Chapter 328: Ch 328: Pseudo Religions
I blinked, taking in the scene before my eyes.
"Renovate the train!"
Dozens of people had swarmed into Car 1, holding pickets and shouting.
But here’s the thing.
"Rabbit dolls for all!"
Everything was pink.
Every picket was inscribed with bizarre phrases like ’The perfect rabbit
doll,’ ’The grace of His Fluffiness,’ ’His front paws are so soft,’ and ’To a
wider place for us.’
They had their arms around each other’s shoulders, and I could occasionally
spot people wearing rabbit ear headbands made from cut-up cardboard
boxes.
It was shocking, but given the flow of the past few days, I had expected
something shocking to happen in one way or another, so I could bear it.
But....
"Guarantee the rabbits~"
Assistant Manager.
What in the world are you doing....?
I fell into a state of confusion as I watched Deputy Manager Eun Haje, who
was right at the front, subtly blending in, a necktie wrapped around her head
as she pumped her fist in the air.
Right before launching the Religion devoted to a rabbit doll operation, I had
already given Ms. Go Young-eun, Bronze, and Deputy Manager Eun Haje a
rough explanation of what would happen.
-Suddenly, the number of rabbit doll enthusiasts will multiply.
-Excuse me?
So I had definitely told them that a commotion would break out on the
train....
’But what am I supposed to do if you become the ringleader of that
commotion....’
What’s more, Assistant Manager Eun Haje was stealthily weaving through
the crowd, picking up bits and pieces of information to grasp the situation.
"Ah~ It looked like you were all doing something good, so I thought I’d
lend a hand, hahaha! Ah, so this... person, is the one who guides you all to
a good place?"
Assistant Manager Eun Haje, who was smoothly extracting generous
amounts of information from these brand-new members of the ’Religion
devoted to a rabbit doll’ like pulling out rice cakes, eventually got to see
their ’rabbit doll merch’ in person.
"Ooh...."
Deputy Manager Eun Haje’s gasp of admiration lingered as she looked at
the cute, embossed rabbit doll head on the jingling metal keyring....
"Our goal is to bestow this amazing miracle upon everyone on the train, so
that no one is discriminated against and everyone can receive the grace of
the Plush Body."
"Ooh...."
"Isn’t that right, Distributor!"
Don’t look at me.
But the people had already whirled around to look at me, their eyes
sparkling.
That’s right.
I, too, was standing in the middle of this picket-wielding crowd....
That damned title of ’Distributor’ was also something the people had
insisted on giving me, calling me ’the one who started distributing the rabbit
dolls.’
’I took the position because it seemed perfect for becoming a sycophant.’
As I was deliberately glancing around and smiling, as if trying to curry
favor with the loud ones, my eyes eventually met with Assistant Manager
Eun Haje’s.
"..."
"..."
This is so embarrassing.
But my mouth was smoothly spouting the most sycophantic words.
"Of course...! Am I not just a fool who sells snacks? I completely trust the
words of you all, who meet the Plush Body so often...!"
"Distributor!"
Hoo.
I watched as Deputy Manager Eun Haje’s eyes narrowed as if she’d noticed
something, her gaze alternating between the rabbit doll merchandise people
were holding and me. I quickly turned away, avoiding her gaze.
Go away, Assistant Manager....
However, the ’Good Friend’ inside the giant velvet box I was holding
seemed to be quite excited by this spectacle.
[Friend, as an Entertainer who knows how to repay the support of his
viewers, this is quite an enjoyable situation. I feel like giving them some
merchandise through a lottery!]
[Right, how about selling some special merchandise at your beautiful and
humble Resort?]
...Talk show merchandise?
[That’s right, oh, you can consider this a formal proposal. A collaboration
with ’Brown’s Late-Night Talk Show.’]
In my head, I pictured a scene in the amusement park’s gift shop, a classy,
retro-style section set up with a sign that read ’As seen on the popular TV
show.’
Putting a ghost story that specializes in bewitching viewers inside a ghost
story that’s already bewitching people....
Ah, no.
’...These people can’t go to the real Pleasant Theme Park anyway. Even if
we collaborate, it’ll be difficult for them to buy that ’rabbit doll’.’
I chose my words carefully.
[Hmm.]
’For that to happen, this Segwang Special City Ghost Story has to end first,
and you have to become a free man!’
