Chapter 301: Ch 301: Time to Seize
(There really wasn’t any font changes between when KSE was talking on
camera and youngeuns inner dialogue + the font for the new show host
changed to brackets with italic)
——-
On the screen of a small smartwatch.
On a strange home shopping channel that was playing, the show host had
just spoken.
With the face of his colleague, Kim Soleum.
-This is a home shopping channel, but we have nothing to sell!
In that moment of complex disbelief, wondering if this was really
happening.
Everyone, why do you watch home shopping?
Kim Soleum asks seriously.
In a pleasant voice.
Is it because something you really need happens to be on?
Because you think the expression ’best deal ever’ is the truth?
Because you’re certain you’ll profit if you buy the item being sold right
now?
....
Well, that’s not it for me.
Kim Soleum, dressed in a suit, made a somewhat sheepish expression and
cleared his throat.
I watch because I’m lonely and empty.
That’s right. I’m the loser who has no lover and just flops onto the sofa to
shovel ice cream into my mouth after work. Anyway....
Pfft, a short burst of laughter escaped Go Youngeun’s lips before she could
stop it, then subsided.
After his comical remark, Kim Soleum clasped his hands together and
plopped his butt down on the table where the home shopping products were
supposed to be stylishly displayed.
Home shopping channels are different from dramas.
They talk to me.
And they offer a solution.
’If you just buy this, you can be happy!’
’If you buy this, you’re a truly wise person!’
Those are the magic words that home shopping offers.
They just don’t guarantee the results.
You all know.
We all have something like a blender we bought from a home shopping
channel, used exactly once, and then shoved into a corner, box and all.
...Is he really allowed to say that on a home shopping channel?
Of course, sometimes what the home shopping channel says is right.
But today, I want to tell you a slightly different story.
Kim Soleum smoothly wrapped up the topic, then patted the seat next to
him, gesturing toward the person on the other side of the camera.
Toward me.
Here, have a seat.
Actually... there is something I’ve prepared to present this time.
As expected.
The home shopping viewer starts to think.
’That was probably just a stunt to get our attention before selling
something.’
Right.
The declaration that there was nothing to sell was just a pre-emptive shock.
Now he’ll start pushing for a purchase, saying that what he’s selling is
completely different....
But I’m going to give it to you for free.
"...?!"
Because I already bought all the products I’m selling with my own money!
What kind of crazy talk was this?
’The show host... bought his own stock?’
I’m not kidding. I really bought everything. I bought it all as soon as the
broadcast started.
Look at this!
Kim Soleum started pulling out boxes from under the table. Fifteen in total.
The considerably large boxes were well-packaged in an opaque color that
hid their contents, and on the surface, ’Present!’ was written in elegant
script.
And Kim Soleum stacked them up on the table with a thud.
Now....
I’ve taken all the best-looking, most desirable items from this home
shopping channel’s inventory and packaged them randomly.
The show host gave me a very suspicious look. He asked how on earth I
was going to introduce and sell all of this.
’Hey, Friend of Talk Shows.... I know you’re capable. But you’re going to
sell all of that in random boxes? Do you take the customers for fools?’
Yes. They are fools.
But he never dreamed that the fool would be me....
-what kind of program is this
-so is this like a lottery disguised as home shopping?
-pleasesendittomepleasesendit
-trappedinhomeshoppingtrappedhomeshoppingtrapped
-What’s inside?
Now that she looked, a chat window was also scrolling by, line by line, at
the bottom of the smartwatch, fitting for the format.
But she hadn’t noticed it because it had been updating too quickly ever since
Kim Soleum’s insane declaration.
You must be curious about what kind of items they are, right?
As if he’d seen the comments, Kim Soleum placed his hand on a box as if to
open it, then paused tantalizingly.
And then he grinned.
Ah! The way to receive this gift is very simple. Just enjoy watching.
And what is that, you ask....
Kim Soleum moved closer and closer to the camera.
Go Youngeun realized she was leaning forward without even knowing it.
"...!"
You just have to talk to me.
Kim Soleum took a Smartphone out of his pocket and turned it on. And he
wrote his Smartphone number in a notepad app and revealed it. Here, here’s
the phone number!
"...!"
I will be taking calls that come in during this broadcast.
And the person whose call connects will immediately get to choose a gift
box. You get everything inside the box!
Then, checking the timer function on his Smartphone, he made an urgent
expression.
But we don’t have much broadcast time. 5 minutes have already passed. 15
minutes! It’s so short and precious.
Let’s hurry. Who will be the one to get through on the phone? Let’s find out
together....
It could be you!
***
’What is this?’
Go Youngeun watched the screen, panting.
On the small screen, Kim Soleum skillfully answered the phone.
Sometimes excitedly, sometimes looking extremely flustered.
-Hello! Yes? You want to put a person in a box? Are you a magician, by any
chance?
-Hello... Ah, you want me to cut the crap and open box number 2 right
now? We-well, sure....
-This caller is... a student preparing for an exam. You just finished your
test? You must have worked so hard. I’m happy to be able to give you a
gift....
