Chapter 187: Miracles That Shouldn’t Happen (2)
Alas, there it is.
Nothing else was visible and all I could see was ‘it’.
A red coffin etched into my focus along with frustration and wailing in my ears.
The instruments were sobbing in low voices.
I had experienced this before countless times.
Highly respected priests in the Holy Land, a young child in the slums whose treatment was delayed or a Templar slain by a demon and left to bleed out in an alley.
All of their deaths were painful since such is the nature of loss.
Until now, I had thought that all men were equal under heaven, under God so I could grieve equally, no matter what their status, no matter what their relationship to me.
But now…
…it was different now.
It hurt, and it hurt more than ever.
I didn’t understand it.
I know he was very close to me, but death is priceless and I wanted to howl in pain.
What’s even more painful is that I couldn’t. I couldn’t honor him with normal pain and tears.
“…Are you okay?”
Ecline whispered as she approached.
I must have worried her again.
This was not the way a saint, a member of the Knights, a master of their sword, should look.
It was a shame.
Zetto was such a good man, and I think he deserved to go back to the arms of his Maker as soon as he did.
It’s sad, but it’s okay.
That’s what I wanted to say.
If I could fool myself into believing that, it would hurt a little less.
“……”
But no voice came out.
Say it.
I moved my lips and let it out.
“……”
Hot drops of water run down my cheeks.
These are not tears.
It’s okay.
I’m fine.
“……It’s okay… I’m not…”
My mouth finally opens and I spill the truth.
Ecline wraps her arms around me, her soothing voice whispers in my ear.
“…You don’t have to be okay.”
I don’t have to be okay.
With that one word, the truth leaks out of my mouth.
“I’m sorry… I’m not okay…I’m in so much pain…”
“It’s okay, for now.”
“Ugh…Hmph…”
I sobbed softly in Ecline’s arms since I couldn’t approach the coffin to say goodbye.
The only way I could honor him was to sob quietly at his feet, as I did now.
I reached out my hand but his hand was not there.
I couldn’t grasp it.
I couldn’t reach.
There were so many secrets between him and me that I couldn’t reveal.
It might have brought me closer to him, but now that he was dead and everything was meaningless…
…there was this much distance.
This was the distance between him and me.
“Alas…”
My fingertips trembled as I stretched out toward him.
I was seeing nothing in front of me.
The woman who had suddenly appeared and stood between Zetto and me was staring at me.
Long silver hair, pink eyes and wearing a pure white dress, she looked like me.
She was a hallucination of me and her lips, which had a nonchalant expression, opened. My weaknesses, my fears, were trying to accuse me.
‘You knew it would come to this, didn’t you? You tried to walk with him even though you knew how he would end up?’
‘…I didn’t realize it would be like this.’
‘You knew what he was going through, what he was carrying, didn’t you?’
I thought we could carry it together.
‘After all, wasn’t it your choice not to go against the Lord’s command? You could have simply erased his curse.’
‘He… he didn’t die of a curse.’
‘You really think so?’
The vision tilted its head.
‘…Enough.’
‘You think that because he didn’t die of the curse, you’re not to blame, do you really think that?
‘…Stop.’
‘Do you really think he would have died even if he had gone into battle intact, without the curse?’
‘…Please.’
The vision stepped closer to me.
It leaned in close and whispered to me.
It whispered the truth I wanted to deny, the truth I had been denying.
‘It wasn’t a demon that killed him…’
The vision glared at me.
‘…It was you, Bernice, Saint of Innocence.’
I couldn’t deny it since it just spoke the truth, the truth I’d been hiding.
‘What kind of a saint are you, when you couldn’t even take care of the one person you loved… Bring him back… Bring back my Zetto…’
Suddenly, the vision tightened around my throat.
“…Is…”
I couldn’t breathe anymore.
Suddenly, I was on the ground, and Ecline rushed to me.
Her touch lifted my throat, but I still couldn’t pull myself up since I didn’t have the strength.
I knew that when I reached the end, the negative emotions I would feel would be directed at me.
I couldn’t blame anyone since I was a sinner.
