Side Story 58. [After Story] The Wedding (2)
Imperial Year 653.
One year after the final battle with the beasts.
Everblack Empire. Southern Crossroad.
The Wedding Eve Festival.
Temple.
At the scene of the incident (?), I scratched my chin while inspecting the empty hamster cage. Hmmm. Where did that Podong 2 rascal go?
“They said he was doing fine just yesterday… but right after I came back and stepped out for a moment, he vanished.”
Damien slumped his shoulders.
“Maybe he thought I abandoned him. Maybe he felt hurt and didn’t want to see me again… so he ran away…?”Is a hamster even smart enough for that?
I answered honestly.
“Maybe, I don’t know… your snake ate him or something…?”
Jörmungandr was coiled around Damien’s neck like a scarf.
The lazy snake flicked its tongue and flashed its bright yellow eyes as I pointed at it. Damien frantically shook his head.
“No way! Podong 2 and Jörmungandr got along great!”
“A hamster and a snake getting along? Really?”
I muttered in disbelief.
Then Junior, who was also inspecting the scene, snapped her finger.
“Looks like it already escaped.”
“What? How do you know?”
“Look at the bits of hay from the cage. They’re scattered all the way over here.”
Sure enough, just like Junior said, scraps of hay from the cage lining were scattered all the way to the windowsill.
“Looks like it got out through the window.”
“Nooooooo!”
Damien wailed and clung to the window.
Lilly, watching this pitiful sight, let out a soft chuckle.
“I’ll request help across the city to look for Podong 2, so don’t worry too much, Damien.”
“Sniff… thank you, Lilly…”
“Oh come on. We’re fellow Cross-Ham-Mo, after all. We’ve got to look out for each other.”
“…Cross-Ham-Mo?”
A strange abbreviation, so I asked. Damien nodded, his face a little brighter now.
“Yes. I told you before, remember? ‘The Crossroad Hamster Owners’ Club.’”
“…That does sound vaguely familiar.”
How many weird secret societies are in this town…
“But Lilly, when did you join?”
“Sid wouldn’t stop begging for a hamster of his own. But you can’t give a baby a pet, right? So I started raising one in my office at the manor a few months ago.”
Lilly smiled gently at Damien as she explained how she joined the club.
“All the Cross-Ham-Mo members will help. Let’s stay strong and find him, Damien.”
Junior stepped up with Hecate beside her.
“I’ll help too! And Hecate probably will as well!”
“Huh? Me too? Wait, huh?”
Damien looked at Lilly, Junior, and Hecate one after another, then smiled brightly with teary eyes.
“…”
“…”
Jörmungandr, still draped around Damien’s neck, and I locked eyes in silence.
I narrowed my gaze, thinking, ‘It’s totally this guy. No, I mean, this snake.’
Then Jörmungandr politely shook his head side to side.
Oh? So it wasn’t you?
Despite the Cross-Ham-Mo’s full mobilization to spread news of Podong 2’s disappearance and put up flyers, the hamster was not easily found.
No surprise, considering the festival week had just begun. The city was already hectic enough—how could anyone track down a hamster in all this chaos?
I was busy myself, greeting guests from around the world and offering thanks. The wedding itself was still a few days off, but everyone was here to see me, after all.
Serenade was busy preparing, at the merchant guild level, to welcome my father—the Emperor—on the day of the wedding. Lucas, too, was occupied with the upcoming day’s event schedule.
Evangeline was… where even was she? Why hadn’t I seen her at all?
With everyone scattered and running around on their own errands, the second evening of the Eve Festival arrived.
Evangeline summoned all the comrades who had fought on the beastfront to the Lord’s Manor.
As I stepped into the reception room, Sir McMillan, who was tidying up the area, greeted me.
“You’ve arrived, Your Highness.”
“Sir McMillan. So, what is this gathering?”
“I’m not quite sure. Lady Evangeline simply asked us all to gather here.”
“I see… huh? Assigned seating?”
The reception room was divided in half. On one side, the women were seated; on the other, the men.
And between the two sides, a curtain had been set up to block the view.
It wasn’t uncommon for us to be seated by unit, but separating us by gender like this was a first. All the heroes who arrived one after another looked confused as they took their assigned seats.