-Viewer? Viewer... Um, I think you might be a tiger. I-is there anyone who
can translate? If you could leave it in the comments... Whoa, thank you!
-A taxi driver... Wait a minute. You say we’ve met before?
’Is this... home shopping?’
No, she didn’t even know if this could be called home shopping anymore.
’Isn’t this just an entertainment show?’
If she had to pick a genre... yes. A talk show.
Crying and laughing while listening to all sorts of people’s stories. And
giving a gift to the person who participated in the interview....
An almost classic format.
But a clich becomes a clich because it works. And there was a kick to it,
too.
-Hello hehehehehelloohehehehehe... kikikikikikikik
The fact that the ones connecting via phone weren’t always human.
Sometimes, the eerie creak of a wooden floor could be heard, and other
times, the screams of dying people could be heard in the background.
They would say things that didn’t make sense, and the studio lights would
flicker or turn red.
Kim Soleum always answered while hiding the caller ID so it couldn’t be
seen, but sometimes, impossible numbers or strange sentences could be
glimpsed flashing on the screen.
Each time, a chill ran down Go Youngeun’s spine.
Even now.
Good child
Come back
No... uh, an elder from the family has called. No, Mascot.... I’m fine. I’m
working hard!
The host converses with someone who is clearly not human as if they were
a long-lost relative. The stimulation that came from that sense of
incongruity.
Humor, horror, friendliness.
When all the components came together, it became a jam-packed 15
minutes of different stimuli.
-thisisfunthisisfunthisisfun
-next quick
-holy shit that ghost was scary af
-die
-someone please tell me this guy’s Inheart account his concept is fucking
hilarious
The comments were updating at a speed that was no longer readable.
And....
There’s only one gift left! Just one!
What’s left is... oh my goodness, it’s the very first box I packed after picking
out the items!
Wow, I’m so curious who will get it!
...Wait a minute, 1 minute? There’s only 1 minute of broadcast time left?
Let’s take a call right now!
1 minute before the end of the broadcast. The final call connected.
Hello!
And.
From beyond the Smartphone, a tone deeper and more resonant than
anything that should come from such a modern, mass-produced device was
heard.
[Oh, a pleasure to meet you. ’Friend of Talk Shows’.]
...!!
Kim Soleum flinched in surprise and pulled his head away from the
Smartphone.
Kim Soleum stared at the caller’s voice playing through the speakerphone
and the ’On Call’ screen as if he couldn’t believe it, then,
E-everyone. The person who just called... don’t be surprised. Oh my god.
-The legendary host of the Late-Night Talk Show, Mr. Braun, has called in!
The chat window filled with the howls of grotesque things.
Go Youngeun naturally swallowed. ’A famous... Darkness?’
She knew that even within the Darkness, there were strange hierarchies,
systems, and ’things beyond what is seen, something more’ that were
difficult for humans to comprehend.
The pleasant male voice with its unique accent rang out again.
...Along with the faint sound of a band.
[Are you surprised? Oh, if so, I have one more little surprise....]
...Yes?
[What time do you think it is?]
...It’s close to midnight, no, don’t tell me, don’t tell me....
[Have you noticed?]
[You are all currently appearing on the Late-Night Talk Show!]
Aaaah!
Kim Soleum went wild.
Go Youngeun wouldn’t know it, but his scream was loud enough to be heard
even at the filming locations of other nearby contestants, where the show
host survival program was being simultaneously broadcast.
No, wait a minute, no.... I-is it okay? For this program to be broadcast on
the Late-Night Talk Show?
[Hahaha, of course, it’s fine. I called you myself, after all. Is your broadcast
okay with it? If the broadcast is an inconvenience, I can hang up
immediately.]
Yes? Yes, just a moment....
Kim Soleum briefly glanced away from the camera. It seemed a high-
ranking official was there.
Then, he nodded with a bright face.
Yes! They say it’s of course okay! And a fantastic 45 seconds passed.
"..."
When Go Youngeun came to her senses, she was sitting dazedly in the
connecting area between train cars.
’...Was it a dream?’
But Go Youngeun would soon see.
...That the ’Delusion Home Shopping Live App’ was now clearly installed
on her smartwatch.
And if she had known that what she was watching was a show host survival
program, she would have intuitively realized.
That Kim Soleum would have won.
***
"Well then, goodbye everyone! Thank you!"
I waved one last time at the camera as the lights went out.
The broadcast, which ended with the call with the Host as its finale, was
pretty good! At this rate, even if I can’t get on the main talk show, couldn’t I
get a small segment during a special?
...No, no. I have no intention of going back to the Late-Night Talk Show...
to that wonderful workplace.
Right.
My goal was to get first place in home shopping. And that was....
Clap, clap, clap.
Beyond the powered-off camera.
The show host of Delusion Home Shopping is applauding, his strange eyes
fixed on me.
He speaks with his blood-red mouth.
[Very clever. Weren’t you? You made good use of the fact that the broadcast
doesn’t end even if the product sells out in the final round.]
