Beep! Beep—!
The rhythmic sound of the cardiogram echoed loudly within the hospital room, each beep slicing through the heavy silence. I stood by the bedside, staring at the figure that lay within it.
Her face was pale, her lids closed, and her long black hair fanned out gently across the bed.
As her chest rose and fell in even rhythms, I held onto the metal railing of the bed while keeping a close watch on her.
The more I stared at her, the deeper the sense of guilt that I felt.
'At the end of the day, I'm responsible for this.'
I was the Squad Leader. Making sure that every single member of my team was healthy and survived was part of my job.
An injury or even death meant failure on my side.
I got lucky, but...
'...She may as well be dead.'
While a fracture wasn't as bad as death or a Cognitive Shard, it was still terrible. The doctors from the Guild all advised that she should retire. There was no way for her to continue.
I felt that this was the right call, too.
I knew all too well about the consequences of a fracture. I had experienced it several times myself.
It... wasn't great.
"Maybe getting her to retire is for the best."
I held the metal rail tightly, sighing quietly. I didn't want things to end like this for her, but this was the right call. I couldn't afford for her fracture to get worse and, in turn, develop a Cognitive Shard.
That'd be worse than death.
I knew this better than anyone.
"Yeah, this is the best decision. This—"
"N-no."
"....?"
I felt something grasp my hand. When I looked down, I saw a pair of dark eyes staring back at me. With a trembling face, she shook her head.
"N-no... I... don't want..."
My breath paused at the sight of her.
Sarah wasn't the type to express her emotions. From what I had managed to observe, she was usually quiet and reserved. She was someone who didn't talk much, and whenever she did speak, it'd only be a few words.
For her to say this...
"I... p-please."
The desperation in her gaze was all too clear.
And yet—
"No, I'm sorry."
I remained firm with my decision.
"You've been diagnosed with a fracture. Getting you on the field will be dangerous. I really did consider bringing you back to the team, but I just... can't. I really can't."
I could already imagine the faces that the other members of the team were going to make upon telling them my decision, but I was sure that further down the line, they'd agree with me.
I just... didn't want Sarah to go through the things that I had to go through.
That would be—
"P-please."
"....!"
When I lifted my head again to look at Sarah, my eyes widened in disbelief. Tears traced down her cheeks as her fingers trembled against the sheets, and with visible effort, she slowly pushed herself upright.
"Wait, stop..."
Beeep! Beeep! Beeep!
The steady beeping of the monitor quickened, matching the sudden pounding of her heart.
"I... don't want to quit."
Her hand reached for the corner of my shirt, pulling it with as much force as she could muster.
Hardly anything...
"I... don't."
She continued to shake her head.
Staring at her, something within me stirred.
'Why is she so desperate?'
I had never seen her express this much emotion in the past. I couldn't for the life of me understand it, and as I stared at her, I eventually found myself asking, "Why do you not want to quit? Why are you so insistent on staying?"
If I had to be honest, this wasn't a great job.
The pay was relatively good, but in Sarah's case, it wasn't very good. She was still a new hire, and it would take some time before she made any decent money. Especially since our team had yet to have a single sponsor. But that wasn't all. This job was also very dangerous, with the mortality rate being incredibly high.
One had to face terrifying moments time and time again, often being thrust into situations where every choice felt impossible.
It was a shitty job regardless of how one thought about it.
What was the reason why Sarah would push herself so much? To the point where she could ignore a fracture?
"This is a shitty job, regardless of how you can put it. I can also tell that you're not very fond of it. Why are you pushing yourself so hard? What is the reason...?"
"...."
Sarah didn't answer.
She just stared at the bedsheets covering her legs, her fingers clutching the fabric so tightly that it began to crease beneath her grip. Her shoulders trembled slightly while her face underwent a series of changes.
I didn't push her to speak.
I waited for her to be ready. This wasn't something that could just be pushed. It had to be done willingly.
And eventually—
"I..."
Sarah's lips parted, her grip over the bedsheets tightening.
"...I just.. I j-ust... I j-ust want to achieve something."
"Hm...?"
Achieve something?
My confusion only grew, but I didn't speak. I remained silent and waited for her to speak. This wasn't the time for me to interrupt her. I could see that she was really trying to get her words out.
"T-this isn't the first... place I applied to. I... had also applied to the Hoarding Department and the Collection Department. They both rejected me."
"....."
"I... applied to many Guilds, but... they all rejected me."
"....."
"The A-academy I went to barely passed me, and... I've been told that I don't have talent for this."
Sarah's grip tightened even more, her knuckles paling as her shoulders shook. I could see it clearly... The way she fought to steady her breathing, to gather the strength just to force the words past her trembling lips.
It was really taking a lot for her to say all of this.
For this reason, I continued to remain silent.
"I... know I'm... not very talented, but... I really wanted to do this. I thought that maybe... if I did well here, I might be able to get to the other departments, b-but..."
Sarah's shoulders trembled even harder, her voice breaking off as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. She pressed her lips together tightly, as if holding them shut was the only way to keep herself from completely falling apart.
Despite this, she still tried to speak.
"B-but... b-but..."
To get her voice out.
"B-bu—"
"Alright, stop."
I stopped her before she could speak any further. Her shoulders trembled once more, and her face paled alongside the tremble.
Seeing her like this, I silently groaned to myself.
'Maybe Zoey was right. Maybe I really am a pushover.'
Staring at Sarah and seeing her in this state, I really didn't have it in me to tell her to retire. I could see from her face that even if I were to tell her to retire that she would just join another Guild or do something reckless.
The thought would probably keep me up all night.
"P-please."
Hearing her voice again, I stopped.
Closing my eyes, I clenched my teeth, trying to steady the rush of frustration building inside me, before eventually forcing myself to look back at Sarah.
'As expected, Zoey was right after all. I really am a pushover.'
Rummaging through my pocket, I pulled out a small plastic bottle, the faint rattle inside breaking the tense silence that hung in the air.
"I really didn't want to do this, but... here."
I turned it over in my hand, studying the label for a moment before finally setting it down on the table beside her.
I spoke up before she could give voice to the confusion already forming in her eyes.
"Take it and rest."
I pulled my eyes away from the bottle.
"Don't ask any questions. If you trust me, then take the pill that is inside. It should be able to help you out. While I can't guarantee that they might be able to completely heal you, they should be enough to get the doctors to clear you for field work."
There were several pills that were available to me in the shop.
These pills were the spare ones that I had gotten from the First Order shop. They should be enough to deal with her fracture.
'They helped out quite a bit with the Cognitive Shard. I'm sure they might help with her fragment. If push comes to shove, I can give her the better pills.'
Staring at the small bottle one last time, I tapped the table and turned around.
"The decision is up to you. I'll be taking my leave."
As I was about to leave, I stopped.
"If you ask me what I would want, it would be for you to stop and quit right now. However, if you really wish to continue down this path, then take the pill. The decision is ultimately up to you. I... Hope you won't make me regret this decision."
These were the last words that I said before leaving.