Sitting down in the separate guest seat reserved for me, I rubbed the back of my neck as a chill ran up my spine.
‘What are you plotting, Evangeline…?’
While the others were chatting cheerfully, happy to see each other again, Evangeline finally made her entrance.
“It’s been a while, everyone! Greetings from the new Lord of Crossroad, Evangeline Cross!”
Evangeline strutted in with flair and gave a formal bow.
Most of the comrades clapped and cheered, but a few of the sharper ones, like me, glanced around warily.
Evangeline gave a devilish “hohoho” laugh and turned toward the women’s side.
“Finally, the time has come to fulfill the promise we made long ago…”
As she spoke, Violet shot her hand up and asked a question.
“Lord Evangeline! What long-standing promise are you talking about?”
“Do you remember that sauna we all visited right before the Horned Dragon campaign? Back then, I told the CroFemHeCo members this.”
Evangeline placed both hands over her chest.
“That once I became a lord, I’d launch a special welfare program.”
Violet’s eyes widened.
“Gasp! N-No way…?! That one?!”
Evangeline nodded dramatically, then shouted.
“That’s right! It’s—‘A Boyfriend for Everyone!’”
Kugugung!
It almost felt like a dramatic sound effect thundered behind the women’s side.
“I can’t be the only one getting married and living happily ever after! Let’s all step into the world of couples!”
“O-Ohhh…”
“And so, for all of you, I have arranged… a massive group blind date!”
“Oooooooh!”
The women roared like a pack of hungry beasts.
Even in this madhouse situation, the men were desperately trying to maintain composure.
“A group blind date… Who are they going to match with those terrifying people?”
“Yeah. I’m curious. I feel kinda bad for them, honestly.”
“Still, I’m jealous. At least the ladies get a group date. Don’t we get some kind of event too?”
And then it happened.
Chwaruruk—
The curtain dividing the men and women was pulled back in an instant.
Almost like it had been rehearsed, the women and men looked straight at each other.
“…”
“…”
A hellish silence fell.
On behalf of everyone’s frozen hearts, I turned to Evangeline and asked,
“This isn’t what it looks like, right?”
Evangeline ignored me and cheerfully called out.
“Let me introduce your blind date partners!”
No, don’t—
“It’s the beastfront’s male heroes! Ta-da~!”
Evangeline’s applause echoed emptily through the parlor. Clap clap clap…
Everyone remained ice-cold.
One second. Two seconds. Three.
URRRRAAAAGH!
Heroes from both sides—men and women alike—leapt to their feet in unison.
“What’s going on?! Where are you all going?!”
As Evangeline hurried to block the only exit, Verdandi trembled with fury and pointed at her.
“Excuse me, Madam President. No—former president, since the CroFemHeCo is disbanded now.” (TL Note: Crossroad Female Heroes Committee)
Her voice shook with righteous indignation. Clearly, she’d been looking forward to this.
“Even if none of us have decent romantic prospects, at the very least you should’ve brought out someone decent!”
“What? Not decent?”
Kellibey flared up, taking offense on behalf of the men.
Verdandi shouted in despair.
“Do you get it?! No matter what, I am not kissing Kellibey!”
“As if I want to kiss you! I already have a wife!”
From the Gambler’s Club, Scarlett muttered as she shuffled her cards with a hollow expression.
“You know, before I joined this front, I didn’t believe men and women could be just friends.”
Scarlett let out a sharp fart-like noise with her mouth as she looked toward the men.
“But now I know. With those guys… there’s zero chance of any romantic development.”
Cobalt from the same club snapped back.
“That’s our line, you terrifying women!”
As the room turned hostile in an instant, Evangeline clapped her hands and tried to mediate.
“Alright, alright. I get it. Married folks can step out. Anyone already paired up, too. Everyone else—stay seated!”
Immediately, Damien, Junior, and Hecate bolted.
“I’m… still not over her. Also, has anyone seen Podong 2?”
“M-Me too… Finding Podong 2 is more urgent!”
“Hey, wait! Where are you all going?!”
Next to leave was Mikhail, King of Vermillion, who had come with his five wives.
As he reached the parlor doors, he turned back to me with a solemn face.
“I really don’t get why everyone’s so desperate to date or get married. But Ash. Let me give you one final piece of advice.”
“Huh?”
Mikhail shook his head gravely.