....
[Ordering all the items with your own money to sell them out as soon as it
started, then winning over the viewers by giving them away for free... and
then spending the rest of the time with pointless chatter!]
As expected of someone seasoned in the industry, he was sharp enough to
figure that much out.
But.
"Still, my viewership ratings were the highest, weren’t they?"
[...!]
It wasn’t pointless chatter.
The fact that I deliberately used a ’gift lottery’ to hold the viewers’ attention.
The fact that I amplified their anticipation with phone calls.
The fact that I condensed it into 15 minutes and proceeded at a fast tempo
with only the key points.
And the fact that I drew attention with my intense reactions and
conversation, making my voice carry over even to the other contestants’
home shopping broadcasts.
It seems he couldn’t pick up on every single detail.
[So?]
But it seems he figured this much out.
The fact that I negatively impacted the other contestants’ sales.
[To even plant a negative image of our home shopping channel in the
viewers’ minds.]
"Still, first place is first place, right?"
[First place? Hahaha!]
The show host’s face, now close to mine, twists and distorts in mid-air.
[Buying your own products yourself is cheating.]
"...You didn’t specify that, did you?"
[Don’t give me that ’specify’ crap. Why would I need to specify something so
obvious! And....]
The show host’s mouth opens, revealing the blood-red void within. The
world around me distorts, the show host’s tongue lengthens, and his eyes
grow larger....
[Cheaters are automatically disqualified.] "That’s a lie, though?"
[...!]
I smiled faintly.
"Actually, I didn’t buy them. Someone else placed the order."
[Hahaha, and if that ’someone else’ has a close relationship with you, and
bought the items at your request.]
[That’s cheating all the same.]
"Is that so?"
I smiled, took out my Smartphone, and made a call.
To that ’someone else’ who happened to be in my call history.
"See for yourself."
The show host of Delusion Home Shopping, who had been staring at me
with abnormally large black pupils, took the Smartphone with a grotesque,
ear-to-ear grin.
And the moment he casually looked at the Smartphone as the call
connected.
[Oh, what can I do for you?]
[...!!]
He flinched in shock, almost dropping my Smartphone before catching it
again.
[H-Host... Mr. Braun?]
[That’s right. And you are?]
[This is Red Friday. Hahaha, it’s been a while, Mr. Braun...!]
The show host of Delusion Home Shopping seemed flustered, but he
appeared to be composing himself to make his voice sound confident.
[The Late-Night Talk Show’s broadcast time is....]
[Oh, the live broadcast just ended.]
[Aha, I see. I didn’t know. I don’t really watch other entertainment shows.]
The show host smiles, then speaks nonchalantly with a slightly cunning
expression.
[Come to think of it, you called in just a moment ago. It seems you were
quite concerned about our home shopping entertainment show, which airs
at the same time. Especially since you have an employee who transferred
over!]
[Of course. I’m always concerned about my friend.... Thank you so much
for worrying about my feelings like this.]
The Host adds smoothly.
[You must have a lot to worry about at your home shopping channel as well.
For instance... you must have quite a bill to pay.]
[Pardon?]
The show host burst out laughing as if he understood.
[Hahaha.... Ah, you don’t mean the products that the ’Friend of Talk Shows’
gave away as gifts on his own whim, do you? He said you bought them all,
Mr. Braun, but I guess that was a lie?]
I feel a hand grabbing my head.
[Don’t you worry. The payment... this ’Friend of Talk Shows’ will take care
of it himself.]
[Oh.]
The Host let out a sigh.
[My, there seems to have been a misunderstanding. That’s not what I meant.
I meant....]
....
[The broadcast fee.]
[...Pardon?]
[The home shopping channel was broadcast on this Braun’s Late-Night Talk
Show, wasn’t it? Goodness, do you know how far my talk show is
broadcast?]
[...!!]
[And today was even a special. Oh, ’Remembering Tuesday’s Delight,
Tuesday’s Heat, Tuesday Quiz Show’!]
The cultured and pleasant voice recites smoothly.
[Far away, far beyond, into the deep, today’s talk show was broadcast
through all sorts of media and every possible means....]
[....]
The show host turned to look at me.
I smiled faintly.
-Even though it’s an expensive place to broadcast from, this kind of thing
works well! Is it because it’s an isolated place?
That’s what you said, right? I haven’t forgotten.
[W-wait a minute....]
[That tiny studio in that remote place must have had a hard time affording
the already high broadcast fee, yet you had the courage to answer ’we will
broadcast’.... Oh, I was deeply impressed. I truly was.]
[Host,]
[But....]
[Can you really pay for it right now?]
[Th-that is.]
[It seems to be difficult. It must be an astronomical cost, oh dear....]
[Please wait a moment...! Of course we can arrange it. Of course it’s
possible! In the meantime....]
[My, it seems you don’t know that persuasion is meaningless. The broadcast
fee is collected automatically. Now....]
All the lights in the studio went out.
[It’s time to seize]