Let’s just get his cooperation, no matter how we do it....
[Excellent! Then let’s continue with the show, Mr. Roe Deer.]
Hoo.
But my relief at having passed one hurdle was short-lived.
My eyes met again with Deputy Manager Eun Haje’s peculiar gaze.
"Hmm. Is the Distribu...tor the President of this organization?"
"Of course not!"
I almost answered with my true feelings.
I quickly shrank back and bowed my head low.
"I am just a person who has taken on one of many duties, the real
President... ah, he is coming now!"
He’s here!
"President!"
...The new cult leader with the fake title parts the crowd from the back,
walking forward with a certain dignity.
The people spontaneously make way for him. Among them is a follower
who politely takes off his rabbit headband.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
"Did you all dream of rabbits?"
"We dreamt a cotton-filled dream!"
Where in the world did a greeting like that come from? I didn’t teach them
that....
[Oh, this is just like a classic cult!]
The ’President of the Rabbit Doll Association’ had the same appearance as
before.
Except, he was wearing a single golden badge with a pink rabbit on his
padded jacket. It was a badge I had made by cutting out the tape
merchandise I’d brought.
He looked around at the people with melancholic eyes, then turned to me
and raised his hand.
"Now, bring HIM forth."
"Yes...!"
Troubling as it was, I had to do what I had to do.
I put on a fawning smile, then quickly lifted the velvet case with both hands
and opened it respectfully.
The dozens of people holding pickets look inside the velvet case with eyes
full of longing, envy, and happiness....
At the fluffy Braun.
[A pleasure to meet you all!]
But their view is blocked by the President.
The President looks at the doll, bringing his face right up to it, and nods
with a serious expression.
[Good heavens, shoving your head within a foot of me in a private situation,
what an unpleasant sense of distance. Are you in your right mind?]
"You are as radiant and perfect in form as ever today."
[Not in your right mind, but it seems your eyesight is intact!]
"I wish to carry you myself, but...."
[Hoh, dreaming of a bill for damages! I understand perfectly....]
Cold sweat dripped down my back.
Forcing a smile, I subtly moved Braun backward. As if I couldn’t possibly
ask the President to do such a thing, I spoke politely, as always.
"I will risk my life and do my utmost to transport him. Since you, President,
will be leading us from now on...."
"...Right."
Swish, the President, after stylishly arranging his padded jacket, stepped
forward.
But in the process, the jacket slapped Braun across the face. I held back a
scream.
[Mr. Roe Deer. Aren’t you curious about how this Braun deals with those
who rush onto the stage during a live broadcast and block the camera?]
’...Incineration?’
[Correct! Oh, to commemorate your correct answer, a reenactment will now
be shown....]
’It’s, it’s fine! I already enjoyed it in my head!’
[Excellent imagination, friend.]
I almost choked on my own saliva.
I once again carefully lifted Braun’s case with both hands.
"Let’s march to the very front of the first car!"
"Yes!"
Feeling a twitch in my eye, I slowly followed the picket-holders as they,
with grim expressions, once again swarmed toward the drivers cabin.
The people who hadn’t yet joined the ’Cotton-filled Body Church’ are
staring blankly at this scene, as if they’ve just witnessed some bizarre short-
form video being filmed.
’Hah....’
How did things get to this point....
’What I intended was a mysterious, small, secret religion.’
A cult that would secretly spread through the train via dreams that
comforted the weary, eventually becoming the majority and causing a
disturbance that would decentralize the power of the conductor’s cabin....
...But the current situation is a protest of the ’You’re doing good work,
fighting!’ variety.
’Why.’
[How about retracing the path you’ve taken, friend? Perhaps you chose a
different direction at a fork in the road!]
That’s true.
’So....’
I looked back on the flow of the past few days.
First... the point where things started to go off in an unexpected direction
was....
’Ah.’
It was when I started inserting messages into the amusement park dream.
The ’Be kind to everyone’ dance routine.
’I made it because of the cult leader candidate’s personality.’
But the people who had joined in the ambiguous and joyful dance, where
the Mascot danced while holding a rabbit doll, began to add their own
interpretations.
-The target is everyone! Doesn’t ’kindness’ here mean the act of handing
over the symbol of the rabbit doll?
-That’s right, it seems he wants to share his fluffiness and warmth with
more people!
-Maybe he appeared after seeing our weary situation, trapped on the train.