My eyes rested on the painting of the Lord Heneryes that hung in the center of the cathedral.
Alas, Lord God.
Where is this place for me now?
Was this what you wanted for me?
This is so painful.
I blame Heneryes but I know it is so ugly of me to blame you because it was all my choice.
Was the Lord trying to reveal my ugliness?
What…
What did He have to gain?
Wasn’t it enough that He took away the light of the world from me?
I can’t for the life of me understand what Heneryes meant.
Of course, that’s to be expected. How can I, a mere mortal, understand the will of the Lord?
That’s why it’s even more painful to be put in this position.
It’s so painful to have lost him so I asked God.
Couldn’t I have been happy with him?
Couldn’t I have had small conversations with him and felt simple happiness?
The Lord was silent and no answer came back.
After the silence, the plaintive tune of the heartbreak song in his honor began to echo in my ears once more.
I stared blankly at the red coffin where Zetto lay.
Blame myself.
Blame the gods.
Nothing would change.
He was gone, and he would never return.
It was that moment.
“Oh…?”
I questioned my eyes.
Somehow, I could feel a faint spark of life in the coffin that had been so unresponsive just moments before.
It was bizarre since it was impossible for the dead to come back to life.
Yet here it was, visible.
It was so faint that no one in the funeral home noticed it.
I jumped out of my seat.
“…Saint?!”
Ecline shouted in disbelief, but it didn’t stop me.
I pushed through the crowd and raced toward Zetto.
I paid no attention to the tearing of my robes.
Zetto’s embers were still burning.
***
“I think it’s almost time.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, well… I mean, I knew what the powers I was going to use were anyway, and…”
One arm, well, I’d talk to Geppeti and we’d figure something out.
“That’s the problem with you.”
“What?”
“That you never think about what other people might think.”
“…I’m fine, really.”
I don’t think it’s a bad idea to get a cool mechanical arm, especially since my arm is missing.
Maybe I could shoot laser beams or something.
“……”
Heneryes, who was sitting at the next table, glanced at me silently.
Ah, she read my thoughts.
“Just when I thought it was getting better…”
I muttered, and then sighed.
“Well, I don’t mind that, because it’s your strength that keeps you going forward, no matter what trials come your way.”
“Haha…”
I smirked at Heneryes’ compliment and scratched my head.
“Oh, by the way. I suppose it’s better not to take the memories of my previous life with me?”
“Probably not.”
I was also afraid.
I don’t know what I might have been carrying, or how many lives I might have been carrying.
“Well, even if you don’t have the memories, the ‘experience’ is still in your soul, and it’s sure to come in handy someday.”
“I see.”
It wouldn’t be a bad idea to make some inferences about which characters from the past might have been me in a previous life.
“…If you reach too deeply, it will bring back memories.”
Once again, Heneryes reads my thoughts and blurts out answers to questions I didn’t ask.
“…”
I’ll put it off for now.
Just as I reach that thought, a pure white light begins to envelope my body.
My body was turning to dust and disappearing.
I wonder if my resurrection is beginning.
As I watch, Heneryes speaks up.
“I suppose this is the end of it, then. Would you say hello to my child for me? I haven’t heard from her in a few days.”
“…You mean the saint.”
“Yes, and she’s not the only one waiting for you.”
“…I suppose so.”
“I wish you well in your endeavors.”
Heneryes waves her hand.
I wanted to ask one more question, but my vision went black.
***.
Bernice pushes through the crowd, her flawless silver hair flying as she rushes to the coffin.
“Saint…”
“The Saint…?”
“The Saint is here…”
At the same time, the people who had heard Ecline’s cries were shouting.
The situation was so urgent that Bernice didn’t care about the reactions around her.
Bernice checked on Zetto.
He was lying there, sword and bandages in hand however, there was no sign of the Sierra that was supposed to be in his sword.
“Alas…”
Sadly, Zetto’s flame was already extinguished under Bernice’s gaze.
She could have thought she was mistaken, or that it was too late, but Bernice was desperate.
Everyone had accepted Zetto’s death except her.
-Keying!
Bernice’s slender fingers slipped into the coffin, and a pure white light radiated from them.