“Don’t.”
“Wait, don’t what?”
“I said don’t, you idiot!”
Kuilan pointed at him, yelling.
“C’mon, Mikhail! You’re just trying to hoard happiness for yourself, huh?! With five gorgeous wives, every day must be a dream!”
“A dream?! Yeah, sure, a dream…”
Mikhail looked more haggard and worn out than he had a year ago. He let out a despairing cry.
“Every single night… like a nightmare! With these five women—!”
The expressions on his five wives went ice cold.
“What?”
“A nightmare?”
“Darling, what exactly do you mean by that?”
“N-No, wait, I mean, what I meant was…”
“My sister says her five husbands treat her like a queen. Why are you being like this, darling?”
“Looks like someone needs a little attitude adjustment. Come with me. I’ll send you off looking so good they’ll think you’re a corpse.”
“Fufufu. Starting tomorrow, you’ll be walking around saying, ‘I’m sooo happy being married~.’”
“KYAAAAAH—!”
The five wives began lightly biting and dragging Mikhail away.
“Hohoho. Young people these days…”
Watching all of this unfold, the lady sitting beside Dearmudin—his wife and the true ruler of the Ivory Tower—covered her mouth as she laughed.
Hooking her arm around Dearmudin’s, she whispered sweetly.
“Marriage is such a wonderful thing… That sense of fulfillment when two imperfect people complete each other. Isn’t it, darling?”
“…”
“Darling? Answer?”
Dearmudin gazed at his wife with a gentle smile.
CRASH—!
Without warning, he hurled himself through the nearby window, beard flapping wildly as he escaped outside!
“That old geezer again?! Guards, seize that blasphemous man at once! And punish him thoroughly~!”
“Yes, ma’am~!”
His wife roared in fury, and robed scholars immediately charged out in pursuit of the fleeing Dearmudin.
Watching the tragic downfall of another married couple, Kuilan looked around desperately and shouted.
“Chain! Say something nice! Just say marriage is great!”
At that, Chain, who had been quietly seated, spoke up like he’d been waiting for the cue.
“I love my wife deeply. Being able to build a family with her is the greatest blessing of my life.”
“Chain?”
“I love my wife deeply. I love my wife deeply. I love my wife deeply. I… I… I…”
“Waaah! He broke! The man’s malfunctioning!”
All over the room, fights suddenly escalated in all directions.
“You CroFemHeCo people are always like this! Always clinging to each other! Only going out to eat nice food with each other!”
“That’s because you old guys only ever eat stir-fried pork and deep-fried pork!”
“What?! What’s wrong with stir-fried and deep-fried pork?!”
“You eat it like you were born for it!”
CroFemHeCo vs. The Old Men.
“You said we’d die together on the battlefield, and then you went and got married first, sis!”
“That was a battlefield promise! I need to explore new joys in life!”
“You traitor who escaped solo heaven! You’re no longer my sibling! I won’t forgive you!”
“You’re the one who turned down a good setup, saying you wanted it to happen organically!”
Married vs. Single.
All around the room, someone threw a punch as if they had been waiting for this moment—and everyone descended into a full-scale brawl…
CRASH! CLANG! The parlor turned to utter chaos.
Watching it all unfold, McMillan clamped down on his pipe and muttered.
“…I’ve never been to a group blind date before. Is this what they’re like?”
“Probably not…”
I hadn’t been to one either, but surely this wasn’t a blind date. This was a mass brawl.
“I came here to emcee a wedding, not commentate a battle royale…”
Just then, Zenis flew past McMillan, screeching, after being hit squarely in the ribs by Rosetta’s punch.
McMillan’s eyes gleamed as he stood up in excitement.
“Whoa! Commander Rosetta! A clean Cross-Line hit~!”
“Hrrrraaaaah—!”
“And now, a mid-air spin throw! Direct hit!”
Watching Zenis get pummeled, McMillan roared in delight. Okay, he’s really good at this. Should we reconsider his role?
Meanwhile, Evangeline, watching the full-scale brawl unfold in her parlor, clutched her head and screamed.
“Waaaah, my precious manor! My beautiful parlor!”
“Why is that your first concern?!”
I yelled at her.
“This disaster is your doing, you maniac! You fix it!”
“I didn’t mean for it to turn out like this!”