He’s giving comfort to those who are trapped and struggling!
-Then we shouldn’t fight amongst ourselves, but be harmonious and not
ignore others.
-That’s right!
-That’s the only way everyone on this train will meet him, just as the Plush
Body wishes!
And so, doctrines I had never considered or created were made on their
own.
1. We acknowledge that we are all in a difficult situation.
2. We are kind to everyone around us who is struggling.
3. Everyone receives a rabbit doll and becomes happy.
’The last one is a bit of a leap.’
Still, as they say, all roads lead to Rome.
In any case, it was true that a disturbance had occurred....
"Rabbit dolls for all!"
The protestors march.
For the ’safety of the Plush Body,’ I was following at the very back, holding
the velvet case containing Good Friend, when Assistant Manager Eun Haje
sidled up behind me, looking around cautiously.
"Noruya."
"..."
"You... haven’t you had enough of a taste of cults already?"
"..."
"Don’t tell me it wasn’t enough?"
If there was a hole, I wanted to crawl into it.
But the Assistant Manager’s eyes soon turn peculiar as she reads the slogan
on a picket, something like ’The warmth of the rabbit doll will save us.’
"Still, well, this seems less like a cult and more like... a fan group that’s
crossed a few lines."
Yes....
To the extent that the other residents in the front cars aren’t feeling
threatened or fleeing in terror, but are instead just watching with bewildered
or dazed expressions.
They seemed to be getting quite a dopamine rush.
Or maybe they were wondering what kind of crazy dream this was.
"Guarantee it!"
The march of dozens was quite conspicuous, and when they finally reached
the spot right in front of the conductor’s cabin, they shouted their slogan
again.
Of course, I was included in that.
"Hey, you have to shout too."
"...Guarantee it!"
...I’ll be satisfied with the fact that I can cover my face with the case
holding Braun.
I subtly blended into the back of the crowd, avoiding eye contact.
And a short while later.
"Wh-what is all this!"
The conductor burst out of the conductor’s cabin in a hurry.
Wiping away his cold sweat and brushing off snack crumbs from his pants,
the man purposefully pressed down on his conductor’s hat as if it were a
symbol of authority.
But he looked flustered at the sight of dozens of people.
His eyes darted around frantically, and then, as if he’d found a way to deal
with them after seeing the faces in the crowd, his expression finally
brightened.
"Now, if our people from the front cars have a complaint, then of course,
huh? I have to listen. As a public official. But...."
The conductor shrugs his shoulders as he spots the faces from the back cars
mixed in with the crowd.
"Well, it’s because there are some parasitic people mixed in who just want a
lot of things."
He’s trying to divide and conquer.
"Send those people back, and let’s talk slowly amongst ourselves. I know
everyone in our car is sensible."
The middle-aged man in the padded jacket who had once tried to push me
was also standing in this line. The conductor spoke subtly, looking
particularly at him.
However....
"What’s wrong with being from the back cars!?"
"Yeah!"
"We’re all people having the same experience!"
It didn’t work on the people at all.
Because their sense of group identity had already changed!
"On a day like today when everyone is struggling, everyone deserves to be
comforted!"
If the situation were different, it would have been touching.
"And the Plush Body is the best friend for comforting people!"
Somehow, a description close to the truth also comes out.
"A person like you! A human who would monopolize, exclude, and lord
over good things instead of sharing them wouldn’t understand!"
"That’s right!"
The President pointed a finger at the conductor.
"But!"
And then he pointed to himself.
"Even a person like you can change if you are with a rabbit doll. Just like
me."
Assistant Manager Eun Haje whispered.
"Somehow, it’s having a pretty good social influence...."
"..."
"Isn’t this a positive function of religion? Why is this happening here?"
I know, right.
[Interesting, friend. Didn’t that ordinary and unpleasant fellow also puff up
his chest and snatch up the position when he was given the special
treatment of being chosen by you as President?]
’He did.’
[But now, he’s opposing someone else’s special treatment. Oh, the
illogicality of it is almost reminiscent of an absurdist play!]
Well... it was always the case that if I do it, it’s romance, and if someone
else does it, it’s an affair.
’And once the numbers grow, the leader becomes an even more special
person.’
Still, the peculiar thing about this situation was that, circumstantially, the
new current led by the President, who at least put forth a greater cause, was
better than that conductor, who had become stagnant, rotten water.
