Chapter 21: Why Do You Live LikeThat?
Seohan's low voice gently layered over the beat.
Although I had focused more on vocals in practice, my low voice also suited the rap position quite well.
So I took the plunge.
A soft rap that matched the dreamy atmosphere.
Seohan recited the lyrics without hesitation.
I’m a chaser for you
I don’t miss that it’s dark all around
It’s just a destiny
A second chance that came after a long time
I’ll never miss it
I swear on the sky
So remember this stage
“Waaaaaah!”
Ha Junseo picked up Do Seohan’s rap.
The stage always feels like the first time for me
Pinky promise
It won’t change, at least for this moment
Line by line. Some people cheered and others teared up at the lyrics we poured our hearts into.
Was it the dreamy melody in the background, or the endlessly flickering lights?
To Seohan, this moment felt like a dream.
“Do Seohan! Do Seohan! Do Seohan!”
“Mam-Seohan, debuttttt!”
At first, I just wanted to do well.
A second chance that had come around. It felt like a single mistake could make it vanish.
I obsessed over the results. Even while preparing for the performance, I pushed myself to the limit.
But.
Once I stood on stage.
‘That doesn’t matter.’
I was just grateful to be standing on this stage.
Let’s enjoy the stage.
If this is the second chance, if this is a chance that won’t come again—
Let’s enjoy it so I’ll never regret it.
“Kyaaaaaaah!”
Even if I want to fly but can’t reach it
I’ll swim toward that empty space
Clap.
Seohan high-fived Ha Junseo and jumped forward on stage with a smile.
“Uwaaaah! What do I dooo!”
People were so close, it felt like I could reach out and touch them.
Even though only a few episodes had aired, there were people there cheering for me.
It was a weekday. And even late at night.
Just how far did they travel for this stage, for a performance that only lasted a few minutes? I understood now what that meant.
That someone would offer love without expecting anything in return.
That someone would give blind support.
I knew how difficult that truly was.
Here and there, I saw my name.
[Mam-Seohan must debut!]
[Hamster, let’s debut!!]
[Do-Hamster, I should’ve given birth to you]
Seohan slowly scanned the placards with his name on them.
One by one, I met their eyes. I waved. I smiled with all my heart.
“We made eye contact!”
“Seohan, I love youuu!”
Before I knew it, the performance had passed.
What could be beyond there?
It felt like I’d never be able to reach it.
But if you’re there, if it’s you in that place—
Then I’ll open that door. I promise.
I’ll work harder, endure this thin ice with all I’ve got.
I’ll show you the next stage—Seohan promised silently.
“Waaaaaaah!”
“Guys! Let’s debut!!!”
“Kyaaaaaaaa!”
I was happy.
So much that I wished time would stop.
Normally, I’d be too shy to say this, but with red ears, Seohan spoke up.
“I love you too!”
It was a dreamlike stage.
“I still feel like I’m shaking.”
“I thought my heart was gonna burst. Or maybe it already did? Hah, it’s not beating?”
“You all did great. That stage was seriously perfect.”
It was a performance we prepared through hell.
We gave it our all in such a short time and put ourselves into it. We laughed, sharing that same struggle.
My heart wouldn’t calm down either.
I leaned against the wall, catching my breath.
“Hoo… hoo.”
I had no regrets because I gave it my all.
Ha Junseo ruffled my hair and gave a thumbs up.
The main rapper gave me a compliment.
“Your rap was really good.”
“Ah… please. Don’t.”
“You wrote the lyrics, didn’t you?”
“That’s right, that’s right. Seohan wrote them. They were touching.”
Seo Haim’s eyes sparkled as if she’d caught something juicy.
That wasn’t supposed to be me writing the lyrics.
I volunteered to give it a shot and it ended up like this.
Unintentionally, because of our team’s lineup—Seo Haim, Jin Sehyun, and even Lee Junhyeok.
They were mostly vocalists, so I, as the leader, offered to try rapping.
…Now the embarrassment hit me late.
“Hey, you’re better than most people in rap positions! You’ve got talent!”
Ha Junseo patted my back and continued.
“Yeah, you’re really good! Like, seriously, huh? Just, really good.”
“That’s right, that’s right.”
“Oh my, our maknae worked really hard?”
These people...
They know me too well now.
They know exactly how to make me run away out of embarrassment.
Todododo.
“Seohan! Where are you going!”
“……”
Thump.
Eventually, it was only after I quietly escaped to a corner and banged my head against the wall that everyone calmed down.
“Seohan’s crying, let’s stop teasing him.”
“You were the one teasing him the most.”
“Hey, maknae! I won’t tease you anymore, come here!”
At Jin Sehyun’s blunt truth, Ha Junseo laughed and dragged me back to the waiting room.
Ha Junseo tapped my shoulder and spoke.
“Ah, even thinking about it now, it was seriously thrilling. Right?”