Evangeline looked like she was on the verge of tears as she protested.
“I-I just wanted to encourage frontline romance! Like my own with Sir Lucas, or yours with your fiancée! Those turned out great, right?! I thought maybe… if everyone had a chance like us…! I didn’t know it would end in ruin!”
“You think relationships just happen if you throw people together?!”
Meanwhile, the fighting inside the parlor had escalated from casual punches to serious duels.
“My blood is boiling! We’re all battle-hardened veterans, after all!”
“We never finished that dungeon showdown! Here and now—let’s settle it!”
As expected of the continent’s strongest warriors, the fighting became intense. Kellibey and Verdandi, recounting some past grudge, were about to pull out real weapons when—
“Found him—!”
A sudden voice rang out from outside the parlor, filled with emotion.
Everyone stopped mid-fight and turned in unison.
Damien entered first, eyes brimming with tears, and Junior followed, both hands raised high.
“Ahhh~!”
In Junior’s palm—
A tiny hamster squirmed.
“It’s Podong 2!”
“He was missing?!”
“Where did you find him?!”
One by one, everyone stopped fighting and rushed forward.
In front of them, Junior raised her chin proudly and shrugged her shoulders.
“I got a tip from the Cross-Ham-Mo. Apparently, they’ve been letting the hamsters meet up and play together regularly.”
Unlike Earth hamsters, hamsters in this world were more social and easily grew lonely—so they often gathered with others of their kind to play.
“Wait… So?”
“So I figured maybe Podong 2 left the temple to find a friend. And I was right.”
Junior pointed with her chin toward the inner part of the manor—Lilly’s office.
“We found him in the cage of Sid’s hamster, the one she’s been raising in her office.”
And in Junior’s hand—
There wasn’t just one hamster. Alongside Podong 2 was another, a round ball of fluff of a different color, the two of them tightly cuddled together.
“Wait… You mean Podong 2 traveled all the way from the temple to the lord’s manor? Alone?”
“Yes. To find the one he loves.”
As everyone looked down at the two snuggling hamsters, all the heroes who had just moments ago been hurling punches and insults…
Sniffled with emotion.
“Podong 2, you rascal…”
“What a devoted, pure-hearted hamster…”
At that moment, Dearmudin—freshly dragged back after another beating from his wife—shouted with gusto, still smoothing his yanked-out beard.
“Everyone! Why don’t we hold a wedding for Podong 2 right here and now?!”
“Splendid idea!”
“Let’s do it!”
“Let’s bless them all together!”
…Excuse me?
Wait, how did we get to that?
Anyway, and so it was.
♫ “Congratulations on your marriage~ Congratulations on your marriage~ Our dear Podong 2~ Congratulations on your marriage~” ♫
Everyone clapped as they celebrated the union of Podong 2 and Sid’s hamster.
Lilly gave an awkward smile, while Sid, thrilled even though she had no idea what was going on, clapped along gleefully.
Wait—hold on. Isn’t that just the birthday song with the lyrics changed?
“Fufu… It won’t be long before Podong 3 is born.”
Evangeline muttered, arms crossed, watching the two hamsters squirming close together.
“Thus, the journey continues…”
“Don’t just suddenly drop a dramatic narration like that out of nowhere.”
And also—did everyone just make up?
Why is everyone smiling like nothing happened?
You were all brawling like maniacs just five minutes ago. Are we seriously just sweeping that under the rug like this?
‘Oh, to hell with it…’
A hamster wedding as the opening act to the human wedding festival. It’s absurd… and yet, kind of sweet in a weird way.
Fighting and making up right after—well, I guess we can just chalk it all up to the whimsical charm of a fantasy world.
‘If you’re happy, that’s what matters.’
Live a good life, Podong 2…
It was then.
Jörmungandr, still coiled around Damien’s neck, watched the two hamsters quietly.
Shurrrrp.
Lick.
He flicked out his long tongue and smacked his lips.
“…”
No. Right?
Hey, you’re not thinking that, are you? Huh? You’re not, right?
Jörmungandr met my gaze and nodded slowly.
Hmm hmm. A deep, solemn nod.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?!
And so, the night of the chaotic, disastrous group blind date came to a close.
And my wedding?
Only now had the eve festival finally ended…
–TL Notes–
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