Bernice poured the healing light into Zetto’s body, which was cold and devoid of warmth.
“You made a promise… a promise… You said you’d keep it…”
Her wistful voice echoed, followed by a stunned silence.
“”……””
The orchestra had stopped playing at the sudden appearance of the Saint.
Nevertheless, no one at the funeral stopped her.
Even if Bernice was somehow related to Zetto…
“Please come back… Please come back…”
…because their hearts were the same.
“……”
Aizel bowed her head.
She didn’t look at Bernice, knowing that the Saint’s words wouldn’t change anything.
“…Well.”
Yuri sobbed.
She wanted so badly what Bernice wanted, and her heart understood so much.
“Please…”
Kaen hoped for a miracle.
She hoped that the already dead man would pick himself up and show her his kind smile once more.
“…Hmph… Hmph…”
Meanwhile, Bernice’s vision slowly blurred as she held back her tears.
At the same time, she realized.
She realized that this wasn’t going to make a difference, that the healing light she was about to cast wasn’t going to bring the dead back to life.
Miracles were not going to happen.
Bernice had to admit it.
The spark of life she’d felt in Zetto for a moment had been a mistake, the result of her madness.
She had seen nothing.
She had already seen an illusion.
Still, she didn’t stop.
She wanted to deny the truth.
She wanted to defy fate.
A resurrection at a funeral sounded too good to be true.
Still, some of the people hoped for a miracle, a fantasy, and some of them had to swallow their bitterness at the brutal reality.
A single tear rolled down the back of Zetto’s hand.
-Tsk.
At the same time, Zetto’s hand twitched.
“……”
Bernice’s mouth fell open.
The dead couldn’t move their hands, it was ridiculous.
She could have chalked it up to her mood, but Bernice didn’t let that stop her and she immediately summoned her divine power and unleashed it all.
Keeling!!!!
In an instant, there was a light so intense that it dazzled everyone who came to honor Zetto.
It was a sight that screamed divine.
The light took the shape of wings and seemed to envelop them.
People couldn’t see what was happening inside.
Within those white wings, a miracle was taking place.
“Ah…”
Bernice couldn’t understand what was happening; her mind couldn’t keep up.
Zetto’s hand was fully animated.
He grabbed her healing wrist.
“Aah…”
Slowly, very slowly, Zetto’s hand warmed up from Bernice’s wrist.
Panicking, Bernice stopped pouring out her healing light.
Tsk, tsk…
The wings that naturally emitted the light dropped, and the light entered Bernice’s body.
Suddenly, the eyes of everyone in the funeral home opened wide as a hand emerged from the coffin and grasped the Saint’s wrist.
Zetto’s grip became powerful and Bernice’s pupils dilated as she felt the power.
She couldn’t believe it.
Zetto grabbed her wrist and pulled himself up.
“”……””
There was silence.
Everyone’s eyes were questioning and they were in complete shock at the transcendent sight, far beyond comprehension.
Someone cried out in a low voice.
“…A miracle…?”
With that small exclamation, the others began to come to terms with what was happening.
“…A miracle!”
“Yes, a miracle!!”
“The saint worked a miracle…!”
Yes, it is.
A resurrection, completely out of place in a funeral home…
A miracle that shouldn’t have happened had happened.
The people cheered.
They rejoiced that they hadn’t lost him, and they wept in ecstasy that they had witnessed a miracle.
“I can’t believe I did that…”
The sudden cheering made Bernice look around, dumbfounded.
Bernice knew that it wasn’t her power since she didn’t have some absurd power like resurrection.
Yet Zetto was sitting upright in his coffin.
She couldn’t accept this since the cause and effect could not be understood.
In the end, Bernice gave up trying to understand.
After all, Zetto was important.
“……”
She stared blankly at Zetto, who sat in the coffin with a stunned look in his eyes.
Suddenly, Zetto’s tightly closed eyelids opened.
“Zetto…?”
His blue eyes opened.
Zetto stared at Bernice but there was no movement in his pupils and his head turned away, as it always did.
Then his lips, which seemed like they would never open, did.
“Saint…?”
Zetto revived.