“It was.”
The judges' evaluations were good, and the audience response was great.
Of course the atmosphere had to be good.
As we bickered and entered the waiting room—
“Oh, oh? You’re back!”
The mood of the teams that had already finished their stages was strange.
“Huh?”
All their gazes turned this way at once.
Ha Junseo seemed to notice something was off and darted his eyes around.
“……”
What is this, this silence.
It’s probably not just tension from underperforming on stage.
No way.
“Lee Junhyeok…?”
That face I had thrown darts with at the balloon darts event.
Cha Seongbin.
The guy who always smiled under black hair looked unusually stiff today.
He had been hesitating in a corner but now stepped forward, glancing at Lee Junhyeok.
Something really happened, didn’t it?
Whatever it was, it wouldn’t surprise me, so I scratched my head—he was now walking toward me.
“Seohan-ssi too.”
Me?
Why me?
“Did you see this?”
Cha Seongbin held out his phone to me.
“Give it here.”
Lee Junhyeok’s face quickly stiffened in real-time.
A photo taken at a café with some unfamiliar faces. A short video uploaded underneath it.
I couldn’t make sense of the situation.
What on earth was going on.
Why was my name involved in this.
I frowned and shifted my gaze to the post.
[I’m at a café in Bangbae-dong and Lee Junhyeok is here!!]
[Photo]
[Photo]
A sighting post about Lee Junhyeok—up to that point, I understood.
It shouldn’t have been anything that sparked controversy.
He hadn’t secretly gone out to meet a girl, probably just met some friends.
Even then, I couldn’t quite grasp what the issue was.
Cha Seongbin gulped and played the video.
And then, the waiting room fell silent again.
-It’s just... there’s a strange rumor going around.
Lee Junhyeok’s voice echoed through the silent waiting room.
Originally barely audible in the original video, someone had edited and amplified it. Though there was noise, the sound was clear enough.
The conversation in it was more shocking than expected.
-There’s a rumor that something happened with that guy at KJ. Since we’re in the same team, I’ve been a bit concerned.
-If it’s something bad… at least I should try to keep the team mission going. I’ve basically been acting as the leader. I came as a representative since my teammates were uneasy.
Jin Sehyun’s expression turned cold.
I could roughly guess what was happening.
‘You came from KJ, right?’
He had known since he tested me earlier.
But this...
This was too blatant of a background check.
-You didn’t have a falling out with the company or something, did you?
-I’d like to know. Please tell me.
Lee Junhyeok’s excited voice echoed clearly through the waiting room.
His excuse that he came as a leader because his team was nervous—
Everyone here knew how absurdly false that was.
His intentions were so transparent.
Ha Junseo clenched his teeth and glared at Lee Junhyeok.
“…This isn’t right.”
It was the first time I’d seen that. That soft, pliable guy showing such anger.
“Hyung... this… are you seriously okay?”
“Th-that’s…”
“Do you even call yourself human after that?”
Seo Haim was too speechless to open his mouth, and Jin Sehyun looked at Lee Junhyeok as if he were a bug.
Someone in the back muttered with a sigh.
“Wow, stabbed his own team. What a bastard.”
“Total jerk. It’s all over the forums too.”
“It’d be hilarious if he even passed the first round.”
We should be grateful there were no cameras in this temporary waiting room.
Because harsh words were already flying behind us.
“……”
Lee Junhyeok’s face had gone completely pale.
It was obvious to anyone that he’d done a background check and dug up the truth.
In the silent waiting room, the full story of the still-playing video continued to unfold.
-He must have walked away from that debut team for that reason. Probably kept quiet in exchange for getting Seo Ian’s contract terminated. Right?
-He’s a dumbass, but a good kid.
-No need to worry too much. He didn’t cause trouble. Leader, you’ve got a hard job.
So that’s why Cha Seongbin came looking for me.
The stares that had been directed at Lee Junhyeok were now turning toward me.
I didn’t know what those stares meant.
Were they pitying me for leaving KJ? Or were they impressed that I gave everything up and walked away?
The look was subtle.
And my emotions were even more complicated than that.
Step, step.
I stood in front of Lee Junhyeok, who was swallowing dryly.
He had been digging his own grave, but now he’d brought a drill strong enough to pierce the Earth’s core.
Honestly, it was his life he was ruining—it had nothing to do with me.
If you’re going to sink, at least sink alone.
Seo Ian. The name of a person completely unrelated was now on the public’s lips.
Thanks to Lee Junhyeok, my image would soar, but that hyung would have to drag around pity and all kinds of nasty attention.
It was something from 8 years ago for me, but for that hyung, it was only 2 years ago.
A faded memory for me, but a painfully vivid moment for him.
I clenched my teeth.
And coldly spat it out.
“Excuse me.”
No other words came to mind.
“Why do you live like that?”