"Let’s experience His fluffiness and His warmth together."
And that phrase is indeed one I spread....
It sounds strangely like a mattress ad? That’s just your imagination.
Anyway, the conductor was finally about to lose his mind.
"Aren’t you all just a bunch of crazies!"
"That’s right."
If we’re going to push our momentum, now is the time.
I put on a shameless face, stepped forward, and retorted with a serious
expression, the kind that says, ’I’m scared, but I’ll say what I have to say.’
"We are... all people crazy about rabbit dolls...!"
"Hear, hear!"
"The President will lead us to the perfect rabbit doll!"
"..."
The conductor looks speechless.
You can’t reason with a crazy person.
Conversely, the President speaks with ever-increasing conviction and
courage.
People have a strange tendency.
’If the people who support them keep agreeing, they themselves come to
believe their own claims more strongly.’
Even if it’s a belief that doesn’t align with their own disposition.
"So, please grant us permission to supply rabbit dolls to everyone on the
train!"
"Grant it!"
"Renovate the train so that everyone can enjoy the same space equally!"
"Grant it!"
At the chants, the conductor’s face became one of ’what in the world do
these crazy people want?’
And in the end, he was forced to shout.
"I, for one, have been given the grave duty of being responsible for this
train’s operation, so should you be babbling about such trivial matters to
someone like me?! Huh? Everyone, ask the station staff first...."
"They already said it was okay."
"..."
The conductor fled into the conductor’s cabin.
"He’s running away!"
"Wait!"
The people tried to catch him, but the conductor had already slipped into
the conductor’s cabin and locked the door.
"Let’s pick the lock!"
"Should we break it down?"
Wait!
I stopped the people who were trying to break down the door.
"It would be a big problem if the shelter got damaged, so how about we
wait until he comes out...? I don’t think he can hold out for long...."
"Mmm.... That’s true."
"Let’s wait until the conductor comes out."
The situation, which was about to escalate, calmed down again.
For one thing, as bedtime approached, the people of the ’Religion devoted
to a rabbit doll’ became more and more relaxed and happy, which played a
part.
Statistically, they were scheduled to enjoy the amusement park
advertisement in their dreams.
"May you all dream of rabbits!"
"May the cotton-filled hand be with you."
The ’Religion devoted to a rabbit doll’ settled down in Car 1, and began to
stir up the atmosphere by handing out various snacks to the people in that
car and those who came to watch.
Because things that look good tend to lure people in easily.
The other shelter residents are also getting sucked in, hit head-on by the
clickbait ad effect.
"Would you like some?"
"Uh, uh... oh, popcorn."
To the extent that people from other cars are coming and going from Car 1,
and instead of anyone picking a fight or getting angry, they’re having a
dopamine party with snacks.
The people who hadn’t been to Car 7 were especially wide-eyed at the new
snacks.
’Numbers and atmosphere are a scary thing.’
And the people of the Religion devoted to a rabbit doll took turns sleeping
in shifts.
"You must be tired...."
"It’s alright. I’ll be guarding the Plush Body today...!"
I smiled and refused the people’s suggestions, continuing to watch the
atmosphere in Car 1 like a guard on night watch.
’It’s completely different from what I expected, but it’s going smoothly....’
At any rate, we’re heading to Seoul.
Now, all I have to do is use this commotion as a chance to get close to the
conductor’s cabin.
I continued to chant the slogans moderately and distribute snacks with the
skill of a seasoned flyer distributor, planning my opportunity.
"Guarantee the Rabbit Doll! Here, take some snacks...."
"Yes."
"...."
"...."
Wait a minute.
"Manager?"
"Yes."
I turned my head.
Section Chief Lee Jaheon, wearing a mask, was holding the snack I offered
and staring blankly at me.
"...."
"...."
Why is he here?
"Mr. Roe Deer."
"It’s Grapes."
"Mr. Grapes."
I can see Lizard’s blank eyes.
Lizard’s bloodshot eyes, which had been looking at the various Brown
Merch people were holding, returned to me.
"Do you believe in the Rabbit Doll?"
"I, I suppose so...?"
"...."
"...."
I quickly looked around, then lowered my voice and spoke quietly.
"We’re not a pseudo religion."
"I see."
Lizard nodded.
It seems he understood my hint that this is all part of a plan....
"That’s what all pseudo religions say."
"...."
I want to faint.