronger than everyone I have ever seen... maybe if it's you..."
Her gaze drew distant lines, appearing down and somber, then her voice also became low.
"Maybe if it's you... it will be possible."
"It? What? What will be possible?" Northern asked, glaring at her.
She smiled with her eyes and looked warmly into his.
Immediately, Northern was taken aback, eyes widening. She was...
'...be..autiful... fuck it!' He cursed and gritted his teeth.
"Northern, I sincerely need you... I need you so I can free myself from my own hell. And in order for that to happen, you have to be stronger... you have potential but you lack passion, you have to be very stronger not just in potential but actually strong. This expedition could be all you need for that to happen."
Northern stared at her, a mixture of ambiguity and annoyance etched across his facial features.
Her statement annoyed him so much; he was incredibly strong and didn't need anyone telling him what to do.
That's how he felt.
But also, at the same time, some truth in Raven's words continued to ring within him.
Moreover, the embarrassment handed to him by the Sage had become one hell of a harrowing memory.
Even though he was so strong he could cause an entire existence to disappear without a trace, even though he was so strong that his soul conformed to no laws and concepts,
He still felt weak before a Sage.
A Sage was a lot, but Northern felt he should have done better.
And just as he had been reassessing himself since the incident, Raven's words once again brought to his face the fact that he had been too complacent.
...And stupid.
And he wanted to change.
He wanted to be really strong.
He didn't just want to survive, tossed by every direction of the tide, desperately clinging onto the server board.
He wanted to ride the wave, direct the tide, and stand upon it like a stalwart surfer.
He gritted his teeth slightly and looked away from her.
'Still, it's very unsettling and annoying that she is saying this to me...' Northern complained internally.
He was still going to keep his cynical view about her. But maybe it was time to sincerely begin to check himself.
And truly ask:
What had all those dayless nights in the rift been for?
What was to show for all his sufferings?
'Ah crap... I feel so disgusted...'